Minimum house size for my family?

[RoughCollie]

.

Edited May 20, 2009 by RoughCollie

[Starr]

I think this is a personal decision. We have friends with large families that manage with several kids in a room and 1 bathroom, others with small families and very large houses. Downsizing is a wee bit of work. I think I would want at least 1.5 bathrooms.

[tricia]

Yes, a personal decision for sure. I think it depends on your priorities. We had 9 children ages 14 and down in a small 950 square foot house. I didn't mind at all because I was forced to keep things simple. I'd do it all over again.

[Tree House Academy]

Well, we are a family of 4 with 2 cats and a dog. Our home is 3100+ sq feet and it is a bit big right now...however, when my kids are teens, it will probably feel tiny. :( We have 4 bedrooms, 3 baths, and a bonus "man room" (of course, living/dining, kitchen, laundry too). Occasionally, when the kids get really loud, I am thankful I can put a FLOOR between us!

 

Have you considered purchasing a house with an adjustable rate mortgage (low interest now and sell before it cycles since you only plan to stay there four years)? Maybe you would find more you like, in your price range, if you chose another option rather than renting. Also, is living just outside the city an option?

Edited May 19, 2009 by Tree House Academy

[Tree House Academy]

I also wanted to add that putting 3 teenaged boys (read TESTOSTERONE) in one room may be asking for trouble. LOL

[Nestof3]

We are a family of 5 in 1,100 square feet. We have 3 bedrooms, 1 bath. We eat in our kitchen. We have a living room, no den or dining room. We are just fine.

 

Honestly, you just learn to make do with what you have. The boys don't complain about sharing a room b/c that's what they do and they're used to it. Besides, we pay the mortgage, not them. :)

 

I am happy that our mortgage is so low and that it will be paid for in less than a year. The relief for my husband prevails over the envy I have at times looking at people will larger houses.

Edited May 19, 2009 by nestof3

[Mrs Mungo]

I grew up in a house with 3 younger sisters. When I was 18 the youngest was 13. My parents' house is under 1,000 sf with 1.5 bathrooms and 3 bedrooms. When we go home we all the adults sit in the kitchen to talk, watch tv, etc because the living room is too small and doesn't have enough seating. The seating in the kitchen is a combination of benches, chairs and stools, whatever will fit in the maximum number of people, all of them touching.

 

Sometimes we have to compromise or desires or the ideal situation for us and go with what we can do for now. I think this applies to a lot of areas of life.

[Brindee]

I'd try looking at somehow buying, and see if that opens up the market a little, as Treehouse said. I'm sure you all could adjust to a smaller house, but 3 teenage boys.....hmmmm! We have 2400sf in our home that we bought before the prices shot up a few years ago. Now the prices are back down. Anyway, it's a great size for our family of 5 which includes only 2 teenage boys, and one pre-teen girl, dh and me, 2 cats and 1 dog. Honestly, I think it'd make your life easier if you could find a house with at least that many sf and 2 bathrooms! No, not NEEDED, but if you found something like that, it would be great!

 

Of course, growing up, we had 5 in our family, and always lived in tiny apartments or houses, but never thought a thing of it! Never hurt us to live in a smaller place! Sooooo, I see both sides! I know, not much help! :)

 

Best wishes, I hope you find what will work for you all!

[JennifersLost]

I read both posts about this move and first of all, I think you need to take a deep breath. You're kind of thrashing around right now in your fear and panic and probably making matters a bit worse than they already are.

 

Slow down.

 

Take a breath.

 

It's all going to be okay.

 

Your family is going to survive this. It's been difficult and there may be more difficult days ahead, but you are all going to come out the other side intact.

 

So, let's look at the situation dispassionately for a moment. You need to move fast. You probably need to downsize. Your new situation might not be as nice as the one you've been in.

 

But.

 

I guarantee you that down the road you will be able to look back and see all the positive aspects of this situation, for you and your children.

 

Now, I hear that you'd like a house with many bedrooms. Don't give up on that. But don't be afraid to rent a smaller place, either. Single rooms are not a "right" - they are a bonus. Many children never have their own room until they leave home. They will survive. If they're teenagers, it's only a few years until they move out, anyway.

 

A family of six can be quite comfortable in a 1600 sf house. A small livingroom can create much more coziness and interaction in a family. There's no reason teenage boys can't learn to tone it down inside the house. This is a skill they need to learn, anyway, right?

 

You will probably find that once you do the work of purging your stuff that you will experience a profound sense of relief. Think of all that "stuff" hanging around your neck right now. Think of all the work it takes to house, clean and take care of that stuff. Maybe this "disaster" is actually a blessing in disguise. Maybe what seems like a life sentence is actually a jailbreak, releasing you from the accumulation of the past so you can create a brand new future.

 

I sympathize with your situation; I really do. But you're fighting life too hard right now. Let go. Trust that this will all work out. Model grace to your kids as you take this obstacle in stride.

 

I would let your husband go back to do the rental search. I would tell him, "I know you'll find us the perfect place." And no matter what he finds, be determined that it WILL BE the perfect place, because he picked it out for you. I'm saying this because I think what's hampering your search is your fear of moving backward. You are too emotionally unprepared for this change. So give in to that fear and let someone else take over.

 

Remember as you move in that this is about building your future. That you are making reasonable, affordable choices now so that you can have something better in the future.

 

Lots of us are making these kinds of choices, too; tightening our belts, finding jobs, making do with less-than-perfect situations. You are not alone.

[Brindee]

I read both posts about this move and first of all, I think you need to take a deep breath. You're kind of thrashing around right now in your fear and panic and probably making matters a bit worse than they already are.

 

Slow down.

 

Take a breath.

 

It's all going to be okay.

 

Your family is going to survive this. It's been difficult and there may be more difficult days ahead, but you are all going to come out the other side intact.

 

So, let's look at the situation dispassionately for a moment. You need to move fast. You probably need to downsize. Your new situation might not be as nice as the one you've been in.

 

But.

 

I guarantee you that down the road you will be able to look back and see all the positive aspects of this situation, for you and your children.

 

Now, I hear that you'd like a house with many bedrooms. Don't give up on that. But don't be afraid to rent a smaller place, either. Single rooms are not a "right" - they are a bonus. Many children never have their own room until they leave home. They will survive. If they're teenagers, it's only a few years until they move out, anyway.

 

A family of six can be quite comfortable in a 1600 sf house. A small livingroom can create much more coziness and interaction in a family. There's no reason teenage boys can't learn to tone it down inside the house. This is a skill they need to learn, anyway, right?

 

You will probably find that once you do the work of purging your stuff that you will experience a profound sense of relief. Think of all that "stuff" hanging around your neck right now. Think of all the work it takes to house, clean and take care of that stuff. Maybe this "disaster" is actually a blessing in disguise. Maybe what seems like a life sentence is actually a jailbreak, releasing you from the accumulation of the past so you can create a brand new future.

 

I sympathize with your situation; I really do. But you're fighting life too hard right now. Let go. Trust that this will all work out. Model grace to your kids as you take this obstacle in stride.

 

I would let your husband go back to do the rental search. I would tell him, "I know you'll find us the perfect place." And no matter what he finds, be determined that it WILL BE the perfect place, because he picked it out for you. I'm saying this because I think what's hampering your search is your fear of moving backward. You are too emotionally unprepared for this change. So give in to that fear and let someone else take over.

 

Remember as you move in that this is about building your future. That you are making reasonable, affordable choices now so that you can have something better in the future.

 

Lots of us are making these kinds of choices, too; tightening our belts, finding jobs, making do with less-than-perfect situations. You are not alone.

Now that I've read your other thread, :iagree:

Well put!

[Kathleen in VA]

Seven of us live in 1000sf. 3 br/2 ba rambler, no basement, one-car garage (we use it for storage). We have an eat-in kitchen, a living room (no other living areas), no deck, no front porch. My 3 boys share a 10X12 room and my girls share an 8X10 room. You do what you have to do. We live a very high cost of living area. Both dh and I were raised here so all our family was/is here - that's the only reason we haven't moved any place cheaper.

 

I read your other post, too, and just wanted to say I am very sorry for all that's been going on in your life. I've got you on my prayer list, RC. I'm praying God will work out all the details about your move and your dh's job and give you peace about this whole situation.:grouphug:

[ElizabethB]

Laura Ingalls Wilder survived in a tiny one room cabin with her family.

 

There is a reason for the phrase "cabin fever," however!

 

When we lived in Dayton, Ohio, we lived in a much smaller place than we usually do, a small townhouse with no yard. During the winter, we bundled up and went to the park if it was over 40 degrees!

 

:grouphug:

[RoughCollie]

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Edited May 20, 2009 by RoughCollie

[Heather in Neverland]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

It's just a house. It has no eternal significance. As long as you have your husband and children, a roof over your head and food to eat you are better off than a majority of the world.

 

The huge house is a more recent phenomenon in our country. I grew up in a family of 6 in 950 sq. ft and 1 bathroom and so did most people I know. My mom grew up in a family of 14 with 3 bedrooms and an outhouse. This is the quote on her wall:

 

Love grows best in little houses with few walls to separate. You eat and sleep so close together, you can't help but communicate. If we had more room between us, think of all we'd miss! Love grows best in houses just like this.

 

God does not hate you. He is giving you a chance to grow...a chance to show your children how a family can pull together and love one another and trust God through the most difficult of circumstances...a chance for you to show what you are made of.

 

Times are so tough right now. My brother just lost his business and his house as well, filed bankruptcy, lost his car. It is all gone. Once you hit bottom there is nowhere to go but up.

 

YOU CAN DO THIS. This is your moment. In years to come, when your children grow up and face hardship, they will remember this...they will remember that mom and dad went through this too and overcame it. It will give them courage when they need it. And I am praying for God to give you the courage you need right now. :grouphug:

 

"If you are going through hell right now, keep going." -Winston Churchill :D

[chiguirre]

:grouphug:

 

Rough Collie, I know it's tough to move under so much stress. Pittsburgh is actually a very nice city and you'll love it in a few years, but it's been through the economic meatgrinder for the last 30 years and people are surprised that someone would move to a struggling area. It's doing better than Detroit or Cleveland because of the universities and medical center, but it's still far from its steel city days. OTOH, there are lots of old houses to be had for cheap, but they're not very pretty. If you can stand an old company house for a couple of years, you can find something in your price range.

 

I'd start by choosing an area you'd like to live in. If you'd like to keep your schooled kids in private school, look for that first. If you're going to enroll in public school, choose the district first. Lots of the better ranked districts have low-rent areas. For example, if you choose Franklin Regional (my alma mater) look at Export or Delmont for the lower cost housing. They're old mining towns that are cheek by jowl with newer suburban developments, so you get the better schools and nicer shopping without the high rent. Of course, the houses in old mining towns were built for our grandparents and they're small with few bathrooms. It's a pain, but it's just for a few years until your kids graduate. If you're looking for a co-ed Catholic hs, Greensburg is a great option for you. Since it's the county seat of Westmoreland county, it has more office space than most other small towns. My examples have been from Westmoreland county because I know it better than the western burbs, but I'm sure there are similar opportunities there too.

 

Everyone has some stressful periods in their life. You will get through this even if it doesn't seem like it now. When you look back in a few years, you'll see how much more confident and capable you are because of what you went through. Just hang in there and keep doing the next thing for the next few months.

 

:grouphug:

[Erica in PA]

A lot depends on the layout. We live in a 1200 sq. ft. apartment, and because it's laid out well, it works for us. We have three bedrooms that are fairly large (around 12x10ish), two bathrooms (a must, imo), a living room, small kitchen, and dining room (formerly the school room, but we are making much better use of the space now.) Our kids are 12,8, and 6, and by the time they are teens we would like to have more space, but I think we could make it work here if we had to.

 

As a Christian, I would try to look at this difficult situation as a way that God is teaching you something valuable through this, not that He is punishing you. Some of the toughest times in my life have been the times of the most spiritual growth, where I learned to rely on God more and less on my own resources. You will find a home, and as long as your family is together and loves one another, you will be okay wherever that is. Don't give up hope! :grouphug:

[JFSinIL]

We are in about 1,800 sq ft. home. One full bath, one half bath with a tiny shower that only Autismboy uses. Only hubby showers DAILY (before going to work). Everyone else is staggered so any one day has three showers at most...and that is five people, youngest 13, sharing ONE small bathroom (so six people total in the house.) The downstairs half-bath has only a pedestal sink, no counter space. Upstairs we found a sink with a teeny bit of counter space that fit the room so have about 8 inches either side of the sink to hold our toothbrush stand and hairbrushes. Old houses were not made for counter space! But - it works.

 

With four teens I do daily laundry, but everything together, in warm wash/cold rinse. Dishwasher runs daily, too. We rarely run out of hot water. Don't know the size of the water heater - it is shorter than I am, (so about 4.5 feet tall?) and I could put my arms around it if I wanted to.

 

Our house is from 1906 so we lucked out - have five bedrooms (small, but each kid has their own!). Closets are the teensy kind that are two feet wide for hanging space. There is no master bedroom/bath in an older home (we just grabbed the only room big enough to squeeze in a queen bed.)

 

Both the computers live on desks in the dining room area - which does hold our big table, also two bookshelves. We still 18 - 24 inches around the table to move and walk ;) so it is not spacious, but it works. Pocket doors separate the dining area from living room that has a couch, two chairs, an old rocker that my grandma swore Abe Lincoln sat in (yeah, right grandma!) and more bookshelves (plus the sole tv). It works.

