If you just felt drained and overwhelmed all the time,

[BamaTanya]

what would you do?

 

I'm on thyroid meds, so my numbers are in the normal range.

 

I've been to counseling a few times. Probably should go back.

 

Used to go exercise every day, but that was before I brought 3 of the kids back home for homeschooling. When to go now?

 

Feel like I can't make it through the day without pumping myself up with caffeine. Of course, I go to bed too late just to have some quiet time for my own reading or puttering.

 

Tried an anti-depressant, but didn't feel any better. Tried an ADHD med that kept me from sleeping well.

 

I eat a lot of junk. I know. I actually have fresh fruits and vegetables in there, but it seems like too much trouble. If there's a such thing, I'm a carb addict. I really want a cinnamon roll right now. I'll probably eat some instant oatmeal and yogurt, though I'll bet they're sugared up, too.

 

Life is just so hard with special needs kids.

 

Yesterday at church something happened with our ds that upset dh. Not a huge thing. Just one of those little stabs that reminds you he's "broken." And dh said (alone, to me), "I feel like I'm living with a perpetual broken heart."

 

He hit the nail on the head.

 

I am living with anxious and depressed people and I'm losing my "want to." Right now I don't even want to wake the people who need to be getting started on their schoolwork.

 

I'd probably feel better -- stronger and more encouraged -- if I were taking better care of myself.

 

What should I do first? I'm starting to feel like I need my own oxygen mask because I don't have any left to help my family.

 

Is there a FlyLady-type plan for healing yourself? A 12-step plan for keeping active and alive when you're overwhelmed?

[Orthodox6]

:grouphug:

Edited August 24, 2009 by Orthodox6

[Heather in the Kootenays]

:grouphug::grouphug:

[Tammy]

I can't function well without it.....so GET YOUR SLEEP! I would also take some vitamins!

 

If you have to rearrange your life to fit your sleep into it....DO IT!

 

I think getting the required sleep is the most important thing I can do for myself.

[nova147]

:grouphug: Take it one step at a time! I can't directly relate to your situation, but I have suffered with depression and I know how difficult it can be. If I were you, I'd start with whatever felt the least overwhelming. For me, that would mean looking into a new anti-depressant. But maybe you would find it easier to go to counseling. Or to start eating better. Or to get out for a walk every day (take the kids with you -- they can use the exercise too). Whatever doesn't feel like a huge drain to accomplish. I also agree that sleep is important. I have bipolar depression, and the times in my life when I was sleep deprived were the times when I would shift dramatically one way or the other. So, yeah, pick one thing, start doing it. And when that is not hard to do anymore, start another. You're a strong mama (think about all you've done so far!) and you can do this. :grouphug:

[shinyhappypeople]

That was my life up until about 6 weeks ago. I felt sad most of the time. I was drained and felt tired down to my bones. I could think of things to do but rarely had the energy to actually DO them. Emotionally, I felt like was walking in mud most of the time, just trudging along, kwim? Oh, and I was becoming super impatient and irritable with my girls. This had been my life for YEARS.

 

I started taking St. John's Wort on a whim and it has worked beautifully. Music sounds better, food tastes better, my house is cleaner, I have been getting more projects done and I'm a better mom (more patient, more in tune with them). I'm not hyper or manic at all, I just have normal energy and a generally more optimistic mood.

 

I've also heard that regular exercise and getting sunshine every day can also help manage depression, so I'm going to add those to my routine as well.

 

Hope this helps....

[cougarmom4]

Could you tell me a little bit more about St. John's Wort? Where do you buy it? Is it like taking a vitamin? Is it FDA approved, or whatever? I've always been a little hesitant with herbs...although I know many have found them to be very helpful, I sometimes feel nervous to take them--admitting I'm very uneducated about them. Any advice or suggestions on how I can learn more?

 

Also...to the op...I just attended a workshop where the counselor talked a lot about depression and one of her main suggestions was to look for ways to improve the train of thought. The power of our thoughts appears to be a key in whether certain triggers (transition, conflict, health problems, basically the challenges we face) become overwhelming or we are able to weather through them. I found it very interesting and plan to do a little research into this on my own, so I thought I'd pass it along.

 

For example, if a man has just lost his job--there will be a period of grieving as to be expected. But through it all, if his thoughts lead to "man, I'll never get a job; nobody would hire me; why bother looking; i can't believe this happened to me"...versus if he says to himself "okay, this is not how I envisioned things happening; what are my options; it's only a matter of time; I can do this." I don't think she was trying to take away the fact that some are facing very real and overwhelming challenges...but encouraging us to pay attention to the way we speak to ourselves about it, as research has shown it affects how we handle things.

 

So, for example, this morning has been a tough morning for me already. I have found myself caught up in the negative thought processes...man, I'm the worst Mom, why did I handle that in that way, gosh, my kids deserve someone better than me, I should just crawl back into my bed, I already screwed the day up & now it's going to just be terrible all day...and it's not even 9:00! Seriously, my thoughts very naturally head down this negative path. What I need to do is train myself to stop it and replace it with positive things--things that I *can* do or change to head in a different direction.

 

Okay, so I'm not making much sense now. I guess my point is that I just heard about the power of our thoughts...and it intrigued me...and I think there might be something worth looking into.

 

So now...I'm going to get off this computer, take a walk on my treadmill, and take a shower. :001_smile: And then I'm going to figure out a plan to help our mornings run a bit more smoothly around here. (And since I've said it here, I have to do it, right?)

[Nestof3]

I hate to sound too simplistic, but you may simply be feeling overwhelmed because you are. I cannot help you there, but people close in your life and counselors may be able to. I cannot offer any advice about special needs children, but someone close to you may be able to help you with any scheduling issues.

 

You did mention not getting enough sleep and not exercising. Those two would make me feel drained as well. I am much better if I exercise daily, and of course sleep is necessary.

[LNC]

I can relate. I don't take the best care of myself possible and want to grow in that. My first steps are light daily exercise, high quality fish oil supplements, sunshine and the recommended water amount for my weight.

[Sue G in PA]

:grouphug: first of all. I am where you are. Some days are better for me than others, but caffeine is still necessary to get me moving. I also have hypothyroid and am on Levoxyl for that. My levels are "normal" right now. I have dealt with moderate to severe depression for years now and it got very severe this past year. I've been in therapy for a year now. I can tell you that therapy has been the most helpful b/c it gives me a place to vent, sort out my thoughts, get help in changing my thought processes (many of which are very negative and self-defeating and honestly very exhausting). I have been on 3 different anti-depressants during the past 6 mos. and I'm still not certain the one I am on right now is the perfect one. Sometimes it takes several tries before you hit on the right one or combination of one. Wellbutrin didn't work for me, but it does have an added stimulant that might work to give you the added "pep" you need. But, please, the first step would be to see a psychiatrist who is knowledgeable about the diff. meds. My mistake was seeing my family doc. first. :glare: Exercise is also helpful, albeit difficult when you have little ones at home all day and are trying to school and clean and cook, etc. Perhaps take a walk with them each afternoon? And, I def. feel better when I am eating well...fruits, veges, salads, whole grains, lots of water, minimal processed food and fast food. I will be praying for you. I know how you feel and it's not fun. If you would like to chat more, please PM me. I'm a good listener!

[Greta]

My husband says that anti-depressant meds don't work for him unless he's exercising, and if he's exercising, he doesn't need them. So his heartfelt recommendation for you would be to make exercise your number one priority. Worry about the rest later. (And I have read about studies showing that exercise works just as well as or better than anti-depressants, plus it has good side effects.)

 

It sounds like it would be hard for you to find time to do that if your husband is working such long hours. But if there is a regular time when he is home that you could do it, then go for it. If not, then take the kids outside with you for a vigorous walk or just romping around in an open space. I don't know what it's like where you live, but near our house there is a large arroyo with walking trails. The ground is sandy, and there are lots of ups and downs and areas of little dry streambeds that dd likes to explore. You'd be amazed at how much you can get your heart rate up just romping around on uneven ground like that. It's light-years ahead of a treadmill or a smooth path like a sidewalk.

 

Also, maybe you can just work into your day some body-weight type exercises. You can do these, just a few at a time, in your home whenever you have a few minutes. And you don't need any special, expensive equipment. I'm thinking of thinks like squats, lunges, push-ups, and crunches.

 

Here's a tip I read that actually has worked for me: put on your workout clothes even if you don't feel like working out. Sounds silly, but it makes a difference. First thing when you get out of bed, get dressed into your workout clothes. That way, when you have five minutes here and there when you can do a set of squats or a few push-ups, you're ready to go.

 

I think adequate sleep is the other side of this coin. But that tends to fall into place more naturally if you're exercising -- you sleep more soundly and your body KNOWS when it needs it.

