Picky eaters again...

[bkpan]

I have one ds, age 8yo who is the pickiest eater on the planet. All of my dc have gone through picky stages and many would still consider some of them very picky.

 

BUT, this ds is the worst. He is simply content to skip meals (which is almost daily). I do not cook extra food/meals, and try not to make a big deal out of dc who do not eat. Not only that, but he will sneak sugar and other really bad ideas when he gets the chance. We keep little sweets and next to no junk food in the house.

 

I even tried ONE time to keep serving the same meal until ds would eat it (he was around 5yo). He skipped dinner, breakfast, lunch, and was refusing it at dinner the next night. (this child is skinny!) SO, yep, he won. Momma could not take it anymore.

 

Now, he is bright. So, I got this idea this morning to perhaps find some sort of health curriculum or something that he could do on his own, that might connect to his sense of self-preservation :rolleyes:

 

I know this is a stretch, but if anyone might know, I figured the Hive would!:bigear:

 

Any ideas??

 

Thanks!

Kim

[prim*rose]

My only suggestion would be to let him flip through cookbooks and pick out something he would like to make & eat a few nights a week. Maybe if he has a say in what is for dinner, he would eat it? My 8 yr old dd loves to select recipes to eat and help make dinner.

[LibraryLover]

I agree, let him help cook. My 10 yr old was/can be a picky eater, although that has much improved over the years, and she will eat most anything she cooks or helps cook. There are also things she doesn't like to eat cooked but will eat raw- carrots, green beans, tomatoes come right to mind. A garden (in warm weather! lol) can help with that.

 

She likes to make:

 

Bean burritos (with re-fried beans)

Cheese enchiladas

Various pastas (sometimes with just olive oil, salt & pepper)

Grilled cheese

Tuna salad

Turkey sandwiches

Pizza bagels (adds a tiny bit sauce & tops with cheese, puts in toaster oven)

Eggs

Leftover rice and frozen veggies in a skillet for a make-shift stir fry

 

 

Baked yams or potatoes

 

She does not enjoy chewy things like steak. Detests scallops or shrimp, no matter how prepared.

She does like all kinds of soups

Will eat fish if she can dredge in flour & spices before grilling

Loves chicken and dumplings

Soups without chunks of tomatoes

Adores milk chowders of all kinds.

Edited December 27, 2009 by LibraryLover

[AK_Mom4]

Our compromise to the picky eaters in the family was to have one picky-friendly dish on the table at dinner and lots of fresh fruit/vegetables for snacking. For years macaroni and cheese got served as a side dish at virtually every dinner. We had fewer problems at breakfast/lunch because both of my super-picky sons eat eggs or waffles and peanut butter sandwiches. Every single day.

 

Getting them interested in cooking might help. For us, though, the biggest change came when the teenage hunger set in. Once the boys started going thru big growth spurts, they were more likely to try new foods.

 

oh....and lock up the sugar. I have one who gets really really bad carb cravings and when he was younger, we used to keep the sugar in the upper cabinet above the stove and declare it off-limits. He learned to recognize the cravings eventually, but we had to help him when he was little and struggled with self-control.

Edited December 27, 2009 by AK_Mom4

[Garga]

Our compromise to the picky eaters in the family was to have one picky-friendly dish on the table at dinner and lots of fresh fruit/vegetables for snacking. For years macaroni and cheese got served as a side dish at virtually every dinner. We had fewer problems at breakfast/lunch because both of my super-picky sons eat eggs or waffles and peanut butter sandwiches. Every single day.

 

Getting them interested in cooking might help. For us, though, the biggest change came when the teenage hunger set in. Once the boys started going thru big growth spurts, they were more likely to try new foods.

 

oh....and lock up the sugar. I have one who gets really really bad carb cravings and when he was younger, we used to keep the sugar in the upper cabinet above the stove and declare it off-limits. He learned to recognize the cravings eventually, but we had to help him when he was little and struggled with self-control.

 

This is where we are in our lives. I have a very picky eater. There are few kids as picky as my guy. I don't get a lot of sympathy. I did the thing where you did--kept serving it at each meal. It took him 5 meals before he ate a single bite of it. (From dinner one night through breakfast 2 days later.) I didn't starve him--I just kept offering him food, but it was food he didn't want. (Cheesy potato soup.)

