Not knowing the history or abuse history here, this may or may not be appropriate in your case so YMMV... I once saw an episode of one of those nanny shows with a young teen daughter who kept doing stupid things like sneaking out, dressing inappropriately, posting ridiculous things on fb, completely disrespecting her parents, etc. The way the nanny on the show eventually addressed it was to have the younger children in the family leave, and sit down and spell out EVERYTHING those predators wanted to do to her. That they understood she wanted to feel older and sophisticated and have fun, but the reason to follow her parent's rules was... every aspect of modern white slavery. They basically scared the crap out of her, she was completely horrified and just scared enough to do a lot more listening. I've often thought that if we had that sort of battle as parents in the future we might do exactly the same thing.

I would wait out the line at the walk in clinic if I were you. I don't mess with breathing problems. I've had pneumonia 4-5 times now (I hesitate on one of them because the doctor said she'd give me the same treatment regardless of whether it was bronchitus or pneumonia, and didn't do a chest xray), and only twice did I feel super sick. I personally would assume the chest tightness is bronchitus, not pnuemonia because you don't have a fever and it doesn't make you completely winded to walk up stairs. It is possible you have walking pneumonia though, which is a kind where you don't typically feel as bad as you do with viral or bacterial pneumonia. If you do decide to stay home and tough it out, keep an eye on your temperature. If it goes to 103 or higher get to the emergency room.

Does anyone have any reccomendations to improve itchy dry skin? Lotion doesn't seem to help. My old standby used to be Aveeno, but since it is full of oatmeal and I have wheat allergies (I've even broken out to shampoos with wheat protein in them), I'm too worried about cross contamination to try it. Slathering on petroleum jelly or even a mixture of raw shea butter, coconut, and apricot seed oils didn't help either. Are there any "overnight cures," like how drinking 2 liters of water before bed usually improves acne overnight? How about eating a tub of guacamole? Yes, I've gotten to the point that I would deliberately gain 5 pounds just to stop the itch! It's everywhere, from the top of my head to the bottoms of my feet. No rash, no new cleaning products, just a cold snap and low humidity.

Can I suggest you lay out the FULL situation and send it in letters to the FTC, both of your senators and your congressional representative? Possibly also to your state legislators as well, as they tend to be more receptive to lobbying than those at the federal level are. Be sure to include information about the disability and the abuse and exactly how you'd like the laws to change to better protect children. I'm concerned about this also- -not because of disability as much as how kids will never be free to make mistakes and have them forgotten if everything is recorded online forever. Some mistakes just should not be put on the internet. Also, you might want to talk to a lawyer- if she is considered disabled you may have more parental rights than you or facebook realizes. You may be able to have to have her declared incompetent as far as the children's internet privacy laws are concerned, serve facebook with those papers, and then have the sort of control you would with a younger child. I would bet a letter sent from an attorney reflecting the abuse that has already occurred AND the steps you took to prevent it, making facebook essentially liable might go a long way towards making them change the policy when it comes to disabled children. If they ignored that, a PR campaign focusing on the ways facebook violates disabled children's safety would make it stop pretty quickly too.

Bethany, Elodie, Penelope

First, medically... I wouldn't trust the opinion of a doctor who first thought it was a blighted ovum and then.. what? some sort of encephalitus? Get a second opinion. Then, if another doctor and another scan shows the same thing you have some moral questions. Second, morally... Even though I think that in most cases abortion is wrong, I think there is VERY GOOD reason that it is not specifically banned in the bible when there are more than 600 rules and abortion existed in biblical times - because sometimes there are extraordinary circumstances where what is right most of the time is not right for that individual woman. Jewish ethicists maintain that jeopordising the health or life of the mother creates a moral imperitive to abort - to save the life that exists already rather than the possibility of life. Even though I've had misscarriages I would encourage you to have the D&C if that is what is right for you. FWIW, I think you can stand this better than you think, it's just frustrating to have the emotional ups & downs. A friend recently had a misscarriage, incomplete, and she had to go in to have a D&C eventually. The doctor warned her that she would be EXTREMELY fertile for the first couple months after the D&C, so unless they were ready to try again they should either abstain or use multiple forms of birth control. I wouldn't not do what is right for you because of you're afraid of fertility issues. You can probably get pregnant again a lot sooner after a D&C than you would waiting it out. Just whatever you do, don't make a decision out of fear. Get really calm, pray, and ask for the answer. It will come to you, and then you can make the decision that YOU will be most at peace about. The right decision for YOU is what matters.

