What do you all think about serious-minded homeschool teens?

[5KidzRUs]

I had a curious conversation today about serious-mined homeschool teens.

I was arranging a field trip for high school teens and the person I was talking to was very happy to authorize the field trip. I told him the (group of) students were VERY well-behaved, respectful and serious-minded. He responded that he has noticed that about homeschoolers and he was ok with letting our group of 14 to 17 year olds do this tour that is technically for 18 and over adults only.

I started to think on my 17 yo ds. He is articulate, 3.8 college GPA, serious, studious and prefers talking to (educated, serious) adults rather than teens. He is in his 2nd year of college and already is plotting his college route to being an MD ... He can be funny sometimes - but not as a general rule.

So, please tell me these serious, adult-like homeschool kids don't grow up to be too much of type A, socially tuned-out adults, do they? Shouldn't they be a bit goofy and irresponsible too sometimes? ... and if they are not, is that psycologically OK too? I feel like for them to be so mature at such a young age is like walking without crawling first.

[sadiegirl]

I think that you should be proud of your son but I also know that I have thought the same thing about my 2 boys. They are just 12 1/2 and 14 but they are very well behaved in social settings and enjoy being around adults and always make me proud in a public environment. That being said, I find that sometimes they don't cut up and act like kids in some situations...I am not asking them to misbehave but just be kids...I find that other kids sometimes aren't as friendly to them and I think it is because they won't act up in a class etc. Does that make sense? They always get complimented by teachers, and adults that they are a joy to have in their class, etc. I worry that it makes other kids look at them differently.

[Harriet Vane]

Relax. Calm down.

 

I think there are all flavors of homeschoolers, just as there are all kinds of personalities in other educational settings. Saying they are all going to be too Type A is assuming a lot. Some will be, some won't be--how they turn out will be driven by many factors.

 

The kid you described for this tour sounds a lot like most of my graduating class at a small, academically rigorous private school. At that school there was plenty of goofiness and craziness too.

 

I would consider it a mark of real maturity (in a good way) for a teen to be focused on the future, working toward it, and especially also knowing when it's appropriate to be goofy and when not.

[Rose in BC]

Relax. Calm down.

 

I think there are all flavors of homeschoolers, just as there are all kinds of personalities in other educational settings. Saying they are all going to be too Type A is assuming a lot. Some will be, some won't be--how they turn out will be driven by many factors.

 

 

 

:iagree:

 

My 13 dd is like this. It's caused me to ponder at times because she's serious about many things in life that not too many other 13 yrs would care about. I've got the flip side too . . . a carefree, live in the moment boy . . . sometimes I don't know which is worse! :001_smile:

[kmacnchs]

I had a curious conversation today about serious-mined homeschool teens.

I was arranging a field trip for high school teens and the person I was talking to was very happy to authorize the field trip. I told him the (group of) students were VERY well-behaved, respectful and serious-minded. He responded that he has noticed that about homeschoolers and he was ok with letting our group of 14 to 17 year olds do this tour that is technically for 18 and over adults only.

I started to think on my 17 yo ds. He is articulate, 3.8 college GPA, serious, studious and prefers talking to (educated, serious) adults rather than teens. He is in his 2nd year of college and already is plotting his college route to being an MD ... He can be funny sometimes - but not as a general rule.

So, please tell me these serious, adult-like homeschool kids don't grow up to be too much of type A, socially tuned-out adults, do they? Shouldn't they be a bit goofy and irresponsible too sometimes? ... and if they are not, is that psycologically OK too? I feel like for them to be so mature at such a young age is like walking without crawling first.

 

my dd1 walked before she crawled:D and she's okay

just thought I'd throw it out there

ya gotta be pretty serious (like getting down to business type) to have a goal of md

[angela in ohio]

I don't know many silly homeschooled teens who matured into serious adults (you know, the kind who get jobs and pay their bills and raise dc well,) though I have known plenty who just continued to sow those wild oats their parents insisted they needed.

 

My dc are all pretty serious. We like "smart fun," as we call it: word play, joking about historical figures, etc. Dh and I have always said that we are raising future functional adults, not children for life, so we tend to leave silliness behind at a pretty young age. We talk openly with them about the privileges that come from acting maturely (like the tour your ds got to go on, they have been able to do things other children cannot.)

