How do you know when your depression isn't situational anymore?

[Renee in NC]

This is the "Nevermind" post, hopefully slightly less whiny.;)

 

Most of you know what we have been through. We lost our business because of the economy. We lost our house to foreclosure. We are deep, deep in debt. We moved to FL for a job, leaving my 16yo ds in NC. We got here and things are pretty bad. Dh never got a raise at the job we came here for, and made $8 an hour for almost 7 months.

 

He changed jobs 2 weeks ago. Guess what? It's a pretty dead-end job, too. I am not sure how much he makes per hour (how funny is that?) I think we will know tomorrow. He thought he was going to be an assistant kitchen manager and really he's the dishwasher. Of course, there are no benefits, vacation days, etc.

 

I miss my son. I miss my family up there. I miss my friends alot. I hate that we gave all that up to come here and have my dh work dead-end jobs.

 

Today, I came home to an IRS notice on my door. We owe them money from the business and I am supposed to produce a financial statement and that money next Thursday. I have about 1% of what they want.

 

I was going to babysit to bring in money, but I don't think I can do that here. I am fairly happy with my home, but it is a 30 year old trailer with 7 foot ceilings and it looks it, KWIM? It is also pretty small (1300 square feet) so I don't know that anyone would be happy to leave their baby here!

 

There aren't any jobs really. Even if their were, my dh's hours are 11am until whenever he is done which could be anywhere between 7 and 11pm (or later on game nights.) Doesn't leave much room for me to work.

 

I am sooooo depressed. But, it seems like it is fitting! Who wouldn't be depressed and hopeless over this scenario? At least dh has a job, some job! At least we have gov't benefits (and I am WAY over anyone's judgment of me in that regard - judge away, my children being fed is more important.)

 

And even if I do decide that it is clinical depression and I need help - where in the world would I get it? I have no money, no insurance, nothing. I don't even have anyone to watch the kids while I went to talk to someone.

 

So, there it is. Would you be depressed if your life was like mine?

[Avila]

:grouphug:

 

I am sure I would be depressed. I have been over a lot less, and throw in the holidays and it is amplified. I know you have said before that you didn't want to file bankruptcy, but could you? Will it get the IRS to go away? Many prayers coming your way!

[Joanne]

This is the "Nevermind" post, hopefully slightly less whiny.;)

 

Most of you know what we have been through. We lost our business because of the economy. We lost our house to foreclosure. We are deep, deep in debt. We moved to FL for a job, leaving my 16yo ds in NC. We got here and things are pretty bad. Dh never got a raise at the job we came here for, and made $8 an hour for almost 7 months.

 

He changed jobs 2 weeks ago. Guess what? It's a pretty dead-end job, too. I am not sure how much he makes per hour (how funny is that?) I think we will know tomorrow. He thought he was going to be an assistant kitchen manager and really he's the dishwasher. Of course, there are no benefits, vacation days, etc.

 

I miss my son. I miss my family up there. I miss my friends alot. I hate that we gave all that up to come here and have my dh work dead-end jobs.

 

Today, I came home to an IRS notice on my door. We owe them money from the business and I am supposed to produce a financial statement and that money next Thursday. I have about 1% of what they want.

 

I was going to babysit to bring in money, but I don't think I can do that here. I am fairly happy with my home, but it is a 30 year old trailer with 7 foot ceilings and it looks it, KWIM? It is also pretty small (1300 square feet) so I don't know that anyone would be happy to leave their baby here!

 

There aren't any jobs really. Even if their were, my dh's hours are 11am until whenever he is done which could be anywhere between 7 and 11pm (or later on game nights.) Doesn't leave much room for me to work.

 

I am sooooo depressed. But, it seems like it is fitting! Who wouldn't be depressed and hopeless over this scenario? At least dh has a job, some job! At least we have gov't benefits (and I am WAY over anyone's judgment of me in that regard - judge away, my children being fed is more important.)

