So if you or dh had cancer...

[LunaLee]

How did you tell the kids?

 

Were they there when you got the call? Or did you and dh sit down and tell them around the table?

 

Just curious in case my biopsy comes back positive tomorrow. We are a pretty open family and there really is no keeping secrets around here. DD was in the room with me today when I had it done (thyroid) and watched the whole thing.

 

The thing is, that my Nonny just died from breast ca, my grandpa died of throat cancer, and my dad's dog was just put down because she had cancer. The grandma and the dog were just within weeks of each other, so right now I think the mere mention of the big C would just freak them out. On the other hand, it's not something you can really keep secret, even for a little while.

 

I know that thyroid cancer is very treatable and so I'm not too worried about it, but I know that they would still be scared. FWIW, I only have nodules at this point, and supposedly less than 5% are malignant, but given the family history...well, you could see where there might be some concern.

 

Ick...

 

Thanks.

[jld]

:grouphug:I'm so sorry!:grouphug:

 

Haven't btdt, yet, but ds11 was diagnosed with AML last summer (55-60% survival rate). We were frank with him and told him we would do everything we could for him to get better. We just had a blood test today, always scary, because that's the most accurate way of knowing if the cancer has returned. Last summer was incredibly difficult for all of us. Just know that I am thinking of you at this time!:grouphug:

[Tap]

:grouphug:

 

Honestly, we are really pretty open with our kids but in this case I would want a day or two to get a grip mentally before I told them anything specific. If they hear phone conversations, I would pass it off as being 'sick' and working with the doctor to get well.

 

Once you have a better idea of what is going on, I would then tell them. My concern for my own children would be that they have heard the word 'cancer' so many times that resulted in death. I wouldn't want them to start assuming things from other situations they have heard about. I would want to give them as many facts as I could with the fewest numbers of 'I don't know yets' as possible.

 

DD11 is a very particular and exacting type person. When she asks what time it is, she means to the exact minute and she would love for you to tell her the seconds too. I can't tell her anything until I know a lot of details or she will drive her and myself crazy with questions and frustration at the lack of answers.

 

:grouphug: I am sorry you are going through such a scary time and I hope you and your family are blessed with good news tomorrow.

[Peela]

:grouphug:

 

Last year my incompetant doctor thought she felt a lump in my breast check up, and sent me for a mammogram. I couldnt get an appointment for 2 weeks. I was quite disturbed, but dh and I could not for the life of us find anything suspicious. Nevertheless, I was still concerned, and the hardest part was keeping it from the kids- but we decided to at the time. Wasnt easy, since we are also open about most things, but we didnt want to worry them unecessarily.

 

It turned out negative- nothing there- and I was annoyed with my doctor for submitting me to unecessary radiation- on my breasts!- and 2 weeks of stress for nothing. I feel she was incompetant beause there truly was nothing there to feel- she must have been being ridiculously diligent due to fear of being sued or something.

 

I would only keep it from them long enough to process the issue myself and discuss with dh what to do. Once the next step was decided, I would tell the kids and be able to focus on their reactions and be there for them. I dont think I would want to have to do both at once. But if it happened that way, that would be ok too- that's life.

 

Let us know your results!

[TwinMominTX]

My dh's had cancer twice. My twins were very small the first time so there wasn't anything to tell, but with my oldest daughter we were just very matter of fact about it. We told her the statistics and we also kept her very informed every time he went to the doctor.

 

The second time all the kids were old enough to understand and we did the same thing. Gave them the facts and then made sure to always be available to answer questions and kept them informed of doctor visits. We even included them in several visits (when appropriate). I also found that they were reluctant to ask about the risks of death (but were curious) when dh was around so I made sure to talk with them about that in private.

[brownie]

Maybe you could avoid calling it cancer because of the history that word brings up. Thyroid is a little different anyhow, isn't it? You could describe it in as much depth as you want and just not call it cancer.

Brownie

[elegantlion]

We did not have children when I was diagnosed. However, when I got the call and had to go into the office to hear the news I lost it. Dh was at work, this was before I had a cell phone. I was too distraught to go home, so I went to a payphone and told him through my tears. He came home immediately.

 

We took at least a day to regroup and then told our parents.

 

Just my opinion but I would try to not have them around when you get results of the biopsy. That way you are free to lose it, rejoice (hopefully!), and cry. After some time to release and compose yourself, arm yourself with information, and tell your children with dh present.

 

:grouphug:

[prairiegirl]

I found out about my cancer in the dr's office. I had a 45 min. drive home to prepare myself. Actually, I had the three weeks between the biopsy and the results to prepare myself. God prepared my heart for the diagnosis. By the time I got to the dr.s office, I knew it was cancer, so there was no big surprise.

 

I didn't tell the kids about the biopsy until the day before I got the results because I thought if it was cancer, they needed a bit of a heads up. I was calm and, yeah, even relieved to know that the wait was finally over and we could get on with getting this thing out of my body. I told my kids the same day I found out. I am glad that I did because, even though I handle it fine, my dh did not. If my kids had not known the truth, daddy's reaction would have sent them into a tizzy. Having known the truth and my being honest with them, helped balance things out.

 

Every famly is different for various reasons. I am extremely honest with my kids (maybe too honest) because I come from a family that is very secretive and I didn't want my kdis to be raised in that environment of never knowing what was going on.

 

Luna, I will be praying for you. Waiting for the biopsy results is a real kicker.

[Tutor]

:grouphug: I do not have any advice to share, and you have gotten some sound advice here. Just want to pass on a cyber hug and let you know that your family is in our prayers. :grouphug:

[Granny_Weatherwax]

:grouphug: I do not have any advice to share, and you have gotten some sound advice here. Just want to pass on a cyber hug and let you know that your family is in our prayers. :grouphug:

 

Me, too! :grouphug:

[Krista in LA]

:grouphug: I'll be praying for good test results.

