Bacteria on dd's wheelchair? (I'm too sensitive)

[elfinbaby]

Really? I just don't think so. My dd1 goes to public school and rides the bus. She has severe disabilities so it's the best option for her. She's had the same bus driver for about a year. Up till now, I think I got along just fine with the bus driver but I'm getting a little aggravated. We've had to deal with a number of issues in the past couple of months - dh's job, seizures, school issues, illness so I'm sure my tolerance is low. I'm just tired of dealing with our bus driver.

 

We have hard time hearing the bus (which comes between 3:30 and 4:00 - it can be any time in there) so sometimes we aren't racing out the door when she pulls up. I am extra attentive but just can't see myself sitting in front of the window and waiting for her. She's made snarky comments a couple of times and once she called the house phone and yelled into the machine - ending her message with "SHEESH!" I'm too sensitive but I deal with enough most days, and I wish she'd be more considerate.

 

So today I just wanted to roll my eyes and pound my head against the asphalt. She mentioned the wheelchair was dirty. Yeah, I guess it is. Sometimes they take it off-roading at school, it's dusty on the very bottom. No biggie. It's just transport as we don't use it at home and she doesn't use it in the classroom. I replied with a smile and said "It's just not a priority." Then she said it could grow bacteria. Honestly? I think she made that up to annoy me. I looked this up and the only thing I can find for sanitizing wheelchair is on wheelchairs used by different people in hospitals. In my mind I was thinking, well, getting the fungus that has been growing on ds1's hands for a week has kind of preoccupied me. Sorry. (True story - ds has this ridiculous rash that I'm working on).

 

I absolutely sure this is minor and I should be letting it roll off my back but my levels of dealing with stupid are low. I'm not sure how to replenish the supply. DH is much better at this than me. People just get to me sometimes. Ugh. I don't like it.

 

I'm not going to have a heart to heart and there's no need to switch buses (which I don't think would be possible anyway). She gets the job done. I'm just having a moment. I feel a little silly. Things are just piling up and the last thing I need is for a bus driver to send me over the edge;)

[hornblower]

:grouphug:

[dirty ethel rackham]

I don't think you are being silly at all. You have a lot of stress in your life and this bus drivers' rudeness is adding to it.

You know, if it were me, I would call the bus company and discuss the situation with her supervisor. If she is this rude to you (and yes, this is outright rudeness) then I would be worried about how well she treats your daughter when no one is looking. If she is concerned with waiting a long time outside your door, she could lightly honk when she pulls up to your house to alert you that she is there. That is what happens for my neighbor who has a special needs child. About the cleanliness issue, how does she know how often you clean the wheelchair. Plus, why would you need special cleaners - wouldn't a disinfecting wipe do the job? There is probably no more bacteria on the wheelchair than there would be on the steering wheel or any other surface inside that bus. Yeesh!

[Stacia]

I don't think you are being silly at all. You have a lot of stress in your life and this bus drivers' rudeness is adding to it.

You know, if it were me, I would call the bus company and discuss the situation with her supervisor. If she is this rude to you (and yes, this is outright rudeness) then I would be worried about how well she treats your daughter when no one is looking. If she is concerned with waiting a long time outside your door, she could lightly honk when she pulls up to your house to alert you that she is there. That is what happens for my neighbor who has a special needs child. About the cleanliness issue, how does she know how often you clean the wheelchair. Plus, why would you need special cleaners - wouldn't a disinfecting wipe do the job? There is probably no more bacteria on the wheelchair than there would be on the steering wheel or any other surface inside that bus. Yeesh!

 

:iagree: I'd be tempted to inspect the soles of the bus driver's shoes & point out how dirty they are. Pretty much the same thing as the underside of a transport wheelchair, no? Crabby people like that are no fun.

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

[Tangerine]

I don't think you are being silly at all. You have a lot of stress in your life and this bus drivers' rudeness is adding to it.

You know, if it were me, I would call the bus company and discuss the situation with her supervisor. If she is this rude to you (and yes, this is outright rudeness) then I would be worried about how well she treats your daughter when no one is looking. If she is concerned with waiting a long time outside your door, she could lightly honk when she pulls up to your house to alert you that she is there. That is what happens for my neighbor who has a special needs child. About the cleanliness issue, how does she know how often you clean the wheelchair. Plus, why would you need special cleaners - wouldn't a disinfecting wipe do the job? There is probably no more bacteria on the wheelchair than there would be on the steering wheel or any other surface inside that bus. Yeesh!

 

:iagree: The bus driver is providing a service. It is her job. Sometimes I wanted to do unseemly things to people's drinks as a barista, but it was my job to be polite and provide the service I was hired to do. I really don't see any reason you should be putting up with that.

