Do you h'school your dc on one of their "off" days???

[sheryl]

There are so many special needs represented on this board.

 

My almost 11 yo dd has controlled epilepsy, but her mood is whacky some days (mind you, mine can be too ;)), but on those days your dc exhibit less-than-desirable behavior...to put it mildly, if you know what I mean.....do you still try to be productive that day and h'school? Or do you throw in the towel b/c after 6 hours you've gotten no where?

 

As you might guess, we're having a less than desirable start to our day. It's a predictor for the rest of the day. It's only 10:30 am est and I'm wiped out.

 

The other part of me knows to separate myself, pray, and regroup. But, sometimes this is even hard....although I know it's the best to do!!

 

What do you all do? Sheryl <><

 

PS.....Praying for a good day!

[Tree House Academy]

My oldest son has ADHD and pretty moderate anxiety. On his "off" days, we tend to plug along. With his specific diagnoses, I feel like he has to learn to cope. If he goes to a job when he is 16, they aren't going to give him a day off because he is having a rough day.

 

That said, I think it really depends on the special need your child has. If trudging through makes them worse (i.e. emotionally spent, physically exhausted, etc) during a time of distress, then surely stopping would be much better than going on. I think it really depends on the child, the need, and what you, as the parent, feel is best for your child at that time.

 

*hugs* Hang in there! We all have bad days.

[Twinmom]

With four kids with special needs, we have had so many "off" days this year that we are far behind the average schedule. I've just sort of accepted it as our norm for this year! Rather than despair, I've gone to a year round schedule. We'll get done with the year, but not until August! ;)

 

Day by day, I take it a step at a time. On most days, we start out planning to do school. If things become difficult and pressing through doesn't seem to be helping, we'll change our activity to something more physical, go outdoors, the library (abandoning all desk work). If I know someone is having a really bad week, we'll rent a bunch of school videos, build a pyramid with Legos, have a big civil war battle with army men, etc. That will be our focus for a day or two. Sometimes, I just let them pursue whatever play they wish. You do what you have to do, you know? It's really okay, as long as you keep your end goal in focus and insist on school work when they are available for learning.

 

Much of our focus this year has been on settling them into a great OT routine, other therapies, vitamins, etc. For my kids, at this point it is as valuable as regular school! My plan is to continue this relaxed schedule through this year and try again for a more traditional schedule in the fall. They are developing kiddos with special needs, not little robots, so as long as they are moving forward to the best of their abilities, I'm okay with that. There is certainly something to be said for making them suck it up and do their work, and some days that is what it looks like around here! :D However, when they can't do it, they just can't and we move on to something else.

Edited March 23, 2010 by Twinmom

[sheryl]

With four kids with special needs, we have had so many "off" days this year that we are far behind the average schedule. I've just sort of accepted it as our norm for this year! Rather than despair, I've gone to a year round schedule. We'll get done with the year, but not until August! ;)

 

Day by day, I take it a step at a time. On most days, we start out planning to do school. If things become difficult and pressing through doesn't seem to be helping, we'll change our activity to something more physical, go outdoors, the library (abandoning all desk work). If I know someone is having a really bad week, we'll rent a bunch of school videos, build a pyramid with Legos, have a big civil war battle with army men, etc. That will be our focus for a day or two. Sometimes, I just let them pursue whatever play they wish. You do what you have to do, you know? It's really okay, as long as you keep your end goal in focus and insist on school work when they are available for learning.

 

Much of our focus this year has been on settling them into a great OT routine, other therapies, vitamins, etc. For my kids, at this point it is as valuable as regular school! My plan is to continue this relaxed schedule through this year and try again for a more traditional schedule in the fall. They are developing kiddos with special needs, not little robots, so as long as they are moving forward to the best of their abilities, I'm okay with that. There is certainly something to be said for making them suck it up and do their work, and some days that is what it looks like around here! :D However, when they can't do it, they just can't and we move on to something else.

See, this is my error...I tend to be too legalistic (add: in terms of school work expectations). We live in NC too and we have great h'school laws. No one is breathing down our backs and I want to keep it that way, that's one reason why I try to trudge through it. But, in reality I do combine your approach with Rebecca's. Yesterday was an off day and we basically did nothing. Today is starting out the same, but I feel I have to lasso her back in or she could have a permanent bad day. She really needs to learn to cope. I'm getting up and snuggling with her right now. Thanks!!!

