FYI - there are also a gazillion videos on YouTube of StitchFix unboxings.

Or into pillows for ringer bearers to carry at your children's weddings.

I have thoroughly enjoyed this thread. I'm not sure why one poster found it annoying. It has provided an enlightening discussion. I cannot adequately articulate the admiration I feel for those of you who did this on your own, even many years ago when it was "easier" (though certainly not easy). My hat is off to you who persevered on your own. Your tenacity is inspiring. The varied stories have certainly made me more appreciative of my college education being fully funded by my parents.

We used the "pile approach." We had a certain amount of money in the "pile" ds could use for his education. He could use the "pile" as he wanted/where he wanted. It was enough to be full pay for any undergraduate degree at any school in the country. However, if he chose a school where he earned a merit scholarship (we do not qualify for need-based aid), any remaining money not used during undergrad could have been used for graduate school if he wanted to pursue that. If there was money remaining after that, we would have allowed it to have been used for a car, a down payment on a house, or other large expense we deemed reasonable. Ds had nine choices once all acceptances were in - two were full rides (everything!), others offered some merit, and others were full-pay. In the end, Ds chose a university where we are full pay (no merit money is offered at this school, only need-based aid) that will use up the entire "pile." Any grad school will now be on him should he choose to pursue that. I am a big fan of the pile approach because it can be used regardless of the amount parents can (or are willing to) provide for education: $50, $500, $5,000, $50,000, $500,000. Everyone has a different sized pile depending on individual family circumstances. It's essentially the budget the child has to work with. We are very fortunate that we could do as much as we could for our ds (we only have one child, BTW). Had we not been in the position to be full pay, I would have been fine with our ds taking on Stafford loans, but I would not have cosigned any additional loans.

Me, too. I want to be Lori D. when I (if I ever!) grow up!

I'm not sure why you are trying to "find others like me" as you put it??? As one of my good friends always says, "You do you." It isn't what we have chosen to do, but I'm doing me. We are full-freight at a private university. IME there is a big distinction between being unable to help and being able to help but choosing not to. When my dh graduated from our state flagship university, the tuition per year (at 15 credit hours per semester) was $900. Tuition cost now is more than ten times that amount. I think working one's way through college is a lot more difficult to accomplish now than it was 30 years ago. We have friends who live pretty extravagantly (fancy house, cars, travel, LOTS of wining and dining out) who refused to pay anything for their son's college education because their parents hadn't helped them. They just refused to help on "principle," not because it wasn't feasible. There absolutely have been some repercussions on family relationships because of their choice. Having one's college paid for does not preclude one from learning financial responsibility.

Some schools have scholarship priority deadlines. My niece didn't apply until later and got less scholarship money than she was eligible for because she missed the priority deadline for being considered.

I'm just throwing this in for others who might be reading: it is not only your income that comes into play but also the assets that you have. This includes savings, though I believe retirement funds are excluded. Financial aid isn't solely income-based. If you have savings, it is expected that some of those will be used for college costs. Some schools consider home equity, some do not.

HYP = Harvard, Yale, Princeton. Sorry if unclear; I let the CC lingo sneak in on me. It appears that there are some schools (Georegtown, Boston College) that allow other EA applications but not any ED apps. Other prestigious schools allow multiple EA apps - MIT and UChicago come to mind. But, things may have changed. I'm probably too far removed to be giving any reliable advice. Always best to check the policy of each individual school if one is exploring any type of EA or ED scenario.

I have known students on opposite ends of the financial spectrum apply ED. If you know ahead of time you will be full-pay AND can afford it AND are certain about your choice, it's a fine thing to do. However, I also have a friend who was widowed young with four children. Few financial resources. Running the NPC, one of the daughters determined she would get tons of need-based aid so applied and was accepted ED to Dartmouth. For those in the "donut-hole" on finances, it is definitley ill-advised to use ED. Several schools that use ED take 40% (sometimes more!) of their incoming class in that round. I think people in the know use that statistic to their advantage. Most low-income/low resource families, however, are likely unaware that such schools are within their financial reach IF they can obtain admission. The young woman I mentioned was herself savvy and had a knowledgeable GC at her school.

Quicksand.

Glad he made it home! Thanks for updating!

Kentucky Derby

Prayers for him, and you, too, Reg. I would be worried, too. ETA: Please come back here and post when he gets home.