 

To take up for the picky eaters: I was (and still am) a picky eater. They don't do it to be irritating. The food really tastes nasty to us. Try to get him to survive until he's 18, and then it's not your problem anymore :tongue_smilie:.

[ereks mom]

My SIL's kids were this way. When they were little, they would refuse to eat certain foods that they claimed not to like. I could understand kids not liking broccoli or carrots, but these kids didn't like POTATOES -- in any form, even french fries!

 

At the risk of offending someone, I must say that IMO, picky eaters are made, not born. For a child to refuse to even try a particular food, is more than picky, it's disrespectful. It's not about the food; it's about control, and my SIL relinquished control to her kids. SIL (a picky eater herself) catered to them. She would play "short order cook" and fix different foods for each one. She didn't require them to try a new food if they looked at it and announced, "I don't eat that." (Not "I don't like that", but "I don't eat that". To me that's evidence that it was all about who was in charge, and it was obviously the kids.) SIL let her kids eat sweets for breakfast because they "didn't eat" oatmeal, etc. At my house however, I told them that it was an insult to the cook to refuse to even try what had been prepared. I served them the same food I served everyone else, and they were expected to at least try it. Here's what I did: at dinner time, I fixed their plates, putting a TINY amount (no more than a tablespoonful) of each food item I had prepared -- a tablespoon of mashed potatoes, a tablespoon of green beans, a tablespoon of meatloaf, etc. -- even the items that I knew they liked.

 

I required that they eat ALL of the food on their plates (admittedly not enough to stave off hunger, since a tablespoonful was a "serving"!), and then they could get more of ANY of those foods that they liked. This encouraged them to try foods they wouldn't ordinarily give a second glance, and allowed them to get enough to eat by eating plenty of the things they did like.

 

I'll never forget how surprised the youngest one was when she found out that canned pears are sweet! She had decided that she didn't like them because they looked liked potatoes. But when she tried them, she found out they were pretty good. ;)

Edited December 28, 2009 by ereks mom

[iammommy]

Uh, some children have sensory issues that cause their "pickiness" They are NOT made, rather born that way.

 

Nan

[QueenCat]

Uh, some children have sensory issues that cause their "pickiness" They are NOT made, rather born that way.

 

Nan

:iagree:I did not know my youngest ds had sensory issues and Aspergers, and now deeply regret the food issues that I made worse by making him sit at the table until he ate, or serving it again when he was hungry, etc. Had I know that his sensory issues had made it so he physically could not deal with certain textures, tastes, I'd feel a lot less guilty about the memories of that time period. If it's about control, then there is a problem. Meals should be about nutrition, not control. And family time. I still don't eat the spinach I was forced to eat, masked with milk when I was a kid.

[Renee in NC]

Uh, some children have sensory issues that cause their "pickiness" They are NOT made, rather born that way.

 

Nan

 

My 11yo is picky for this reason. Textures really get to him. He is very good about not making a big deal out of it when he is out and about. I generally don't make him a separate dinner, but I will give into some of his preferences, such as the "straight macaroni" (Kraft) instead of homemade or Velveeta shells and cheese. I don't make him eat hot dogs, ham, or balogna for the same reason.

 

I think you *can* make it worse and I think it is a disservice to a child to always give in to their sensory issues. My ds will have to live with this the rest of his life and learning to accommodate it now will serve him best. I don't make him eat anything he doesn't want to, though. Sometimes he just doesn't get to eat meat at dinner (because the rest of us our having ham.)

 

I don't believe in making dc eat everything on their plates. I don't even make them have a "no thank you" helping either - I did with my older one and it led to battles that just weren't worth it in the long run. Children have preferences just like adults and I try and respect that.

 

ETA: This is only a control issue if the adults make it one. I think it is more disrespectful not to see a child as a person with the same feelings and preferences as the adult. I know that being able to eat anything put in front of you can be a great skill, but other than the mission field, where does it happen in the adult world?

Edited December 28, 2009 by Renee in FL

[LibraryLover]

ETA: This is only a control issue if the adults make it one. I think it is more disrespectful not to see a child as a person with the same feelings and preferences as the adult. I know that being able to eat anything put in front of you can be a great skill, but other than the mission field, where does it happen in the adult world?

