Struggling to be Social

[Wheres Toto]

I know socialization is the big bugaboo of homeschooling but how important is outside socializing really? I go through stages where I have no desire to go to planned activities with my mom's group, homeschool groups or playdates. I just want to stay home, maybe drop by a playground but not do anything because it's on the calendar or was planned with someone else. I find myself wishing for bad weather so things can be cancelled.

 

My moms club is mostly for me to visit with other moms but its a lot of work hauling the kids to places, watching them at other people's houses or out in public. I have a playgroup for ydd but at that age they don't really play together, it just gets us a change of scenery. And most of the kids are younger than my son so he just gets dragged along to play with babies (many are younger even than ydd).

 

I joined a couple homeschool groups and we are going on a field trip Friday which I'm kind of looking forward to (and we have nature hikes set up once a month for the Spring). Many of the things are for older kids so not relevant to us.

 

We set up two different playdates with people looking for playmates for their kids. One had just one child younger than ydd and seems to have a pretty different philosophy than I do (although it didn't bother me, I'm pretty laid back). The other had one child older than ds and it went okay. I haven't heard from either of them again and I can't find it in me to really care or to make the effort to contact them.

 

Now that the weather is nice we do try to go to the playground at least once a week. In the fall, they both will be taking a homeschool gymnastics class and ds will take soccer with our town recreation dept. They do play nice with each other - pretend play, making up games, etc. Is this enough? Or should I force myself to do more?

[bkpan]

Spoken like a true introvert...

 

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I often hope for bad weather, cancellations, too. But I find that I end up enjoying myself when I do go. And I know that my dc really need to have the relationships.

 

So, I drag myself out and hope for the best. Sorry, not much help.

[KrissiK]

I hear ya, sister. I'm an introvert, too. I enjoy myself when I do go out with the homeschool group, but I really do prefer to be at home. Socialization is an interesting concept to explore. My kids are young, there are three of them and they are all very close in age, so they are their own best friends. I have no answers for you. But it does sound like your kids are involved in things. We do sports and church, but that's about it. Our homeschool group has been disappointing. Very nice people, but...

[Jean in Newcastle]

Honestly, I think what you are doing/wanting to do is just fine. We didn't have a second car for a long time (10 years) and so I was not able to do a lot of the social stuff. It was fine. My kids are well adjusted and make friends easily. We had a tiny bit of social interaction with people every day - the grocery store, the mail man, a neighbor or two to wave to. And then we had more interaction at church and the occasional play date etc. All of it adds up.

[Parrothead]

Spoken like a true introvert...

 

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I often hope for bad weather, cancellations, too. But I find that I end up enjoying myself when I do go. And I know that my dc really need to have the relationships.

 

So, I drag myself out and hope for the best. Sorry, not much help.

And another one chimes in.

 

I'm about as antisocial as they come. It was a great day when I found message boards. I do not have to leave my house to talk to people, and I can talk to them when I want, which isn't necessarily during normal business hours.

 

Now, if only I could find a way to get the other people in my house to leave me be. :lol:

[fairfarmhand]

I'm in this same boat with you. But it has definitely gotten better as the kids have gotten older. Something about everyone being able to put on their own shoes and buckle their seat belts....

 

I really have to push myself here since my oldest dd is a social butterfly.

[Embassy]

I hardly ever get out. We are a one car family so my opportunities are limited. I think a lot depends on the personalities of your children. Do they want to get out and socialize or are they happy at home? The most important social role model your child can have is you. You model proper behavior. It doesn't hurt that my boys are close in age and can play with each other. I have observed my children when they are with other children and they do fine interacting. They do much better than my dh and I did at that age. We were both very reserved at that age. I have made it a point to not push my kids into any social situations. I spent my childhood and teen years being pushed to do things I didn't want to do and was made to feel that it wasn't okay to be me. My kids are pretty much happy at home so we spend most of our time at home. They will be fine.

 

I do expect that we will be getting out of house more and more as my children grow.

[martinswife]

I always thought playgroups and playdates was a funny concept. We didn't have this sort of thing when I was growing up and the first time I heard of it I was like REALLY?!?

I, too, prefer to stay inside the house during the week because I don't want to be lax with school. I plan field trips with my DDS 8 and 5 and 1 and we always have a great time together! They are best friends to each other and I like that. I guess because I was never close to my older sisters until we were adults that I always wanted my daughters to prefer one another.

Just do what you feel is comfortable for YOU and feels right for YOU.

[Guest mrsjamiesouth]

I have the Opposite problem. We go on field trips and playdates 3-4 days during the school week. I end up tired and cranky from hauling kids around and we never get to do the neat activities that I want to do. Dinner is always a rushed affair and I never get the laundry caught up. I think it's great that you stay home.

[Wheres Toto]

Thank you for all the support, I'm glad to see I'm not the only one struggling with this. The advice to think about how they interact with others has me not so worried anymore. (at least for now:tongue_smilie:)

 

My son is extremely social. He will walk up to anyone - adult or child - introduce himself and our whole family. ("Hi, my name is George ______ jr., this is my mom and my little sister Vicki. My dad is at work and my big sister Stephy is at school. I'm 4 years old, how old are you? We're at the post office because my mom had to mail something........"). Sometimes I actually have to tell him to back it up a little because he overwhelms some other kids.

 

My younger daughter isn't nearly as chatty (she's not even 3) but is also very social.

 

Neither of my younger kids has trouble interacting with others. Neither of them are shy, clingy or slow to join in. They will talk to other kids or adults without a problem (sometimes they are so chatty they are the problem). They do seem happy enough staying home but like to be outside if the weather is nice - which I don't have a problem with.

