Book recommendation_ Protecting the Gift

[TravelingChris]

I would like to strongly recommend this book- Protecting the Gift- to anyone, in particular, is unclear bout trusting instincts, icky feelings, own suspicions, etc. You can find in many libraries or on Amazon. I have no financial interest in promoting this book, just personal and professional experience in its content.

[hornblower]

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[PineFarmMom]

:iagree: I read it a year ago, and it made me realize how many times God has given me the instinct to just protect my children, when there were no outward signs. It also confirmed to me to be more aware of those checks in my spirit when I get them and to follow them, with or without the approval of others. Dh is much better about this than I. He could care less what people think of the measures he takes to protect our kids...I worry about people's feelings, and that causes frustration on my end when my pity for someone might try to override the check I feel. Great book!!!

[HappyGrace]

This is one of my personal Top 10 Books of all time. Everyone should read this book!

[PinkTulip]

I completely agree - I would put this book in my top 5 books that have changed the way I think about things, or actively changed the way I live my life.

[Julie in Austin]

:iagree:

 

It is on the short list of "every parent MUST read" books.

[aggieamy]

Well, you gals certainly talked me into it. It's going on my library reserve list.

[Bug's Mom]

:iagree:

Great book! He's also got one called The Gift of Fear.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

Yes, I love both of his books and find myself quoting from them frequently!

[angela in ohio]

The two best things I got from this book were:

 

(1.) Don't be afraid (and teach dc not to be afraid) to offend people to stay safe. This is a hard balancing act, because we (dc, dh, and I) sometimes must place ourselves in situations with dangerous people in order to help them. We talk about what the benefit versus the risk is.

 

(2.) Teach dc to seek help instead of waiting to see who comes to help them. We go with the "woman with a stroller or child" rule.

 

I still have some uneasy thoughts about one or two of the stories in the book. It was memorable.

[8circles]

I completely agree - I would put this book in my top 5 books that have changed the way I think about things, or actively changed the way I live my life.

 

:iagree: I read it a year ago, and it made me realize how many times God has given me the instinct to just protect my children, when there were no outward signs.

 

:iagree:

 

It is on the short list of "every parent MUST read" books.

 

:iagree:with all of these. I'm so grateful that these were recommended to me.

[danybug]

I have it and was glad to have the different pointers to cover with my ds.

[Margo out of lurking]

:iagree: I read it a year ago, and it made me realize how many times God has given me the instinct to just protect my children, when there were no outward signs.

 

I first heard about Gavin deBecker here. I'm sure your recommendation will bless someone else!

[dirty ethel rackham]

Thanks for reminding me about this book. I preserved it at my library.

[FO4UR]

Bumping an old thread b/c I just finished reading this book cover-to-cover.

 

I seriously had the racing heart/adrenal rush of fear when I read the opening story. I had an experience in a grocery store parking lot...although I didn't gouge out anyone's eyes...I had that instinct to protect myself (thankfully my babies were safe at home with their dad at the time). I have NEVER approached a parking lot the same since...

 

OK - how to talk with dh about this book if he hasn't read it...and likely won't have time to read it in the near future?

[Quad Shot Academy]

:iagree: Great book! I do wonder if the statistics have changed since the book was written though. I actually feel like my kids are safer at stores now, with all of the video surveillance, but I feel like they are less safe in my neighborhood and at parks. I know the main emphasis of the book is that the real danger lies in who you entrust your children too, but I wonder if stranger abductions off the streets are getting more frequent. I have tried researching the statistics, but couldn't find anything.

[Aubrey]

I recently finished reading this, too, and appreciate the recommendation. I think it will be a good book for most of the women in my family, although for some, I hesitate to recommend it until their lives get to a point that they could handle the emotions the book would drag them through.

 

I was disappointed that it didn't speak more to the situation for which it had been recommended--throughout the book, the author talks about the greater risk to children of friends/family/trusted adults than strangers, but then most of his examples are of strangers hurting children. Granted, these strangers push themselves into families so that they will appear to be friends/trusted adults, but that's still pretty significantly different from a problematic family member.

 

On a more positive note, I have begun using some of the child-training ideas suggested in the book, encouraging my dc to talk to strangers, etc. We don't get out much, so this hasn't happened a lot yet, but I foresee it being a great help to their confidence & safety. :001_smile:

[Quad Shot Academy]

I was disappointed that it didn't speak more to the situation for which it had been recommended--throughout the book, the author talks about the greater risk to children of friends/family/trusted adults than strangers, but then most of his examples are of strangers hurting children. Granted, these strangers push themselves into families so that they will appear to be friends/trusted adults, but that's still pretty significantly different from a problematic family member.

 

I kind of think that is the point of the book: to not trust outside people that are trying to push themselves into your life, especially when your alarm bells are going off. I have had many acquaintances offer to watch my children, especially while on bed rest, but I have had some just show up and demand to take my children. An FBI agent once told me: always ask people for help, never accept help from someone offering (talking about physical safety such as having a flat tire . . .)

[FO4UR]

I recently finished reading this, too, and appreciate the recommendation. I think it will be a good book for most of the women in my family, although for some, I hesitate to recommend it until their lives get to a point that they could handle the emotions the book would drag them through.

 

I can see how this book would be impossible to get through for some! Coming from an author who experienced horrific things as a child himself, he is amazingly blunt and compassionate at the same time. I have to admit though, even though my close-call with danger was extremely mild compared to others' experiences, my heart was thumping/I felt light-headed/had to put the book down for a bit at reading a story SO similar to something I had lived.

 

I was disappointed that it didn't speak more to the situation for which it had been recommended--throughout the book, the author talks about the greater risk to children of friends/family/trusted adults than strangers, but then most of his examples are of strangers hurting children. Granted, these strangers push themselves into families so that they will appear to be friends/trusted adults, but that's still pretty significantly different from a problematic family member.

 

I agree. Although, I think the main point was that the process is the same. It has to be much more difficult to see these things coming from a beloved uncle/brother/grandpa b/c these people would naturally show an interest in the child.

 

On a more positive note, I have begun using some of the child-training ideas suggested in the book, encouraging my dc to talk to strangers, etc. We don't get out much, so this hasn't happened a lot yet, but I foresee it being a great help to their confidence & safety. :001_smile:

 

I am definitely amping up the training side of things...I've already taught a lot of these things instinctively, but I see some holes after reading the book.

[Quad Shot Academy]

I am definitely amping up the training side of things...I've already taught a lot of these things instinctively, but I see some holes after reading the book.

 

Does the book talk about training? If so, I don't remember it. Most training techniques I have seen make me nervous for a variety of reasons, but maybe I need to check the book back out again and review it.

[FO4UR]

Does the book talk about training? If so, I don't remember it. Most training techniques I have seen make me nervous for a variety of reasons, but maybe I need to check the book back out again and review it.

 

 

Maybe training is the wrong term. He gives 12 things to teach to your children...things like honoring their feelings as an important signal, how to ask for assistance when you need help and how to choose a person to ask, it's OK to defy adults, and how to resist being persuaded.

 

These things don't stink of "if you always..., then .... will never happen" kinds of training. These things are really teaching how to read your intuition and the intentions of potential predators.

[Quad Shot Academy]

Maybe training is the wrong term. He gives 12 things to teach to your children...things like honoring their feelings as an important signal, how to ask for assistance when you need help and how to choose a person to ask, it's OK to defy adults, and how to resist being persuaded.

 

These things don't stink of "if you always..., then .... will never happen" kinds of training. These things are really teaching how to read your intuition and the intentions of potential predators.

 

Thanks. I should read it again, since my kids were quite young at the time, I don't remember the list.