 

And even if I do decide that it is clinical depression and I need help - where in the world would I get it? I have no money, no insurance, nothing. I don't even have anyone to watch the kids while I went to talk to someone.

 

So, there it is. Would you be depressed if your life was like mine?

 

Chronic stress changes a body. It can create clinical depression and clinical depression is a medical/biological issue.

 

WalMart has several anti-depressant generics on their $4 list:

 

CLOSE

WALMART/SAM'S CLUB $4 Prescription Drug Program

Mental Health Medications

List Effective as of October 22, 2009

$4 30-DAY $10 90-DAY

DRUG NAME AND DOSAGE QUANTITY QUANTITY

AMITRIPTYLINE 10MG TAB 30 90

AMITRIPTYLINE 25MG TAB 30 90

AMITRIPTYLINE 50MG TAB 30 90

AMITRIPTYLINE 75MG TAB 30 90

AMITRIPTYLINE 100MG TAB 30 90

BENZTROPINE 2MG TAB 30 90

BUSPIRONE 5MG TAB 60 180

BUSPIRONE 10MG TAB* 60 180

CARBAMAZEPINE 200MG TAB* 60 180

CITALOPRAM 20MG TAB 30 90

CITALOPRAM 40MG TAB 30 90

DOXEPIN HCL 10MG CAP 30 90

DOXEPIN HCL 25MG CAP 30 90

DOXEPIN HCL 50MG CAP 30 90

DOXEPIN HCL 75MG CAP 30 90

DOXEPIN HCL 100MG CAP 30 90

FLUOXETINE 10MG TAB* 30 90

FLUOXETINE 10MG CAP 30 90

FLUOXETINE 20MG CAP 30 90

FLUOXETINE 40MG CAP 30 90

FLUPHENAZINE 1MG TAB 30 90

HALOPERIDOL 0.5MG TAB 30 90

HALOPERIDOL 1MG TAB 30 90

HALOPERIDOL 2MG TAB 30 90

HALOPERIDOL 5MG TAB 30 90

LITHIUM CARBONATE 300MG CAP* 90 270

NORTRIPTYLINE 10MG CAP 30 90

NORTRIPTYLINE 25MG CAP 30 90

PAROXETINE 10MG TAB* 30 90

PAROXETINE 20MG TAB* 30 90

PROCHLORPERAZINE 10MG TAB 30 90

THIORIDAZINE 25MG TAB 30 90

THIORIDAZINE 50MG TAB 30 90

THIOTHIXENE 2MG CAP 30 90

TRAZODONE 50MG TAB 30 90

TRAZODONE 100MG TAB 30 90

TRAZODONE 150MG TAB 30 90

TRIHEXYPHENIDYL 2MG TAB 60 180

 

Prescription Program includes up to a 30-day supply for $4 and a 90-day supply for $10 of some covered generic drugs at commonly prescribed dosages. Prices for some drugs covered by the Prescription Program may be higher and may vary in some states. Restrictions apply. View complete Program Details in English. Detalles del Programa or see your Walmart Pharmacist for details.

* Prices may be higher in CA, HI, MN, MT, PA, TN, WI and WY.

 

† Prepackaged drugs are covered only in unit sizes specified on Drug List.

[Renee in NC]

:grouphug:

 

I am sure I would be depressed. I have been over a lot less, and throw in the holidays and it is amplified. I know you have said before that you didn't want to file bankruptcy, but could you? Will it get the IRS to go away? Many prayers coming your way!

 

I don't have the $1500.

 

I am too broke for bankruptcy!:lol:

 

I don't know if it would help or not. It would postpone it some, but I would still have to pay it. We would be Chapter 7 because we couldn't pay anything (if you plug our numbers into the bankruptcy means test calculator we get a negative number.)

[momtoboys]

Yes, your situation does sound depressing.

 

As far as knowing whether something is situational depression or not, I'm not an expert, but I think there are a bunch of factors.

 

I think if you are so depressed that you can't function, or do your day-to-day responsibilities, then you should seek help. If you're sleeping all the time, or just always feeling sad, you should seek help.

