Moms with more than 3...extra curricular activities??

[3browneyedboys4me]

I am the queen of guilt. I feel very guilty if my kids aren't doing what other kids are doing. This year we just added #4 to the family. I had the wisdom to slow down and not do too much. He is now 5mos old. I am slowly adding things into our schedule and feeling very overwhelmed. I suffer with panic/anxiety anyway.

 

I was just curious...how much is 'me' and how much is reasonable? In other words, should I be running around with the four kids, or should I be at home? I never know. I dont have family to help out so I am use to doing it alone. I think that's my problem. I am always on my own. So, I never know what is reasonable b/c I've always HAD to do it ALL.

 

Are you guys running to do things with your kids during the week or are you staying home?

 

Thanks!

[M&M]

As our family grew and we had more little ones in the house, we have slowed down quite a bit. Now that they are getting bigger, we can do more. We try to do activities that we can all do together. So, we are in a twice a month co-op that has something for all my children. Soccer is played at the same field for all children on Saturdays. Piano lessons are at our house.

 

Marcia Sommerville of TOG has a great talk about homeschooling with a housefull. She did not do outside activities if she had a little one that would miss a nap. Remember that life happens in stages, what doesn't get done now (acitivites) can happen later.

 

When we were out doing a lot, we were not getting a lot of schooltime done. What are the ages of your children? Why do you feel guilt that they are not doing? You are giving them the best, your time and attention. You should not compare to what others are doing, try to find a rhythm that works for you. That should result in happy children and a happy well rested Mommy.

[3browneyedboys4me]

I don't know where the guilt comes from...maybe it's a self worth issue? I always give more than I should. I know that, but I often don't 'see' it until it's too late. Does that make sense?

 

Anyway, my children are 12 (june), 9, 7 and 5mos. :) I have managed my anxiety/panic thru the whole preg. without meds. I was doing really well until I got pregnant. I realize lots happens to our bodies. I did bring the piano lessons at home. That was good, but the teacher/method hasn't worked out so well. So, now, we are looking into going 'out' again for that. I might be able to find someone else to come in...don't know. We have a physical fitness class that we all do too. I think I'm just feeling a little pressure from finishing a 'not so complete' year of school, planning next year, and adding more into our lives. I also feel like I should have it together by now. I know it won't be long and ppl are going to expect more of me. That realllly scares me.

 

Just need deep breaths, I guess!

[M&M]

Stop beating yourself up!!!! You have a very little baby at home, which probably means you are not getting a lot of sleep. I never ever function well or think clearly when I have a little baby.

 

My husband has to remind me of this constantly. I am harder on myself than anyone else. It is really hard not to compare yourself to others, but your children will not suffer from stepping back. If Mom is stressed then nothing is much fun at all.

 

We have stepped back from things, taken time off of school to have a baby and to move, not one of my children is suffering. Yes, they complain sometimes, but they learn that we do what works for our family. My children are very close.

 

Please don't beat yourself up, it often takes me two years after having a baby to feel myself again and that often means that I was preggo again! Now my youngest is 4 and today we are going on a field trip (something we haven't done in years) to the Edison Museum.

 

Trust me, it will all work out. Take care of yourself!!

[Crimson Wife]

We try to do activities that we can all do together.

 

God has only blessed us with 3 so far, but :iagree:

 

4-H is great for multi-age activities. :D

[Jen+4dc]

When we were out doing a lot, we were not getting a lot of schooltime done. ... You are giving them the best, your time and attention. You should not compare to what others are doing, try to find a rhythm that works for you. That should result in happy children and a happy well rested Mommy.

:iagree:

Stop beating yourself up!!!! You have a very little baby at home, which probably means you are not getting a lot of sleep. I never ever function well or think clearly when I have a little baby.

 

My husband has to remind me of this constantly. I am harder on myself than anyone else. It is really hard not to compare yourself to others, but your children will not suffer from stepping back. If Mom is stressed then nothing is much fun at all.

