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maize

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Everything posted by maize

  1. Our church services aren't very exciting, but if you ever have a chance to visit a temple open house for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints it is worth going! Temples are our most sacred spaces, entirely different from the meeting houses where we hold Sunday services, and are only open to the general public during the open house period before a new building is dedicated (or a remodeled building is re-dedicated). This page should be updated regularly with upcoming open house opportunities: https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/open-houses?lang=eng
  2. Do you have a start date for the library job?
  3. A parent acting this spitefully towards their own child is so hard to even imagine. You're doing well to make sure this kind of nonsense stops at your generation.
  4. I tried dehydrating jujubes for the first time (it's the first year I've had more than a handful that we ate fresh)--they really do taste surprisingly like dates when dried!
  5. He sounds mentally ill, unstable, and severely lacking in boundaries. He needed actual quality mental health treatment; unfortunately the chances he would have accepted and complied with such even were they available to him are small. Suicide is always tragic. That's about all I have to say. What a mess and I feel bad for all the people who have been impacted by either his inappropriate behavior or his death.
  6. This is why I now buy only organic bread.
  7. Several of my siblings are gluten free, they feel much better in general when they don't eat gluten. I tried eating gluten free and didn't notice any significant difference in my health. Interestingly, 23andMe now recognizes a "more likely to have celiac disease" genetic marker. I don't have it, but my siblings who react to gluten do. We found out about the marker years after figuring out that some of us react badly to gluten and others don't.
  8. maize

    75lbs down

    That is amazing! My dad pulled off something similar after a heart attack in his 50s.
  9. Anyone looking for a digital piano, I recommend giving this guy a call. He knows all the strengths and weaknesses of each model and can quote a better price over the phone than online: https://azpianonews.blogspot.com/p/about-us.html?m=1
  10. Tuning aside, Electric pianos have gotten so good that they are often better in both action and sound than the cheap used uprights that are all most people can afford in an acoustic piano! A nice high quality grand is of course a better instrument, or something like the tall Yamaha uprights, but I got a Yamaha electric piano at a fraction of what those would cost and it's much nicer than the old spinnet we had been playing on.
  11. I've done this as well, with a good professional app it takes time but isn't hard. In our area, piano tuning if the piano is in good shape and not horribly out of tune is about $100. If the piano needs repairs or heavy adjustment it is more.
  12. With a disorder like OCD the path forward is always going to long and full of complications. Thanks for the update!
  13. I've assumed for a couple of decades now that I would outlive dh. It isn't a guarantee of course, but given his health issues the odds are definitely in my favor. Both his dad and paternal grandfather outlived their wives significantly though (his dad is still going strong 6 years after MIL passed away, and his grandfather outlived his grandmother by more than three decades!) so who knows.
  14. I found some awesome fossil shells at about 13,000 ft above sea level once!
  15. Oh, I will fight you over these! Cannot stand chocolate with cheesecake and love fruit with just about anything. And so many happy hours of my life have been lived in the Star Trek and Star Wars universes. Absolute genius is behind both. Set a time and place and we will duke it out in hand-to-hand combat. As refreshments, homemade cupcakes will be served by men in kilts. The entire Hive is of course invited, the entrance ticket will be a 1-5 page essay on the relative merits of Saxon vs. Singapore math.
  16. That doesn't sound crazy at all. Your entire life has been in flux for the past year, it seems very reasonable that now you have a firm direction you want to start getting settled.
  17. I would find the school issue very stressful. In that and every situation you are absolutely not in the wrong to prioritize the well-being of your own children. As your niece's parents are hopefully prioritizing her wellbeing. It's hard when there are no really good solutions and everyone is muddling through trying to pick least-bad solutions as they perceive them.
  18. ADHD meds can impact mood and behavior--I'm one who experiences higher anxiety and general emotional arousal when I take stimulants. It sounds like this child is likely stuck in a cycle of high anxiety and negative thought processes. When everything *feels* wrong and out of control, our brains naturally go looking to our environment for a source of the feelings--but very often that is getting things backwards; the feelings are just there, and the stories we tell ourselves to explain them are fabrications. We then try to fix what we think is causing our distress, but experience no relief. When our attempts to *fix* our environment to relieve our personal distress involve *attempting to control the behavior of other people* we fall into manipulative and abusive patterns. When we see this pattern in someone else, it helps to keep in mind that there isn't usually a rational explanation. We can't reason the person out of their feelings because the feelings were never based on reason in the first place. We might be able to make some progress relationship-wise by validating the feelings themselves (not the justifications the person builds around them).
  19. Are their ways for you personally to "show up" for SIL and New Niece without involving the kids? Maybe you could take Niece to a movie or something--just the two of you? I don't think you need to put your kids in the way of harm in order to be supportive. Protect them, but show up as support yourself. I know you have very limited time and bandwidth, but it sounds like you genuinely want to reciprocate the support SIL has offered your family over the years and I'm thinking this might be a way to do that without involving the kids. Looking forward a bit, you might find ways for your kids to be involved in supporting their relatives in ways that don't put them in the line of fire for harmful behavior from niece. I'm thinking of something like secret santa/twelve days of Christmas deliveries where there is service happening without active contact.
  20. Dialectical behavior therapy teaches skills for coping with stress. Transcranial magnetic stimulation helps brains rewire themselves. Application to trauma is still in the research stage, but even treatment using the depression amd anxiety protocols could be helpful.
  21. I believe that people who are acting in confusing ways are confused themselves, and usually are navigating the world with some degree of malfunctioning processing going on in their brains. What can people close to them do under those circumstances? 1--love them without judgment. 2--maintain what boundaries are necessary for our own safety and sanity (I can't allow someone else's malfunctioning brain to dictate my life). 3--maintain what space we can in our hearts and minds for a relationship as and when they are able to engage. It can be a difficult balancing act, and certainly hard to navigate without falling into an attitude of resentment. I believe--I know from experience--that deeper understanding and compassion can free us from resentment and bitterness and allow us to accept and welcome whatever good there is in someone else. We can't unilaterally create a healthy relationship with someone else's malfunctioning brain, but we can love with sincerity even while holding necessary boundaries.
  22. CONGRATULATIONS!!! You've exhibited so much patience and persistence, I'm glad you are finally seeing a bit of payoff and hope things just keep going up from here.
  23. I'm in favor of carrots over sticks. Expand educational choice funding, including flexible virtual charter schools and homeschool vouchers. Equip families with resources. Most parents want good things for their kids, and fewer homechooled kids will experience academic neglect if their families have funds available to pay for tutors and in-person or online classes. We can't guarantee that no child will be neglected or abused, but in general more resources for families will benefit kids. In terms of oversight to try to catch serious abuse, I might be OK with something not targeted specifically at homeschoolers--say, a requirement that all children be seen by a medical professional at least once a year, with free options (say, a county health clinic, maybe free community clinic days) available. Again, incentivize it--each kid that shows up gets a small gift card or something.
  24. I read via audiobbooks anytime I'm doing tasks that don't require a lot of mental focus.
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