Ultimately, what do YOU want your children to learn?

[Sue G in PA]

I got to thinking tonight as I sit here unable to sleep. My heart is heavy with grief for a family that I don't even know irl and I am trying to divert my thoughts to something more productive. Enter the Title question. What do I want my children to learn? Do I want them to learn a bunch of facts about History and Science? Do I want them to get as far as they can in math...just b/c I did (b/c it pleased my father :glare:)? Do I want them to impress people, teachers, relatives with their knowledge of "stuff"? How about being able to speak 3 different languages...just b/c? What is it that I really want them to learn? I'm not knocking any of the aformentioned things...not at all. Please don't misunderstand. It's all good. But, ultimately, what is it that YOU want your children to have learned by the time they enter adulthood? Some of my thoughts: I want my children to learn how to learn. That is, I want them to be able to find information on whatever topic that sparks their interest. That means, they must be able to read...well. I want them to learn life skills, necessary for running a household (whether they be boys or girls) successfully (i never learned that until I was forced to). I want my children to LOVE learning new things. I don't want them to feel like learning is a chore. Something they HAVE to do b/c they are children. I want them to be able to express their thoughts in writing b/c I think it is an important life skill...not just for those who are college-bound. I want them to grow up to be adults with good character...honesty, compassion, love, grace, kindness, mercy, loyalty, discipline, responsibility, etc. I want them to have good "boundaries" b/c I am learning now how so many of our problems can be boiled down to a lack of clear boundaries. Anyway, what do you want your dc to learn? It is a question that we should all ask ourselves.

[JennifersLost]

This question has been hitting me hard lately, too.

 

This year I have officially "lost control" of homeschooling - but in a good way, I think.

 

My oldest ds is not going to graduate with the transcript I wanted him to have. Instead, he is going to graduate with a pretty good dose of all the subjects, and a burning desire to pursue one in particular.

 

After all the years of stress trying to outdo my own spectacular education (which honestly got me nowhere) and trying to produce a top-notch ivy league candidate to follow in my footsteps (to nowhere?), I finally realized I was killing any love of learning this child might have left. We are finishing up some things I want to finish up this year. And then I'm giving up.

 

Oddly enough, I feel peaceful about this decision. Partly, because I'm questioning the the whole University thing. Especially the idea of exclusive universities. I have come to realize that a lot of "average" and "nonacademic" people have a lot of good ideas. The concept of cloistering (mostly) same-aged students in white tower establishments for four years, during which an inordinate amount of energy is focused toward partying, etc., and charging astronomical sums for a degree that somehow confers higher status....

 

I just don't buy it anymore. Not. At. All.

 

I can't get past the feeling that if people really wanted to, they could offer higher education that got the job done at very low prices. And they could do away with a lot of the college-prep rigamarole.

 

And people could specialize, find mentors and follow their true calling.

 

I don't have this all together, and I'm still searching for the bigger meaning behind education, but I might be "getting it" after all this time.

[Danestress]

Character obviously is fundamental. I want them to know how to get and process information and to learn to figure out what information it is they need. I want them to learn what makes them happy, what gives them pleasure, and how to build a life partly around those things. I want them to know better than to marry someone petty. small minded, and controlling. I also have desires for building faith that I won't go into lest we end up in a big debate:)

 

But yeah, I do want them to also learn more academic things. I do want them to be able to finish advanced math courses in high school because it does open doors in college, and they are smart and there is no reason that they can't. The only reason my children would not be able to complete a "prep school" type math program is because we got lazy or because something dramatic happened (health problems, an accident) that changed their cognitive abilities.

 

The only reason my children would graduate from high school without good writing skills would be if I failed to make that an important part of school. They have all the necessary abilities to become decent writers.

 

So while character and a love of learning, music, beauty, language would trump any given body of facts, I do think my children are perfectly capable of mastering your basic HS history and science, taking difficult math classes, writing clearly and articulately, learning to play an instrument AND having good characters and a love of learning. If I had a child who struggled in a given area, I would tailor my expectations. Likewise, if I had a true math prodigy, I might say, "Okay, get the basics of writing and let it go. You are obviously headed in the math direction." But I just have your basic, capable, bright students who are most probably college bound but are not so incredibly talented in one thing that you can see building a future around that starting at 11. I feel like they need a well rounded, thorough education, and I can't think of any reason to want less for them than that.