 

Many people 'back in the day' didn't understand sensory or other issues. Kids had to toe the line. Period. There was a certain way of parenting, and if you didn't do it one way, you were wrong. My mother is a sweetie, but this was her take on things. She's changed a lot. She oftens tells me how she wishes she had some done things differently.

Edited December 28, 2009 by LibraryLover

[ereks mom]

Uh, some children have sensory issues that cause their "pickiness" They are NOT made, rather born that way.

 

Nan

 

The rules would be different with kids who have sensory issues, but the OP didn't say anything that would indicate that her ds has sensory issues.

[Renee in NC]

The rules would be different with kids who have sensory issues, but the OP didn't say anything that would indicate that her ds has sensory issues.

 

I guess I was thinking there had to be some issue - why else would a child skip FIVE meals in order to avoid a certain food? Maybe I am just blessed with 7 easy children, because even my most stubborn child would have given in by meal 2 or 3!

[LibraryLover]

I guess I was thinking there had to be some issue - why else would a child skip FIVE meals in order to avoid a certain food? Maybe I am just blessed with 7 easy children, because even my most stubborn child would have given in by meal 2 or 3!

 

 

Yet I never think it's wrong to err on the side of respecting the child.

[scrapbabe]

This is only a control issue if the adults make it one. I think it is more disrespectful not to see a child as a person with the same feelings and preferences as the adult. I know that being able to eat anything put in front of you can be a great skill, but other than the mission field, where does it happen in the adult world?

__________________

 

 

 

 

 

:iagree:

 

My son is so picky it's frustrating! But it's definitely a sensory issue as he will gag and vomit on certain foods. I just try to have something at the table that he likes. He hardly ever eats our main course, but he'll eat the veggies I serve and a wheat roll or something like that.

 

 

Smiles,

Shalynn

[Renee in NC]

Yet I never think it's wrong to err on the side of respecting the child.

 

Don't get me wrong, Laurie - I have never done it. I am just guessing they would give in.

 

At the same time, there is respect for the parent as a person as well. I wouldn't go for the situation that the other poster mentioned about her SIL being a short-order cook. That isn't respectful of the mother's time or efforts.

 

OP, I would keep doing what you are doing, but hide the sugar/candy or keep it out of the house all together if it is an issue.

 

Is he taking a good multi-vitamin?

[QueenCat]

ETA: This is only a control issue if the adults make it one. I think it is more disrespectful not to see a child as a person with the same feelings and preferences as the adult. I know that being able to eat anything put in front of you can be a great skill, but other than the mission field, where does it happen in the adult world?

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[Mom0012]

Well, here's another idea. How about trying a zinc supplement? Some children who are picky eaters are low in zinc. I notice a marked difference in the way my son eats when I give him zinc picolinate. If you do try zinc, read the dosage guidelines for children, though. You don't want to overdo it.

 

Lisa

[unsinkable]

Yet I never think it's wrong to err on the side of respecting the child.

 

And that is why I love your posts! :grouphug:

[Rebecca VA]

I was a picky eater, and it was a sensory issue, not a taste issue. Here's what I wish my parents had done differently:

 

1. Made mealtimes very short (scheduling fun things to do immediately afterward) to teach me to eat quickly and not ponder over whether I wanted it or not.

 

2. Put me on an exercise program to increase my appetite and to make me value sturdiness, hardiness, and similar virtues.

 

3. Enforced the three-bite rule, where the child has to take three bites of each food on his plate.

 

I was sickly and spacey growing up, and I lay a great deal of the blame for that on my picky eating habits. That's why I didn't tolerate my own child's emerging pickiness when she was a preschooler. She will now everything that's put in front of her.

[GoVanGogh]

My DS has mild sensory issues.

He would probably come across as "picky" to some people, as he doesn't like "normal" childhood meals. Ex: Grilled cheese is "too greasy" no matter how dry the bread is. He gags on the texture of hamburger.

But he does like "adult" type foods, like salmon, sushi and broccoli.

 

I do what a previous poster mentioned - I always make at least one food that I know DS will like, generally a veggie/side dish, and let him eat as much of that as he wants.

DS loves sweet potatoes so that is my "go to" side dish.

 

We do request that DS tries a new food, but he does not have to swallow. We have taught him to try it, then politely spit it out into his napkin. (No commenting and no gagging sounds allowed.) Not the best way to deal with it, I know. But he will now try most foods and has actually found several that he now likes. (Like Brussels sprouts!)