The thing about horses is that they revolt if the rider has a bad attitude. They only obey commands if you are calm and in control. If not, they are much bigger and stronger than her and will outright ignore her, or worse try and throw her, or run straight for a low hanging branch to try and sweep her off. I had more than one horse do EXACTLY those things to me when I was a tween with a bad attitude, but I am grateful that my dad insisted I keep riding. It really did teach me a sort of natural calm assertiveness that helps a lot in many areas of life. Long after my dad has passed, I am the only person in my extended family who is any good at training a dog, for example, because they require the same sort of calm leadership. Of course, my dad was my instructor and was really good at telling me that the problem was that I was tense or frustrated or angry or whatever I wasn't even aware I was feeling and telling me to calm down and be assertive. Horses really did help. I would make sure that no abuse had happened to make her afraid of the horse, but then I would refuse to let her quit too, no argument about it. Also, I'm a little concerned that YOU are letting hormone-induced bratty behavior affect you so much that you're hiding in your room crying. You teach people the way they're allowed to treat you. If she's being disrespectful it's because you haven't insisted she be respectful. Explain it will no longer be tolerated. She may not be aware when she's doing it just yet, so you have a couple of options: either give her a warning by getting completely quiet and raising an eyebrow at her, in which case if she apologizes let her off the hook; or just punish each incident immediately. You could even make her one of those toddler calming jars with glitter and joke if she's going to throw a tantrum like a toddler she can get put in time out like one and have her shake up the jar, sit in the corner, and wait until the glitter calms down before she's allowed to get up again. For you, please read the book Boundaries. There's even a spin off called Boundaries with Kids or something like that which is probably good too (I haven't read that one yet though, so I can't say for certain). My guess is that if you're letting her upset YOU that much, she's mirroring your behavior in letting her sibling upset her that much. You probably owe her an apology for letting her upset you and for letting her get away with disrespectful behavior in the first place. Also, it sounds like she may need more hard physical exercise and more vitamin D. Perhaps you can supplement with D3 until winter is over, and do more activities that require a lot of exertion?

Before anyone strays too far into the legitimate belief argument... Many people who are pro life (or even pro choice because of libertarian beliefs but who think abortion is morally wrong even if it should be legal) are against vaccination because SOME vaccine viruses are cultured in fetal stem cell lines. So lots of mainline denominations and lots of Catholic nurses are adamently against some vaccines, and since it is difficult to determine all of the orgins of any vaccine they reject many outright. Here's some articles on that: http://www.catholiceducation.org/articles/medical_ethics/me0044.html Vatican condemns vaccines using fetal tissues: http://www.catholicculture.org/news/features/index.cfm?recnum=38498

No, but I REALLY hated our last one. I can't tell you the model, but it was a stainless one from Samsung that was brand new a few years ago and which is still being sold, and everything about it was awful. We had a repairman in within 2 weeks of putting it in, and several more times after that. It would randomly have error messages that the repairman couldn't figure out, even after replacing the motherboard, several valves, and some other stuff. It also was designed in such a way that unless the bottom drawer had very little in it, the detergent dispenser couldn't open at all. Huge frustration and total waste of money.

All the Louisa May Alcott books, but especially An Old Fashioned Girl and Rose In Bloom (Rose has a little romance, but only in the most Victorian of ways).

A Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson is pee your pants hilarious. Wild by Cheryl Strayed is also about a wildernes adventure, but more in the context of pulling your life together after it's fallen apart. Christian books by Francis Frangipane. The bible in various translations.

The thing is, viruses aren't alive, so there's no way to kill or weaken one. The way it works is two fold- for injected vaccines there are little pieces of viral DNA broken up. If they were full viruses they would infect you. But your body doesn't typically need to have an immune response to tiny pieces of viral DNA, so without the adjuvants you wouldn't have an immune response at all. The body would basically ignore it. The adjuvants are basically a little bit of poision that forces your immune system to engage with the poison, and since it is mixed with DNA, your body creates antibodies to that DNA. For Live vaccines you are actually being infected with the flu, but with a strain that can't replicate at "normal" body temperature. It can, however, infect your cooler upper respiratory tract. And if you live or work in a cold area, or if you have immune, hormone, thyroid or hypothalamus issues that mean your "normal" body temperature is two degrees below "normal," then you are going to get rip-roaring sick. And you're going to transmit that new weakened virus to everyone around you too. Even if you're a nurse working with patients with lower body temperatures. The good news is that some sweaty time in a sauna or hot bath to induce a fever can help stop that one quickly.

I agree that the flu is the least of your worries if you're in the hospital. Especially because if someone is known to have influenza in the hospital they are put on droplet precaution isolation so that staff doesn't accidentally transmit the flu to someone in the next room who has immune issues like HIV. MRSA, however, is EVERYWHERE. A couple of years ago when an H1N1 flu strain was called "an epidemic" the hospital I worked at at the time required two flu shots (one specific to the dangerous strain, one regular) from everyone in patient contact for the first time ever. So many of us had adverse reactions that the shot that the hospital cancelled the policy and sent the batch back... They called it a "bad batch" when more than 30% of people had nerve reactions to the shot. Mine was rather mild- my right knee went numb and I had a strange sensation of cold water being poured down my right outer thigh for several months afterward. I was concerned I was developing MS and had a ton of tests done until the news broke about the reason the shot rule had been suddenly reversed. Now NONE of those people who got that shot can EVER have a flu shot again, even when we're older and we get compromised immunity. I believe in flu shots, but I really wish I had put that particular shot off until the end of the deadline... BTW... despite multiple shots, that was the only year in the last 20 that I've ever had influenza.

