For those following my court/custody case and spiritual journey ...an update......

[Joanne]

Here's the history:

 

Nov 2003 - April 2006: Long, abusive and disasterous relationship with xh.

 

Jan 2008: I began a devotional study every morning since I was able and my kids were finally (at least in theory ;)) old enough to respect that time.

 

Late Jan 2008: I got served papers reducing child support from $2100 a month for 3 kids to $400 a month for three kids. Insurance of children lapsed, undisclosed to me, dd with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis was then deemed preexisting for private coverage. One of her meds alone is $1500 per month.

 

February 2008: DH lost job.

 

February 2008: Stopped talking to God.

 

June 2008: Resumed devotional time.

 

Late June 2008: Served custody papers for one of 3 children.

 

Late June 2008: Stopped talking to God.

 

Xh remains unemployed. DH gets new job(s). I have several opportunities to work for pay. Court and legal costs accumulate.

 

Jan 2009: Resumed talks with God.

 

Jan 2009: DH laid off.

 

Jan 2009: Stopped talking to God.

 

August 18, 2009: Decide that I need God - or at least a relationship with him. Decide to do a study on God's faithfulness during times of crisis and difficulty. This study will happen in the morning and evening each day between Aug. 18 through trial date, September 21. Spent night at work gathering appropriate scripture (in between taking care of work!)

 

August 19, 2009: Get an email from attorney that the other side wishes to know persue the psychological evaluation they wanted when they last asked for a continuance. This means another continuance - trial will not happen until NEXT SUMMER.

 

August 19, 2009 (after email and phone conversation with attorney): Sat down with lonely devotional notebook, a study bible and spent a 45 minutes with God.

 

What a long strang trip it's been.

[5kidsforME]

Here's the history:

 

Nov 2003 - April 2006: Long, abusive and disasterous relationship with xh.

 

Jan 2008: I began a devotional study every morning since I was able and my kids were finally (at least in theory ;)) old enough to respect that time.

 

Late Jan 2008: I got served papers reducing child support from $2100 a month for 3 kids to $400 a month for three kids. Insurance of children lapsed, undisclosed to me, dd with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis was then deemed preexisting for private coverage. One of her meds alone is $1500 per month.

 

February 2008: DH lost job.

 

February 2008: Stopped talking to God.

 

June 2008: Resumed devotional time.

 

Late June 2008: Served custody papers for one of 3 children.

 

Late June 2008: Stopped talking to God.

 

Xh remains unemployed. DH gets new job(s). I have several opportunities to work for pay. Court and legal costs accumulate.

 

Jan 2009: Resumed talks with God.

 

Jan 2009: DH laid off.

 

Jan 2009: Stopped talking to God.

 

August 18, 2009: Decide that I need God - or at least a relationship with him. Decide to do a study on God's faithfulness during times of crisis and difficulty. This study will happen in the morning and evening each day between Aug. 18 through trial date, September 21. Spent night at work gathering appropriate scripture (in between taking care of work!)

 

August 19, 2009: Get an email from attorney that the other side wishes to know persue the psychological evaluation they wanted when they last asked for a continuance. This means another continuance - trial will not happen until NEXT SUMMER.

 

August 19, 2009 (after email and phone conversation with attorney): Sat down with lonely devotional notebook, a study bible and spent a 45 minutes with God.

 

What a long strang trip it's been.

 

I see the pattern. I am sad for you that in the times you most needed Him you stopped talking to him. :grouphug:

[laughing lioness]

I admire your courage, transparency and tenacity. I am so sorry that it has been so difficult for you and your family. :grouphug:

[Carol in Cal.]

I wasn't mad at God, but I didn't trust Him. I figured that if I turned my life over to Him that He would mess it up and send me somewhere I didn't want to go to do things I didn't want to do.

 

Anyway, my brother asked me if I had told Him that I felt that way. He said that I might as well talk to Him about it, because He already knows. Kind of like, "Open a dialogue at least. See what happens." What happened was that I told Him how I felt, and I realized how much He loves me--He showed me that.

 

I don't think you have anything to lose by telling Him how you feel, warts and all. And you might be surprised if you do.

 

I mean this very warmly, Joanne. I wish that things were better for you. I don't think that God causes problems, though. I really don't. And I do think that He can help. It might not be the help you expect or even the help that you want, but I pray that you'll see it for what it is.

[Mommyof4ks]

Prayers for you Joanne. You have certainly had a long and bumpy road over the course of this decade. No help, just hugs.

[WTMCassandra]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

It sounds to me like as soon as you have sought God, the devil has attacked immediately to discourage you, but now you are on to him! You are seeking God anyway, in the midst of crushing difficulties.

 

You must be worth very much to God for the devil to be working sooooo hard to keep you from Him. You must be dangerous in the spiritual realm ; ).

 

Of course, that doesn't make the attacks any less painful.

 

You are such a great example to me of tenacity and deliberate optimism in the face of evil.

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

[amy g.]

I'm so sorry that you are in such a seemingly impossible situation.

 

When the world starts crashing down on me, I sing this song that I do not even remember all of the words to.

 

"When the fig tree is barren, and the cattle all die" and the crops all fail and the fields empty lie, then still I praise you. Even then I praise you."

[Sweetpeach]

You are a courageous woman, Joanne.

[Carol in Cal.]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

It sounds to me like as soon as you have sought God, the devil has attacked immediately to discourage you, but now you are on to him! You are seeking God anyway, in the midst of crushing difficulties.

 

You must be worth very much to God for the devil to be working sooooo hard to keep you from Him. You must be dangerous in the spiritual realm ; ).

 

Of course, that doesn't make the attacks any less painful.

 

You are such a great example to me of tenacity and deliberate optimism in the face of evil.

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

 

Well put!

[HarbourLights]

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky. In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there were one set of footprints. This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints. So I said to the Lord, "You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there have only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?" The Lord replied, "The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand, is when I carried you." Mary Stevenson

 

Your post made me think of this poem... You may not have been talking to Him, but He was still loving you. I hope you have peace in your life and heart soon!!

[Mrs Mungo]

:grouphug:

[Catwoman]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I'm so sorry that your life has been such an emotional roller coaster, Joanne, with not nearly enough happy times. I truly admire your courage throughout all of these problems.

 

Cat

[FlockOfSillies]

:grouphug: It has definitely been a long, hard road.

 

What I've noticed in your post is that you seem to stop talking to God when something happens that you don't like. It's a very common thing to do, and most Christians fall into it at one point or another (some theological movements are built on the very principle!), but I'd encourage you to step back from the vending-machine view of God. Think about it: we get insulted when our kids or other adults treat us well only when we give them what they want. Why would it be OK to treat our Heavenly Father that way?

 

As you work through your devotional, just keep in mind the basics: trust and obey. Trust the God Who has revealed Himself in the Scriptures. Look at the commands He gives us...

 

Remember the Lord's prayer: Give us this day our daily bread. He has promised to provide for all of our needs, not necessarily our wants.

 

Do not be anxious for anything, but tell God your requests, so that He will guard your heart and mind in Christ.

 

Rejoice in your trials, because God is using them to strengthen you and to make you more mature in your faith. He is not being capricious, or having fun at your expense. Everything He brings into our lives He does for a purpose, even if we can't see it this side of glory. When the trials come, focus your prayers not on asking God to take the trials away, but that He would help you to be faithful in the midst of them.

 

Don't do things in your own strength, but do everything through Christ Who strengthens you.

 

Work to see things from an eternal perspective, because we're told that our present sufferings, as great as they are, cannot compare with the joy that is to be revealed to us.

 

Now that I've written these things to you, I will be required to re-learn them myself. Cue the big catastrophe in 5, 4, 3, 2... ;)

[EmeraldGirl]

I just want to say thank you for your honesty about "stopped talking to God". I have to admit I would have too much pride to put that out there without some sort of "qualifier" to justify my behavior. Your post was helpful to me about being "real" during the tough times, instead of acting strong when we really feel weak and need our friends in the Lord to help encourage and lift us up. May the Lord bless you for this.

[Ellie]

:grouphug:

 

Joanne, dear, you know you need the Church. God did not intend for us to be alone on the earth; He gave us the Church, so we could bear one another's burdens, and encourage one another, and sometimes to set us straight when our theology gets twisted. As I continue to pray for you and your situation, I will add that to the list: that you find fellowship with a local body of believers.

[Joanne]

Joanne, dear, you know you need the Church. God did not intend for us to be alone on the earth; He gave us the Church, so we could bear one another's burdens, and encourage one another, and sometimes to set us straight when our theology gets twisted. As I continue to pray for you and your situation, I will add that to the list: that you find fellowship with a local body of believers.

__________________

 

Actually my dear friend Ellie....