 

Like someone else mentioned - let your child go to through cookbooks with you, take him shopping and have him pick out one new food a week. (We make it a game - like, pick something red today...)

 

One thing that has helped us a lot - try different foods in different forms. Ex: DS hates cooked green things in his food, like parsley or chopped spinach. But he loves raw spinach salads. DS hates plain cooked carrots, but he loves them with just a drizzle of maple syrup. (Sugary, I know. But 1 teaspoon added to a pan of cooked carrots goes a long way!)

 

Involve your child in cooking. If he likes ketchup, put some in a small bowl and let him sample new foods as you cook. (My DS will stand and help me chop veggies for stir-fry and dip almost anything in ketchup.)

[Garga]

At the risk of offending someone, I must say that IMO, picky eaters are made, not born.

 

I disagree.

 

I totally, totally, totally was a very non-controlling child. I adored my parents. I trusted and respected them. I did not want to control them.

 

But most food just tasted bad to me. There were very (very) few things I liked. And that's still the case, though I've branched out a little bit as an adult--but not much. Really, I still eat very very few things and I'm the only cook around here, so again, it has nothing to do with control.

 

My mom only cooked one meal each night and I had to eat it. And until I was old enough to get a job and get a car (and therefore go out to eat on my own dime), eating was horrible for me.

 

So, my own mom did everything she was supposed to (giving me the same food as the rest of the family and making me try it), and I was a very obedient respectful child, but I was still a picky eater. (And skinny.)

 

My oldest son is like me. He will try the food because I do make him try 3 bites of new food. But there have been about 5 different instances where he'll try the food, swallow it down, and then puke it back up. (right onto his plate, or the dinner table or the floor--you try doing that through 5 dinners and never knowing when it will happen next and then keep telling me to keep making the kid eat these foods. It's gross and very difficult to do without feeling like a horrible parent--making your own kid puke.) Many foods make him retch. He gets very distressed over this and it is SO not about control.

 

My mother told me recently that she regretted making me eat all that food I didn't like for those 16 years before I got the job/car. She wishes that she'd found other things that I could have eaten. Dinner was no fun for any of us.

 

Now, here's an example of a tiny bit of control: my youngest son is NOT a picky eater, unless he sees his older brother not eating something. Then all of a sudden, he doesn't want it. But that's a case of monkey-see, monkey-do (not really pickiness, and not really control either). So, I insist that my youngest ds eat more foods than my oldest.

 

I haven't had the oldest tested (or whatever they do) for sensory issues, but when the kid pukes up the pea (and I only make him take tiny bits of the food, so it's not like it's heaping spoonfuls gagging him--I literally mean one pea), then it's not just about control.

 

And it does irk me when people think it is, but don't have picky eaters. It'd be like me telling someone who has a kid with aspergers that his issues are about control. If you haven't walked my shoes, then you don't really know. (not being snarky...just sayin')

Edited December 28, 2009 by Garga

[ereks mom]

I disagree.

 

I totally, totally, totally was a very non-controlling child. I adored my parents. I trusted and respected them. I did not want to control them.

 

But most food just tasted bad to me. There were very (very) few things I liked. And that's still the case, though I've branched out a little bit as an adult--but not much. Really, I still eat very very few things and I'm the only cook around here, so again, it has nothing to do with control.

 

My mom only cooked one meal each night and I had to eat it. And until I was old enough to get a job and get a car (and therefore go out to eat on my own dime), eating was horrible for me.

 

So, my own mom did everything she was supposed to (giving me the same food as the rest of the family and making me try it), and I was a very obedient respectful child, but I was still a picky eater. (And skinny.)

 

My oldest son is like me. He will try the food because I do make him try 3 bites of new food. But there have been about 5 different instances where he'll try the food, swallow it down, and then puke it back up. (right onto his plate, or the dinner table or the floor--you try doing that through 5 dinners and never knowing when it will happen next and then keep telling me to keep making the kid eat these foods. It's gross and very difficult to do without feeling like a horrible parent--making your own kid puke.) Many foods make him retch. He gets very distressed over this and it is SO not about control.

 

My mother told me recently that she regretted making me eat all that food I didn't like for those 16 years before I got the job/car. She wishes that she'd found other things that I could have eaten. Dinner was no fun for any of us.

