Can doing a good job homeschooling backfire?

[WTMCassandra]

I've been musing about this for a while. We are in a Bible study with some very well-meaning grandparent types who don't really understand homeschooling. One of them is a PS teacher. To be fair, all of these folks have been trying really hard to understand and support what we are doing with our children, although they fundamentally "don't get it." And they love our children and think they are great.

 

So what's the problem?

 

I hear comments around the table about how great a job that WE do with our children, but that many parents aren't like us, so they need more accountability, or we really need the PS for disadvantaged kids, etc. I wonder if it's the reverse of thinking, "Well, OUR PS is OK." Are they thinking, "Well, it's OK for THIS family to homeschool, but most families can't handle it and need to report to the state . . ."

 

So, in trying to do the most outstanding job I can, am I really doing the image of homeschooling a disservice? (Not that I plan to study mediocrity from now on as a result . . .) How can I reach out to these people to help them understand that we are not some kind of aberration? That there is a fundamental freedom at stake?

[Jean in Newcastle]

"Well, it's OK for THIS family to homeschool, but most families can't handle it and need to report to the state . . ."

 

 

 

I've had many people tell me exactly this. I tell them that I have met a lot of homeschool families and most have a similar philosophy and results. (If pressed, I have admitted that I have known one homeschool family that did fail miserably but that was due to severel family disfunction - and since the State did end up taking away the children, it didn't seem like they needed the ps to turn them in.) And I tell them that I'm so glad that this country has given us the freedom to educate our children in the way that we believe is best.

[gardening momma]

I wonder if it's the reverse of thinking, "Well, OUR PS is OK."

Yes, that's probably what they're thinking. I know a lot of good ps teachers (as in--they're good people, with good intentions, and probably good at what they do) who still don't really see what the problems are in public schools, even sometimes in their own classroom--and I hear it from their own mouths.

[Nestof3]

I just reveal the real and ordinary struggles in our lives. I honestly don't think most people think we are that extraordinary -- just that they don't feel like they can do it nor that they would want to. I think it really goes as deep as that.

[Snickerdoodle]

 

My MIL is famous for this. She has never outright said anything against us homeschooling, but she makes these little comments. And the comments NEVER make sense. THANK goodness she lives in another country.

 

 

 

Wow. Exactly our situation too. Do we have the same MIL? All I can say is thank goodness she lives in another country.

 

I could wow you with the weird comments that are not outright anti-homeschooling but very much implied anti-homeschooling. :001_huh:

 

:tongue_smilie:

[Tabrett]

I think a lot of their thinking come from the only HS'ed children they've ever encountered. Mostly, the ones who's family's really don't HS and put their kids in PS before they are found out that they are not really teaching anything.

 

There is a percentage of "HS's" kids who's parents "say" they HS just so they don't have to deal with their kids going to school.

 

When I enrolled my dd into public high school, the counselor was shocked that her transcript had her grade in the 80's. He said most HS'er he enrolled had all 100's on their transcripts!!!!!! My dd's new friends were SHOCKED that she was doing so well in public school. Again, they had never encountered a person that had been really HS'ed. My dd just didn't understand why everyone made such a big deal about how well she did and adjusted to public school.

 

Unfortunately, unless a HS'er is doing a bad job, you never hear about them. You only hear about the horror stories! We, as people who really HS, are under the radar blip until we will the spelling and geography bees.

[WTMCassandra]

My MIL is famous for this. She once said my boys were fighting over a toy (they were 6 and 3) because they don't go to school.

 

:001_huh::lol::tongue_smilie:

 

Good grief.

[Impish]

I hear those kind of comments too, from friends and family. Everything is in the context of homeschooling. I was so excited and proud of Diva taking some high school courses next year, and some friends and family felt the need to whiz all over it with their comments. *shrug*

 

Do what you do best, for your family, and let the others deal with it. Its all we really can do.

[coralloyd]

I just reveal the real and ordinary struggles in our lives. I honestly don't think most people think we are that extraordinary -- just that they don't feel like they can do it nor that they would want to. I think it really goes as deep as that.

 

Yep, I was having a coversation with a couple of ladies the other day. One of them came right out and said she could very easily hs, but she just doesn't want to. This was the first time I actually had someone admit this, usually I get the "I don't think I could do it." thing.

[Dirtroad]

How many have the every TRULY encountered? Have they ever discussed goals or curriculum? Theories?

 

Usually it is just a bunch of stereotypical babble they they spout & often (when you aren't around)... they share their worries about your children being sheltered or isolated or not enjoying time with peers.

 

Ask them sometime.... who have you met that homeschools? If you dig deeper, they may not know many. If they have seen them "out & about", they do not know their story.

 

What if they met a child who didn't know his letters & he was in the 3rd grade (whisper, whisper)..... maybe he had a learning disability... maybe he was adopted & is learning an entirely new language....

 

What if they met a child who was having severe behavior difficulties.... & he is hhoommmeeesshoooled (whisper, whisper).... did they find out that he had been kicked out of every school in the area & this was the last resort? Did they find out that he had had brain surgery or seizures or was being treated for a rare medical condition?

 

I get so tired of the "whisper, whisper".... GIVE IT BACK (nicely) and see just how little they know!;)

 

Remember... it is not really about your children getting the best education to these people... they really don't care... it is about "being like everybody else".... you should not be different.... and (for PE folks)... it is most often about their PAYCHECKS! (I know it is cynical, but I have lived it too many times)

Edited May 28, 2009 by Dirtroad

[Dirtroad]

..... One of them came right out and said she could very easily hs, but she just doesn't want to. This was the first time I actually had someone admit this, usually I get the "I don't think I could do it." thing.

 

:iagree:

[Harriet Vane]

I think this response is an early step to acceptance.

 

My own in-laws were terribly concerned about our homeschooling (though they voiced their concerns respectfully and have been supportive in terms of coming to events and doing all the "grandparent" things we ask them to). One of my dearest friends, an older woman who has been like a mother to me, was vehemently concerned and not quite as respectful as my inlaws.;)

 

Over time they changed their tune. They now think that I can homeschool, but most people really should not.

 

I think over time they will see that most good parents, in any setting, carefully do what they understand to be best for their children. At that stage I think their horizons will broaden more and they will no longer think that only I or a select few can homeschool--at that point they will understand it to be a valid choice.

[Jennefer@SSA]

My ds8 has Aspergers Syndrome so I always get, "It's okay for you to homeschool. We get why you are doing it but everyone else is nuts." That response makes me so frustrated. What is everyone going to say when I start homeschool my typically developing ds's in a few years?! Love to see what people say then! ;)

[WTMCassandra]

I think this response is an early step to acceptance.

 

[snip]

 

Over time they changed their tune. They now think that I can homeschool, but most people really should not.

 

I think over time they will see that most good parents, in any setting, carefully do what they understand to be best for their children. At that stage I think their horizons will broaden more and they will no longer think that only I or a select few can homeschool--at that point they will understand it to be a valid choice.

 

This is a very interesting and thought-provoking POV. Thank you for this! Perhaps I should be encouraged rather than discouraged.

[Staci in MO]

My MIL is famous for this. She once said my boys were fighting over a toy (they were 6 and 3) because they don't go to school. Yep, that must be the reason. Because, as we all know, kids who go to school don't ever fight with their siblings.

 

I was once in a McDonald's Playland with my dc and mil, and another little girl (probably 5 - barely school age), came and sat at the same table as my dc. The girl's grandmother came and got the girl, and explained that "because my dil homeschools, granddaughter doesn't know how to play with other kids." :confused: I had overheard this lady and the girl's mother "discussing" homeschooling at the next table, so I knew the mil was looking to find fault.

 

The dil had been more than holding her own, so I kept my mouth shut, but it really bothers me that I didn't speak up and put that sour woman in her place.

[elegantlion]

I was pondering this the other day after a conversation with my mother. She's one of our best supporters but I know when she has been talking to my sister (insert sinister music here). When the subject came to homeschooling she asked if we planned on going through high school like it was a bad thing.

 

I bit my tongue but realized even after 5 full years of homeschooling my parents, who support us, don't have a clue. They only see the tip of the iceberg. Most people only want to see the tip, they don't want to see the majority of the iceberg that's under water. We have so many choices for curriculum, methods, co-ops, support, etc, that it would overwhelm most people.

 

I'm trying to keep that in mind as I encounter people this summer.

[KrissiK]

My mother, who is a ps teacher, is so incredibly against my homeschooling our kids it's amazing. I can't ever have a conversation with her about problems I'm having with my oldest's behaviour because her stock solution to the whole thing is, "Well, maybe a year in ps will do him and you some good!" as if ps is the solution to all behavior problems. Drives me nuts!

[G5052]

I encounter that kind of comment and more all the time, and frankly I just smile sweetly and say something to the effect that there are good and bad classroom teachers just as there are good and bad homeschoolers. Those of us who came up through the classroom certainly didn't have outstanding teachers the whole way. Just because there's "accountability" in the public and private schools doesn't mean that they're universally superior. Some are, but some are not.

 

It really isn't worth arguing about because generally people who make comments like that really don't know much about homeschooling and are unlikely to do much investigation at all.

 

We're a rather diverse population too, and people who make generalizations really don't know. I am religiously conservative homeschooler, but I don't wear dresses, I have a small family, and I've maintained a part-time career over the last ten years. I can't count how many times people have said, "but you just don't seem like a homeschooler?" Really?