 

My oldest son has ADHD Same here, she has add, adhd and odd and pretty moderate anxiety. On his "off" days, we tend to plug along. With his specific diagnoses, I feel like he has to learn to cope. My dh believes this and I'm down the middle....I believe this and twinmoms approach, both. If he goes to a job when he is 16, they aren't going to give him a day off because he is having a rough day. We've been told by her psychiatrist that she needs to be held accountable....that is age-appropriate.

 

That said, I think it really depends on the special need your child has. If trudging through makes them worse (i.e. emotionally spent, physically exhausted, etc) during a time of distress, then surely stopping would be much better than going on. I think it really depends on the child, the need, and what you, as the parent, feel is best for your child at that time.

 

*hugs* Hang in there! We all have bad days.

[Verity]

There are so many special needs represented on this board.

 

My almost 11 yo dd has controlled epilepsy, but her mood is whacky some days (mind you, mine can be too ;)), but on those days your dc exhibit less-than-desirable behavior...to put it mildly, if you know what I mean.....do you still try to be productive that day and h'school? Or do you throw in the towel b/c after 6 hours you've gotten no where?

 

 

With my kids most of the time I try to plug away but I do adjust my expectations. If my moody, Aspie with ADD is having a bad day (he's been hormonal lately and also continues to have trouble with sleep) I may not do all the extras - we will continue with the basics (writing, grammar, math, and latin review) and I will know that I will probably have to help him more than on other days. By helping him that often means being his secretary and doing everything (including math) by narration. This is challenging because I have two other children.

 

I don't believe in beating a dead horse. If we are getting no where it's time to switch things up. Sometimes I just have him stop where he is and take the dog for a long walk. Get some sun and relief. When he comes back he has a light snack and we try again. One day last week I just said "forget it" and packed a lunch and went to the zoo for the day. They got good exercise and it was educational - and a nice break from the stress and arguing.

 

Don't forget that sometimes homeschool can be outdoor play, watching a video (whether educational or an adaptation of a book), field trips, shopping, you name it - that's all homeschool. Some days formal lessons are more detrimental than helpful. Even in public schools the teachers know this and allow for "those" kind of days. :D

[Cortana]

With my almost 10yo w/down syndrome, I take it a day at a time. He can be incredibly stubborn and defiant, really dig in his heals to the point we are both in tears and getting nothing done. I try to gage what type of day it's going to be by his attitude at breakfast, it's usually a good indicator.

 

I try to switch things up on those tough days, find something fun for him to do that is still learning. Some days he'll use his Leap Pad, some days he'll use his Leapster, some days we watch educational videos, some days he listens to his audiobooks.

 

I still try to get at least the basics in (a page of copywork, a page of math, etc.) so he doesn't get too behind, but I don't push him cause I know it will get us absolutely no where. I'll even use the fun stuff as a reward; do your handwriting page, then you can play your Leapster. Rewarding learning with learning, I love it, lol!:tongue_smilie:

 

The "off day" situation is part of the reason we pulled ds from public school. His teacher would not make any exceptions for those kind of days, she wanted him bound and tied by the "rules" and "expectations" with no exceptions for bad days. She was so wound up about making a show of the special ed students for the school district that she forgot that they are just little kids.

[JennW in SoCal]

I'm all for relaxed learning -- the pyramids of legos and the snuggle time with books and good DVDS. We had many of those days throughout my oldest's homeschooling years, and he has no problems whatsoever with being accountable now that he is in the working world.

 

I think the missing piece in accountability is in helping our kids figure out how to best cope with their special needs and in making expectations small enough to begin with. Set them up for success. Maybe they are not capable of all the homeschool plans we have, but they are certainly capable of a few tasks, even on bad days, even if the smallest task expected of them is to take out the trash or brush their teeth. That's an extreme example, I know, but make your minimum 20 minutes of focused math time, of focused writing or grammar. Telling them they simply have to buckle down and get to work only makes for more conflict. Giving a checklist of tasks and building on it over time will work better, as will reward charts and positive reinforcement for the things done right.

 

There will be many bad days through the middle school years -- growth spurts and puberty seem to magnify the behaviors of ADHD, aspergers and probably other special needs. Neuro-typical kids are no walk in the park during these years, either! Just keep plugging away at the basics, keep reading aloud and sharing other enjoyable activities (gardening, games, hikes, museums) and they WILL be ready for high school and life. They will turn into interesting young adults who want to be able to engage in life.