 

Oh, and every one of my dc learned to walk before crawling. :D

[HiddenJewel]

I think it is perfectly okay for teens to have the same seriousness about life as an adult. But just like adults, it is healthy for them to be able to have fun too. But that doesn't mean that they have to be goofy. I prefer my dc not to be that way. There is good fun and then there is nonsense.

 

Just because they are serious does not mean they will lose their personality.

[DarlaS]

Shouldn't they be a bit goofy and irresponsible too sometimes? ... and if they are not, is that psycologically OK too? I feel like for them to be so mature at such a young age is like walking without crawling first.

 

The way you describe your son is how young men and women used to act before this recent trend of prolonged adolescence. Back then they were called "young adults" for a reason, and were expected to behave as such.

 

What you see now (general goofiness and irresponsibility) is the result of low expectations. That self-fulfilling prophecy thing--expect them to be irreverent and they will be.

 

Kudos to you (and your son!) for not letting today's social climate affect your standards.

[Murphy101]

as someone who has 2 kids that literally did walk without crawling first - I have no problem with the fact that some kids are more serious than others.:D

[HSHS]

My DD spent the summer before 9th grade researching colleges, has just bought an SAT prep book out of her own money and has been talking with admissions people already. She's academically-serious and also quite serious ordinarily but she's still the best person to cheer someone up. :)

 

I think it's a good thing. More opportunities are available for someone who has the capability to understand the reason behind something & stick at something they're serious about.

[anissarobert]

The way you describe your son is how young men and women used to act before this recent trend of prolonged adolescence. Back then they were called "young adults" for a reason, and were expected to behave as such.

 

What you see now (general goofiness and irresponsibility) is the result of low expectations. That self-fulfilling prophecy thing--expect them to be irreverent and they will be.

 

Kudos to you (and your son!) for not letting today's social climate affect your standards.

 

:iagree: I was going to write about low expectations but Darla said it so well, that I think I will just agree. What we call "teenagers" is really just a cultural invention. They don't need to act like that.

[Impish]

I agree about teens being a cultural invention.

 

I also think that alot of 'teen behaviour' is due to the expectation of it...rebellion, s*xual experimentation, etc. Its modeled in every media possible for them, and us so that its an unspoken expectation. No, I'm not saying ALL, but I do think that we, as a society, have been somewhat brainwashed when it comes to teens. Heck, it wasn't that long ago that marriage out of high school was the norm, and even younger! Now I know of families that won't even DREAM of allowing their teen to work part time because 'school is their job'. Exactly *when* are those kids supposed to learn to hold down a job? Budget?

 

I hope like heaven that when my kids are your son's age, they exhibit the same sort of maturity and determination.

 

Sounds like you're doing an excellent job to me!

[Laurie4b]

<<So, please tell me these serious, adult-like homeschool kids don't grow up to be too much of type A, socially tuned-out adults, do they? Shouldn't they be a bit goofy and irresponsible too sometimes? ... and if they are not, is that psycologically OK too? >>

 

I think some do and some don't.

Around here, teens use the term homeschooled as a pejorative adjective, as in "That is so homeschooled!" or "He is so homeschooled!" The homeschooled kids use it among themselves in a joking way. And there is some truth in it. There is a positive difference among some homeschooled kids like you are describing. There are also others who do not fit in socially. It appears that they have only been exposed to one set of values, ways of interacting socially, etc. I think it's hard to tell what they will be like when they're grown up. Will the kids who are socially inept eventually "get it" and fit in better after maybe college (if they're allowed to go) when they meet a wider variety of people? Maybe. Personally, I think a lot depends on how socially attuned their parents are. Kids with parents who are kinda "off" socially tend to be "off" themselves. Maybe it's genetic, maybe it's environment, or both. And those serious ones--are they just wired that way? Perhaps and that's fine. A lot of people who accomplished much in life were unusually motivated as young people--whatever their circumstances. (Think Frederick Douglass or Ben Franklin) . I don't think anyone needs to be "sowing wild oats" but that is different than fun for the sake of fun, which I think is a part of childhood, teen years, and adult life. I don't think we all need to be serious all the time. That isn't to detract from the more serious personalities, but I also don't think teen silliness is something to be looked down on, either. I think some homeschoolers can look down on normal, perfectably acceptable behavior.

 

Lots of rambling here.

