I know the sensory stuff is all highly variable. Dd has had all kinds of dental work done, including teeth out, without having any particular trouble. If anything, she seems unusually tolerant of procedures that they expect will be difficult. She is generally a sensory seeker. I do remember when she was coming out from under anesthesia as a very small child she had a really awful time: screaming and thrashing around for ages. But I don't remember (if I ever knew) what anesthesia she had had, and more recently it hasn't been an issue. Not sure if any of that helps you at all. I generally try to make sure dd knows what will be happening a day or so ahead of time, but not long enough for her to work herself into major anxiety. A weekend of brooding does us no favors. YMMV. Hope it goes well!

All the news seems so grim these last few days. I keep thinking about this poor family, and the people in that tower in London, and Scalise. So much sadness.

Thanks. She has a brace, and if she returns to riding we're planning on having her use it. I wish I had thought to talk to her physical therapists about this before her treatment ended. I've wondered about seeing another doctor for a second opinion, but she's already seen the local sports medicine guy. Hope your miniscus healed well!

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I'm so happy for you! That's great!

Does anyone have experience with this? Dd has had a history of her patella becoming dislocated, apparently based on underlying structural issues. Her orthopedist said that continuing riding after her initial recovery would be fine, but her riding instructor thought he was basing that opinion on insufficient understanding of the stresses involved in horseback riding. Posting and two-point position both seem to me to pose hazards. Dd wants to get back to riding but says her patella feels "wiggly." We are both worried, but she loves riding, and it has been very good for her in general. Do any experienced riders have thoughts on how dangerous this is?

Maize, I've been following this without having much to offer except sympathy, til now. I would encourage you to talk to your insurance company ASAP and find out what they can offer in ABA, and if there is an age cut-off in your state for autism services. This is my personal soapbox for parents of kids who may be on the spectrum. Each state has its own laws, but for many, if a child is diagnosed after some arbitrary age, the insurance companies are not obligated to provide services like ABA for autism. As long as they are diagnosed before that age, they have access to services. So there is good reason to do whatever it takes to get that diagnosis soon. At least find out what rules apply to you, so you can make informed decisions. Good luck. I hope you can find a way to get what you need.

I hope you get a reassuring answer soon. Hugs.

Sending hope and strength for all of you, especially Jenna.

That sounds like a course which we can work at. Thanks so much for the information!

Okay, thanks, that's a good start. What *is* well regarded among people in the know?

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I have seen this in my dd. It was years before she was diagnosed. She got a fairly high fever, and afterward her symptoms vanished for several weeks. It was fairly remarkable: all of a sudden I could tell her to go to time out after misbehavior, *and she would go!* Calmly! Eventually things went back to normal. She has not actually had fevers much, and I haven't seen the effect at other times. I have seen that research and been intrigued. Unfortunately dd doesn't like hot baths or broccoli, but maybe we need to try again.

I am so sorry. How very hard.

In the dog sitting thread, Paws4me mentioned dog training programs. What is the best training route for a teen who is interested in this as a possible career? I know there are the programs mentioned in the other thread, and I've heard animal behaviorists mentioned also. The teen in question is not academically gifted, but has worked hard and trained her own dog pretty well. College might be a stretch, but community college seems reasonable. Or, if she's interested enough, she might manage more than we can currently predict. Any ideas or information?

You have some options here. One route is to go through your pediatrician and get a referral to a neuropsychologist or developmental pediatrician. If your ped is receptive, concerned and well-informed, this could be a good route. If your ped is not helpful, you can do some research yourself. Google your town+state+developmental pediatrician, for example, or neuropsychologist. Find some practices, call them, and talk things over. Describe your dc's issues and ask what sort of evaluation they would do. If you suspect particular issues like ASD or sensory or whatever, ask about their experience. Find out about insurance coverage, costs and how long you'll need to wait to get in. Be prepared to drive a few hours to a good evaluator, if you aren't in a major urban area. Many (most?) evaluators will need to have a referral from your ped, which is different from an insurance referral (though you may need that as well). It's just paperwork saying there is reasonable cause for an evaluation. You can tell your ped this is what you want to do, and in all likelihood they will agree. Then just wait for your appointment. In the meantime make notes about your concerns, behaviors you see, and adults who work with your dc in other settings who can fill out forms describing what they see. Hope that helps. A good evaluation can require some effort, but the results are worthwhile.