I haven't gotten that attitude; most of our friends and even family are surprisingly supportive, especially after Newtown. Some have argued that it's better to learn to deal with boring busy work and social situations than to be academically challenged, but that's basically the only criticism we've heard about it. I have known several families who were awful homeschoolers. One pulled all their kids out of school because they didn't want the 7th grader to be in school once TEA had been fully explained to the other kids in her grade! They did nothing at all except go to very cult-like church services and read the bible. Another family were unschoolers who allowed nonstop TV and video games, and who neither encouraged nor supplied anything educational AT ALL except some rather questionable conspiracy theorist related political books. They didn't believe in bathing "because soap is bad for the acid balance of your skin," and generally distrusted everyone. One other girl convinced her parents to pull her out of school in middle school, I assume because she was being bullied for her weight (I'm guessing about 250 pounds at less than 5 feet tall), and convinced them she could homeschool herself. She did nothing, her parents never checked until the state required some sort of educational review and determined she had fallen 5 years behind where she had tested when she was last in school. She was forced to go to some sort of alternative school until she got old enough to legally drop out. She ended up going to a ministry school to become a worship pastor (she was an amazing piano player), and last I knew she was married to youth pastor and was "Homeschooling" her own kids.

There is an option in privacy settings to prevent others from tagging you without your permission, but it still allows them to DO it, it's just supposed to send you a notification and you must approve before it's allowed. Still, every time FB does an update it seems the setting gets removed, at least for me.

Kate- IDK about doughnuts, but gluten free bisquick mixed with liquid French Vanilla coffee creamer and fried makes excellent Funnel Cakes! I sound like I feed my family nothing but junk. Funnel Cakes are a once a year (state fair time) treat, and fried meats maybe once a month. If you come up with a doughnut recipe, will you let me know?

If he's going twice a day he isn't constipated. In fact his bowels could be irritated from all that fiber. Adults with those sorts of symptoms are often put on low fiber cooked vegetable (nothing raw) diets.

He's having an immune response to something. The only way to confirm celiac is to first eat a lot of it for a couple of weeks to cause a bad flare up, and then to have surgery. I don't see the need for this since you KNOW gluten is probably the issue. Take all sources of gluten away and see if that fixes it. If not, I know they're a pain, but I'd do an elimination diet. And I'd add back in paleo foods first, and avoid stuff like rice because even organic rice has arsenic in it. Potatoes and sweet potatoes are good starches for those with tummy trouble. You can try the GAPS diet.

I think it's common, and partially an age stage related to independence, but I don't think it's a personality trait or healthy if it stems from him connecting his self-worth to being "intelligent." Is he a know it all? Or just absentminded? If he's been praised most often for is being smart, rather than other more important things, like being brave, responsible, a hard worker, honest, fair, etc, then he may feel a need to prove he is smarter than anyone else. I was a shameless know-it-all as a kid, as was a cousin of mine. I got better when I went to a small private college where everyone was at least as smart as I was. My cousin got better in medical school. If he's into Harry Potter, you could ask him about what the story tells us about the value of knowing everything... JK Rowling has said in an interview that she was most like Hermione as a child and it took some time for her to figure out that some traits are more superior than intelligence and book learning. She put those lessons into the book series. If you're not into Harry Potter for religious reasons, there are many verses in the bible about humility and the importance of wisdom. Truly not respecting you shows not just a lack of obedience, but a lack of love. The story of Solomon and 1 Cor 13:2 both convicted me for years. "If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing." --1 Cor 13:2 NIV