 

:grouphug:

[Greta]

Oh, also, I have found personally that if I am getting adequate amounts of HEALTHY FATS, I don't crave carbs as much. Might sound strange, but it's true. We eat whole dairy in my house (low-fat and fat-free are dirty words here!), I cook with coconut oil, and we chose real, traditional foods like butter over factory-made alternatives like margarine. It's more satisfying and nourishing, so your body knows it's been well fed and doesn't send you after that box of cookies.

[MariannNOVA]

:iagree:I agree with everything everyone said here and I would add that you might want to have your adrenal function tested. Tapped adrenals would cause the symptoms you describe.

[melmichigan]

My saving grace, literally this last year, has been my local YMCA. Others might have heard me mention this but I enrolled my DC in the local YMCA gym and swim program. (There are many homeschool kids there with special needs so without knowing your children I am throwing that in.) It is my two hours with them occupied in a good way and time I can relate to other parents, usually half the time, then I work out the other hour.

 

I also take my kids at least once a week to get a break. I put them all, ages 9 on down in the different levels of free child care (couldn't pay a sitter for the membership money). They have a ball and love going and I can get two uninterrupted hours to work out, swim, or just sit in the steam room and do nothing. ;) I seriously don't know if I would have made it through my first year with all five of them home without it. Now, keeping up with the house is another story...

[susie in tx]

I was recently diagnosed with hypothyroid as well. From my reading, it seems that many people with hypothyroid need to have almost zero for their TSH and in the upper level of the ranges for FT3 and FT4. In addition, many people with thyroid issues have adrenal problems, so sometimes that needs to be addressed as well.

 

From what I can tell, this thyroid mess is a journey, rather than a quick fix with tiny pill.

[Tree House Academy]

I just went through a period of about 2 months of feeling like that. Mine was related to going OFF of an antidepressant. My brain had to catch back up and it was ROUGH. Are you on any meds (or recently stopped any meds) that could cause this?

 

Have you tried vitamins? I know that lacking in some of the vitamins can cause you to feel run down and exhausted.

 

Hope you feel better soon!

[i.love.lucy]

I'm at this place too. I have no energy. I am overweight. I eat crappy. I don't get enough sleep because I can't shut my brain off. I use caffeine to wake up, caffeine to stay awake mid day, and benadryl to get sleepy at night. Clearly this is not right.

 

I am overwhelmed by my house, the bills, the shopping, the kids, their schooling, my responsibilites for my in-laws. It makes sense to me that right now I don't have the energy or motivation to exercise, even though intellectually I know I need it. I can't "find the time" either because I can't get up early enough. Sorry, but I hate being told that all I need is exercise.

 

I'd like to get some thyroid function testing done, but I am always told to lose weight to solve all my problems...except that the problem is I can't lose weight (unless I go on like 800/cals a day). I have ALL the symptoms of hypothyroid but I always somehow test barely within normal ranges and that's not really even the good T3 & T4 tests.

 

I'm not depressed. I really don't think I am. But I do think I am having some major hormonal fluctuations relating to perimenopause, and I need help.

 

I hope you can work it out for yourself. I think I am going to make an appointment with the doc to see if I can get her to try testing my thyroid again - or refer me out to an endo. Maybe I should just skip her and go straight to one...? Would they help with ideas on perimenopause? Maybe I will also talk to DH about joining the Y. I have a different gym membership right now but I don't go because there are never any homeschoolers there and dc stick out and hate it, and I hate it because it's a HUGE gym full of beautiful people. The Y folks are more normal.

 

:grouphug: Hope you get some more good ideas.

[Laurie]

:iagree:I agree with everything everyone said here and I would add that you might want to have your adrenal function tested. Tapped adrenals would cause the symptoms you describe.

 

This is what I was thinking too.

 

You might want to do a google search: "caffeine and adrenal exhaustion".

[HerdingCats]

:grouphug:

 

I have up until recently been feeling just as you describe. I knew I should eat better and everyone said exercise would help. It felt so impossible to do it all, though, being so tired and overwhelmed. I had also been in the pattern of staying up later to spend some time on my own without the kids. This left me tired and irritable the next day.

 

Well, a couple of months ago I found out that one of my daughter's friends mother had been diagnosed with stage four colon cancer. She is younger than me. One of my husband's friends also died of cancer that week. My friend's neighbor got diagnosed with ovarian cancer that week as well. These are all people my age, and I will tell you it shook me up! I had once heard a neighbor who is a cancer survivor say that part of her therapy to remain cancer free was exercise because she learned that cancer cells are anaerobic. I decided to finally take control and make some changes.

