Alison in KY Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 I just found out that there is a convicted sex offender who attends our church. This is just something that I never thought about. I've talked to this man several times, but this changes my feelings quite a bit. How would you deal with this? Alison Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 Wow. *scratches head* Part of me wants to say, "I'm sure he's so relieved to have people to talk to who don't treat him like Frankenstein." And the other side wants you to make sure you know where your children are at all times. If I were you, I would really try to treat him no differently than I did before I knew, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LinRTX Posted January 26, 2010 Share Posted January 26, 2010 I agree. Treat him no diferently, but make sure you know where your children are. They should never be alone with him or close to him. We actually had one move next door to us fro about 6 months. He was staying with our neighbors. My girls were told and were also told that when he was outside they were to come in immediately. But when I was with them we would talk to him and be pleasant. Oh and they were also told to be casual about it, not to run scared. Just to come in and change activities for a while. Linda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyLittleWonders Posted January 26, 2010 Share Posted January 26, 2010 Isn't it possible to also check on-line to find out the charge? Is he very old? Could it have been a statutory type of thing where it was consensual but underage? Not that I wouldn't still keep a close eye on my kids, but I know when we've searched for registered offenders within so many miles of us, there is a wide range of offenses that carries "registered sex offender" title. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted January 26, 2010 Share Posted January 26, 2010 I'd continue to treat him as pleasantly as you've always treated him. Like others have said, just be sure that you do not allow your children alone with him. We found out there was a convicted sex offender at a church we used to go to. He has kids, married, nice as can be. You never know the whole story. It could have happened when he was 18 years old and he had a 17 year old girlfriend. You just never know. Just be cautious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BikeBookBread Posted January 26, 2010 Share Posted January 26, 2010 I'd continue to treat him as pleasantly as you've always treated him. Like others have said, just be sure that you do not allow your children alone with him. We found out there was a convicted sex offender at a church we used to go to. He has kids, married, nice as can be. You never know the whole story. It could have happened when he was 18 years old and he had a 17 year old girlfriend. You just never know. Just be cautious. I agree with Christy. You never now the entire circumstances. My DH has handled several cases where 18 or 19 year old military guys were facing lifetime s*x offender status for consensual relations with 16 or 17 year olds who had represented themselves to be of age, and certainly looked and acted as 18+ year olds. I'm not condoning the behavior at all, but the term "s*x offender" covers a multitude of behaviors from the situation stated above to violent s*x crimes. (I have personal problems with lumping all of these behaviors into one category, but that would be another thread.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted January 26, 2010 Share Posted January 26, 2010 I agree with Christy. You never now the entire circumstances. My DH has handled several cases where 18 or 19 year old military guys were facing lifetime s*x offender status for consensual relations with 16 or 17 year olds who had represented themselves to be of age, and certainly looked and acted as 18+ year olds. I'm not condoning the behavior at all, but the term "s*x offender" covers a multitude of behaviors from the situation stated above to violent s*x crimes. (I have personal problems with lumping all of these behaviors into one category, but that would be another thread.) :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alison in KY Posted January 26, 2010 Author Share Posted January 26, 2010 Unfortunately, the file on him says it is with a 10 yr old. I'm not sure on the terminology. I do know the photo does not look like an old picture, but maybe they keep updated pictures of these people. Here's the link, can anyone understand the charges? http://kspsor.state.ky.us/sor/servlet/SOR?id=5594 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alison in KY Posted January 26, 2010 Author Share Posted January 26, 2010 This really shakes my security at church, or anywhere. I mean if there is one I know about, how many more are close by that I have no clue about? Pretty shocking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linders Posted January 26, 2010 Share Posted January 26, 2010 There is a wide range within the category "convicted sex offender." It can include relations between a boy over 18 and a girl of 17, for instance. It may be an isolated instance of adolescent stupidity from many years ago. If you are concerned for your own DC, perhaps you can talk privately to the head of Children's Ministry or even the pastor. They may be able to reassure you. Or, they may come from the perspective of forgiveness for all (in which case I migth be wary). I hope it isn't something to cause real problems. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyhomemaker25 Posted January 26, 2010 Share Posted January 26, 2010 That's why even at church our kids are not out of our sight. The other kids get to run around and play but ours have to stay in the cafeteria where we are all putting stuff up. You just never know who will show up. Be nice to him, sure, but be firm that your children are never anywhere near him without you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted January 26, 2010 Share Posted January 26, 2010 Adult male leaders of the church should be constantly in his orbit. That way no one will have opportunity for anything improper to happen and he will be treated respectfully. Even if he says he's changed or it didn't happen he should understand how others might feel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OHGrandma Posted January 26, 2010 Share Posted January 26, 2010 I just found out that there is a convicted sex offender who attends our church. This is just something that I never thought about. I've talked to this man several times, but this changes my feelings quite a bit. How would you deal with this? Alison We have a very similar situation. I will not let my grandchildren, male or female, to be around him unattended. And while they are with me, I have no reason to be around him. I think he needs to be ministered to, but there are others more equipped for that job. I do not want to put the children in harms way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T'smom Posted January 26, 2010 Share Posted January 26, 2010 Honestly, if the church you attend is even medium-sized, it would be unusual for there to NOT be one at some point. I'm familiar with how a few churches operate (preachers in the family!) and (the ones that I know about) keep a very close eye on s*x offenders. If they are regular attenders/members the pastor/elders probably know- but just in case they don't- TELL THEM. The churches I'm familiar with literally assign a deacon/elder to follow the person around. They are also warned that if they are ever found in the children's wing- or somewhere they don't have a reason to be- they will be asked to leave. I'm sure that not every church is as vigilant, but there could be supervision that you're not aware of. If the pastor/elders don't know, maybe they will start doing something when they do. Just to note- the supervision of these people is not common knowledge within the church, it's very low-key- but it's there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quad Shot Academy Posted January 26, 2010 Share Posted January 26, 2010 My personal philosophy is that there is no more dangerous place in America for children than church. It is the only place where offenders are welcomed around children. It is also the only place that a offender can hope to not be an outcast. Because of a similar situation at a church we went to, I learned a large percentage of pastors refuse to look a recidivism rates of crimes and refuse to *remember* the crime by setting up restrictions on the offenders. *Remember* meaning that if he has confessed the sin and turned from it, God doesn't remember the sin anymore, so these pastors feel that they should not either. That the offender has a clean slate. It would not make me any more uncomfortable to know there was an offender at our church, because I already assume there are many. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeatherM2 Posted January 26, 2010 Share Posted January 26, 2010 Adult male leaders of the church should be constantly in his orbit. That way no one will have opportunity for anything improper to happen and he will be treated respectfully. Even if he says he's changed or it didn't happen he should understand how others might feel. :iagree: Your church should assign male leaders to watch him at all times. But it is up to you to keep watch over your children. I would not feel the least bit bad telling my children that they are not to engage in conversation with him at all. They need to stay away from him. At a small church we once attended our son's Sunday school teacher actually invited a known adult female sex offender (against a young boy) to sit in on their class. Needless to say my son never went into that class again and we eventually left the church. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoyfulMama Posted January 26, 2010 Share Posted January 26, 2010 Many, many churches are responding to concerns of the safety of children while in the church building/at church activities. In that, all adults who serve children must complete a screening process and/or criminal and abuse clearances. There is frequently a mandatory 2:1 ratio - some places allow the ratio to work both ways, and even require it for bathroom trips. I think many of us (in our society) focus on sexual predators as being predators on children, when in many cases the charges were not related to children. We need to learn to live our lives safely, no matter where we are. We do not need to teach our children only to be safe around "these people", but we need to teach them how to be safe in general. And, unfortunately, we need to recognize that sometimes no matter how safe we are, bad things happen. A church is meant to be a place of welcoming. Welcoming the sinners to repent. Welcoming the lost sheep into the fold. The shepherd may keep a close eye on a specific sheep, but are we needed to bleat at it and shove it to the edge of the flock, and in turn, turn it away? (Bring on the tomatoes...) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in WI Posted January 26, 2010 Share Posted January 26, 2010 Unfortunately, the file on him says it is with a 10 yr old. I'm not sure on the terminology. I do know the photo does not look like an old picture, but maybe they keep updated pictures of these people. Here's the link, can anyone understand the charges? http://kspsor.state.ky.us/sor/servlet/SOR?id=5594 I think the charges sound really, really bad. I would caution my children strongly to never be around this man and keep my children within eyesight at all times if he were present. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claire in NM Posted January 26, 2010 Share Posted January 26, 2010 (edited) KRS 17.545 prohibits registered sex offenders from living near schools, daycare facilities and publicly owned playgrounds. These offenders are prohibited from living within 1,000 feet of a high school, middle school, elementary school, preschool, publicly owned playground, or licensed day care facility. The measurement is taken in a straight line from the nearest property line of the school to the nearest property line of the registrant's place of residence. This restriction does not apply to a youthful offender probated or paroled during his or her minority or while enrolled in an elementary or a secondary education program. However, once the youthful offender registrant attains the age of majority (18 years old) and is no longer a student in an elementary or secondary education program he or she is subject to the residence restriction at that point. In addition, offenders under supervision may be restricted by the conditions of their probation or parole from living or working in areas where children are present, depending on the conditions placed upon them by the sentencing judge or the parole board. ************ My guess is your church (pastor, elders, deacons, etc.) would need to find out if this person has any conditions regarding his probation or parole. Just for this person to be around children at your church could be a violation. I can't help but think about the young girl that was murdered by her Sunday school teacher. If I became aware that a sex offender was attending my church, it would come down to either the offender leaving or my family leaving. Hard line...you bet! Claire in NM Edited January 26, 2010 by Claire in NM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted January 26, 2010 Share Posted January 26, 2010 (edited) Wow. If you click on the link the pp gave and then click on the definitions of his offenses, this wasn't him having s*x with a 17 yo when he was 18. This was an attempt at something with a 10 year old. I would tell the leadership at the church and ask what they'll do about it. (Meaning: will they keep track of him and keep him away from the children) I would know where he is and where my kids are at all times. I attend a church with 1200 members. I know that there just have to be some scary people attending. With that many people, there are bound to be a few bad eggs in there. (Fortunately our children's pastor is very wise about such things and keeps a careful eye on the kids.) I keep an eye on my kids all the time (except when Ive delivered them to their classrooms for Sunday School.) Other parents let their kids walk around to their classes, etc. But I am with mine always. Just because he goes to church doesnt mean hes a good person (apostrophe key just stopped working) Edited January 26, 2010 by Garga Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted January 26, 2010 Share Posted January 26, 2010 Unless something has changed, the age of consent is 16. There is no criminal charge for sex with someone 16 or over under military law. I agree with Christy. You never now the entire circumstances. My DH has handled several cases where 18 or 19 year old military guys were facing lifetime s*x offender status for consensual relations with 16 or 17 year olds who had represented themselves to be of age, and certainly looked and acted as 18+ year olds. I'm sure there are 15 year olds who look much older, but still .... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted January 26, 2010 Share Posted January 26, 2010 Well, Churches are known for a "good spot" to find trusting people. He or others without security background checks shouldn't be with children. Good reason to keep kids with you.. or people you know you can trust... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alison in KY Posted January 26, 2010 Author Share Posted January 26, 2010 Honestly' date=' if the church you attend is even medium-sized, it would be unusual for there to NOT be one at some point. I'm familiar with how a few churches operate (preachers in the family!) and (the ones that I know about) keep a very close eye on s*x offenders. If they are regular attenders/members the pastor/elders probably know- but just in case they don't- TELL THEM. The churches I'm familiar with literally assign a deacon/elder to follow the person around. They are also warned that if they are ever found in the children's wing- or somewhere they don't have a reason to be- they will be asked to leave. I'm sure that not every church is as vigilant, but there could be supervision that you're not aware of. If the pastor/elders don't know, maybe they will start doing something when they do.Just to note- the supervision of these people is not common knowledge within the church, it's very low-key- but it's there.[/quote'] Well, hopefully this is the case here. I did email our pastor last night to let him know, in case he didn't. This was definitely not a case of a teen situation, the assault was attempted rape and 1st degree sexual assault (wish I knew what sexual assault actually was) on a 10 yr old. My husband and I have both spoken with this fellow, and dh immediately remembered him talking to our 6 yr old. I told my husband last night that I'm not feeling very Christian for this guy anymore...I'm really stumped internally on how to procede. I'd really like to go punch him:glare:. Unfortunately, security would probably arrest me. We do have two armed off duty police officers in the building all the time, plus the usual group of strong men. It's just a sad situation, I usually relax my standards a bit at church, but I guess I can't anymore:confused:. I guess we need to have a talk with the kids about not going off with anyone inside church, etc. This is difficult because we get there extra early to help out and the kids are used to running around a large building that is nearly empty..but we'll do something more than we have been. Alison Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alison in KY Posted January 26, 2010 Author Share Posted January 26, 2010 DH asked me last night if he should take this fellow aside and have a private intimidating discussion with him. What do you think? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SquirrellyMama Posted January 26, 2010 Share Posted January 26, 2010 Adult male leaders of the church should be constantly in his orbit. That way no one will have opportunity for anything improper to happen and he will be treated respectfully. Even if he says he's changed or it didn't happen he should understand how others might feel. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SquirrellyMama Posted January 26, 2010 Share Posted January 26, 2010 DH asked me last night if he should take this fellow aside and have a private intimidating discussion with him. What do you think? I don't think your husband needs to be intimidating but I do think they need to have an escort with this man at all times. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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