I can't see your signature (if you have one), but I know you've mentioned a fifteen year old who is on the spectrum. At some point you may want to have access to ABA or other therapies, which can be extremely expensive. Just as a guide, for us, 5 hours of ABA per week (the lowest time which was considered useful) was going to cost about $20,000/year. Thankfully, we had help covering it. Whether insurance covers this varies by state, but it would be worth looking into. Appropriate therapy can make an enormous difference in a child's (and family's) life. It is useful for teens, as well as younger children. And, if it is covered, your insurance would instantly have proven worthwhile, before anyone ever develops the sniffles. Just one more reason to get the insurance.

Hugs. I can hear your frustration clearly. My child with ASD is only 12, so feel free to take my experience with a grain of salt. We try to remember the guideline that kids on the spectrum are not as socially or emotionally mature as they "should" be, but tend to behave as if they were around 2/3 to 3/4 of their actual calendar age. So, my 12 yo is socially and emotionally 8 or 9. That is, in fact, a pretty accurate reflection of her abilities. By this metric, your 15yo might be more like 10 or 12 emotionally. He might not be fully capable of pacing himself, dealing with deadlines and frustrations, especially over a period of several weeks. He will also not be emotionally an adult at 18. I still have to sit by my dd every day and make sure she keeps going on her work. She does not yet have the ability to manage it herself, though she is getting better. Your son may need more daily support as well. I think the idea to give daily computer time after work is done is a good one. Having a big consequence for a large chunk of work done or undone, weeks away, could be overwhelming your ds. Giving him a daily workload and daily reward would be much more manageable. Regarding the chores: we've had this battle, too, and it is pure ASD. The rigid thinking and the idea that everything must be perfectly fair, as perceived by the child with ASD, is torture for a parent. You have my sympathy. I don't have a solution, but again, it is a reflection of his disability. It isn't misbehavior in the classic sense, though he will need to learn that expectations for five year olds are different from expectations for teens. Do you have access to ABA, or any sort of autism-specific therapy? Has he had that sort of assistance? Good luck! I know it's hard.

I'm so sorry. I do hope it is treatable.

This is me, sort of. I feel like I'm surrounded by an invisible community. Both DH and I have had family in the area for a very long time. Pretty much any region I go to in our state, there are places I associate with family members. In some of those places I have deep personal memories; in others, the connections are much older, but they still lend a sense of family connection. In our immediate community I have the memories of my parents' last years, along with my kids' early childhood. There are also places associated with my dh's family long ago, and my own college years. In a nearby city I have my own childhood memories. Another town an hour away was my grandfather's family home, going back to the 1830s. I can drive around there and point out places that were significant to the family back to the 1860s, and I grew up knowing the same farm in that town where my grandfather was born in 1890. The whole state is kind of like that, with stronger connections in some places and weaker in others, but something significant in most regions. This isn't the sort of community the OP is asking about, but it's one I'd have a very hard time leaving. The whole area is a web of memories of people who are gone now.

Many hugs for you this weekend.

Another beekeeper here, and I agree with every word of this post. One detail I'd add is that hiring private contractors to spray for mosquitoes is a harmful practice. Municipal spray programs are dangerous, yes; but local bee clubs in our area at least usually get notice of spray times and can take measures to protect our bees. It's not perfect, but it helps. But if homeowners dotted around the region hire private spray crews, we have no way to protect the bees which visit their yards. I know the mosquitoes are a valid problem, too, especially in areas with Zika concerns.

Thanks, all. I appreciate the different perspectives. This is difficult for me, as you see. Both her positive qualities and her negative ones are very genuine. I don't want to be unkind, but somehow, I find her very hard to take in large doses. I wish I were better at this. I'll consider all you have said.

Yes, movies are a good idea. We've done this a few times. I should do it more.

Does it change things if I add that the complaints and criticism, while recurrent, are not the bulk of her conversation? Mostly she just talks about anything and everything, long descriptions of what she's been doing, descriptions of family relationships I learned years ago, just stream of consciousness talking. When I say she means to be kind, I mean she has always turned up with balloons and elaborate presents for the kids' birthdays, she always asks about what they are doing, she offers to help with everything under the sun, she made dinners for us when my parents were dying. She just doesn't listen well enough to understand what the kids actually want for their birthdays, or if we make it painfully obvious, she expresses the idea that something else would be better. She suggests thing to do with them, then gets upset if they feel like they've outgrown that activity. She doesn't agree with choices they make, and says so. At this point they just want to stay away from her, and mostly I have facilitated that. They are never alone with her. I told DH years ago that it would be easier to be blunt with her, but he felt (and feels) like that would be rude. So I have kept on being carefully polite, since she's his sister. We are very carefully polite with each other. She just keeps pushing, very clearly, for something more, and I just keep politely being busy. It is driving me nuts. To clarify, they moved here more than ten years ago, so this is not a new situation.