 

My dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer just a few months after his brother died with lung cancer. I needed lots of information, so I would suggest that you take time to research the possible treatments and outcomes before telling them so that you can answer any questions they might have. I posted on here when I found out about my dad's cancer and hearing lots of stories from others about people they knew who had survived helped me a lot. Perhaps you can find survival stories for thyroid cancer to ease everyone's mind. Or maybe you could just word it as some cells in your thyroid going crazy rather than calling it cancer?

 

:grouphug: Please check in when you get the results. Hugs.

[catz]

My SIL was diagnosed with thyroid cancer last December. She has 2 young girls. I just wanted to let you know, she has done great with it and bounced right back. It is really amazing how well she has done. :grouphug:

 

You know your children best. My kids need a lot of information to feel comfortable. I think our nieces felt ok, because they were given honest stats and information.

[kewb]

Well, when my dh was diagnosed with Kidney cancer the kids were very young so we simply told them that daddy had a boo boo on the inside and he was having surgery to fix it. He is now a 6 year survivor.

 

When my father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer 3 years ago we sat them down in our bedroom and told them that grandpa had cancer. He was very sick. The doctors are going to do everything they can but there is a very real possibility he won't get better and will die. There were lots of tears and lots of questions but being in the bed and able to cuddle really helped.

 

When my sister-in-law was diagnosed with breast cancer last year and was going in for a double mastectomy we told them individually in their rooms at bedtime for Q & A and cuddles. We did the same for the aunt we recently lost to lung cancer.

 

I hope you get good news with your results. It is never easy to discuss these things with your kids but I have found that honesty and simple language work best.

[melissel]

Luna, I have no advice either, but I will be thinking of you today :grouphug:

[Tree House Academy]

I have had several biopsies done - mostly uterus and cervix, and I do not tell the kids until I get the results back. I am a hypochondriac, though, (not just saying that...I actually AM and have been diagnosed as such) and my kids pick up on my fears anyway.

 

If you desire to tell your children, I would do it AFTER the results. They know you had some kind of test, right (since one of them was there when they did it)? Just remind them of the test and go from there. I would also hesitate to use the "C" word, or I would spend time showing them stories of survivors from the kind you would have. If they have seen a lot of death from cancer, then the likely feel like cancer=death...and Praise God, that is just NOT true!

[May]

I had a breast biopsy a couple years ago. I drove myself to and from the appointment and received the results myself. My husband is great but I needed time to get my head around it. He also was in a very stressful job and I didn't want to worry him. I also felt that everything would be OK. It was but I don't think this will be my approach next time.

[Mom-ninja.]

:grouphug: Hoping you don't need to have that conversation.

[LunaLee]

Thanks everybody for the support. I love my virtual friends...

 

The biopsy was negative on both nodules, so that's a relief. Now they'll start me on some thyroid meds to reduce the nodes because the biggest one is 9mm and they are pressing on my esophagus, making it difficult to swollow, which is how I found out with them to begin with.

 

:grouphug:

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

Glad everything worked out! You are still in our prayers!

[elegantlion]

Thanks everybody for the support. I love my virtual friends...

 

The biopsy was negative on both nodules, so that's a relief. Now they'll start me on some thyroid meds to reduce the nodes because the biggest one is 9mm and they are pressing on my esophagus, making it difficult to swollow, which is how I found out with them to begin with.

 

:grouphug:

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

[AuntieM]

:grouphug:

 

Honestly, we are really pretty open with our kids but in this case I would want a day or two to get a grip mentally before I told them anything specific. If they hear phone conversations, I would pass it off as being 'sick' and working with the doctor to get well.

 

Once you have a better idea of what is going on, I would then tell them. My concern for my own children would be that they have heard the word 'cancer' so many times that resulted in death. I wouldn't want them to start assuming things from other situations they have heard about. I would want to give them as many facts as I could with the fewest numbers of 'I don't know yets' as possible.

 

DD11 is a very particular and exacting type person. When she asks what time it is, she means to the exact minute and she would love for you to tell her the seconds too. I can't tell her anything until I know a lot of details or she will drive her and myself crazy with questions and frustration at the lack of answers.

 

:grouphug: I am sorry you are going through such a scary time and I hope you and your family are blessed with good news tomorrow.

 

We had to take a couple of days to absorb it ourselves before sharing it with the kids. And when we did, we had to be ready to acknowledge that, yes, it could result in death. But we hold the firm belief that our situation is firmly within the knowledge of God and allowed by Him.

 

Our kids, the 3 older being teens, needed information. They wanted the details. They wanted the updates. It was a fine line to walk, being honest and yet keeping the info basic. For example, they need to know that it is cancer, but that don't need to be told what stage and given Gleason scores. They need to know if chemotherapy will be involved, but they don't need to know all the gnarly specifics of that. When they ask about things, try to answer their questions, but don't feel like all the tiniest details need to be included. The point is that they will have questions and they should be made to be feel like it's okay to ask those questions. Keep an open dialogue. If you don't know the answer to their questions, tell them you don't know.

 

We have three teens and a 5 year old. We told the older kids together first, then told the youngest. It worked well that way, because the younger child would not have understood the discussion we had with the olders, but would have probably picked up on their fears and concerns.

 

:grouphug: to you!

[Krista in LA]

Thanks everybody for the support. I love my virtual friends...

 

The biopsy was negative on both nodules, so that's a relief. Now they'll start me on some thyroid meds to reduce the nodes because the biggest one is 9mm and they are pressing on my esophagus, making it difficult to swollow, which is how I found out with them to begin with.

 

:grouphug:

 

Great news! I hope the meds do their job for you. :grouphug: