Nah, I'm with Sparkly on this. Kids are funny you were funny. It's natural and healthy for kids to explore autonomy and individual choices. The fact that you did this as a child suggests that you're more likely to lead than to follow- not bad quality at all. Knowing when to lead and when to follow is a huge life skill. Id just be thankful that you were given the space to develop that skill, and be inclined to give my children the needed space as well.

I used to work in a special needs classroom where some of the children were used to screaming / talking nasty as a way to communicate. I'm very sensitive to how people talk to me and wouldnt allow that so I'd calmly say "I can't talk to you when you speak to me like that, if you want to talk to me in a nice voice I'd be happy to listen". And then just completely ignore. Sometimes they'd get it right away , sometimes it took awhile for them to know I meant it, and sometimes they didn't understand so I'd model the nice way of saying what they wanted to say i.e. I'd say what they were saying in a respectful way. Either way it seemed to work. Today if my Dd says something in a disrespectful way I'll simply model a nicer / more respectful way to say it. I do this every time because I am again, very sensitive. Modeling is nice because it gets the message across without debates or useless discussion on if the original words or tone was respectful enough. Sometimes after modeling I do say " you can always say what you need to say in a nice way" but that part probably isn't necessary. If they are insisting on speaking disrespectfully then I just wouldn't take part of that degrading conversation- and sometimes that can be a battle of wills but that's okay because respect is a hill worth dying on. If it's because they just are unskilled at polite communication then modeling is an easy and non shaming way of teaching that skill. Edited because of grammar. It's always grammar.

Well I have extremely non traditional beliefs but this is the way I see it. I believe that God needs you to be where you are and who you are on your path right now. You are placed where you can spread your goodness and light to the people in your circle of influence. If you weren't given a sign or felt the comfort or have one iota of faith, I think it's because right now your mission doesn't require it and that God needs you where you are. I also believe that He loves your honesty and your refusal to fake belief when there is none.

Oh wow, that sounded exactly like my older brother. ADHD, never wrong, always picking on whoever was available. I could write pages of the really mean manipulative stuff he'd do. But there's hope. Fast forward 30 years and he has a happy marriage, he is a good father and he is a huge positive force in his community. He's not perfect he still falls into his "poor me, I've been wronged" mode, but he developed into a happy, functioning, contributing adult. Disclaimer: this is just my perspective about what was going on and what helped him on his journey. I don't know maybe I'm wrong. But this is the way I see it. 1. Nothing was ever his fault/ no remorse. This was my brother. Once he drove over my foot and his response was " oh well you shouldn't have been there". I believe that there are certain personalities who are so sensitive that admiting the slightest fault to them is like admitting worthlessness. They can't be wrong because then in their eyes that's like admitting that they are garbage. What helped my brother was realizing that not being able to admit a weakness was actually a weakness. My mom helped him to see this, and used my grandpa ( same personality -abusive and mean ) as an example of what happens when you can't admit you are wrong. You never grow. If you can help your son change his mindset from blame/ fault to challenge/ growth I believe it will go far. 2. Picking on everyone/ anyone all of the time. What helped with my brother was physical labor and very little free time. There was a huge positive difference once my brother was expected to work on my stepdads ranch after school and on weekends. He also participated in sports and had advanced academic classes. This helped his self esteem as he was able to pay for his own car with the money he made, paid for most of his own college and all of his extracurriculars. He attributes the physical labor as his biggest motivator for higher education ( he realized he much prefers white collar jobs to blue collar jobs). I realize few people have a ranch available to them but the takeaway is that his huge amount of energy was focused on something constructive. Too much free time with him = chaos and destructive behavior. 3. Time and maturity. With time my brother matured and with maturity he got better. Being an adult helped him also because he has a huge need for leadership but never really got the chance to lead in our family. Once he was in charge of himself and became the leader in his family and in his job that need was fulfilled and he became so much happier and better because of it. Hugs to you mama! These personalities are not easy! Edited for clarity

My husband's step brother was vax injured and the woman I worked for's son was vax injured. So I became hyper aware of the risks. As a new mother I was also aware of the risks of not vaccinating. I agonized for awhile but in the end decided to go ahead and do it for the unscientific reason that I had prayed about it and had a gut feeling that my child would be just fine with them, and she was. I'm glad she got them because now I have crossed all of those diseases off my worry list. I could never blame a mother for choosing not to vax though. Vax injury is real and awful and I can't blame anybody for following their intuition when it comes to the wellbeing of their child.

Well I was that Olaf-spectrum child, and I am that Olaf-spectrum mom. I am always cuddling and loving on my child. Sometimes I worry that I smother her. I think the lesson to take away is that moms will worry. That's normal. When I think I am being too affectionate I conscientiously try to tone it down. I see nothing wrong with concienciously trying to ramp It up. Back scratches, hand squeezing, and like PP said head patting are pretty easy, non invasive ways to express affection. As far as not feeling it, kids can be hard, give yourself a break. Make sure you have enough recharge time. I love what Quill said that love is a verb. I also second giving them affectionate pet names. That's an easy way to show affection. Also, it can be easier to want to cuddle with clean, well dressed toddlers. Maybe make cuddle time after bath time when they smell nice and they're in their soft fuzzy jammies. Then you can rock or read and just enjoy each other. Good for you mama, for being caring and conscientious. Edited for typos

Maya Meadow Marigold Apparently I'm stuck on M names. ETA : June -not an M name but so cute

If I were in your shoes I would take a few deep breaths, try and calm any busy or frantic thoughts, and then try with my husband to decided what would be best for your family as a whole. Maybe that's an adventure in Germany, or maybe not. You will have growing pains no matter what you choose-that's just life. There's a reason why your concerned about your oldest, and it's not silly or trite to take that seriously. Your children's welfare should be a big factor in future plans IMHO. These thing are hard, because minus a crystal ball anything you choose is an educated, well thought out, guess as to what would be best. ETA- typos

Before I Fall- it's in theaters now. It has a Groundhogs Day premise but with a teen drama kind of feel. I thought it was very well done with a fantastic message. It did earn its pg 13 rating though as it has suicide, alchohol, bullying, and sexual themes in it. Basically the whole movie revolves around teen conflicts- friends included.

Ha ha, that's how we do it. Dd does tidy it once a day and every so often I give it an overhaul, but yes at any given moment it looks as if a bomb has gone off :).

Ask yourself, would you like to have a playroom for your family? If you would, add it. For me, it wouldn't even be a question I'd add it. It's not a need, but gosh it's nice to have a room dedicated to toys so that I can just close the door and the rest of the house stays nice. Do you and your husband see yourselves being in your new house for the long term? Would you like a playroom for your grandchildren? I don't understand leaving it out because of a child's passing phase. Edited because of grammar.

I think free play can help so much in building resilience. Here are just a few resilience builders that I have observed from my daughters free play. Disappointment- my daughter and her friend made a plan to catch the Easter Bunny. They put a lot of time and work in drawing up plans, constructing traps, and preparing living arrangements. The Easter Bunny is still at large. Lesson learned, things don't always go as planned but they had a lot of fun trying. Plan B- My daughter and her friends were sledding. DD's sled had a crack in it and after a bumpy run the sled broke. They consoled each other and decided to go down the hill "like penguins" - on their bellies. They had a blast. Social confidence- DD's good friend started spending all of her time at another girls house for about a month. DD simply focused on her other friends- no mess-no drama. When good friend came around again DD had no problems including her. This gave DD practice in dealing with the concepts of choices, loyalty, proactivty, and forgiveness Free play is messy and fun and a lot of times things don't work out. Sometimes she's okay with that and sometimes she isn't. But as she plays I see DD gaining the confidence that comes from facing life's little bumps, and best of all she loves it. Edited for typos :P

I really can't imagine doing this all over again. One life is hard enough! I believe we were guardian angels before we were born and we'll be guardian angels after we die. I like to think that these children were remembering past people who they were called to look after, not past lives. My daughter however does believe in reincarnation. Not really in a past lives sort of way, but since she was tiny she would talk about how after she dies she would be a baby again and then a kid etc. Maybe it was how I explained the circle of life. I actually drew a circle and labeled it birth through old age and then death. Logically a circle goes round and round and doesn't stop, so maybe she drew her conclusion from that. I'm totally fine with her believing what she wants about the afterlife. Who knows, maybe she's right? I'm more concerned about making the most out of the here and now.

I'm sorry. ***hugs***

I haven't finished this book yet so my thoughts are somewhat incomplete. This is my first book by Dr Estes, but I think Im hooked. Dr Estes talks a lot about reconnecting to our intuitive selves , not everyone's into that. It also has less than lovely imagery at times- an old hag with beetle juice running down her mouth, for example. I'm sure that could be off putting. I however am finding her message timely. Her vivid imagery ( lovely and less lovely) is powerful. Vailissa and it's analysis is essentially the story of a woman who finds her strength and inner authority. I found the story to be both healing and encouraging. Estes' story about the dual nature of women is thought provoking. So far, I find the book to be a rich and thought provoking way to help women find and make peace with their authentic selves.

Have you read this book and if so, what are your thoughts? I have only read through the first story and analysis but so far I am smitten. I love the idea of exploring the wild woman archetype through stories. I love how unsanitzed Vasilissa was. Did you love this book as much as I am loving it or was it only okay, or were you repulsed?

Midnight Orange is an etsy shop that sells handmade sculptures depicting mothers and angel babies that are IMO a whole lot more empathetic and comforting than the one you linked. That statue feels trite to me. The ones by Midnight Orange actually show grief, loss, love, and connection.

That would bother me too. I'm funny though because if it bugged me enough I'd do something to thank myself. I would probably buy myself a simple bouquet of flowers and a gourmet cupcake, enjoy them both and then feel better about the situation. It seems silly but if I need to feel appreciated then I show myself appreciation and enjoy that.

I have no advice but hopefully encouragement. My older brothers and I took after my mom- longer and almost malnourished looking. My younger sister took after my dad- shorter and rounder. She didn't do anything different than the rest of us. It was genetic. My mom made exercise a togetherness thing. My younger sister and I went to dance classes and swim lessons together We walked to and from school together. We joined our mom in these hilarious 80's exercise videos, often giggling as we bounced away. We took part in family runs, my sister and I usually trailing behind everyone else. We would play tennis being so bad that we'd cheer whenever the ball was hit. It was a really happy and positive time for us, something that bonded us together. We had our share of fighting and misunderstandings but we were close, and still are. In our case "getting the family involved" gave us more than the benefits of exercise. It became a joyful part of our lives. The positive impact of your healthy family choices might surprise you.

We swish (then swallow) nano minerals called bone support. Basically it's nano sized calcium and magnesium. It tastes like water so it's not offensive to my super picky kid, and the nano size makes it 100% absorbable to your body. I feel a difference after I take it, as in my teeth feel stronger. That, and a flouride tablet has helped us to dodge any cavities so far. Also , I've upgraded the quality of our dairy (pasture raised- grass fed). I also sneak in bone broth in her diet whenever I can. If you Google Weston Price you can dive down a rabbit hole of information about nutrition and dental health. Good Luck!

I guess that's my way of saying that you can't "fix" the kids if they're not the ones who are broken.

Oh , I know this story. This is the one where stepchild can do no right. Even when she changes A why there's still B, C,D, and indeed a whole alphabet that's wrong with her. Where does all of the hatred, faultfinding, and negativity go when stepchild grows up and leaves? Why that lands straight on mom. And mom spends 20+ years in a joy-less, soul sucking, life draining marriage. It does have a happy ending though when mom, in a moment of clarity, breaks free and ends the relationship. I can't recommend this story, as it's not worth the read.

I wanted to say thanks. I am so happy with how my dc's education is developing, and it is largely because of your questions, answers, and discussions. Finding this forum has been a real blessing to me and my family.

This happened to my neighbor and she carried her baby full term. It happened to me and I miscarried. Lots of hugs your way.

Albeto, you make a strong case that medicine is a science and you're right, but it is also an art. An art filled with intuition, gut hunches, inspiration and different perspectives. This very real part of medicinal practice could not stand up in a double blind test yet it is vital and valuable. Many people turn to alternative medicine when conventional medicine leaves them wanting. Its nice to have options.