 

emphasis mine

:iagree::iagree:

 

It's really hard to stop looking around and thinking, "She does this better and she does that better." The fact is, God gave you the children He gave you in the order and time He gave them for a reason!! (If you aren't religious, you might not believe that, but I do!;)) God knew the oldest would get a lot more one-on-one attention than any of the others, etc etc. My oldest learned to read at 4, not because I did phonics with her, but because I read to her so much. My youngest, now 4, recently told her dad that "In Ancient Rome they didn't have any video games or tv or books on tape or even electricity! We sure are lucky!" :) (We don't have tv or video games at our house, either:tongue_smilie:). She plays games all the time with the olders based on our studies/books. They pick it up along the way.

 

My best friend growing up had a quote up on the fridge at her house:

"If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!" Words to live by.

 

That being said, my kids do participate in stuff, but either they all do the same thing at the same time (ie co-ops) or they take turns. Ds7 is in Little League right now and ds11 will do football this summer. Next fall dd13 will get her chance, etc. etc. They take turns because I just.cannot.do.everything.for.everyone.at.once. So, they take turns. It works for us.

 

I hope you find something that works for you. Then, let go of the guilt and just live life!:D

 

Just my 2 cents.

[Rebecca77]

I think if your feeling overwhelmed then your doing to much. I suffer from anxiety as well, so the less we're involved in the happier I am, and the closer we are as a family.

[LoveBaby]

Don't beat yourself up mama!!

 

We just added a new little one to our family and we aren't doing *anything* but the 3r's right now. I'm not even going to attempt to add more than that until the fall either.

 

We do no outside activities except for a one day/week co-op that all of the children can participate in. We are thinking about piano lessons, but I'm good friends with the teacher and I think she'll do those at our home as well.

 

I'm not sure if we'll do co-op next year or not. I really want to, but like you, the thought of adding anymore to our schedule besides just regular living stuff seems so overwhelming!

 

I'm not sweating it though. I know that I need to lay low and chill or I will start seeing the symptoms of PPD and I *really* don't have time for that. My kids have enjoyed playing outside more now that it's nice and on days that I feel up to it and rested we make a trip to the local park or pick up a sundae. I thought they would really complain about missing co-op after the baby was born, but I've only heard something said once!

[Shelly in the Country]

Marcia Sommerville of TOG has a great talk about homeschooling with a housefull. She did not do outside activities if she had a little one that would miss a nap. Remember that life happens in stages, what doesn't get done now (acitivites) can happen later.

 

 

:iagree:I listened to this same lecture at TOG's website. She was very encouraging.

[FairProspects]

As our family grew and we had more little ones in the house, we have slowed down quite a bit. Now that they are getting bigger, we can do more. We try to do activities that we can all do together. So, we are in a twice a month co-op that has something for all my children. Soccer is played at the same field for all children on Saturdays. Piano lessons are at our house.

 

Marcia Sommerville of TOG has a great talk about homeschooling with a housefull. She did not do outside activities if she had a little one that would miss a nap. Remember that life happens in stages, what doesn't get done now (acitivites) can happen later.

 

When we were out doing a lot, we were not getting a lot of schooltime done. What are the ages of your children? Why do you feel guilt that they are not doing? You are giving them the best, your time and attention. You should not compare to what others are doing, try to find a rhythm that works for you. That should result in happy children and a happy well rested Mommy.

 

Thank you! There is such wisdom in this post! I needed to hear this today and I don't even have a baby!

[Lolly]

I think people should do what feels right for their own family here.

 

I had 4 in 4 years. I was on the go quickly after each birth. I would absolutely go insane if I was stuck at home all the time. I do it all alone. I have always taken all the kids with me until they were old enough to stay home. I have tended to keep them all in the same activity at the same basic time. (One advantage to them being so close together.) The girls all took dance together. Riding lessons were back to back. Gymnastics at the same time, even the boy at this point. Then, we started swimming. All of them. The last year has had two drop swimming. Fortunately, dd17 is one of the droppers. She has taken up keeping up with ds13 while I am at the pool with the other two. I keep my sanity by going places.