[lionfamily1999]

I used to worry about this. My parents worried about me a lot as a teen (I was in ps, but much the same as your ds). As an adult it's actually lent me credibility among my peers. They remember me as being steady, calm and collected as a teen and now, as adults, they trust me all the more. That being said, this sort of behavior in an adult would be expected. It's not as thought your ds will be 20 and only appreciate the conversation of 40 yos and so on, until he's 80 and has no one to talk too ;) Eventually this will balance out and his peers will become well educated adults he can talk too :)

[LibraryLover]

None of my kids are goofy. They are not the type to run around wild or act up and never have been. They have wry senses of humor, but they are not silly. Two them are hs'd and two are not. They are all very introspective; two are more talkative, and two are more artsy, musical, and quiet. Our family culture is one of thought, so we kind of take after each other.

I had a 17 yr old and a 10 year trying to read every single plaque at the Natural History Museum the other day and the youngest asked me to take a picture of her with "Lucy" at the Origins exhibit. Is that a 10 yr old thing to do? For some, yes, for some, no. lol

Edited October 6, 2009 by LibraryLover

[Kathleen in VA]

:iagree: I was going to write about low expectations but Darla said it so well, that I think I will just agree. What we call "teenagers" is really just a cultural invention. They don't need to act like that.

 

This reminded me of a book by Dr. Robert Epstein called The Case Against Adolescence (subtitled Rediscovering the Adult in Every Teen). It's all about how locking teenagers in school all day robs them of growing up (my very loose interpretation). HSLDA is hosting a webinar tonight at 9pm with him.

[Rosie_0801]

From experience, it does no good to tell a serious type of person not to be. They simply can't help it! I got quite a bit of flack for that growing up and still get it from some of my relatives. Telling me off for being responsible is quite silly, because that is a good thing to be. All it does is reduce my confidence and makes me avoid those relatives. Nobody wants to hear that they are not ok, and they particularly don't want to hear that they are not ok because they are being good! I can tell you that it is tiresome to hear so much praise given to other family members for improving their lives, and to be criticised or ignored for having been sensible the whole time.

 

Rosie

[angela in ohio]

None of my kids are goofy. They are not the type to run around wild or act up and never have been. They have wry senses of humor, but they are not silly. Two them are hs'd and two are not. They are all very introspective; two are more talkative, and two are more artsy, musical, and quiet. Our family culture is one of thought, so we kind of take after each other.

I had a 17 yr old and a 10 year trying to read every single plaque at the Natural History Museum the other day and the youngest asked me to take a picture of her with "Lucy" at the Origins exhibit. Is that a 10 yr old thing to do? For some, yes, for some, no. lol

 

Do you have anything in a 12-15 yo boy or a 4-6 yo girl? (We are trying to figure out who out dc will marry with the personalities we've instilled in them. You guys sound like a fit.) ;) :D

[angela in ohio]

There is a great CD by Dr. S.M. Davis called, "What to expect of a 12 year old." It is about how the standards for teens have changed. I think a lot of you would enjoy it. I pop it in eery few months to reassure myself. He goes through characteristics of Jesus at 12, and then he gives examples from history of 12-18 yo doing amazing things (running countries, being ambassadors, winning battles, etc.)

[LibraryLover]

Do you have anything in a 12-15 yo boy or a 4-6 yo girl? (We are trying to figure out who out dc will marry with the personalities we've instilled in them. You guys sound like a fit.) ;) :D

 

 

LOL I have only one 15 yr old boy who fits such criteria. lol maybe they will meet and we can all be happy. :D

[katilac]

Hmmm, I wouldn't say at all that knowing how to work hard and behave in public automatically translates into Type A, much less socially tuned out or constantly serious. And I know more than enough goofy homeschool slackers ;).

 

I do think that's it's all about expectations, which are often dismally low. In his books, Rafe Esquith, a pulic school teacher in California, writes a lot about how often people are surprised when his 5th graders are well-behaved on school trips, and don't need constant supervision, entertainment or electronics.

[LNC]

My two youngest children (homeschooled and non-special needs) are very bright, well behaved, quiet, industrious and thoughtful.

 

What I am most thankful about them is that they are also extremely loving to their special needs brothers. And patient to their brother with MR and autism who is very loud, disruptive, impulsive, embarrassing, and poorly thought of by adults we interact with. It is his 12th birthday, and I think it speaks so well of their character that they love him wholeheartedly!

Edited October 7, 2009 by LNC