[elfinbaby]

Oh I don't worry about how she's treating dd. I wouldn't put dd on the bus if it were a concern. Most of students in dd's class ride the bus and there is also a monitor on board. It's a good bus (same people every year) esp. since the monitor/driver are female which is a must for me but you can't request it so I'm happy it has worked out this way. Anyway, I don't know what the driver's deal is. I'm very accomodating, definitely haven't made getting to the bus late a habit (not AT ALL), apologize when it happens. I think she's just very unforgiving. Our house is set back from the road and I'm guessing that if I have the dishwasher or washing machine running I can't hear her. She does honk on occasion and I still can't hear that unless I'm standing at the window.

 

Thanks for "listening":)

[Remudamom]

Bust her. Go higher up. She can't talk to you like that, you don't have to take it, and you need to make sure your dd is being treated respectfully when you aren't around. She works for you, let her know it.

[SonshineLearner]

I'm sure there is bacteria... whatever there is on shoes...etc. So, perhaps you should get the bus driver some antibacterial wipes to help you out!!

 

:-)

[NorthwestMom]

Bust her. Go higher up. She can't talk to you like that, you don't have to take it, and you need to make sure your dd is being treated respectfully when you aren't around. She works for you, let her know it.

 

 

I am going to gently disagree with this. It sounds like the bus driver is aggravated. Just like the OP, she may have a lot of other things going on in her life which are making her more sensitive and short tempered. Her performance as a driver may be judged upon her ability to complrte her route in a timely fashion. If she has a been a good bus driver so far, can you cut her a little slack and be extra sensitive? I'm sure I don't need to tell the OP how great it is to have a sensitive and caring bus driver for kids with special needs. If this one cares about getting the kids off the bus promptly and that they are in a clean wheelchair, those intentions are positive even if the way she is expressing them feel like an attack to you. Try to give her some grace. Then assign one of your kids to wipe down the chair with bleach wipes or whatever so the bus driver will get off your back. :)

 

Sorry this has been a bad month. I totally get how you just hit a breaking point when people complain about what, to you, is minutiae. :grouphug:

[Remudamom]

I get what you're saying, but I don't think that anything can be used as an excuse when you're dealing with kids, and especially kids with special needs.

[bethben]

My ds rides the bus and has all sorts of junk on his wheelchair. He's always had very nice bus drivers. I usually wait by the door because they have other kids they need to get off and some who get really antsy if they don't get home right away. If I can't be at the door looking out, I have one of the kids do it. It would be nice if they could honk or something - that's not out of the question. I've had them do it when I wasn't right there.

 

My son's wheelchair is filthy...just from getting out of the school onto the bus today picked up all the gravel and salt from the sidewalk. I try to wipe that stuff off only because my carpets are already suffering. There is no way i would spend the time every day to get it really clean - too many pieces to remove and clean. I just don't have that kind of time. I wouldn't worry about it. Most of the wheelchairs I've seen around here are pretty dirty.

 

I hear you - it's hard to be overwhelmed and then have someone be the proverbial "camel back breaker". Been there done that. I really feel your pain...it's easy to feel overwhelmed having a special kid.

 

Beth

[elfinbaby]

She does do her job so I don't feel the need to report her; however, I do think she's being a jerk unnecessarily. For example, dd was out ALL of last week due to illness, er visits, ped. visits, and seizures. The bus driver, of course, was aware of this because we kept her updated so she wouldn't come to pickup dd. With that knowledge, she still felt the need to be snarky today about the wheelchair (and that I had ds2 on my hip this morning b/c I can't leave him alone in the house and that dd2 was wearing sandals and it's cold outside - we were outside for 2 min.). Again, I'm sensitive but what makes me feel worse is that I'm the one trying to show grace and be understanding like a pp mentioned I should (I've never made rude comments to her) and she actually has full knowledge of some of the stress in my life (dd's issues, dh's travel intense travel schedule). I think she should be showing grace. It gets telling myself "Oh, he/she could have be having a family issue, financial stress, unexpected blah blah blah." That is so mean but it's true.

 

I think she might just be one of those people that, after you "cross" her, you are on her "bad" list. She waited outside my house for what she deemed too long one day in January and she's not going to let it go. Before that, we had no issues.

 

I'll get over it. There's no reason to let petty remarks like this bother me. I just have to recharge.

[scubamama]

Unless being rude is in her job requirement, I would call the supervisor and have a chat. Honestly, I'm a RN and the daughter of a handicapped mom (she has since passed). PLENTY of patients treated me like dirt but I still managed to be professional...that was my job and my honor to uphold the basic dignity of being human! I fired one home health aide because she was sloppy in her care of my mom and acted like it wasn't important to follow my mom's directions for her OWN care. My mom was completly sane, but being treated like her mind didn't work really broke her. Your daughter is not some baggage to be loaded and unloaded in a minimum amount of time - she is precious. The driver doesn't have to think she's precious, but she does need to act with respect and propriety. I am concerned about how she may treat your daughter or any other children on that bus. Your personal situation and her current personal situation doesn't really matter here...when was the last time "a pass" was given to the Dr on duty or the military general that screwed up b/c he had a bad day?

Hang in there, mom!