[razorbackmama]

I have 7. My youngest is 3 months old.

 

For a while we were doing music lessons with my 3 oldest. They played 3 different intruments, and I TOTALLY lucked out and found a music lesson place (that's all they do there) with teachers for the 3 of them during the same 30-minute slot. We had to quit though because it was costing us over $4000/year on music lessons/instrument rentals.:001_huh::001_huh::001_huh: It was doable until my 5yo had an emergency appendectomy (and subsequent 8-day hospital stay) and I had a baby...we now have some hospital bills to pay off.

 

My oldest does sports sporadically. I have told him he has to pick from ONE each year. He is tossing around the idea of track this summer. But I make sure he only chooses one, so that it's not football, then basketball, then soccer, then baseball.:tongue_smilie:

 

My 11yo and 5yo do Taekwon-Do. This is held at the same location, just different times (5yo's class is right before 11yo's).

 

My 9yo doesn't really do anything, though she has done softball in the past. She wants to take some cooking classes this summer.

 

My 8yo is about to start baseball for the summer.

 

The only "ongoing" activity we have is TKD right now. I've tossed around piano, but in addition to the cost, the time away would be horrible, since I'd have lessons times 5. So what I plan to do with that is to get Piano Wizard Academy to start them at home. Those that want to continue when they are done, can.

 

Oh, we also do AWANA. For my 5 olders (6 next year) that means an afternoon on Sunday, and for my oldest it means a couple hours on Monday night.

 

Now that music lessons are gone, we have activities on Sunday afternoon, Monday evening, and Wednesday evening. I only go out if I HAVE to the rest of the week. I do not run errands unless it is an emergency - I wait until the weekend when my dh can stay home with them.

[PineFarmMom]

We just had our 5th child. Our situations are probably different because I basically have two sets of kids. My oldest two are 14 and 12 and require a bit more going and doing, while my younger 3 are K and below. I have been suffering a bit with how to deal with what you are dealing with. I'd like to make a couple of recommendations that I've learned from experience: 1) Don't let one child's activities run the schedule for everyone else (I know this because I HAVE let that happen). 2) Try your best to do activities that can involve more than one child (4-h was a great recommendation). Try to do something that involves preferrably ALL of your children. 3) Do all you can to encourage creativity and social interaction within your own home/family so that everything outside will be icing on the cake and not the cake itself!!!!!!!!! 4) ALLOW SOME BOREDOM!!! It's a good thing, really...makes them creative. Allow yourself to have peace that they have nothing to do on a particular day.

 

When I had my 4th child, we had just moved here and moved to a little rent house with a pool that was in the middle of 50 acres. We spent one of the most peaceful, blessed years we have ever had because we knew no one and spent the bulk of our time at home, together!!! We swam and explored the woods, rode our horse, played games, took pictures, found milkweed plants and raised monarchs, read books. It was great!!

 

I have suffered from anxiety at different times as well, and I tend to worry about the same things that likely plague you. If we were too busy I worried; if we were not busy enough I worried. ;)

[twoxcell]

Well we have 4 kids age 6.5-5 months. My dh works from 5:30-2:15 or a little longer some days. I rarely go anywhere when he is working. We do school when he is at work. My two oldest kids do swim lessons, and dh takes them while I stay home with the babies. My oldest does soccer and basketball etc., but only one thing at a time. Dh is coaching soccer right now for ds. We generally do all are shopping together.

[woolybear]

This really is such an individualized thing. I look at what some other hs families do and I am amazed. Not impressed, actually. Imho, as homeschoolers I think we should have a lot of time at home or at least as down time (not scheduled with activities) I know several families that are in more than one full day coop, another full day program plus other activities. I know for my family this would never work. It is not for me to say, though, whether it works for them. There are so many opportunities for hsers around here as well as other activities that it is hard to pick and choose. I think my ds would be happy with more activities. That, however, does not mean it would be better for him or me or his brother. So, I limit it. I find it is easily too much. I do think you need to balance your needs and your kids, though.

