That doesn't sound crazy at all. Your entire life has been in flux for the past year, it seems very reasonable that now you have a firm direction you want to start getting settled.

I would find the school issue very stressful. In that and every situation you are absolutely not in the wrong to prioritize the well-being of your own children. As your niece's parents are hopefully prioritizing her wellbeing. It's hard when there are no really good solutions and everyone is muddling through trying to pick least-bad solutions as they perceive them.

ADHD meds can impact mood and behavior--I'm one who experiences higher anxiety and general emotional arousal when I take stimulants. It sounds like this child is likely stuck in a cycle of high anxiety and negative thought processes. When everything *feels* wrong and out of control, our brains naturally go looking to our environment for a source of the feelings--but very often that is getting things backwards; the feelings are just there, and the stories we tell ourselves to explain them are fabrications. We then try to fix what we think is causing our distress, but experience no relief. When our attempts to *fix* our environment to relieve our personal distress involve *attempting to control the behavior of other people* we fall into manipulative and abusive patterns. When we see this pattern in someone else, it helps to keep in mind that there isn't usually a rational explanation. We can't reason the person out of their feelings because the feelings were never based on reason in the first place. We might be able to make some progress relationship-wise by validating the feelings themselves (not the justifications the person builds around them).

Are their ways for you personally to "show up" for SIL and New Niece without involving the kids? Maybe you could take Niece to a movie or something--just the two of you? I don't think you need to put your kids in the way of harm in order to be supportive. Protect them, but show up as support yourself. I know you have very limited time and bandwidth, but it sounds like you genuinely want to reciprocate the support SIL has offered your family over the years and I'm thinking this might be a way to do that without involving the kids. Looking forward a bit, you might find ways for your kids to be involved in supporting their relatives in ways that don't put them in the line of fire for harmful behavior from niece. I'm thinking of something like secret santa/twelve days of Christmas deliveries where there is service happening without active contact.

Dialectical behavior therapy teaches skills for coping with stress. Transcranial magnetic stimulation helps brains rewire themselves. Application to trauma is still in the research stage, but even treatment using the depression amd anxiety protocols could be helpful.

I believe that people who are acting in confusing ways are confused themselves, and usually are navigating the world with some degree of malfunctioning processing going on in their brains. What can people close to them do under those circumstances? 1--love them without judgment. 2--maintain what boundaries are necessary for our own safety and sanity (I can't allow someone else's malfunctioning brain to dictate my life). 3--maintain what space we can in our hearts and minds for a relationship as and when they are able to engage. It can be a difficult balancing act, and certainly hard to navigate without falling into an attitude of resentment. I believe--I know from experience--that deeper understanding and compassion can free us from resentment and bitterness and allow us to accept and welcome whatever good there is in someone else. We can't unilaterally create a healthy relationship with someone else's malfunctioning brain, but we can love with sincerity even while holding necessary boundaries.

CONGRATULATIONS!!! You've exhibited so much patience and persistence, I'm glad you are finally seeing a bit of payoff and hope things just keep going up from here.

I'm in favor of carrots over sticks. Expand educational choice funding, including flexible virtual charter schools and homeschool vouchers. Equip families with resources. Most parents want good things for their kids, and fewer homechooled kids will experience academic neglect if their families have funds available to pay for tutors and in-person or online classes. We can't guarantee that no child will be neglected or abused, but in general more resources for families will benefit kids. In terms of oversight to try to catch serious abuse, I might be OK with something not targeted specifically at homeschoolers--say, a requirement that all children be seen by a medical professional at least once a year, with free options (say, a county health clinic, maybe free community clinic days) available. Again, incentivize it--each kid that shows up gets a small gift card or something.

I read via audiobbooks anytime I'm doing tasks that don't require a lot of mental focus.

Romney announced he is stepping down to let younger people step up. Hoping here for some younger Republicans willing to fill his shoes.

I had long labors, and for some of them pushing (once I f..i..n..a..l..l..y dilated enough to push!) was absolute agony, as if the bones of my pelvis were being torn apart. Sometimes baby's head just doesn't fit through mom's pelvis.

That would have to be one enormous tsunami to threaten anyone that far inland!

My son found a tutor with a PhD in chemistry to tutor him in high-school. She lived in India and tutored through Preply.com.

I got shingles at age 42; its been hitting people younger than it used to. One theory is that without regular exposure to chicken pox in the wild (because kids get vaccinated now) those of us who had chicken pox as kids aren't getting the natural immune boost that comes from re-exposure. Stress of any kind can be a trigger--illness, sunburn, psychological stress. 2020 is what did me in!

Definitely get checked for singles if the rash is all on the same side of your body! If you are diagnosed soon enough you can take an anti-viral.

I'll keep sharing things I come across. My job right now is to help women find jobs, so I do a lot of job listing searches!