Michele

[elfinbaby]

See, this morning she was offish to me but when I turned around and started walking to the house she chatted dd up and they had a laugh. It's totally me that she's got issues with, lol.

[Ali in OR]

We're supposed to clean their wheelchairs?????

 

When you're dealing with special needs, seizures, and ER visits (we had all of that this month too) in addition to everyday stressors (home schooling, dh's work woes, other dc), that just doesn't fall very high on the priority list. And bacteria covers every surface around us.

 

I think my response would be one of two:

1) On a good day, I might laugh a bit and explain that bacteria are everywhere, there is no need to clean a wheelchair (I believe this and follow this principle), apologize for any dirt on the bus but boy, dd sure does love off-roading (mine does).

 

2) On a day where everything else is going wrong and I just can't handle one more thing, I think I might just break out in tears and explain why I just can't worry very much about bacteria on the wheelchair because I'm trying to find out if our insurance will cover the ambulance ride, I'm really tired of seizures, I'm on day 3 of single-parenting while dh is out of town etc. And hope she feels pretty guilty about sending me over the edge.

 

If I felt that there was a pattern of this kind of thing, I wouldn't be afraid to speak to her supervisor. Actually, I'm a letter writer, so I would probably write.

 

Hugs to you. I'm pretty lucky to have so many wonderful people supporting my dd and I. Hope that's mostly the case for you too.

[amydavis]

 

With that knowledge, she still felt the need to be snarky today about the wheelchair (and that I had ds2 on my hip this morning b/c I can't leave him alone in the house and that dd2 was wearing sandals and it's cold outside - we were outside for 2 min.).

 

I think she might just be one of those people that, after you "cross" her, you are on her "bad" list. She waited outside my house for what she deemed too long one day in January and she's not going to let it go. Before that, we had no issues.

 

I'll get over it. There's no reason to let petty remarks like this bother me. I just have to recharge.

 

 

Okay, I'm sorry, but I do not see how your other two children are any of the bus driver's business. You have got to be kidding me! Maybe I am reading this wrong - but if you are saying that the driver actually had the audacity to comment about your dd's shoes and ds's being carried by you...I am floored! There is no way that I would not report this to her superior. She has definitely crossed the line and is being beyond unprofessional. She needs to be told, in no uncertain terms, to mind her own business and do the job that the transportation department hired her to do. i am certain that her job description does not include doling out rude and unsolicited advice to the parents.

 

I apologize if I seem a little ticked off about this, but I have an autistic child and deal with issues like this more than I'd like. I just can't believe the nerve of some people. Ugh.

[Mergath]

I think it's just a bus driver thing to be snarky. I work in a group home with severely autistic boys, and there's one driver who always gets pissy because we don't have the boy that rides her bus out waiting in the driveway when she arrives.

 

Keep in mind, this is a bus that is often as much as fifteen minutes late. In Minnesota. In the dead of winter. Yes, I'll be sure to take my severely autistic charge and stand outside in below zero weather next to a busy road for twenty minutes every day until you show up. That's gonna work beautifully. *rolls eyes*

 

I just smile and nod no matter what she says. I think that makes her angrier than anything, lol.

[Joanne]

Hm.

 

I'm biased, probably. My DH was a bus driver (and will be returning if he doesn't find another position. My former daycare assistant is a bus driver. I am therefore familiar with how districts *here* work. School districts in general and transportation departments specifically are ........ odd....... places. They assume a LOT of power for work that if often under-appreciated and challenging in ways that you'd not guess.

 

I don't know if my maybe the special needs of your dd have a tie-in to your desire for a female driver, but it does kinda bother me that you'd automatically decline a male bus driver.:confused:

 

I do, however, know what mean about one of those people who makes up their mind about a person and never budges off that moment in time in terms of how they perceive you.

 

Did she say anything about the shoes and child on the hip? Or was that your own feeling conspicuous?

 

The comments about the wheelchair would bother me.

[elfinbaby]

Yeah, she made comments.

 

DD has Rett Syndrome which means she cannot speak, has very limited means of communicating (meaning eye gaze using symbols, etc) and is 100% totally defenseless. Two years ago, I requested a bus for her and they sent 2 men. She was the only one on the bus. That's not okay. I wouldn't put ANY 5 yr. old on a bus for 10 min. w/2 men. Ever. They refused to accommodate my request for a female on the bus unless I got a doctor to write a letter that said dd was afraid of men:confused: So I just continued to driver her myself. With her current bus, I'd be fine with one of the people being male but not both. Our house is the last stop and I will not take risks with her safety. I realize having women doesn't 100% guarantee dd won't be harmed but I'm just going with the odds. Currently there are 2 buses that carry her class home and both drivers and aides have been on the route for more than 2 yrs. so they are well known. Don't let it bother you that I declined a male driver:001_smile: I'm sure I'd like your dh just fine:D however, I was not impressed with the male driver and aide that showed up the first time. DD took one ride home with them while I followed in the car (I happen to be coming home from the library;)). I may be paranoid but I'm just looking out for my dd.