[Twinmom]

Today is starting out the same, but I feel I have to lasso her back in or she could have a permanent bad day. She really needs to learn to cope.

 

Yes, this is the hard part and the continuing balancing act many special needs moms need to perform! One of mine would have a permanent bad day if I let her! ;) It's sort of a "know your kid" thing...you have to know when to push and when to say let's do something else. That's why I say I always start my day intending to do school. The plan is there, we get started...but if someone can't do it that day, we'll adjust our expectations (finish your math worksheet, then we'll quit, etc.) and move on. Some days, our best learning happens when we get away from the table! I'm a very focused person, so it's been a challenge for me to let go in this way. God is stretching me...:D One day at a time and all that! NC is good for this, though I have to admit I'm being audited this year and am worried for no good reason. It will be okay, though.

[sheryl]

Yes, this is the hard part and the continuing balancing act many special needs moms need to perform! One of mine would have a permanent bad day if I let her! ;) It's sort of a "know your kid" thing...you have to know when to push and when to say let's do something else. That's why I say I always start my day intending to do school. The plan is there, we get started...but if someone can't do it that day, we'll adjust our expectations (finish your math worksheet, then we'll quit, etc.) and move on. Some days, our best learning happens when we get away from the table! I'm a very focused person, so it's been a challenge for me to let go in this way. God is stretching me...:D One day at a time and all that! NC is good for this, though I have to admit I'm being audited this year and am worried for no good reason. It will be okay, though.

That describes me. It is a balancing act. To gently push so they know they can accomplish/succeed and when to back off. I just feel my expectations are too high. I'm going to post our schedule soon to ask that......which will probably open pandora's box. Oh, that describes me...too focused. God is working with me too ;) There is so much more like teaching/discipling her....spiritual walk, teaching life skills: how to make bed, make a meal (not sandwiches), sew on a button, etc.

 

 

I'm all for relaxed learning -- the pyramids of legos and the snuggle time with books and good DVDS. We had many of those days throughout my oldest's homeschooling years, and he has no problems whatsoever with being accountable now that he is in the working world.

 

I think the missing piece in accountability is in helping our kids figure out how to best cope with their special needs and in making expectations small enough to begin with. Set them up for success. Maybe they are not capable of all the homeschool plans we have, but they are certainly capable of a few tasks, even on bad days, even if the smallest task expected of them is to take out the trash or brush their teeth. That's an extreme example, I know, but make your minimum 20 minutes of focused math time, of focused writing or grammar. Telling them they simply have to buckle down and get to work only makes for more conflict. Giving a checklist of tasks and building on it over time will work better, as will reward charts and positive reinforcement for the things done right. I so agree with this!

 

There will be many bad days through the middle school years -- growth spurts and puberty seem to magnify the behaviors of ADHD, aspergers and probably other special needs. Neuro-typical kids are no walk in the park during these years, either! Just keep plugging away at the basics, keep reading aloud and sharing other enjoyable activities (gardening, games, hikes, museums) and they WILL be ready for high school and life. They will turn into interesting young adults who want to be able to engage in life.

 

With my almost 10yo w/down syndrome, I take it a day at a time. He can be incredibly stubborn and defiant, really dig in his heals to the point we are both in tears and getting nothing done. I try to gage what type of day it's going to be by his attitude at breakfast, it's usually a good indicator.

 

I try to switch things up on those tough days, find something fun for him to do that is still learning. Some days he'll use his Leap Pad, some days he'll use his Leapster, some days we watch educational videos, some days he listens to his audiobooks.

 

I still try to get at least the basics in (a page of copywork, a page of math, etc.) so he doesn't get too behind, but I don't push him cause I know it will get us absolutely no where. I'll even use the fun stuff as a reward; do your handwriting page, then you can play your Leapster. Rewarding learning with learning, I love it, lol!:tongue_smilie: See, I'm right there with ya. On an off day, I would pare it down....way down, but still do something, maybe 1 subject instead of 5 or whatnot. Combined with Verity of switching gears for the day. I think both of you are confirming one another...that's good. I know when my dd was having seizures we still did school, but it was waaaaaaay cut back. Even if she had a breakthrough episode, petite mal (seizure type: 2-3 seconds) then it would exhaust her for hours....so we'd defer for a couple of hours and do a light schedule. Now those seizures were everyday, so I couldn't take off everyday off and the drs. said to continue doing things b/c it helps with her learning to "continue on". I agree with you.