I would be careful with the melatonin. If it hasn't made a huge difference already it won't help and might actually harm her. I can't recall all the details but there was a doctor on Dr Oz in the past couple months with the warning that it might be more dangerous than previously thought. I second the Omega 3's, but I would give them in the morning to prevent heartburn issues. Also, my entire family has issues with onions - they are delicious, but in small quantities cause heartburn and in large ones major stomach issues - vomiting & diarrhea. Unfortunately DH has this problem too, which he didn't realize until I pointed it out when we were dating. Exercise, like 3 hours of active time per day might help too. Running around playing freeze tag in the park, or flag football, or something equally challenging. Even if it's just walking outside with you for 3 hours a day (morning, lunch, and evening), could make a HUGE difference in her endorphin and vitamin D levels and overall sense of happiness. Try to take some photos of her having a wonderful time. Then give her an album with pictures both of her Grandmother AND of her with your family. It doesn't have to be expensive, one of those 99 cent acrylic snapshot albums that holds 20 photos should be fine. Or maybe just print some photos out from your computer and hang them in her room. I would insist on her hanging at least an equal amount of pictures of her with your family though. Just so that symbolically it's not giving up her grandmother, but it's gaining a bunch more people who love her. Add more photos as you can, of her having a great time with you. New memories to cherish equally with the old. One more idea: If you didn't have this when you adopted her, could you have a sand or candle or flower or some sort of ceremony to symbolically make her part of the family? A friend with a difficult stepchild did this. Well, first the child's parents had a sort of we're divorced but we promise to still honor each other as the parents of this child ceremony, and the new stepmother also made some promises about always honoring the child and her mother. It was sweet, and their relationship was easier after that.

In my family this would completely depend on which grandparent. But if your child wants to go, and if you trust them, I'd let him go.

After having some amazing gluten free catfish at a local restaurant I've been experimenting and last night's dinner was the first fried food I've made since we started eating gluten free that I actually liked! :hurray: The trick? Use Masa (corn flour, in the Mexican section of the grocery store, typically used to make tortillas). It's incredibly cheap and works just like regular flour - mix with garlic salt, pepper, and parsley for breading. And I think it tastes even better. I'm never going to use anything else for fried food again. Next week... chicken nuggets! I'm so excited to have access to easy, kid-pleasing junk food again. If they are as good as the catfish I think I'll make a whole bag of them to have in the freezer for DH to reheat on the nights I don't want to cook.

If you wanted to invest the time in guiding her, this could be an amazing self-directed learning experience for her, but not by indulging her in the way she thinks she wants. You could explore economics, writing, literature, math, business, and more. I don't think there's anything wrong with sitting her down and (gently) telling her that although you love her enthusiasm, her play needs a lot of work before it's ready for that sort of investment (both in time and money) from adults. Nothing that she's discussing is free. If she wants to imagine and pretend to direct her play she certainly may, and you could probably organize some playdates with homeschooled friends who also have an interest in drama. However, if she's really interested in pursuing this like a grown up would you could help her learn what she needs to to really do this. Find a local community theater group or and understanding high school drama teacher and make visiting the theater part of your homeschool curriculum. Have her watch a play practice or several. Get her hands on a copy of a real full-length play. Have the director/teacher gently critique her work (while still being encouraging of the pursuit of writing). If she loves all of this and wants to be a playwright, you can get her adult books on playwriting, and she can study this on her own time. You can probably get her books on plot and story and character development in the adult writing section of your local library. You can talk about all of the skills she will need to learn to be a professional playwright or screenwriter. You can have her read famous plays (Shakespeare, etc). You can discover there's not a huge market for playwrights and screenwriting is difficult to get a script developed that's amazing and to then sell it, but if she did she'd make a minimum of $100,000. You could turn this into an early home economics exercise and talk about business expenses, taxes, agent cuts, and how little money she'd be left with after all of this. You could talk about how she'd probably need to be an adult so she could move to LA and how expensive it is to live there. You could talk about college playwriting and screenwriting majors and even graduate school. You could talk about how adults have more life experience and understanding of literature and story so they tend to find it easier to make interesting observations about life that adults find entertaining in movies. You can teach her about nuance and subtext and many things that people don't typically understand until they are adults but which make watching good drama compelling. You could talk about how most scripts that get sold still don't get turned into movies, because movie studios are more interested in marketing than in story telling, and then you can explore the business and cultural ramifications of that (why male action protagonists sell more movie tickets internationally than female, and what percentage of business is international). You can have her learn to type and learn the very specific structure of typing plays and screenplays. Chances are this is just a phase, and one visit to a theater would be enough to redirect her a little, or at least understand how much bigger her plans are than she imagined. OTOH, there have been cases of young people writing amazing movies, like Good Will Hunting. I went through a phase when I was about 9 where I was obsessed with volcanoes. My mom thought I was going to be a geologist. I read every book I could get my hands on about them. It wasn't until I got my hands on a couple college geology textbooks that I finally quelled my curiousity. Or maybe I just got a year older and started developing more of an interest in boys and fashion and popularity than in anything academic. This grandiose phase will pass all too soon. Edited because my grammar is worse than a 5th grader's.

Thanks both of you.

Yes, depending on the school. Another activity that teaches self-awareness and self-control is horseback riding lessons. At first you get assigned a very gentle horse who just does what they've done for hundreds of lessons; but later when you have the fundamentals down you get on a horse that will demand you have the proper demeaner (calm, in control) or it will ignore you completely. The battle of wills teaches you a natural calm leadership that I think is difficult to learn anywhere but with martial arts or with horses.