 

You CAN find something - it is just not going to be as big as you are used to. How old are the teens - will some be going off to college in a year or so? Could they bunk-up til then? The Brady bunch had three kids of each gender in one room....as did my in-laws with six kids, not that I recall. Bunkbeds are your friend.

 

Good luck - it sounds like you are under a LOT of pressure right now!

 

PS we also have a 95-lb dog and four cats. The rat/hamsters/gerbils/birds/fish and geckos have NOT been replaced as they left for Pet Heaven.

Edited May 19, 2009 by JFSinIL

[Danestress]

If you got a three bedroom apartment, that would give you time to really consider your rental or purchase options and make sure that DH's new job (is this going to be a new job or is he self employed? I can't quite remember) will work out.

 

I know the Dog is an issue. Would you consider letting a family member keep the dog for a year? or maybe you could find a rental apartment that will allow a dog.

 

I know apartment living has it's drawbacks, but sometimes I think you can get a reasonable space for a lot less money, and if the complex has a pool and workout area, think of how much that will keep your boys out of your hair?

 

Just a thought.

[Tabrett]

I, personally, would have to find another home for the dog. If you dh has bad credit scores and you are trying to find a place to rent that accepts large pets, you are going to have a very hard time.

 

I would look more at the layout of the house than how big it is. If you can't find a house with more than three bedrooms, could you find a house with 3 bedrooms with a small din or study that could be used as a bedroom? Or maybe a 2 bedroom house that has a living room with a large din that could be transformed into a "dorm" like bedroom for your 3 boys? Or a 2 bedroom house with a basement that the boys could share as a bedroom? Try to look for creative ways to use your space. A 2 bedroom house with a serviceable attic or "bonus" room that would be large enough for 3 teen boys.

I think you need 2 bathrooms. Even if the bathrooms only have showers and not tubs. Could you dh possibly install an instant hot water heater? I'm not sure how much they cost, but the hot water would never run out.

 

At least look at 2 bedroom houses. Sometimes they have large bonus rooms!

 

If you are working with a Realtor, have her email you the layouts of the houses, even if she has to hand draw you the layout. Make sure she tell you the size of the rooms (11x15). This will help in trying to see how creatively you could use space.

 

Have you looked into double wide mobile homes? It may not be your first option, but they are quite sizable.

Edited May 19, 2009 by Tabrett

[ConnieB]

Moving to a smaller house is not fun....but if it is necessary, then you WILL find a way to make it all work. Will it be perfect? No of course not....but you know what....you will survive as a family. And it will get better. Mostly because you'll want to work towards that as a goal.

 

Find a house that suits your needs for price and safety......and realize that the size doesn't matter as much as you think it does. Survival matters right now.

 

AND most importantly....THIS IS NOT FOREVER. Sign the shortest term lease that they will accept and use that as your goal. You sign a one year lease, then your goal is to work like the dickens for that year so that come renewal time you will be able to move up to something that makes you happier. It's so much easier to work hard when you have a goal and a deadline.

 

My husband grew up with 7 kids, 2 parents, grandma for a few years in his high school days....and they always had at least two dogs and various cats, birds, hamsters, whatever. And that house was built by his grandpa and dad and was a whopping 1,000 square feet plus a basement. But the basement was always damp so it was not livable space....but the washer/dryer were down there and dad's workshop. Was it fun....yeah, sometimes he says....and just as often he LONGED for his own space. Just somewhere that to go and close the door and no on would bang on that door or come through...even the bathroom wasn't sacred. :tongue_smilie: BUT....and this is the part that he had to grow up before he understood.....his relationship with his siblings is much much much much closer than mine with my 2 siblings....and we lived in twice as much space as they did.

 

You will survive this. You will still have your warm loving family all around you. And those are the imporant parts.

 

 

As for the dog and the wood floors....don't even consider it....because you WILL be repairing/replacing those floors. I have yet to see a wood floor and dog that are compatable. I know it's hard for the kids to lose their pet.....but it's necessary for now. If at all possible, see if you can farm the dog out for a year.....that can be the kids incentive to help you towards the goal of being able to move up and into a place that you can get the dog back. It might also be easier to find a home for the dog if you give a definite end date. Some rescue places will also make long term arrangements when they know their is an end date. Don't underestimate your kids.....yes they'll be sad, but they'll survive.

 

The kids can certainly help with the goal of saving up to move up....I can't recall the ages of your kids.....but preteen/teens can work outside the house doing odd jobs to earn a little money.....the younger kids can help you by SAVING money. I actually find it's easier to save money than to earn it, because I simply don't have the time to go to work....because my kids are my job. But....I can turn saving money into time well spent with the kids.....cooking from scratch (often the kids help, just as often they do their work at the kitchen table within feet of where I am preparing and cooking meals). You'll learn to make more than one meal at a time so on days when other things take you away from the kitchen you aren't stopping for takeout or buying a frozen something for dinner. I couldn't handle the once a month cooking, because I dreaded that one day too much....but it was easy to cook larger quantities every day and freeze the extra. We now have enough extra meals that I could take a month off and we'd still eat well. So if I ever get too busy, or catch the latest bug, we're fine. Food is our biggest expense, so it was the best return for time invested. But...there are many other ways to save, some seem almost not worth it by itself...."oh that's only a $5 savings a month"...but that's $60 a year....and if you have 10 of those "little" savings, that's $600!

 

And the extra bonus....my kids will be able to save and invest more of their income once they are on their own....because for them this frugal way is a way of life, it's all they've ever known......unlike spoiled me who had to work at it. And because I was so spoiled we wasted the early years of our marriage accumulating "things" instead of investing in our retirement. If only I had some of that money I wasted on fancy meals and extravagent vacations in investments......we'd be able to look at retirement in a few years instead of a decade or more. AND, my kids would have college paid by us, rather than loans they'll have to repay. I feel that is probably the number one lesson I want my kids to leave home with....I don't care nearly as much if they know history, science or math as if they know how to live life without wasting your future for it. It was a hard lesson for me, but now I love finding ways to save and yet we still have grand vacations and lots of little extras.....but we have no debt except the house, and haven't for more than 12 years.

 

Good luck to you....I know it's scary.....but I predict that a year from now you will not only be a much stronger person....but a much happier one as well. AND, you will see that it wasn't that God hated you....it's that He loved you enough to let you go through this and become that person. Remember the "footsteps" story....where the man looked back at his life and saw two sets of footprints in the sand during the good times of his life, but only one set of footprints in the bad times....and asked God why He left in the bad times....and God said "I didn't leave you my child....during those bad times, I was carrying you.". (Ok, that's paraphrased, but hopefully you know the poem...if not, try google). I think God is carrying you right now, and you are struggling and making it hard for Him, but he won't drop you. Ever.

Edited May 19, 2009 by ConnieB

[RoughCollie]

I think of you as an inspiration. Often when I read your posts, I think someone ought to write an article for Woman's Day, Family Circle, or Good Housekeeping, using you as the main example for financial responsibility. When I think of how many people are just one or two paychecks away from disaster, I think your story is a blueprint of how to live responsibly.

 

Maybe you should write that article!

 

We are a family of 5 in 1,100 square feet. We have 3 bedrooms, 1 bath. We eat in our kitchen. We have a living room, no den or dining room. We are just fine.

 

Honestly, you just learn to make do with what you have. The boys don't complain about sharing a room b/c that's what they do and they're used to it. Besides, we pay the mortgage, not them. :)

 

I am happy that our mortgage is so low and that it will be paid for in less than a year. The relief for my husband prevails over the envy I have at times looking at people will larger houses.

Edited May 19, 2009 by RoughCollie

[RoughCollie]

.

Edited May 20, 2009 by RoughCollie

[Jami]

I've lived in several kinds of homes now and it really is about room size and layout more than specific square feet or number of rooms. Our 1920s Craftsman had larger bedrooms and the previous owners raised 6 children in that 3 bed, 1 bath home. Then we lived in a turn of the century duplex that had been converted to a one family (three-story, rather than side-by-side). We had 3100 sq. ft. there, plenty of rooms, and yet some of the spaces were still hard to use. Though part of that was the previous two-family structure. I thought when we moved from 3100 to 1800 sq. ft. we'd be way too cramped. But our current ranch home has such large rooms, it's worked out just fine. The bedrooms in particular are a great size as is the living and dining room. I think your family would fit fine in the size of home we're.

 

And then there are contemporary houses we've recently been investigating in Austin. Huge master bedrooms and TINY secondary bedrooms. So irritating. :) I prefer my 70s space distribution.

 

Good luck and I agree with the person who suggested looking at 3 bedroom homes that might have an additional bonus space of some sort.

[OnTheBrink]

I completely understand where you're at, with feeling overwhelmed and wanting someone to tell you whether you should empty the dishwasher or pack a box.

 

Just take one step at a time.