 

Just wanted to add--I only have 2 dc, though.:) I am sure with 3 or more it gets more complicated.

 

Woolybear

[cougarmom4]

I also find it hard to strike a balance in this area. I feel the guilt and concern, too, at times and wonder if we are on the right path or not. For me, it is because there are so many GOOD things that I would love for my children to experience...and for some reason, it seems like they have to have those experiences in order to make it in the world or something. I don't really believe they need to do it all...but I often feel this pressure to somehow fit it all in.

 

It would be easier to sort through it all if it was just a matter of something being good or bad! Does that make any sense?

 

Actually, it reminds me a great article written by a leader in my church, "Good, Better, Best," which talks about making these hard choices. The basic idea is that sometimes we have to let the good things go in order to make sure the best things are happening with our families...the best things being what will brings us closer to each other and to the Lord. If you'd like to read it, here is the link:

http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=12d72bce258f5110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD

[3browneyedboys4me]

As a mom that doesn't have a mom to give me pep talks or even participate in my life, I need the advice and wisdom of other women. It's something I've realized that I TRULY need. It makes me sad that she isn't involved, but I can't make that happen. I'm at peace with that, but it does make life difficult at times.

 

I've thoughtfully read each comment/post and just want to say THANK YOU. I've really gathered some great advice. I do realize that everyone is very different. But, I also realize we are all human, and I need a 'point of reference' to gage myself at times. This is one of those times. I just wasn't all that sure what I should be doing with a family that is now 4 strong! :)

 

I now fully realize that I do need to focus on group/family activies. We are blessed w/a once a wk PE class. It's wonderful! I will investigate 4H next year as well. Other than that, it will all just have to wait. My eldest is taking Soccer right now and he is enjoying it.

 

We do a LOT of family activities. My kids are super, duper creative. They just made latex masks last month. This month my son is working on a film. They just have loads of fun. So, I am feeling good about those things.

 

I really do appreciate your help today. I had a major panic attack yesterday and I think it just knocked me down. I feel so much better today and feeling sure of myself. Thank you so much for your help! You ladies are lifesavers! :)

[3browneyedboys4me]

I am so thankful for them. :001_smile:

[dovrar]

My 3 oldest are in dance at the same studio and dd takes piano, but dh takes her to those. I think you need to see what works for you and your family and definitely don't worry about "keeping up with the Joneses".

[Oakblossoms]

We added the YMCA this school year and we had a baby right before the start of our school year.

 

It's a bit crazy at times. But, it's our only outside activity besides church on Wed. But, I can put the baby in childcare there. I can exercise or relax in the steam room if I want. I exercise and make my butt look nicer, too:D

 

None of my children have been interested in outside activities. We have friends who homeschool. They have 6 kids and they are always running around. They seem to have a hard time getting stuff done, too.

 

I occasionally wonder if we should do more. But, I'm happy about how things are going this year. I can only handle so much at this point.

[Homeschooling6]

We stay home five days a week. No outside activities. No guilt either:)

[Kim in SouthGa]

Wow, your kids are almost the exact ages of mine a couple of years ago. We did not slow down, and I regret it. My toddler has been drug around all over the place. We dread coop day because it is so long and there is nothing for her to do but run around and get in trouble, even though I take toys, dvd, snacks, etc. And potty training has been a nightmare. I would suggest you slow down and maybe find one thing they can all do together, like karate or a PE or art class. Or limit coop to just one or two classes first thing in the morning, so you are home for lunch and naps.

I did notice that I was just about the only one with a toddler at all the soccer games and coop (at least the serious, every week coop). So either everyone else is way smarter than me, or there was a real shortage of babies being born among homeschoolers in our area the last couple of years!;)

[mazakaal]

I'm a natural home-body. And our budget keeps me from getting the kids involved in too many activities as well.