 

I guess I want a lot!

[eternalknot]

My goal for my children is multi-fold.

 

I want them to learn the art of conversation - that is, being able to effectively and comfortably communicate with others in a variety of situations, both orally and written. For this, they will need exposure to many things (not necessarily memorization of historic names and dates, but general ideas of the whens, wheres, and hows of history and today). They will need to know the dynamics of language, the recognition of who is their audience, and how to communicate a point.

 

I want them to learn the beauty of themselves - that is, to be confident and happy with who they are and the things they like. This blossoms in part from confidence, which I hope can be gained from familiarity with their abilities and skills. I believe it also comes from a childhood of being allowed to follow their own rabbit trails of interest, and being encouraged to follow those.

 

I want for them to learn balance - that is, to determine how best to walk the fence between necessary expectations and unnecessary desires. They should be able to take an academic challenge or assignment (even one they do not like) and be able to complete it as outlined whilst not losing sight of their own voice. I don't want them to become work-focused, nor fun-focused; I want them to know how to find the work and fun in every task. Or to at least realize that there are some times we do work, and other times we do fun - it's not always 50-50 in every task, but in life in general we can find balance between things we must do and things we want to do.

 

Most of all I want for them to learn how to find the answers to the things they don't know, but want to. It's important to me that they know which questions to ask, whom or what to direct those questions to, and how to interpret the information they get. Because of this, our homeschool is somewhat less structured than those of some WTM'ers I read about here. Actually, so is our life in general LOL.

[dragons in the flower bed]

I want everything Danestress wants and cheesecake.

 

Seriously. She articulated it. I can't think of any reason my kids shouldn't have a college prep transcript, unless I can no longer homeschool them. I do want them to have experiences with geometry, lab science, great books, and American history. I want that because it makes life more interesting when you can see what's in the bones of it.

 

There's one more thing I want for my children, though, and I want it more than I want them to have that academic experience. I want them to have freedom to explore, try things, wander in the wrong direction pursuing their interests and have to find their way back to their starting point and say, "huh, what was it about this that interested me?", then go back and start from there into a new direction. I hate to think of them doing that in college, when pursuing their interests costs.

 

If it comes to the point where we can't do both, I know which one we'll choose.

[Sue G in PA]

I want all those academic things for my kids, too. B/c I just don't know what God's plan is for them and I want them to be prepared....and they are all very bright and can handle it. I guess I was just wondering if I was focusing too much on academics lately...pushing too hard...instead of focusing on rekindling a real LOVE for learning that will stick with them all their life. KWIM? I guess one could do both...I just haven't figured it out yet. Great answers y'all! And I want the cheesecake, too...and chocolate. :D

[Impish]

When I think about what I want for my children, what readily comes to mind is what I DON'T want.

 

I don't want them to be like me. Worker's Comp forced me to go through a battery of psych testing, including IQ. All it did was prove my pain WASN'T in my head :glare: and that I'm in the top 4th percentile of ppl my age. Not that being bright has done anything for me. I was a lowly nursing attendant, FINALLY going to go back to school (online, part time) get my Licensed Practical Nurse cert, and from there my RN with an eye to either being a Nurse Practitioner or a midwife. Of course, one assault by a resident has left me with a lifetime of chronic pain disability, so that's shot all to h*ll. At this point, I couldn't handle ONE course at a college/University level due to the pain and unpredictible nature of it, sitting through a single class would be a nightmare if the pain were bad, and completing coursework? Yeah. Not.

 

So I don't want them to be like me. I want them to use the brains God gave them (all my kids have shown clear signs of being very bright) and DO something. Find something they love and pursue it.

 

I don't want them to struggle financially as I always have.

 

I don't want them to be a single parent.

 

I don't want them having a family before they've had a 'life'. I want them to have pursued everything they want to as young, single people that tends to be put aside when raising a family. Higher education, travel...whatever. And if they don't want any of those things, that's fine! But if they do, I want them to have the chance to do it.

 

I don't want them to be in their 30s, 40s and beyond with 'I wish I had...'

 

I want them to be young and foolish, to make mistakes, but not life altering ones...no scars on their minds, hearts, souls.

 

I want them to grow with faith. I want them to be steeped in it, to KNOW without question that God loves them, and is always there for them...especially when the day comes that I'm not any longer. I don't want them to struggle to find their way to God the way I've had to.

 

I want them to know, with every fibre of their being, that their Mommy loves them, forever and for always.

 

I want them to know that their Daddy loves them, is proud of them, would give everything he has, is, and will ever be for their safety and happiness.

 

I want them to be strong,confident, healthy, secure people. To trust others. To make friends easily, to know good from bad, truth from lies.

 

Yes, I want my children to be and to have everything I'm not and don't.

 

I want them to grow up to be anybody but me.

[kalanamak]

Happy, and healthy, and resilient. Well-rounded and adaptable. A "survivor". If I'm allowed an icing on the cake, it would be that we would not drift apart in our nature so far, we have nothing to say to each other.

 

(I remember being 7, just moved into the new house, sitting on my GM's oriental rug, playing marbles, listening to the radio, and a Bach fugue came on. I remember thinking it was the best thing I ever heard, that I would ever hear.

 

And this summer kiddo, newly 7, on my GM's oriental rug, doing Zoob building, and I put on a Brandenburg concerto. He looked up at me and said in a voice I'd not heard from him: This is the most beautiful thing in the world.)

[Rosie_0801]

In addition to most of the stuff already mentioned, I want my kids to have a good idea on the various world views, religions in particular, that are so fundamental in the way people view the world. I want them to be a bit more enlightened on how to conduct relationships with the opposite sex. Those silly little differences really do matter. Son, for goodness sakes, tell her she's interesting, as well as hot! Daughter, for goodness sakes, at least try to laugh at his jokes :)

 

Overall, I suppose I want them to have confidence and courage, oh and to eat properly :D

 

Rosie

[keptwoman]

Most of all I want my children to follow the path they desire, without reference to what they "should" be doing or what others think. Who care's about the Jones and keeping up with them, that seldom leads to happiness and fulfillment! I'd like them follow their path while lifting others with them, instead of treading on others to get where they want to go.

 

I want them to know and understand their strengths, not only their IQ or their academic bent, but their creativity, empathy etc and use them to be fulfilled and happy. That may mean university, it may mean something different.

 

That means I need to work hard to help them learn their strengths and nurture them. I need to give them a well rounded education early and the ability to specialise as they get older.

 

But all this needs to be with an eye on the fact that they will need to earn a living and be supporting of themselves and their families, life is a balance and what pays and what fulfils is not always one and the same.

 

I couldn't put this better myself:

My goal for my children is multi-fold.

 

I want them to learn the art of conversation - that is, being able to effectively and comfortably communicate with others in a variety of situations, both orally and written. For this, they will need exposure to many things (not necessarily memorization of historic names and dates, but general ideas of the whens, wheres, and hows of history and today). They will need to know the dynamics of language, the recognition of who is their audience, and how to communicate a point.

 

I oh and to eat properly :D

 

Rosie

Definitely know how to eat properly, and to care for their bodies and the planet they have the priviledge to live on.

[elegantlion]

 

There's one more thing I want for my children, though, and I want it more than I want them to have that academic experience. I want them to have freedom to explore, try things, wander in the wrong direction pursuing their interests and have to find their way back to their starting point and say, "huh, what was it about this that interested me?", then go back and start from there into a new direction. I hate to think of them doing that in college, when pursuing their interests costs.

 

 

Part of this and to remember "Not all who wander are lost."

 

Most of all I want my children to follow the path they desire, without reference to what they "should" be doing or what others think. Who care's about the Jones and keeping up with them, that seldom leads to happiness and fulfillment! I'd like them follow their path while lifting others with them, instead of treading on others to get where they want to go.

