A lot of our population growth in the US comes from immigration. Australia isn't easily accessible.

I really, really hope you get this job!

A 504 plan can address non-academic challenges at school; if there are things during the day that are particularly hard for her you might be able to target those areas.

A couple of my family members have done abilify on top of an ssri. It did help with anxiety, but for both it left them feeling tired all the time. They didn't stick with it. Medications are what psychiatrists do. They really don't have many other tools to offer, especially for kids (there are a few other options such as TMS for adults). It's very standard practice to suggest adding a second medication. And it never actually resolves the problem completely. Unfortunately, brains are complicated and psychiatry has barely scratched the surface of understanding and treating brain malfunctions. OCD is notoriously difficult to manage. I wish I had more encouragement to offer. I'm in the trenches as well.

Does she have an IEP or 504 plan for school? One of my kids had her anxiety and OCD go through the roof the year I put her in school (5th grade). The school worked with us to try to lower her stress; she was exempted from homework, had permission to go to the resource room when stressed, etc. She made it through the year but there were so many meltdowns. I didn't send her back the next year; for her, stress has been lower at home.

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There are no easy answers where mental health is concerned. Are you currently homeschooling? If school is causing significant stress, dial back on school. In the ranking of priorities, schoolwork doesn't come anywhere close to mental health. Mental health has to be absolute top priority.

Please report back!

It is impossible for an unhealthy brain to maintain a healthy relationship. We cope with reality as it is ((())).

There's a lot of this in my marriage. The problematic behaviors in dh's case are driven by mental illness, and while treatment has helped somewhat, there is no cure-- and a decent chance things could get worse again. I've coped partly by living as independently a possible within the marriage. I just go on with my life and don't consult or try to involve him 90+% of the time. That wouldn't work with a spouse who was set on control, but that's mostly not one of the issues we deal with. I think it could have been had I ever been the compliant/ people pleasing sort-- but I'm not and he knows I will ignore efforts to control my behavior. I've often thought that dh was super fortunate to get me as a wife because, quite apart from the fact that I genuinely care for him and see his good aspects, I'm strong-willed and independent enough to not be crushed and ground into the floor by the hard parts of living with him.

I think guitar is a great instrument--portable, lots of inexpensive options new or used, tons of lessons available free on YouTube or minimal cost through apps, udemy courses, etc.

Trauma, once incurred, can't be fully erased. Hate in a relationship most definitely involves trauma. But old scars can fade with time. I think it would depend on the people and the circumstances. It would, at a minimum, require genuine remorse, changing of attitudes and behaviors, and openness to forgiving on both sides--plus a lot of time. Time for brains to re-wire themselves, time for new patterns and memories to over-write old.

We were cross-posting. I think it's fine to just pay and move on as well if that is the lowest stress option to you.

It might be worth going to court for the ticket. Sometimes the officer doesn't even show up and you win by default.

If you find a compassionate view helpful, I really do think that when people behave in ways that sabotage their relationships and ultimately their own happiness on a regular basis, there really and truly is something going wrong in their brain. The brain is a physical organ. It's the organ we use to make decisions. And it can be just as messed up as any other organ. The flip side of this is that people with well-functioning brains have every right to establish boundaries to prevent the behavior of a person with a malfunctioning brain from destroying the lives of those around them. Compassion does not require pandering to the malfunction. Do you know the saying about kids-- they do well if they can? I believe it applies to humans in general. If someone is regularly behaving in ways that negatively impact their own life and the lives of others, something is preventing them from doing well. I've mourned over how much of our children's lives my husband has missed out on because he was too stuck in the anxiety and misery and irrationality and depression inside his own head. The ways his brain functioning is impaired are on the more obvious side, at least to me. A lot of people deal with less obviously disabling brain limitations. They may be fully functional in most areas of their lives, but lack the ability to feel true empathy or comprehend genuinely reciprocal relationships. That is a real disability. For me at least, understanding problematic behavior as stemming from brain functioning issues helps me process it in a more compassionate and forgiving way. And that leaves me more at peace.

It's mental illness. It's sad, for everyone. And yes, most for her because she is missing the life and relationship that would be available to her. I'm sorry, I would cry too over that reality. How wonderful that you have created a home that your own children amd grandchildren enjoy!

We had a square dancing unit in my high school PE class, it was fun. There's certainly no reason schools, especially large high schools, couldn't offer a variety of PE options. Enroll in a pilates class for a semester, or a dance class (certainly physical enough to be considered PE as well as performing arts!), or a pickleball class; have the option of walking around the track chatting with friends during class--it's physically active and gets the heart rate up. Certainly making kids miserable should not be the goal of PE, nor should it be to push everyone to perform like a professional athlete.

It's not obsolete, if anything it should be given more time. There's a ton of research that shows students perform better when they are given more time for physical activity. It doesn't need to be something kids hate though, although there's probably no way to please everyone. An hour of physical activity in every school day but with activities kids can choose from would be fantastic. And it can be done safely.

I hope they are keeping the kids hydrated. I did military training in San Antonio in July and August. It was brutal, but safety was taken seriously. "Drink water!" was among the most common shouted commands and we were required to keep two filled canteens with us at all times.

I unfortunately agree with you that this perception is common. I fail utterly to understand it. Do people not, at a minimum, remember being children themselves? Remember that, as children, they were persons?

🚫🍽🧌

When I moved back to the US for college after years living overseas I apparently had a "something not quite identifiable but definitely not from around here" accent. People would comment on it and ask me where I was from-- which was an impossible question to answer!

I don't think hiding an accent is an accurate description; it's impossible to speak without some accent or other. Maybe what you mean is that many actors adopt a particular common accent?

My husband's aunt has a funny story about breastfeeding in the 60's. She was breastfeeding her baby, which was very much not the norm in her community at the time. One day her neighbor came running over waving a newspaper and calling out "(...) you've got to stop nursing that baby! They've tested breastmilk and there's nothing in it!!!" Somehow I have no doubt at all that whatever study she was reading about was funded by a formula manufacturer... I do wonder though how that poor neighbor woman thought human infants had survived throughout history on nutritionless breastmilk?!

Yep. This happened to a friend of mine when she was living in Saudi Arabia as a teen. She was wearing sack-shaped clothing that covered her entire body, and was groped by a man while engaging in the extremely provocative activity of walking through a marketplace as a female.