 

Right now I'm going into a period when we will probably be pulled in more directions than we ever have been. My oldest will be starting surf training soon. That will probably be 1-2 days per week, plus he'll want to go free surfing when the waves are good. And then there's the compititions 1-3 weekends per month. My 12yo has just started tae kwon do which is 2-3 days per week. And my 2 youngest are about to begin swimming lessons once a week. Dd also wants to take gymnastics. I'm not sure if we'll be able to swing that or not. And there are a couple of different homeschool groups that meet fortnightly that I'm trying to get involved with.

 

This is by far the most we've ever done for extra-curricular activities, and I definitely couldn't manage all of it on my own. My husband is very involved in my son's surfing and is usually the one to cart him around to that.

 

When the littles were babies, all the older ones did was swimming and homeschool groups on occasion. With a new baby, I would definitely recommend slowing down. Let each of the older kids choose one activity to keep up with and combine them if you can.

[3browneyedboys4me]

Wow, your kids are almost the exact ages of mine a couple of years ago. We did not slow down, and I regret it. My toddler has been drug around all over the place. We dread coop day because it is so long and there is nothing for her to do but run around and get in trouble, even though I take toys, dvd, snacks, etc. And potty training has been a nightmare. I would suggest you slow down and maybe find one thing they can all do together, like karate or a PE or art class. Or limit coop to just one or two classes first thing in the morning, so you are home for lunch and naps.

I did notice that I was just about the only one with a toddler at all the soccer games and coop (at least the serious, every week coop). So either everyone else is way smarter than me, or there was a real shortage of babies being born among homeschoolers in our area the last couple of years!;)

 

May I just add that this made me chuckle this morning! So funny, as i can relate to all of it! I was on the run with the first three the WHOLE time. I regret it so much. I had three under four and we did EVERYTHING. Run.Run.Run. I decided that when I had this little man that we would stay put and savor it. I am at that place where you were describing the co-op setting- either everyone is WAY smarter than me or their is a shortage of babies- that totally cracked me up! That thought is really what inspired this thread. I'm looking around going- ok, is everyone else running around with this many kids?? lol!

 

 

Homeschooling6- thanks for sharing- I'm with you!

 

MeganP- Wow! Sounds like you've had the wisdom to know when not to do too much and now, it's your time and your kids! How exciting. I'm sure in a year or so we will be adding and doing more. But, I too, am a home body. Fortunately, my kids like to be home too.

 

Thank you everyone for sharing your thoughts and feelings about this topic. As homeschoolers, we always want to do the best for our kids. Especially in that dreaded 'social' aspect! lol! I feel better about this year already. I'm sticking with my original plan to just ENJOY my baby. :) He was prayed for, for many years and I don't want the busyiness of life to interfere with enjoying him. I waited far too long for that. Thanks for the kind and gentle words. I realize this is very much 'relative' to the person. We are all diff. and some like to go and some like to stay. For me, I've been just trying to figure out what is reasonable for us all. I've really enjoyed reading what you all are doing.:001_smile:

[Murphy101]

yes, family activities are great.

 

We have homeschool band (they all play different instruments, but the practice and all is during the same times - awesome for the schedule and the director is very affordable.

 

4-H is so-so so far. Yes they meet together, but all the projects are individual and I sometimes feel nickle and dimed to death. For some reason, there's a ton of paperwork to get a medal each year. Not sure it's worth it yet.

 

Also, we have a standing rule that outside activities are only for kids 10 and up. I just do not see a longterm benefit to 6 yr old in extracurriculiars.

[LisaC]

You are a much better gift to your children than any extrcurricular activity could ever be--your children just may not be able to articulate that yet :)

 

I am a mom of four (ages 18 months to 13 years), and we do very little compared to some other families. But, to echo what these other amazing moms have said, we are a very happy family. Although I want my children to celebrate their individuality, we are a family, and we work as a team. We make decisions that are good for us as a whole--not just for one of us. We don't skip naptime for the little ones, and the older ones are only involved in one activity at a time. We feel more centered as a family if we are home together, and the dc seem to be able to concentrate better when they are at their "home base" for most of the week.