 

I have kept up contact, some participation and communion (literal and figurative) with my church. Many members are on my witness list for court, wrote my recommendation letters for graduate school, etc. I was liturgist at church not so long ago.

 

We no longer go every week (when I had the cleaning job, it was especially difficult).

 

But we are aware of the need for this in our lives - at minimum for the kids. Unfortunately, our church currently does not have a population of youth; my kids are pretty much it. My church has youngers and olders (young adults). My kids need a peer group at chuch. We are considering looking.

 

DH and I were away last Sunday for an event; the kids went to church with a homeschooling family/friend. Contemporary, conservative, lots of kids. They loved it. We'll check it out.

 

But I did want you to know my church has been (and continues to be somewhat) central in my life in spite of my personal desert experience.

[Heather in Neverland]

When my 29yo friend Christy died last October of cancer just 5 weeks after her first child was born, I was VERY tempted to be angry with God. SO MANY people were praying for her healing but she died anyways and left her newborn motherless. It was just AWFUL. So I played this song again and again and again until I really started to believe the words I was singing:

 

I was sure by now

That You would have reached down

And wiped our tears away

Stepped in and saved the day

But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

 

As the thunder rolls

I barely hear Your whisper through the rain

"I'm with you"

And as You mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the God who gives

And takes away

 

I remember when

I stumbled in the wind

You heard my cry

You raised me up again

My strength is almost gone

How can I carry on

If I can't find You

 

As the thunder rolls

I barely hear You whisper through the rain

"I'm with you"

And as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the God who gives

And takes away

 

I'll praise You in this storm

And I will lift my hands

For You are who You are

No matter where I am

Every tear I've cried

You hold in Your hand

You never left my side

And though my heart is torn

I will praise You in this storm

 

I lift my eyes unto the hills

Where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord

The Maker of Heaven and Earth

[Ellie]

My church has youngers and olders (young adults). My kids need a peer group at chuch. We are considering looking.

 

DH and I were away last Sunday for an event; the kids went to church with a homeschooling family/friend. Contemporary, conservative, lots of kids. They loved it. We'll check it out.

 

But I did want you to know my church has been (and continues to be somewhat) central in my life in spite of my personal desert experience.

I'm very glad to hear this (((Joanne)))).

[Harriet Vane]

:grouphug:

[chpiper]

:grouphug:

[WTMCassandra]

Heather, that's a great song. What is the title and who sings it?

[Tree House Academy]

Satan doesn't worry about those who are lost already. It is when you seek a relationship with God that Satan will come after you. Notice the pattern. The minute you set your sights on God, Satan attacks and immediately destroys your ties to God. You are so EASY! You immediately lose sight of Him and return to the easier way. In earnest, set your sights on God. Cast your burdens upon Him, pray for peace. Remember His promise to take care of you and believe that He will. It isn't easy to "give it to God" - but it is made much simplier when you realize that it was never in YOUR hands to begin with.

 

Two things come to mind...a song and a poem.

 

Song: Praise you in this Storm.

 

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down

and wiped our tears away,

stepped in and saved the day.

But once again, I say amen

and it's still raining

as the thunder rolls

I barely hear You whisper through the rain,

"I'm with you"

and as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise

the God who gives and takes away.

 

Chorus:

And I'll praise you in this storm

and I will lift my hands

for You are who You are

no matter where I am

and every tear I've cried

You hold in your hand

You never left my side

and though my heart is torn

I will praise You in this storm

 

I remember when I stumbled in the wind

You heard my cry to You

and raised me up again

my strength is almost gone how can I carry on

if I can't find You

and as the thunder rolls

I barely hear You whisper through the rain

"I'm with you"

and as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise

the God who gives and takes away

 

Chorus

 

I lift my eyes onto the hills

where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

I lift my eyes onto the hills

where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

 

 

 

And the poem...Footprints

 

 

Footprints

 

 

 

 

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed He was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from His life. For each scene He noticed two sets of footprints in the sand. One belonging to Him and the other to the LORD.

 

When the last scene of His life flashed before Him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of His life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of His life.

 

This really bothered Him and He questioned the LORD about it. LORD you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.

 

The LORD replied, my precious, precious child, I Love you and I would never leave you! During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.

Carolyn Carty, 1963

 

 

 

 

ETA: How funny that Heather and I thought of the same song. I had not read the other posts prior. I love this song and many times, it has reminded me to rely on God - even in times of storm.

Edited August 20, 2009 by Tree House Academy