 

Long story short, it's a couple of months later I feel sooooooo much better! I'll tell you what has been working for me. I started taking vitamins more regularly. I don't do multi-vitamins because I have IBS and I have found some ingredients in them really slow my system down. B-complex (energy and metabolism), Fish Oil (mood), Vitamin E, and Co-Q 10 are my core supplements right now. I picked up a bag of protein mix at Costco and down my vitamins with a shake every morning. I started MAKING myself get up early enough to have 30 minutes of exercise each day. I have to go to bed earlier, but I am naturally ready for bed earlier now. Sleep is VITAL to my feeling good. It has been a really difficult adjustment for me, but I realized habit-training is the key to success (just like CM says!) It is somewhat easier to get up each morning after only a few weeks. My exercise right now is just some brisk walking around my neighborhood, but it is really a jump-start to my day and it isn't so hard to do that I find reasons not to do it. I plan to graduate to more strenuous exercise at some point, but just establishing the habit is what is important to me right now.

 

I also cut out the junk foods. It isn't a diet. I can't do diets! If I count calories or points, it just makes me hungry and obsessed! I just decided to eliminate the processed foods and focus on expanding my horizons to include more types of healthy whole foods. I don't purposely eat low-fat, just healthy fats (olive oil, nuts, not hydrogenated stuff). Basically, I changed my mindset to "eat-to-live" rather than "live-to-eat." Don't get me wrong, I still have some pizza now and then, and I will go out to get ice-cream once a month. I just don't buy it at the store anymore. I found I am getting more creative with recipes and really enjoying the healthy food, though, so I don't feel deprived.

 

It sounds drastic, but I really did all these things incrementally. The more little changes I made, the more accomplishment I felt and it fueled my desire to make more changes. I am amazed at the difference in how I feel in such a short time. By the way, the whole family is benefitting from the healthy foods, my husband has lost 25 lbs! Just be encouraged that even if it seems like a lot to do and change, the "baby-steps" program can really work! I hope this helps.

[cillakat]

I really wouldn't recommend SJW. Consider it a strong drug. One that interacts with many other drugs, creates problems if surgery is needed, increases photosensitiity. Holy Basil is perhaps a better choice.......

 

best choice: get 1000 IU vitamin d per 25 lbs body weight. Every day. I can help with the baby steps. If it weren't for some very helpful friends of mine six years ago....I'd probably not be alive to post you this note. As it stands, I'm doing pretty darn good - great in fact lots of the time.

_Depression Free Naturally_ is also a good place to start.

 

:)

K

[Guest RecumbentHeart]

A month ago I was rolling out of bed, heading straight for the coffee pot and praying for mercy the whole way. I was tired, sure, but more than that, I felt sure something had to be seriously wrong with me for me to be feeling so bad. I would get the kids breakfast, take my coffee to the couch and stay there for hours before I could get myself up to do anything. Negative energy and almost sick .. like I was getting sick .. but I wasn't. Anyway, I don't know what my problem was but I had your same thing with the coffee and carbs and decided one day that they had to go so I replaced coffee with green tea (lots of anti oxidants) and started snacking on things like almonds (protein stuff, good fats) instead of cake and cookies. I think I was drinking 3 cups of green tea a day .. took a little adjusting too but so long as it wasn't too strong (didn't bite me when I tried to drink it) it was fine .. like flavored water. Anyway .. within days I was 1000%. Still tired but ALIVE rather than walking (or lying on the couch, rather) death.

 

I would postpone all medications or whatnot until you've cleaned up your diet. I go back and forth with mine every few days and see the difference really quick. Now, you may have some more problems but the diet is the first simple step to take. Hope your feeling a million times better real soon .. it certainly helps one get other needful things done!

[Dawn in OH]

I felt this way about 5 months ago. First I thought it was just me being tired of winter, getting older, I thought of a thousand reasons for what could be causing it. I was just so tired and drained and overwhelmed I didn't think I could take another day of it.

 

I knew I wasn't depressed. Been there, done that. This felt different. My mom suggested my thyroid since she had a problem with that.

 

Then one night my husband and I were watching a video and the Doctor giving the presentation begins talking about hypoglycemia. She describes the "symptoms" and it's me. Exactly me.