 

Now, here's an example of a tiny bit of control: my youngest son is NOT a picky eater, unless he sees his older brother not eating something. Then all of a sudden, he doesn't want it. But that's a case of monkey-see, monkey-do (not really pickiness, and not really control either). So, I insist that my youngest ds eat more foods than my oldest.

 

I haven't had the oldest tested (or whatever they do) for sensory issues, but when the kid pukes up the pea (and I only make him take tiny bits of the food, so it's not like it's heaping spoonfuls gagging him--I literally mean one pea), then it's not just about control.

 

And it does irk me when people think it is, but don't have picky eaters. It'd be like me telling someone who has a kid with aspergers that his issues are about control. If you haven't walked my shoes, then you don't really know. (not being snarky...just sayin')

 

I was talking about "normal" kids who make food a control issue. Sensory issues such as those you and your son have would be in another category entirely. I completely understand this because we have a family member who has sensory issues due to Asperger's. I am well aware of the difficulties those children have.

[myfatherslily]

Hi, my name is Sarah, and I am a "picky eater". I prefer my food to be plain. I don't like strong flavors and definitely don't like chunks in my food. I do NOT have sensory issues. I'm just not a big fan of food. I can miss whole meals and not notice or care (I'll feel crappy later, but not notice that the feeling is HUNGRY until hours later). I'd MUCH rather go hungry than to eat something that tastes unpleasant to me.

 

My husband is a picky eater. To this day he hates vegetables, particularly broccoli.

 

I have three children. They are all different. DD5 is not super picky but leans that way. She's never tried to make anything a "control issue" and will eat when required to, but you can tell when she doesn't like something. DS3 has never been picky. DS1... well, he's a real pill;) He appears picky, but there are two other factors involved with him: 1) if he's not hungry, he's not hungry. That's just all there is to it. He's just not hungry. Or 2) he wants something else. Forget the meal, he wants what he wants and will make a huge issue out of it. He's not yet 2 though, so it's definitely partly an age thing. The others weren't this strong-willed about it, though!

 

Because food is not a big issue to me, I honestly don't see WHY it's a big issue. If I know they don't prefer something, I give them a smaller portion. If I know they loathe something, then, really, does it matter if they don't eat it? If they haven't tasted something and SAY they don't like it, I have them eat a few bites. Most of the time DS3's eyes will light up and he'll say, "I like it!" and DD5 will actually not like it. I also believe that tastes can "grow on you" after tasting them in tiny amounts repeatedly over time. If the child hates green beans, don't FORCE them to eat a full serving every time until they puke it back up. What you'll end up with is an adult who won't touch a green bean for the rest of their life. If they hate them, make them eat 2 beans (unless they ARE puking them up... then, personally, I wouldn't push it at all). Then, someday, you'll either end up with an adult who still dislikes them OR, just maybe, they'll like them when they're grown.

 

There IS such a thing as a super taster. Google it!:)

 

As to the OP... I'm not much experienced as the parent in this area. Just as the picky eater ;) But I think a health curriculum or a fun health book wouldn't be a bad idea. Help him to understand that it's not going to kill him to not eat every kind of vegetable that exists, but to eat NONE is very unhealthy. Carrots every day is much better than nothing.

 

Another thing that might help a little, with things he doesn't totally completely HATE (just sorta dislikes and wouldn't rather do without), is maybe say, "Here's your meal. I'm setting the timer and you should have it eaten before the timer beeps. If it's not gone, you'll have {this consequence}." Take away a super favorite toy or activity, make him go to bed, whatever. Something that can be done on a daily basis.

 

I'm just trying to think of ideas here! lol:) My DD is highly motivated to eat when she knows that some type of dessert awaits her. I would probably be more inclined to eat things I don't like if it meant I could eat something sweet, too:) As an adult though... well, I make my own rules;)

 

ETA: I was just thinking about the control thing. Sure, for some kids it's control. Some kids just like to control everything:) But... say a child is getting a shot. He knows what's coming and so he fights it. We don't say "He's just making it a control issue." We know he perceives it as something very unpleasant! So if a kid perceives certain foods as being so unpleasant that it makes him want to gag, then, yeah, he's gonna try to control that situation and avoid it.

Edited December 28, 2009 by myfatherslily