 

It's hard w/ kids though. . Do you have any friends who would watch them while you saw a doctor or went to counseling? Maybe you could exchange child-care days.

[Renee in NC]

I can't do anti-depressants, Joanne. My body thinks they are speed and I get almost manic. I tried several different ones in the past with the same effects.

[momtoboys]

How about some natural solutions, such as St. John's Wort. I have known people who tried it with good results. Also, excercise can help, from what I've heard.

 

But. . I'm not a counselor. . although my friends sometimes seem to think I am. I would definitely recommend getting advice from a professional.

[Joanne]

I can't do anti-depressants, Joanne. My body thinks they are speed and I get almost manic. I tried several different ones in the past with the same effects.

 

Oh. I didn't know or remember that.

 

{{{many hugs}}}

 

The organic ideas of sunlight, exercise, more sex, etc are all I can think of right now.

[Renee in NC]

How about some natural solutions, such as St. John's Wort. I have known people who tried it with good results. Also, excercise can help, from what I've heard.

 

But. . I'm not a counselor. . although my friends sometimes seem to think I am. I would definitely recommend getting advice from a professional.

 

The Hive is cheaper.:D

 

I was wondering about some more natural things. I am not sad ALL the time, but I do have some days that are worse than others.

[coffeefreak]

:grouphug:

After a while, it's hard for your body to "right" itself. You're unable to see anything positive. Just because it's situational, doesn't mean an anti-depressant wouldn't be appropriate (did I say that right). There are plenty of Churches and organizations that offer free/low cost counseling if you'd like to try that first. Sometimes it helps to just get your thoughts and frustrations out with an objective person.

 

Blessings!

Dorinda

[Renee in NC]

Oh. I didn't know or remember that.

 

{{{many hugs}}}

 

The organic ideas of sunlight, exercise, more sex, etc are all I can think of right now.

 

Thanks. My dh might like that one!:lol:

 

I had forgotten about the manic thing until dh and I were talking about it last night, so I wouldn't have mentioned it before.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I don't know if they would be enough help but some natural supplements that might help some are a B-complex (probably 100 mg) and Omegas.

 

Take a walk in that Florida sunshine and you get sun and exercise at the same time.

[Tree House Academy]

Oh my. I knew some of that...not even close to all of it. :( I am so sorry. Yes, I would be depressed after about 2 of the things you mentioned. Of course, I am prone to depression and tend to get depressed over things as simple as sun not coming in the windows correctly (I lived in a lower level apt when I was pg and the sun never came directly in the windows. It was awful!).

 

Could you try a natural supplement like St. John's Wort?

[Denisemomof4]

I don't know if they would be enough help but some natural supplements that might help some are a B-complex (probably 100 mg) and Omegas.

 

Take a walk in that Florida sunshine and you get sun and exercise at the same time.

 

also a good magnesium, but I don't know if you can afford it.

 

I'm happy to be with people, haven't lost my sense of humor, and feel happy most days, but I still have been in a funk since Mom's death in July and haven't recovered. I just saw there's a book called The Mood Cure that I want to get inter library loan (or buy used on Amazon - I have too many books to read that are NEW!) and I think there's a book called The Depression Cure. I want to get my hands on those and start to juice in January.

 

I'm sorry for your situation. My sisters is similar, but her inlaws gave them the money to file bankruptcy. Isn't it ironic that it costs so much when you're so broke?

[amy g.]

I'm very sorry. your post does not sound whiny at all. I think it would be pretty hard for anyone not to be depressed in your situation.

 

Once, when I had a bunch of less serious things happen all in a row, I felt like it really changed my personality. I kept saying, "I don't know what is wrong with me." and my sister would reply, "You just had a baby, your house was destroyed, then your dog was hit by a car."

 

It actually helped to have someone remind me that there was a reason I was not myself.

[sunshine]

I don't have the $1500.