[Mejane]

I'm about as antisocial as they come. It was a great day when I found message boards. I do not have to leave my house to talk to people, and I can talk to them when I want, which isn't necessarily during normal business hours.

 

 

 

My extrovert husband finds it impossible to believe that message boards are enough of a social outlet for me. I love being able to just close the lid on my laptop when I'm done "being social." :001_smile:

[Guest Katia]

And another one chimes in.

 

I'm about as antisocial as they come. It was a great day when I found message boards. I do not have to leave my house to talk to people, and I can talk to them when I want, which isn't necessarily during normal business hours.

 

Now, if only I could find a way to get the other people in my house to leave me be. :lol:

 

Thank you. This is SO me. And, with message boards I don't have to hope the weather is bad. :D

[Ellie]

Your schedule would kill me.:ack2:

 

No more than once a week with other people, especially children, for goof-off time. That's my rule. Evening classes do not count; I don't have a problem with those, having spent all day long at home. But more than once a week is wrong on so many levels, lol.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

I struggle, too. I do like to stay home but mostly because I have never learned the rules of 'how to get along with others'. No matter how well intentioned I am I usually manage to say the wrong thing to the wrong person at the wrong time. I spend more time taking my foot out of my mouth and cleaning up my messes than I do enjoying myself. When I do go places I have a tendency to hang out in the back or on the fringe because I don't know what to say. Since I don't chime in people tend to overlook me or think I am a snob (which is so not the case).

 

I do a lot of post activity clean up - putting away chairs, toys, etc. I feel like the maid or clean up crew but it's how I participate.

 

What is interesting is that most people would not call me an intovert. I love public speaking and being in large groups. It's the intimate settings that I don't do well in.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

My extrovert husband finds it impossible to believe that message boards are enough of a social outlet for me. I love being able to just close the lid on my laptop when I'm done "being social." :001_smile:

:iagree:

[Wheres Toto]

I struggle, too. I do like to stay home but mostly because I have never learned the rules of 'how to get along with others'. No matter how well intentioned I am I usually manage to say the wrong thing to the wrong person at the wrong time. I spend more time taking my foot out of my mouth and cleaning up my messes than I do enjoying myself. When I do go places I have a tendency to hang out in the back or on the fringe because I don't know what to say. Since I don't chime in people tend to overlook me or think I am a snob (which is so not the case).

 

I do a lot of post activity clean up - putting away chairs, toys, etc. I feel like the maid or clean up crew but it's how I participate.

 

What is interesting is that most people would not call me an intovert. I love public speaking and being in large groups. It's the intimate settings that I don't do well in.

 

This is me too. I never thought of myself as an introvert because I used to be a docent at a zoo - I spoke in front of large groups of children and adults and taught classes to the new docents. I was president for a couple of years and recording secretary for 10 years. I was also on the board of my Mom's club. I think those worked for me because there was a plan and a specific reason for being there - not just hanging out for the kids to play.

 

I've also been told that people thought I was snobbish because I didn't talk to them. I didn't talk because I was totally intimidated.

[Dandelion]

It's always interesting to hear others' perspectives on the "S" issue - so thanks for starting this thread!

 

I actually have somewhat of the opposite problem. I'm very extroverted - but DS (6.5) struggles with social interactions and easily becomes overwhelmed if there are more than 1-2 other kids involved. We learned this over the course of the last year after I started up a homeschool support group just so he could have LOTS of opportunities to be with other kids! :001_huh: In one year, the group has grown to 143 homeschooling families and we have 3-5 get-togethers every week (mainly social - hikes, park days, fun field trips, etc.) - but we end up skipping a lot of them (especially if I know that it's going to be a larger group) because I know DS is going to have a tough time. It's a bit ironic that we don't participate more in the group that I specifically started for DS. But it's about what he needs and what's best for him, so I'm not too concerned about it (and I recently turned over leadership of the group to a friend whose family is much more active in it). When he's ready, we'll get more involved.

 

As for me, I've made a commitment to myself to make time to get together with friends at least 1-2 times per week for a few hours. That time is precious to me and if I miss a week or so, it does impact me. I have no problem with "alone time" but I value my "friend time" just as much.

 

So in response to the OP's question "Is this enough?", I would say "Yes". It's about what is best for you and your kids, and what level of social interaction feels right to you.

Edited April 28, 2010 by Dandelion

[mommylawyer]

I'm not really an introvert, but I am a homebody. I work part-time and the kids have a nanny who comes to the house 3 days a week (and one of those days each week, her friend and the friend's little girl come over to play). My kids have friends at church and my oldest is in Brownies (which I can't stand - the troop is awful, but I keep her in as a bit of a social outlet).

 

The hard thing for me is that because of my job, I'm left with four days a week for homeschooling. Many Saturdays, we're doing activities as a family. And Sundays, we don't get started until 2:00 in the afternoon because we're involved with church in the morning. I can't sacrifice any more time for home school groups. That, and I just enjoy being at home!

[Baseball mom]

I am like this too.

 

The "social mom time" is suppose to be an "outlet" so us mom's can socialize and recharge (and get in a little planning). I always leave these events feeling more drained and tense than when I got there. :ack2:

 

I am perfectly happy here at home. My children enjoy being with others but also are happy to stay home. There has been plenty of times that we are suppose to go to an event with our hs group and I have to almost drag my kids there. (we only go cause I had signed them, up thinking they would enjoy it, and I was in charge of bringing something)

 

Give me a book and I am happy. :D

Agreeing with the others, these boards are a great thing.