Ds will be a senior with classes starting on Sept 25th. The "friend group" is a group of seven guys. One is in a fraternity house this year, and the other six are paired as roomates and living in different non-fraternity houses on campus in an area known as The Row. Ds and his roommate got a great house with a great location in the housing draw. Still dorm-like in the sleeping quarters but a more homey feel overall. The houses each have chefs so the meal plan is different. His summer internship went well, and he received a return offer, so he knows where he will be working after graduation. He's been home for about ten days with six more to go. He had to have a dental procedure which (thankfully) wound up not being as extensive/invasive as we thought it would be. Still, being on a soft food diet hasn't been the most fun. Visiting his grandparents this weekend. We have seen a lot of him this break. Being on quarters when everyone else is on semesters means that even those who are attending the local U are already very busy with class work. This weekend would have been a great time for him to catch up with the those who are here (last weekend not so much because of recovery from the dental thing) but grandparent trip will curtail that a bit. We are stopping by a campus in between here and the grandparents' house on the way back Sunday to see a good high school buddy. Hoping he can catch up with a couple of others early next week after stitches come out but before he returns to school. I'm sure we will see far less of him Christmas break when they are more or less all home at the same time from their various schools.

Stanford is Restricted Early Action. HYP are Single Choice Early Action. Same thing with different names. I do not know of any others that have this hybrid, but it's been a few years for us. Typically (but verify for yourself) these schools allow applying to any public school, any non-binding rolling admissions schools, any foreign universities, and any scholarships/programs that require an early application but are non-binding if accepted. Here is a link to Stanford's REA page: http://admission.stanford.edu/apply/decision_process/restrictive.html

I agree completely. I wasn't very clear at all. My apologies. I didn't mean to say you should refuse to help her if she asked - I just meant I would stop offering her help if she's not asking for it. My ds quickly wearies of my unsolicited advice. :D But YMMV with your daughter! You know her best! :)

I hope this doesn't come across as being too harsh: I think you need to stop trying to help her. You've said you've offered to help her with budgeting, but she hasn't taken you up on it. You suggested checking campus job boards and local restaurants. I think you are overly invested in this out of guilt that her inability to manage her money is somehow your fault - it isn't. It's not that people don't get how to *prepare* a budget; they don't have the self-discipline to *keep* a budget. You've acknowledged that. :) You do need to be strong. You've "rescued" her before after you thought she had, as you put it, "learned her lesson." The pattern between you two needs to change. My advice is to be pretty dispassionate about it. If she laments about her circumstances, just say, "Gosh, I bet that's tough/difficult/challenging/frustrating. But, I know you'll figure something out." Then change the subject. I've heard of YNAB but have not personally used it. So you could mention that you've heard that's supposed to be helpful, but I wouldn't offer to look it up with her, work through it with her or anything. But, I'd mostly stick with a brief statement of understanding followed by your confidence in her that she can figure it out. Lather, rinse, repeat. When she starts to learn on her own, take notice of her being responsible and compliment the growth you are seeing. But don't reward her by giving her money or you'll be right back where you started. I know tough love is tough, but that's what she needs.

I liked that book as well! However, you still can't prevent them from having that "dream school." No matter how mature, level-headed, and pragmatic, it can be hard not to have a favorite.

When I was in college, everyone built their own "racks" (what we called contraptions for putting beds up off the floor), however they wanted them. Almost everyone climbed on the built-in desks that were in the rooms to get into their beds. The desks were at least attached to the walls and immovable. It was either one or two years after I graduated that the school decided to have standard racks that were all the same and provided by the school. We had ours near the ceiling - no rails at all.

That is reasonable to me. If your student knows it's off the table unless scholarship money comes through and can be okay with that. That makes sense. I'm just sensing that in *some* situations, *some* folks seem to want bragging rights. I don't understand that mindset at all, but perhaps I am reading too much into what is being said in other posts.

Don't you then have to relog in to *everything*? I did that, but they came back. Just on that site. Only place I've had that happen. It's so annoying!

I was just able to log on. I have not been on for quite awhile. I kept getting these weird, fake pop-ups for Amazon (that I couldn't close/X out of), so I've been off. Edit - on safari

No, but we lived in the UK for two years.

I did have a post inquiring about later start dates for commencing work - I bet that's what you're thinking of. The one about college grads taking longish trips before starting their "adulting" lives? Ds will do some sort of trip after after he graduates, but it sure won't be for a year! ;)