 

The "off day" situation is part of the reason we pulled ds from public school. His teacher would not make any exceptions for those kind of days, she wanted him bound and tied by the "rules" and "expectations" with no exceptions for bad days. She was so wound up about making a show of the special ed students for the school district that she forgot that they are just little kids.

 

With my kids most of the time I try to plug away but I do adjust my expectations. If my moody, Aspie with ADD is having a bad day (he's been hormonal lately and also continues to have trouble with sleep) I may not do all the extras - we will continue with the basics (writing, grammar, math, and latin review) and I will know that I will probably have to help him more than on other days. By helping him that often means being his secretary and doing everything (including math) by narration. This is challenging because I have two other children.

 

I don't believe in beating a dead horse. If we are getting no where it's time to switch things up. Sometimes I just have him stop where he is and take the dog for a long walk. Get some sun and relief. When he comes back he has a light snack and we try again. One day last week I just said "forget it" and packed a lunch and went to the zoo for the day. They got good exercise and it was educational - and a nice break from the stress and arguing.

 

Don't forget that sometimes homeschool can be outdoor play, watching a video (whether educational or an adaptation of a book), field trips, shopping, you name it - that's all homeschool. Some days formal lessons are more detrimental than helpful. Even in public schools the teachers know this and allow for "those" kind of days. :D

 

Yes, thanks for this....it is a good reminder. I do all these things, but it's good to hear it again. I do need to remember that we don't need to do all "book"....you're right video, hike, plant our garden, etc.

[cjbeach]

No, this is the reason he's home. If he's really off I suspect there's a reason behind it (and with my guy it usually is a sickness coming on or reall bad sleep) so I look at it as giving him sick time. I do give him time to do his things/hyperinterests but go out of my way to give extra cuddletime, extra attention, deep pressure hugs;), and read with Mom time.

[jclinton]

I plod through and get done what I can get done. Sometimes I wonder what all has been absorbed! However, I don't want dc to think that if they're in a mood the world is going to stop - they have got to live with this issue the rest of their lives and that might mean on days when they are having trouble focusing they still have to get up and go to work etc. That being said I've found that keeping things consitent in the house really helps - that means even if it is an "off day" we at least do some school because it is a school day. When I've given in and thrown in the towel things just get worse. They need that consitancy - they sometimes need the work to keep their minds off the other things as well.

HTH,

JoAnne

[dsmith]

When ds is having a really bad day where his emotions are running high I try to slow it down. I've really been working on coping skills and on self calming, but it's been hard. I'm usually the one to get him through the tough spots. We do things like drawing together, or I will read aloud something while we are snuggled on the couch. If these things help, sometimes we are able to get back on track for the day. Other times I will modify my plans for the day. We school year round, otherwise we would get nowhere! I just wish he would consistently recognize when he is starting to get overly emotional and start self calming before it becomes a bigger issue.

[swellmomma]

Depends on the kids and what sort of "off" they are. With Ds11 if he is raging there is no way we are getting work done, no one is. The time is spent getting him calm again and then recuperating from the rage (It completely drains him). He is also my one with the most severe SN, so most of the time it is due to his off days that we cancel formal work. For general defiance/stubborness I push through and make him keep working. He has being Dx with Severe ADHD, anxiety disorder, conduct disorder and slow processing speed.

 

DD10 is a little different, normally for her it is a power thing, she wants to control the situation and will be defiant and stubborn about doing her work. I still push through and make her do it because she needs to learn to obey and work hard even if she does not like it. Occasionally she will have a day where it is obvious she did not sleep well, or is coming down with something and then I give her the time off but not for being stubborn. She has ADHD and conduct disorder.

 

Ds6 is a whole different story. As far as we know he does not have the same issues as the older kid beyond ADHD, however he has bowel issues. When he is having an "off" day it is because he is in a lot of pain from being so constipated. He gets those days off while we work at clearing him out. He has the bowel issues and possible ADHD

 

Now when we call the school time off that does not mean they get to just run around willy nilly. We always have a large stack of documentaries and science dvds from the library, and now that we have cable with pvr I have been taping shows off discovery and they can watch all of that during none formal school days. They read and read and read during those off days. We have tons of conversations about every topic. Lately we watch Molly Owl, look for other owls online, draw owls and I went and dug out the owl pellets I had already packed for the move to do when dd gets back from camp. With the way ds's rages have been lately, we seem to only get the basic formal school work done once a week, the rest of the time is games, videos, books and conversations. The exception is with ds6, I have been fitting reading in everyday whenever I can, which means we have actually done a reading lesson more than a few times while he is sitting on the toilet.