 

I want them to know and understand their strengths, not only their IQ or their academic bent, but their creativity, empathy etc and use them to be fulfilled and happy. That may mean university, it may mean something different.

 

That means I need to work hard to help them learn their strengths and nurture them. I need to give them a well rounded education early and the ability to specialise as they get older.

 

But all this needs to be with an eye on the fact that they will need to earn a living and be supporting of themselves and their families, life is a balance and what pays and what fulfils is not always one and the same.

 

A lot of this. I've spend the better part of my life living the way I "thought" you should. Only in the last few years have I realized that I don't define success like I used to.

 

I want him to know that we believe God has a special plan for his life. I want him to know that people are fallible, but still worthy to be loved.

 

I also want him to learn that learning itself is a life long activity.

 

I would also like him to learn to hang up his clean clothes instead of piling them on the chair in the closet. :D

[Blessedfamily]

I have been pondering my answer to this question extensively in recent days, so I can't answer completely. I just wanted to say that THIS is the reason I homeschool and love it! I, I, I get to shape the course (working with my children's innate interests, philosophies, talents and abilities). What a freedom (and responsibility).:001_smile:

 

Thanks for asking, Sue.

[Night Elf]

Because DH and I just talked about this last night, I have a ready answer! This week, I learned my teaching style is very different than my children's learning styles. We think this is a major reason that we've been inconsistent with academics throughout our 8 years of homeschooling. Our frustrations, mine and the kids, have made homeschooling difficult.

 

I have to teach them their way because teaching them my way hasn't worked long term. We've waffled over the years using different methodologies, each with a slightly different way of teaching. We haven't stuck with one way because one of us becomes frustrated with the material for different reasons.

 

Ultimately, we want the kids to have firm foundational skills. Specifically, we want the kids to be comfortable with reading, grammar, researching ideas, summarizing, thinking clearly and logically, writing without fear, and being able to communicate and substantiate ideas both verbally and written.

 

Of course we want them gaining knowledge through their education, but that takes a backseat to the foundational skills. We've seen first hand how useless it is to have a bunch of facts cluttering their mind and them not being able to use that information effectively. Oh, they are great at multiple choice and filling in blanks, but we want them able to think about the material not just parrot it back.

[lgm]

I want my children to learn:

what it means to be human

resourcefulness

how to communicate and appreciate in various mediums

how to express their compassion in a way that doesn't come back to hurt them

how to recognize and deal with the mentally ill, the abusive, those who love only money, and the con artists

the basis of the differing worldviews

how to get along respectfully

their roots

to live life

[Peela]

I want my kids to follow their own paths, to thrive and follow their own passions, and not live a life anyone else thinks they should. I want them to have the courage to do what they want, whether its career oriented or not, and the intelligence and education to enable them to do what they want.

 

I see them as being of benefit to others only if they are following their heart and passions and doing what they really want to do.

 

I see my job as enabling them to fly when they are ready, by giving them a strong foundation- in academics, in social competence, in knowledge of the world, in how to take care of themselves (health, housekeeping,cooking, finances), in their own worth and value. I am feeling more and more like a guide and advisor as they get older and the parenting role is really changing. I fel much less like "making" them do things they dont want to do, and more like I need to honour their own feelings (and I am wondering if I should have been doing that more earlier, too). But its tricky...stepping back, stepping forward...one minute they are wise and mature and the next they are childish and needing a boundary. Teens!

[Stacie]

I want everything Danestress wants and cheesecake.

 

...

 

If it comes to the point where we can't do both, I know which one we'll choose.

 

 

Lemme guess...cheesecake? ;)

 

I'm enjoying this thread. Lots to ponder!

[Sue G in PA]

I want them to grow up to be anybody but me.

 

Imp, I think you are a pretty awesome, inspiring, compassionate, intelligent, hard-working, funny, determined, strong, passionate, and an all around great person...a person any of your children would be lucky to be like. They are lucky to have you as a role-model. I am with you, however, that I do not want my children growing up with the scars I have, the financial struggle, low self-esteem, pressures, etc. Your statement just made me sad...b/c I think you are a terrific person. :) Praying that God reveals to you exactly how special you are. :)

[AmeliaJade]

I want them to learn how to make smart choices and to never just be happy with the status quo. To do that means they must know how to think for themselves. If they hear something they don't take it at face value. They research from every resource they can get their hands on and form their own conclusions. Never just accept something because "it was on the news" or because "Oprah said it so it must be true." I want them to be free thinkers.

 

I also want them to have good character and integrity. There is a lot of crap in the world but it is important to focus on the good. As soon as you start to let the negative take over then you are just adding to that negative.

 

Mostly I just want them to love to learn and know that they can seriously do anything. It seems in recent years there is a cynical movement that wants to take the dreaming and wonder away from kids. It is now wrong to tell your child they can do anything because you're setting them up for disappointment. I don't believe that. I believe they really can do anything they really want to do. It just takes drive and determination.

 

I grew up in a house where all my ideas were laughed at and shot down. I wasn't being "practical" or "realistic". I won't do that to my kids. Right now my oldest wants to be a scientist, guitarist and someone who tests new video games. I take each one seriously and guide him as best as I can. If he should change his mind then we'll switch gears. But for now that is what he is striving for.

 

I don't want him ever to be taught that his dreams aren't "practical".

[Rosie_0801]

The other thing I forgot, is I want them to care. Not in a doormat kind of way, but to have what I call my "inner guide leader." To notice if someone isn't doing well and do something about it. My mother used to make Christmas stockings full of lollies to leave on doorsteps on Christmas mornings. She was a brownie leader and knew that some families would have a very scanty spread. We used to put a lot of time into tweaking the environment in our group to promote character development. If these skills are not rare, then I don't often see people using them outside their own nuclear family and when they can, they should.

 

Rosie

[IsabelC]

Some of my thoughts: I want my children to learn how to learn. That is, I want them to be able to find information on whatever topic that sparks their interest. That means, they must be able to read...well. I want them to learn life skills, necessary for running a household (whether they be boys or girls) successfully (i never learned that until I was forced to). I want my children to LOVE learning new things. I don't want them to feel like learning is a chore. Something they HAVE to do b/c they are children. I want them to be able to express their thoughts in writing b/c I think it is an important life skill...not just for those who are college-bound. I want them to grow up to be adults with good character...honesty, compassion, love, grace, kindness, mercy, loyalty, discipline, responsibility, etc. I want them to have good "boundaries" b/c I am learning now how so many of our problems can be boiled down to a lack of clear boundaries. Anyway, what do you want your dc to learn? It is a question that we should all ask ourselves.

I really like your list. I would add

Respect for themselves, others (especially elders of the community) and the environment.

The courage to be different and to stand up for themselves and others if oppressed.

Understanding that some things are worth doing even if they are not easy and not fun. I guess you kinda covered that under discipline and responsibility. But sometimes I think parents and teachers try a little too hard to make everything fun. If it's not fun, they shouldn't be learning it, etc. Whereas in later life there will always be something that isn't fun but is right to do, ikwim.

And finally, I would like them to understand how consumer culture works and respond thoughtfully. I don't mean they should live on home grown mung beans in a cabin in the woods (although I don't mind if that's what they want to do!), but btst I don't want them to end up being the sort of person who gets evicted because they spent their rent money on the latest bit of junk they saw on television.

 

Btw, isn't it interesting that so many 'lessons' people are listing are non academic ones?

[Donna T.]

People are more important than things

Truth is more important than your personal comfort or the personal comfort of others

The Devil is the father of all lies

Character is more than self-image and what others see in you (or not) matters

One reaps what one sows

You can do anything, but there will be limits placed on you by others & by circumstances... there will be times when you will just have to get over it.

Learn to receive true & caring counsel from those who are wiser but don't be afraid to turn a deaf ear to the nay sayers; never, ever, ever forsake wise counsel, just be sure the counselor really is wise

How to accept disappointments

How to receive correction

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your path.

Read your Bible everyday

Pray without ceasing

In everything give thanks

Surround yourself with people who know and wholeheartedly love & seek the Lord

Algebra 1, 2, Geometry & Calculus

HS level Chemistry, Physics

How to write & speak persuasively & eloquently on a wide variety of topics

How to read Koine Greek

Classical Astronomy

How to read a difficult book (The Great Books) and enjoy it

How to manage personal finances, Basic Economics

How to take care of oneself and not expect others to do it for you, not even a wife

How to be content in marriage & live a family focused life

How to keep a home, a job, & a garden (my husband wanted me to add those!)

 

 

Lots of other things.

Edited September 5, 2009 by Donna T.

[Rosie_0801]

Funny. I won't be teaching my kids that they can do anything. I think that was one of the biggest lies I was ever told. My parents meant well, of course but it's given me a hang up that I should be capable of doing anything, which I'm obviously not. I think instead I'll teach mine that they can *try* to do anything. Achieving is not always possible, but one can always try.

 

Anyway, that's what I rekon, for what that's worth :D

 

Rosie

[Ester Maria]

I want to teach my children:

 

- Joy in life, especially when it comes to enjoying little things and good company;

- The importance of joy and happiness in one's life, as well as the importance of balance and inner peace;

- Responsibility for themselves (health-wise, finance-wise, morals-wise, etc);

- Responsibility towards other people relying on them (future spouses, children, business partners, etc.), but not responsibility FOR other people (except for their children when they're young and directly depend on them) and feeling guilt for other people's choices;

- NOT trying to idealistically "change the world" or change other people, rather to work as being the change they would like to see;

- To look people straight in the eyes, not to flatter, not to give false praise nor criticism regarding things they themselves have issues with;

 

- How to operate ideas without blindly accepting them, how to dissect the ideas to analyze them; how to present, coherently and with logical order, their own ones, and how to debate;

- The worlds they stem from and their world stems from (classical antiquity and Judeo-Christian civilization), in the forms of languages, cultural understanding and diachronic communication with the texts produced (in Latin, Greek and Hebrew); only knowing where they stem from will they be able to know where they are and where they heed to;

- Knowledge can't be degraded to a mere sum of information, it's also a set of cognitive strategies and cultural contexts without which those information can't be organized in an explanatory system which makes sense; the modern degradation of knowledge to "random information", and praise of quiz-style and standard tests-style "knowledge" is illusory, it's not what we aim for;

- To know not only what to say, but also when to say it and whether to say it at all - it's not all about knowledge, something is about smart judgment too;

- To know that circumstances are not always friendly, sometimes you will have to swallow it;

- Not to sweat the small stuff, especially if they can't influence them - "pick your battles";

 

- To be calm, and approach everyone and everything in life with calm, save the anger and similar feelings for the situations that truly deserve them (that's just a permutation of "don't sweat the small stuff");

- To love, and to appreciate - people, the world, art, everything. Not to fear, not to shun, not to despise, to try to understand and learn from.

[Heidi @ Mt Hope]

This is the list of educational goals I posted on my blog a couple months ago:

 

Educational Goals for My Children, or How to Be a Human Being, Capable of Living a Rich Life:

 

Trust God.

Be curious. About everything.

Read. Read. Read.

Help the underdog.

Entertain thoughts.

Set goals.

Observe nature.

Have compassion.

Discuss ideas.

Do hard things.

Create: Build. Paint. Plant. Draw. Sing. Bake. Play an instrument.

Care for your body.

Follow through.

Appreciate beauty.

Ask questions.

Take responsibility.

Eat good food.

Play hard.

Plant a garden.

Try new things.

Share with others.

Manage your personal finances. Well.

Solve problems.

Plan for the future.

Keep house. Well.

Prepare for emergencies.

Nurture relationships.

Travel.

Give of yourself.

Value truth.

Keep your word.

Smell the flowers.

Pick up after yourself.

Use time wisely.

Encourage others.

Laugh. A lot.

Brave storms.

Cultivate a spirit of gratitude.

Find passion for life.

[swimmermom3]

What a lovely and inspiring thread to read at the end of a tough day. I'm in the middle of rethinking this whole subject. Thank you for lending some clarity.

[mlgbug]

self confidant and strenght. i dont want my dd to make the same mistakes i made, and i dont was ds to be one of those guys that ruined me