Here's a remote Support Analyst position, entry level: https://jobs.lever.co/bpmcpa/ad6470e3-6197-4c7f-87f3-14123b065034

Part of the problem I see is that we continue to hold up a pattern of life established by and for males as the template of a successful adult life. And that template is a very poor fit for females. Reproduction and caregiving are not just cultural expectations for women, they are biological mandates. Look at all our mammalian cousins; almost universally, mothers carry the load not only of gestating and birthing offspring, but overwhelmingly of caring for them. We homo sapien females did not lose that nurturing drive just because our brains developed creative and analytic capacity beyond that of other species. It isn't culture alone that leads us to care profoundly and persistently about our offspring, to have them at the forefront of our minds more consistently than males of our own species do. It's not just culture that women pour more of our time and resources into caregiving, and I don't just mean direct, hands-on, taking care of the infants and children and disabled and elderly humans in our circles ourselves caregiving. Women are also the ones who organize external care--we're the ones visiting daycares, interviewing nannies and babysitters, researching preschools, reading about educational methods, buying parenting books, signing our kids up for soccer and dance and music lessons, organizing carpools, attending parent-teacher conferences, making doctors appointments. Every mother I know, even those who view themselves as not particularly nurturing, pours significant time and energy into their child(ren)'s growth and opportunities. But our cultural pattern of successful adulthood has little to do with caregiving and everything to do with focused competitive striving. We need to flip that perspective. Yes women can do nearly everything men can do (there are a few activities reliant on physical size and strength that males on average are better suited for). But a pattern of life established by men unencumbered by caregiving because the women of the community were handling all of that isn't a pattern well-suited to women as a group. That pattern doesn't have to be the universal expectation of adults participating in the greater economy. It's possible to establish a pattern that is flexible and recognizes caregiving as the massive contribution to society it is, and makes room for both women and men to integrate caregiving into their lives at whatever level is fitting at a given time. Recognizing the value of and making room for caregiving as an integral part of normal life, not something that needs to be segregated out (at home moms) or fit into the margins (working moms), will benefit women immensely without detracting at all from men. I fully believe that men benefit from more flexibility in life and education and career as well, it's just not as nearly impossible for them on average to navigate the current set-up as it is for mothers.

The devaluation of cargiving work, both paid and unpaid, is a huge issue. It's a self-feeding cycle--society undervalues women because they engage in caregiving, and society undervalues caregiving because women engage in it. Years ago I read the book Unfinished Business that discussed the failure of the various generations of feminism to address the undervaluing of caregiving and caregivers. It proposed that there are two major spheres of labor: competitive and caregiving. We value the competitive sphere and those who engage in it, and we devalue the caregiving sphere and those who engage in it. If we want to fully value women as integral and fully participant members of society and of the general economy, we need to bring caregiving to the forefront and put it on equal standing with the competitive sphere. Part of the way forward could be normalizing non-linear, non-exclusive career progressions. A capable adult unburdened by caregiving responsibilities can dedicate themselves in a focused, linear, uninterrupted manner to education and career. An adult who takes on significant caregiving in addition to or, for some period of time, instead of, an exclusive focus on self-development and career cannot compete on an equitable basis in the system as it currently exists. But the system does not have to be as inflexible as it is. We can build in greater flexibility in educational paths, greater flexibility in employment--make it easy to step back from 40 hours per week to 10-20 hours per week for example, then ramp back up just as easily later. Provide more supportive internship and returnship opportunities for women who have stepped out of the employment field for a time to care for children. I'm currently working part-time as a placement coordinator for an organization dedicated to helping moms get into tech careers, and just opening up intership opportunities to people who aren't currently full-time college students would remove one of our most significant barriers to helping women get a foot in the door. There are plenty of low-cost, flexible, and even free training options for many tech fields-- we have women learning to code, earning professional certifications, etc. Access to training isn't a primary barrier. It's access to the entry-level, experience-building positions that are available to young, unencumbered people following a traditional full-time student path. There's no reason that can't change. I spent today at a tech conference talking about these issues with every industry representative who would listen.

I've been intrigued by efforts to revive the American Chestnut: https://www.npr.org/local/305/2021/10/18/1047023029/the-american-chestnut-was-wiped-out-a-century-ago-could-it-make-a-comeback

I currently have 4 boys ages 6-18 sharing a room. This is at least partly their choice, there are other possible configurations and the 18 year old has been offered a private room. He prefers to share. The current set-up is one full-size bed and a triple twin bunk. We're getting ready to change that to a full-size bunk and a twin bunk. I'd prefer an xl twin bunk but am having trouble finding one; tall boys need bigger beds. My babies and toddlers always stayed in my room until at least age 3.

Yep, we are creative with privacy. For changing clothes, my kids mostly use the bathrooms. If those are occupied they often use my room (which is usually empty during the day). All clothes are kept in the laundry area. We use room divider screens a lot as well. Having an entire room for one's personal use at all times is far from a human norm. I'm not saying it isn't nice, but it's definitely a want not a need.

We basically opted for your option 4--build a storage shed and convert the garage into living space. It was by far the least expensive way to improve our living situation/add square footage. We did hire out the work for both. It works. I do still sometimes wish for a bigger house, especially as it looks like my 18 year with ASD may be living with us longterm; the "big kids will launch and leave more space" thing doesn't always happen. Overall though I think I prefer having a little more wiggle room in the family budget to having more space.

I would not file before consulting with at least three lawyers. Do not file without a lawyer. I am not an expert in this, but yes I think you need to have a lawyer before filing.

Handwriting can certainly be remediated. I would separate out handwriting and spelling. Does the school expect print or cursive handwriting? Do they have a preferred style? If they don't care what style you use, I would get some handwriting workbooks in whatever style you and/or he prefer (if he has a preference and you go with that, you will get more buy-in). I personally favor D'Nealian and similar modern italic styles for print, but any style is fine. Get a workbook that takes him systematically through letter formation. If he responds to incentives, offer him incentives to get through it--handwriting practice is boring and may feel babyish to him. Once he has basic letter strokes down, move on to copywork. You can purchase copywork workbooks, or you can make your own worksheets, or you can give him a book to copy from and just remind him to form the letters as he practiced. Copywork will help with spelling. If you want more explicit spelling instruction, hopefully others will address that; I have never yet found a spelling program that I love. You might talk to his teacher and suggest he work on handwriting and copywork in the place of any assigned writing homework for now.