We decided at the last minute to get in the car and drive north. I was on the fence because predictions about traffic were dire. We're in the path of totality right now, trying to decide whether to stop in a tiny town or keep going. The sunrise is gorgeous, like the sun knows she's got a show today. :) We saw a couple fields with Eclipse Viewing signs on the way up but there's a bakery open in this tiny town so we're going to park at their eclipse festival and stay here.

My 14 yo dances ballet. He hasn't ever really been teased. Most guys he knows think it's cool. He's pretty muscular and athletic. When he's had a couple guys look taken aback he just says something about it being a good full body workout.

My 14 yo dances ballet. He hasn't ever really been teased. Most guys he knows think it's cool. He's pretty muscular and athletic. When he's had a couple guys look taken aback he just says something about it being a good full body workout.

That's kind of where we were, down to the "how long can we keep driving the minivan?" But camping and all of the gear, grown-sized kids still at home, dog, long road trips, 3-4 sets of full-sized golf clubs some afternoons. Some of those things, aren't going to change soon since our boys want to attend college near home. And then...grandbabies! We've got one already (we've got grown dd's), and it just seems like it makes sense to invest in a larger vehicle even though our boys are teens.

We just transitioned from a 17 yo Honda Odyssey to a Honda Pilot. It's only been a week but I love it. Lots of room--my boys and their friends are all man-sized now, or well on their way, so we wanted lots of space. There's lots of room. It handles well. Initially I was hesitant to get an SUV but the gas mileage wasn't much different from the Odyssey, so we went with the Pilot. Before I bought my Pilot, I talked to a few Pilot owners and all had rave reviews. :)

For a shorter hike when we'll be out for only 4-5 miles, I carry a water bottle and my phone. We sunscreen before we leave the car, and I keep snacks/picnic in a cooler in the car. If it's longer than 5 miles or we're planning on stopping to swim/snack, I carry a light daypack with snacks and extra water or my life straw water bottle. I've always got bandaids and bee sting capsules in the bag. Mosquito repellent and sunscreen if I think we'll need them. I just take a pic of the map/hiking directions with my phone so I don't have to carry the map or book. I have Keens hiking sandals for most day trips, and a light hiking shoe for overnights or longer hikes. I often wear a swim tank and swim bottoms with a hiking skirt so if we decide to swim, I just take the skirt off, dry in the sun a bit, and put it back on for the hike out. Sun hat if I think of it, and I tie a light jacket around my waist.

Teenage boys are just a whole different ball o' wax. They make us crazy. That's their job. 😀 I don't really have special tips or tricks or books to recommend. Seems like most of it comes from the gut. You're doing some pretty cool stuff already. You listened. You remember being a teen and some of the challenges. You can trust your expertise in raising *this* kid. Laughing, a lot, helps with teen boys. Figuring out when to flex and when to laugh and when to stand firm is an art. (Hint: You'll make loads of mistakes and have ample opportunity to model the art of apologizing). And oh my goodness, we just blink! and they're all tall and turning into man-people way before we're ready. Hmmph. And sure...if it makes you feel better: Things will be easier with your dd. 'Cause hormonal girls are loads of fun and super easy. Heh. Hugs. You're doing great. You got this, momma.

Yes, it was! It was interesting and thorough. I just passed it on the a nurse friend who works with a population of folks who've got a high likelihood of having experienced trauma in their childhood and adult lives.

I couldn't vote. My husband is the breadwinner but he works at home, so he's always here. He even prepares dinner 2-3 nights a week. Our schedule restrictions are the kids' activities. Now that they're middle and high school, they're often out until 8. We decided that family dinner is pretty important to us so we eat late. Other families we know in the same boat eat separately but spend time together in other ways. I believe that meal sharing is important. I believe that family time is important, and that family routines provide a rhythm to the flow of family life. And I even more believe that carving out that time is so dependent on family structure, priorities, schedules, preferences that there's got to be some flex, whatever that looks like. It might look like Sunday pancake breakfast (my dear friends do this) once a week, or family games in the evening instead of a family meal, or Friday movie and pizza. :) The "right" way to do family time is the way that works for your family.