 

I am too broke for bankruptcy!:lol:

 

I don't know if it would help or not. It would postpone it some, but I would still have to pay it. We would be Chapter 7 because we couldn't pay anything (if you plug our numbers into the bankruptcy means test calculator we get a negative number.)

 

 

You have to have a legal aid office in Florida. They do not charge for bankruptcy. Go to the counselor that the Children's Department of Health and Welfare has. They have programs for you to see a counselor. She in turn will refer you to other agencies that will help you financially. There is no way the Gov't will do anything to you for owing that money. You can use me as an example. We owe 105,000.00 yes i got the zeros right to the SBA and they in turn have turned it over to the justice department. It is for an SBA loan in 2001. I havn't made a payment in 5 years and told them I wasn't going to. I am trying to work out a settlement agreement with them to take my tax refund money for 5 years and call it even.

 

Most people I have dealt with in the gov't sphere are not jerks. If you talk to one, ask for their supervisor until you get a good person. That goes for every agency Children's department to the IRS. Look for the Legal Aid office. They tend to be hard to find for some reason.:confused:

[asta]

If ADs make you manic, so will St. John's Wort. It is an anti-depressant. The only difference is that it is more expensive than the $4 list at Wal-Mart, and you have absolutely no guarantee that what you'll be getting in the capsules from Ye Olde Vitamin Shoppe actually is what it says it is.

 

 

a

[Renee in NC]

If ADs make you manic, so will St. John's Wort. It is an anti-depressant. The only difference is that it is more expensive than the $4 list at Wal-Mart, and you have absolutely no guarantee that what you'll be getting in the capsules from Ye Olde Vitamin Shoppe actually is what it says it is.

 

 

a

 

Lovely. I was hoping it would be less potent.

 

You have to have a legal aid office in Florida. They do not charge for bankruptcy. Go to the counselor that the Children's Department of Health and Welfare has. They have programs for you to see a counselor. She in turn will refer you to other agencies that will help you financially. There is no way the Gov't will do anything to you for owing that money. You can use me as an example. We owe 105,000.00 yes i got the zeros right to the SBA and they in turn have turned it over to the justice department. It is for an SBA loan in 2001. I havn't made a payment in 5 years and told them I wasn't going to. I am trying to work out a settlement agreement with them to take my tax refund money for 5 years and call it even.

 

There is not much of anything in the world that would have me go to DFS for counseling.:lol: That isn't really the point, though. There is no one to take care of my dc while I go. When I go to the IRS office next week, it will be with 6 dc in tow.

 

My tax refund will pay the majority of the debt to the IRS. I hope they will settle for that.

 

I will definitely call Legal Aid today, though, and see if they help with bankruptcy. I would never have thought of that!

[unsinkable]

Lovely. I was hoping it would be less potent.

 

 

 

There is not much of anything in the world that would have me go to DFS for counseling.:lol: That isn't really the point, though. There is no one to take care of my dc while I go. When I go to the IRS office next week, it will be with 6 dc in tow.

 

My tax refund will pay the majority of the debt to the IRS. I hope they will settle for that.

 

I will definitely call Legal Aid today, though, and see if they help with bankruptcy. I would never have thought of that!

 

Renee,

 

I'd call your parish priest and then Catholic Charities. They have counseling. I'd bet there is a counseling program for your situation (need someone to care for the kids). Maybe there is a teenager or a grandma in your parish that can help out.

 

You are in my prayers! :grouphug:

[Renee in NC]

also a good magnesium, but I don't know if you can afford it.

 

I'm sorry for your situation. My sisters is similar, but her inlaws gave them the money to file bankruptcy. Isn't it ironic that it costs so much when you're so broke?

 

What's really runny is that if you make more money and have to file Chapter 13, then the legal costs get factored into you payment! But for Chapter 7 (which is only for people who fall under certain income limits,) you have to have all that money up front.:lol::lol:

 

We'd rather pay the stupid bills, even though we'd have to settle most of them.

 

I am hoping for a job for my dh that is at least steady, pays a little more, and has benefits. He says if this one doesn't get any better, he'll drive over the road. We moved to FL to avoid that and it would probably depress me even more.

[Melinda in VT]

First :grouphug:. I think in your position I would be sitting catatonic in a corner somewhere.

 

Second, now that your baby is almost 1, have you and DH considered having him be the stay-at-home parent and you be the working-outside-the-home parent? If I remember correctly, your earning potential is quite a bit more and he's good with the kids? I know it's not the "usual" setup, but it might provide you with some financial stability and avoid the long separations you would have if he's driving trucks.

[Renee in NC]

First :grouphug:. I think in your position I would be sitting catatonic in a corner somewhere.

 

Second, now that your baby is almost 1, have you and DH considered having him be the stay-at-home parent and you be the working-outside-the-home parent? If I remember correctly, your earning potential is quite a bit more and he's good with the kids? I know it's not the "usual" setup, but it might provide you with some financial stability and avoid the long separations you would have if he's driving trucks.

 

We have bounced that idea around quite a bit over the years, especially recently. When we were in NC, the deal was that the first person to find a job won.:lol:

 

However, the reality is that it depresses *him* to stay home and he could not homeschool several of them. The 8yo and 7yo at the very least would have to go to school and at this point we are not willing for them to do that. The cooking, cleaning, and caring for children part would be fine, but he is so extroverted that staying home is very, very bad for him. He's done it in the past and over time he slips into this catatonic place that is not good for anyone.

 

I am just glad that I have a great husband. I can't imagine going through this with someone that I had a lot of conflict with.

 

BTW, one bright spot - I talked to the lady from the IRS and it will be okay. I just have to document everything I told her this morning and they will probably write it off.

[Tutor]

 

BTW, one bright spot - I talked to the lady from the IRS and it will be okay. I just have to document everything I told her this morning and they will probably write it off.

 

That is wonderful news! We will continue praying for you all here.

[Alphabetika]

I'm so sorry for all you're going through. I second the poster who suggested sunshine and exercise. These things don't cost and they can be excellent mood-lifters!:grouphug:

[TammyinTN]

BTW, one bright spot - I talked to the lady from the IRS and it will be okay. I just have to document everything I told her this morning and they will probably write it off.

 

 

I hope the IRS writing this off will bring you some peace. We went through a problem many years ago with the IRS and they scared me to death.:001_huh:

 

Ask for help through your churches..see what is available around you. I'm praying for you and your family.:grouphug::grouphug:

[kalanamak]

Lovely. I was hoping it would be less potent.

 

 

 

 

It is. One can quarter a tab. Very cheap that way.

[Quiver0f10]

Renee,

 

I was thinking about your situation this morning. I know how frustrating finances can be. :grouphug:

 

You have said before that you have a high earning potential and while I know your DH doesn't want to be a full time stay at home dad, what about you working FT days or even PT days, he stays home and watches the kids. You can HS in the evenings and he can take some night classes.

 

With your income level, even with you working and the # of kids, he should be able to go to school for free or pretty near free with grants. There are plenty of certificate or AS type jobs out there that will up his earning potential. What does he like to do? You live in Fl what about HVAC tech? Automechanic? Computer tech? These are certificate type jobs that don't take a 4 year degree and he can start earning higher wages in a year or two or less.

 

My Dh went to school full time days when I was pregnant with our 7th. He would get up at midnight and deliver newspapers until 5-6 AM, come home, shower and go to school. Return home @ 4ish and do homework till 9 and then sleep till midnight. And do it all over again the next day. Weekends he would come home, sleep pretty much all day and them spend the evenings doing homework. I opened a day care and did that 6 AM to 6 PM. It was gruelling, but it was only for 18 months! Once he had his AS he started working FT days as a programmer. Then he took night classes and earned his BS.

 

I will be praying for you :grouphug:

Edited December 5, 2009 by Quiver0f10

[Chris in VA]

You've been on my mind, Renee. I don't know whether to offer this in a pm or not--so --

Do you need some holiday items for the kiddos? I'd be happy to share.