 

This is why we started homeschooling. I want the kids to have a good education, but even more so I have them home to be able to put the time into helping them develop skills to help them work with their SN. I am hoping that the new meds we are trying with ds will help enough to stop the rages and we can get back on track but if not, being home gives us the opportunity to find something that will work.

[Reya]

If I know it's going to be a bad day (CAPD/dyslexia/dysgraphia/ADHD), I modify SLIGHTLY. But otherwise, I'm stricter, if anything. He has to learn to deal. Period.

[IsabelC]

Sounds like you have some tough days.

 

With our Aspie/hyperactive child, we school every day of the year, but modify heavily on 'off' days, aiming for consolidation and maintenance of the daily rhythm rather than actual learning of new material. Also we're on the unschooling end of classical to start with :lol:, so the amount of stuff we try to get through on a 'bad' day is minimal. This honestly doesn't bother me, because (a) school kids have weekends and holidays off, and (b) many school kids even have days at school when they don't learn very much.

[scrapbookbuzz]

I think one of the benefits of homeschooling - if it's not working, you can stop, regroup, and restart. Today was an off day for ALL 3 of us. So, I only did SOME of the regular lessons; like the easiest parts. We'll do better tomorrow,I'm sure (I hope). It really is okay to take a break when you need it!

[Peela]

For us its a balance between routine and predictability, which ds14 thrives on, and the flexibility to take time off on a bad day. Generally, he works when sick, unless very sick. Those spaced out, unable to focus days though...yes, sometimes they are partially written off.

We would never go past 6 hours though. School generally takes 4-5 hours. If it drags on and on...for ds, that usually means something is up, because he likes to get his work over and done and he tends to rush rather than linger and drag.

I sometimes take those "off " days to watch a movie related to history, or a documentary- which generally, I don'y tend to do as often as I shoudl. I have a whole lot of things saved on cable TV for this very purpose but too often, I push through instead.

[TravelingChris]

On her badly spaced out days, we tend not to do mathy things since it won't stick. She can do something like watch a science lecture with me since I will stop and reinforce all the time. She can still read and write but doesn't work as fast as normal. We actually have more off days for her physical ailments= severe menstrual cramping and also migraine. She has been on medications for those and normally can now work through them to some degree. On the other hand, I have to teach her not to be so tenacious. She was playing soccer yesterday, felt like she was going to collapse a few times, sat out for a while, went back in, and then ended up with heat exhaustion and an ER visit. She was drinking a lot of water but not enough or maybe she needed salt but we will see after a visit to her adolescent med doctor.

[sheryl]

On her badly spaced out days, we tend not to do mathy things since it won't stick. She can do something like watch a science lecture with me since I will stop and reinforce all the time. She can still read and write but doesn't work as fast as normal. We actually have more off days for her physical ailments= severe menstrual cramping and also migraine. She has been on medications for those and normally can now work through them to some degree. On the other hand, I have to teach her not to be so tenacious. She was playing soccer yesterday, felt like she was going to collapse a few times, sat out for a while, went back in, and then ended up with heat exhaustion and an ER visit. She was drinking a lot of water but not enough or maybe she needed salt but we will see after a visit to her adolescent med doctor.

 

 

Glad she's ok, Christina. We went from winter to basically late spring temps at the time spring had just sprung. That's a good point....with the spike in temps we all need to hydrate ourselves because of the heat and activities.

 

Let us know what her doc said.

[cin]

I did not read all of the replies, but as a mom who is rather new to the special needs forum and such I will pass along to you what I learned from a friend. Amy use to be a Special Needs Teacher, I think it was behavior/emotional needs, but I'm not certain. I asked her about the good days and the bad days and she said that there were times when she would go a week without teaching any academics. Of course, she didn't have just one student, but she flat out told me you do what you have to do. If the students can't sit, focus, learn, etc. Then you really can't force them. It is counterproductive. That's the whole idea of Special Needs. If they could be forced to sit and learn, even when they don't feel like it, they wouldn't be in her classroom.

 

I took it and ran. If my daughter passes her tests at the end of the year, then I'm all set.