I just read about tapping, etc.in a book I've been reading about trauma. Fascinating. I agree, I'm glad to see body-focused therapies becoming more accepted. Acupuncture/pressure, massage, yoga...our bodies aren't just vehicles for our brains, and it's nice to see treatment modalities that acknowledge that.

The 529's roll over pretty easily, so it could be that she is contributing to the older boy's account since he will need it first. My MIL did something similar when we started the kids' 529's. We've also rolled over the unused funds from both dds' accounts into our eldest son's account, which has substantially more than his brothers'. We just look at the total of the three accounts as the total college savings for all three boys, and it's looking like we'll be able to make a pretty sizeable dent in their college costs.

Yes, this. Being a HSP or coming from a dysfunctional family does not mean that others are entirely responsible for changing to accommodate one's sensitivity. This could be a maturity issue, something that he can develop awareness of and learn to change as he moves through life, it could be a family pattern that will diminish as he develops trust and security in his relationship with your dd and with you, or it can become an emotionally abusive manipulation. Or in between, just a really unpleasant and difficult characteristic that makes it hard to have conversations. Who knows? Be kind. Be aware of his issues. Be you. That sets a boundary for him that falls between you changing completely and him changing completely. There's got to be some balance, or the eggshells can turn into land mines.

The problem is in his perception and expectation. Because he is so important to your dd and you may be spending a lot of time together, I would ask him to give you his trust....that there are no hidden meanings in what you say, that you are a kind person who means well, that you like him and have no desire to criticize him, and that if you ever feel there is a problem to discuss you will approach him directly and respectfully. Then if he seems put off by something you said, remind him gently that you don't do hidden meanings and you have good intentions toward him. I would not get into conversations in which you are defending what you really meant. You cannot win. I have someone in my life like this. It can be very challenging. I try to watch my tone and delivery carefully, keep things light (similar to Tanaqui's suggestions above), and do small relationship-building things (bringing a cup of coffee, remembering a favorite snack), but also I realized I need to be me and be my own kind respectful self who really truly doesn't do hidden meanings or put people down.

We used to always try to be the one to put in the last piece of the puzzle. About a year ago, I had to go to work with my puzzle, one I'd been working on mostly by myself for a couple weeks, nearly solved, and my boys finished it for me just to be stinkers. I was a little miffed. Then they did it to the next puzzle too! Augh! But they laughed at themselves and at me so much that it made ME laugh, and it has turned into a thing....now I deliberately leave my puzzles unfinished so they can get my goat by finishing them. Silly little game, and by now they've cottoned on, but it's still fun. Rotten kids.

My kids wonder how I do it. They're jealous. 😄

Most people we know get cell phones for their kids in middle school. Most homeschoolers we know who do cell phones for kids get cell phones for the kids when they start doing outside activities without parents often enough that it's most convenient to communicate by text/call. My kids... Dd1 was 14. Dd2, 9, her dad (my first husband) got it for her. Ds1, 14 Ds2, 14 Ds3 does not have a cell phone yet.

Garga, many of our exchange students have come from families and lifestyles much more affluent than ours. They can live those lives all the time. The whole point of an exchange is to see how an American family lives. :) Crab picking sounds fantastic. So does a rodeo! We just live our daily lives and do our family activities: local swimming pool, backyard badminton, local baseball game, baking cookies, family game night, make ice cream sundaes or s'mores, hiking.... they have a great time. Be yourselves! Take lots of pictures. Our students have all enjoyed the photo album we put together for them at the end of their stay for a memento. They take lots of pictures, but the photos I take often have them in the picture, and they sometimes don't think to take pics of simple things, or are too busy participating! :D

I cook familiar dishes. Ones I like and that are somewhat flexible as far as add-ins so they're not exactly the same each time, and that I don't really need to think about any more. Soups, a quiche-ish dish made with corn tortillas for a crust, baked pasta, frittata, crockpot meals, roasted chicken legs on a bed of veggies, etc. Then I put on a podcast and listen to something interesting while I'm cooking. I try to serve a couple easy sides: rice (rice cooker), roasted veggies (just cut, toss in olive oil, roast in the oven), fresh fruit, green salad (just the greens and dressing), sliced fresh veggies, a loaf of bakery bread. Stuff I can just throw on the table, nothing that fancy. Since your dh can't help cook, is he able to do the grocery shopping? I hate grocery shopping. We plan the week's worth of meals, make a list, and my dh shops for the groceries for the week. It actually would work fine if I had to do the shopping too. Since everything I need is on hand, I can walk into the kitchen and start cooking. Plus...Sandwich Night, Fend for Yourselves Night, backyard cookouts (roast your own hot dogs--which seems like great fun but really means I don't have to cook, just slice a watermelon and throw some chips and salad on the table), Leftovers Night, and Sunday cooking class where we're teaching the boys to cook so they can take over a night or two eventually. FWIW, streamlining things helps, but none of those things make me want to cook. I reeeaaallly don't want to most nights. It's because I feel overwhelmed and overloaded by other things, and I feel weighted by the necessity of meal prep. Most nights I just buckle down and do it anyway, even if it's just tomato soup and cheese toast.

My ds has a Christmas birthday. On Christmas Day. That holiday week is a hard time to try to plan anything extra and to get friends together for a party. One year, we had his birthday party on Feb. 25 instead. It was great! Super fun, not a lot of activity conflicts, everyone was in town. I say go for it! No need to explain beyond it being the best time for your family to host a party. :)

http://www.redcross.org/get-help/prepare-for-emergencies/types-of-emergencies/earthquake

We're in the PNW. It's in the news periodically. New buildings are designed with earthquake resistance in mind. Some older buildings, like our neighborhood pool--we lost the high dive to ceiling reinforcements, have been gradually retrofitted. Coastal towns have tsunami warning sirens and marked escape routes. People talk about it, I guess, but not extensively. We're aware that emergency preparedness includes earthquake prep, for example. But mostly we can't do anything about it beyond making sure we've got emergency supplies and that the bookcases are fastened to the wall. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best. :)

I'm not Muslim myself, but we've hosted several exchange students from Arabic countries. Our Muslim exchange students have all told us that they were allowed to decide as children when they were ready to fast. I think the age range has been from 9-12ish, depending on the individual student. Those students traveling between their home country and the US said they are allowed to choose not to fast while traveling (we were curious about how to manage the sunup-sundown when traveling internationally), and are not expected to fast while ill, but have to/can choose to (depending on the individual student) make up for that time later. I'd assume a medical condition that makes fasting dangerous would also exempt someone from fasting.

I warned our neighbor girl that if she didn't follow the rules at our house, she'd be sent home for the day. And then I did it. "Oops, time for you to go home. Next time, please follow xyz house rule. You can come back to play tomorrow." And when she came back, we welcomed her back, clean slate. It didn't take long for her to be more responsive to direction. I'm really grateful we did that. She became a mostly pleasant guest and is still good friends with my daughter. They're in their twenties now. Snacks, we just feed anyone who's here. :)

Yes, I've done something similar. Oops! Hugs. It will blow over.

Yes! My chiropractor and massage therapist work together. The massage clinic is attached to the chiro's office. Sometimes the chiro will suggest that I ask the massage therapist to work on a particular area. He says that the two practices complement one another very well, and that's definitely been my experience. The massage isn't always like a nice relaxing spa massage. Sometimes she really gets into the deep tissue. But I've found that if I walk out of a massage feeling like I was rolled down a hill in a barrel of rocks, a couple days after I feel fantastic! And I can go longer between chiropractic adjustments.