sbgrace Posted October 16, 2009 Share Posted October 16, 2009 One of my kids has several underlying conditions that put him at high risk of complications from flu (regular and H1N1). Under geneticist orders every flu season our family (except my husband who works and gets a flu shot) goes into isolation basically during flu season. This year that started early and it's been hard for my boys to have to stop activities. My in laws plan to come tomorrow with my husband's aunt who lives very far away. When this was planned I reminded MIL that no one with any flu symptoms at all, even possible, could come because it wasn't worth the risk. Tonight I stated again that if anyone is sick they can't come. She mentions that she has something but she's getting better and it's not the flu. She never mentioned anything all the times I talked to her this week which irritates me. Symptoms (all week) are nasal and now coughing as well. No fever. Would you have her come and assume it isn't the flu? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alte Veste Academy Posted October 16, 2009 Share Posted October 16, 2009 Would you have her come and assume it isn't the flu? No, and speaking frankly, I would be offended that she would put her own grandchild at risk. :confused: Besides, the symptoms she has are some for h1n1. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keptwoman Posted October 16, 2009 Share Posted October 16, 2009 No, and speaking frankly, I would be offended that she would put her own grandchild at risk. :confused: Besides, the symptoms she has are some for h1n1. I completely agree. I think people can be a little bit precious about this type of thing, but you sure aren't one of those people, you have very valid reasons for what you are asking and your MIL absolutely should not be visiting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted October 16, 2009 Share Posted October 16, 2009 Flu or not she may be contagious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted October 16, 2009 Share Posted October 16, 2009 No, and speaking frankly, I would be offended that she would put her own grandchild at risk. :confused: Besides, the symptoms she has are some for h1n1. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 16, 2009 Share Posted October 16, 2009 If it is your MIL, I would have your dh give her the bad news. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 16, 2009 Share Posted October 16, 2009 If it is your MIL, I would have your dh give her the bad news that she cannot come over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 16, 2009 Share Posted October 16, 2009 If it is your MIL, I would have dh give the bad news that she cannot come over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 16, 2009 Share Posted October 16, 2009 If it is your MIL, I would have dh give the bad news that she cannot come over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted October 16, 2009 Share Posted October 16, 2009 Wow Jean, you are really firm on that thought, huh (referring to quadruple post! LOL) :lol::lol::lol: But :iagree:. Not only would I not let her come to my home or be around my child who is medically fragile, I would let my husband be the one to tell her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earth Angel_79 Posted October 16, 2009 Share Posted October 16, 2009 Wow Jean, you are really firm on that thought, huh (referring to quadruple post! LOL) :lol::lol::lol: But :iagree:. Not only would I not let her come to my home or be around my child who is medically fragile, I would let my husband be the one to tell her. I've noticed several of those --- must have been that little delay we had an hour or so ago. I agree that it wouldn't be worth any risk. And agree that I'd ask dh to do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted October 16, 2009 Share Posted October 16, 2009 We have the same problem -- our metabolic geneticist orders us to get the flu shot annually and isolate ourselves during cold/flu seasons. Church, trips to the library, playdates, and even shopping at the store are impossible. I feel your pain. But you HAVE to be cautious! I just read this article: http://health.yahoo.com/news/reuters/us_flu_clots.html and am thinking... holy cow. I was sick for 8 weeks last April/May with a virus -- my general practicioner did a swab test and it came back "negative". It was the worst strep throat/upper respiratory/pneumonia thing. But the tests either were false/negative or it was something else. Did I have the Swine Flu? (Whatever it was it was in the lungs...) I am thinking the H1N1 can leave some with lung damage. Wow. You need to tell in-laws NO if someone is sick. I get sick so easily. Most people do not realize how those with compromised immune systems can be fragile with a simple illness. It takes a long time to recover. I almost ended up in the ER at one point. Hubby was so upset -- I got sick from a visit at a friend's house with 7 kids. Someone was hacking like crazy. Even though I tried to be careful and ended the visit early... taaaa-daaah. 8 weeks of misery. Be careful, my friend. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 16, 2009 Share Posted October 16, 2009 Wow Jean, you are really firm on that thought, huh (referring to quadruple post! LOL) :lol::lol::lol: But :iagree:. Not only would I not let her come to my home or be around my child who is medically fragile, I would let my husband be the one to tell her. Oops! That happened just as the board went down tonight for maintenance. But I obviously felt very strongly about it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 16, 2009 Share Posted October 16, 2009 I'm in agreement with everyone else. Have your husband tell his mom that they can't come. I can't believe that your MIL is willing to put your child's health at risk (and realistically, everyone in your family could end up getting sick!) I'm sure she doesn't want anyone to catch anything, but she is too selfish to give up her visit in order to keep your family safe -- or perhaps she simply isn't aware how serious the risks are for your child. Whatever the case, she shouldn't be allowed to visit at this time. Don't feel badly about this -- your MIL is the one who should be feeling guilty about her poor judgment; you need to protect your family's health. Sorry you and your dh are stuck dealing with this. It should be a non-issue, but your MIL isn't using any common sense, so it seems that you will have to make the right decision for her. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted October 16, 2009 Share Posted October 16, 2009 I would say.....Ummmm, NO! Not even a discussion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lolly Posted October 16, 2009 Share Posted October 16, 2009 I would have dh tell her that the doctor has said no visitors because of the risk. If she still wants to come, I would have a hotel room ready for her and have dh free for visiting with her and auntie there. He would, of course, shower as soon as he gets home. Then, I would limit visits to summer in the future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fivetails Posted October 16, 2009 Share Posted October 16, 2009 We have the same problem -- our metabolic geneticist orders us to get the flu shot annually and isolate ourselves during cold/flu seasons. Church, trips to the library, playdates, and even shopping at the store are impossible. *How* in the world do you do that? Cold & Flu 'season' is pretty much the entire winter! :001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Jessica* Posted October 16, 2009 Share Posted October 16, 2009 I think its is ridiculous that she is willing to put her own grandchild at risk! Let your husband pass on the news that the visit must be canceled. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted October 16, 2009 Share Posted October 16, 2009 I think its is ridiculous that she is willing to put her own grandchild at risk! Let your husband pass on the news that the visit must be canceled. i'm thinking many folks simply don't "get it" about compromised immune systems. they dont' know what its like to be that sick for that long. they simply don't. and so they forget, or minimize or something. i have friends who watch me get sick and who genuinely feel sorry and sympathetic.... but still bring a sick child to where i'm going to be without linking the two. so she may not be being mean or obtuse intentionally, she may just not fully realize that a little something she's getting over could truly be a major, wipe-out-the-whole-autumn thing in your house - even though it is not new. so i'd hold a firm line (if you compromise, she may never "get it"), but i'd also be compassionate in it... she may just really want to see her grandchld and really wish the health situation were different. fwiw, ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbgrace Posted October 16, 2009 Author Share Posted October 16, 2009 (edited) Thank you everyone for the replies. I did tell her that she couldn't come but everyone else was welcome and we would put her in a hotel. No one came and I feel like the bad guy. It's actually very helpful to know that others would do the same. Texmex, it's nice to know we aren't the only ones who have to pull back in the winter (we're metabolics too). It's hard isn't it? And to have to start so early because of H1N1 has been difficult mentally for us this year. *How* in the world do you do that? Cold & Flu 'season' is pretty much the entire winter! :001_huh: We're in the same boat and it does completely stink. But I know that if my child got the flu he might never be the same so we don't have a choice. There are worse things in life! My kids do play outside in our yard and that sort of thing--we just can't do in public stuff during flu season. Edited October 16, 2009 by sbgrace Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alte Veste Academy Posted October 16, 2009 Share Posted October 16, 2009 Thank you everyone for the replies. I did tell her that she couldn't come but everyone else was welcome and we would put her in a hotel. No one came and I feel like the bad guy. It's actually very helpful to know that others would do the same. But I know that if my child got the flu he might never be the same so we don't have a choice. There are worse things in life! My kids do play outside in our yard and that sort of thing--we just can't do in public stuff during flu season. Do not let yourself feel like the bad guy. Saying your child might never be the same is not an overstatement in your case. It may even be an understatement. I think we've got h1n1 right now and although ds6 seems to have a mild case (never had a fever, mild, dry cough), dd5 and ds3 have a pretty high fever and a horrendous cough. A horrendous cough! I can't even imagine this cough in a child with previously existing conditions! I'm hyper-evaluating them minute by minute and I have no underlying issues to worry about. You did the right thing. She mentions that she has something but she's getting better and it's not the flu. Symptoms (all week) are nasal and now coughing as well. No fever. Would you have her come and assume it isn't the flu? Oh, and looking over it again, this blew my mind. And now?! Getting better "and now" don't go together. It sounds like she was trying to minimize it, which is uncool. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 16, 2009 Share Posted October 16, 2009 It's better to be the "bad guy" and have a healthy family! Your MIL will get over it. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted October 16, 2009 Share Posted October 16, 2009 One girl in my co-op class (Government) announced she isn't getting a flu vaccine. So I re-iterated the co-ops policy that no one with flu is supposed to come to my class and that while they get sick, I get hospitalized. Some people don't get it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom to 3 boys & 1 girl Posted October 16, 2009 Share Posted October 16, 2009 You did the right thing! I'm sorry you feel like the bad guy, but you were right to put your child's health first. Your MIL never should have put you in that position. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted October 16, 2009 Share Posted October 16, 2009 One girl in my co-op class (Government) announced she isn't getting a flu vaccine. So I re-iterated the co-ops policy that no one with flu is supposed to come to my class and that while they get sick, I get hospitalized. Some people don't get it. I may be missing something but............. Why does not getting a (or "the") flu shot automatically mean that the person will be irresponsible with exposure? I've got 2 immunocompromised people in my home and a student who is, so I am not ignorant of the issue and risk. I just don't understand not getting the flu shot = not getting it. And they flu shot does not automatically protect against flu, all flu. Often, it can mitigate the symptoms of the flu if you get it but it's just as communicable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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