 

So did I little experiment beginning the very next day. I cleaned up my diet. No refined sugar. No refined flours. No white flour, no white rice, no white potatoes. No sugar in my coffee. High protein snacks. I love fresh spinach and sweet potatoes so I added more of those to my diet. Within days I felt better.

 

Then I added the exercise to my day that I had been meaning to add but was always too tired or busy. Again I felt better.

 

Then I decided to stop staying up late to get some quiet time and just go to bed. Between the 3 things, I was like a new person. I had energy. I was less cranky. I felt happier.

 

Now while you may not be hypoglycemic like me, I think everyone could benefit from a reduction in those bad carbs from their diet. I cut them out or drastically reduced them for the whole family and even my husband feels better. I'm pretty much eating a low GI diet. We have also both lost some weight too. I only lost 12 lbs because I already ate pretty healthy, but another friend of mine that was a soda drinker did the same thing and she lost 25 lbs in 6 months.

 

I really felt great. I had no idea I didn't have to feel drained and overwhelmed all the time. I thought everyone felt like that.

 

Unfortunately I'm back to feeling pretty miserable. I'm about 5 weeks pregnant and this time around I've been sick to my stomach morning, noon and night and of course, I'm tired. Hopefully this won't last the entire pregnancy.

[Peela]

I would priotise sleep. Some people can function on little, but chronic lack of sleep can lead to depression al on its own.

 

I was having trouble sleeping lately and I went off all caffeine, even though I was only have tea in the mornings and no caffeine after lunch. It helped a lot. Organising my day around getting an afternoon rest, which I started a couple of years ago, helped me considerably, too.

 

Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom in order to feel the inspiration to do something to go back up again. Eating badly is one of those downward cycles.

You could chop up celery, carrot and bell pepper into strips and keep them in a damp tea towel in the fridge. I buy salad in packets- the kids absoutely adore caesar salad. It doesn't take much extra stress for me to cave in on healthy food, so I have learned to make do. Packet salads are great. I just bought a half a cooked chicken and a caesar salad packet for the kids, and added carrot/celery/bellpepper. I am sick and it was either that or junk food.

 

You mentioned Flylady. I fall on and off the Flylady wagon and it doesn't just help me keep my home in order, it helps me to take care of myself.

 

For exercise, sometimes I just lose all incentive- but literally, a 15 minute walk around the block always reminds me how much I actually enjoy walking. A little bit of exercise is better than none and can be an incentive to do more. I have left my kids alone since they were quite small to just have a short walk. But I dont know if you can do that. Perhaps early in the morning?

 

How about a gratitude or appreciation diary? Write down all the good things that are in your life, to take your mind off the negatives. Not to deny them, but to help lift you out of the focus on the negatives.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

It's so hard to get started when you are feeling so drained, but if there is really no other underlying medical issue, you can feel a whole lot better when you eat healthily. It takes a bit of effort to get it together and take care of yourself, but once you actually do it, you will feel so much better that it will just get easier and easier. I agree with trying to cut the simple carbs and processed foods and added sugar out of your diet. If you do this, you will feel less bogged down and have much more energy.

 

One thing my sister got me hooked on is green smoothies in the morning. I mix frozen fruit, whatever kind you want, but I usually use strawberries, mango, blueberries, etc. Put the fruit in the blender, cover with water, and then add a small handful of greens, like kale, turnip greens, or spinach. Blend it well until the greens are chopped up fine, and drink. It is a very tasty drink, although it looks weird at first. I used to feel exactly like you did, but once I started drinking these, without even doing anything else, I started to feel better. The cravings for sugar and junk started going away, and the energy levels started to rise. Another really easy thing to do for lunch is to get a big bag of mixed salad that's already prepared. Then, Trader Joe's or other grocery stores carry frozen grilled chicken strips. You can nuke those and put in on the bagged salad for a tasty, quick lunch. I've switched the whole family over to whole grain pasta, brown rice and quinoa, and they eat it right up, which is saying a lot, since they are all picky eaters.

 

Good luck, and I truly hope you feel better soon.

[TammyinTN]

It can't be said enough...Moms must make themselves a priority. We care and nuture our families, but we think we can go without sleep, medication, doctor visits, exercise, good food, but the fact is we can't. It always catches up with us. We have to take as good of care of ourselves as we do everyone else. These words are hard to live by...but so worth the effort. See your doctor and set aside a little time each day just for yourself. :grouphug: