Me, too! Thinking it would convert well to the Instant Pot, too.

Well-deserved!! I've been off the boards for a few days on a fun girls' trip and was thrilled to return and see your post that your ds got off the med school waitlist!! Wonderful, wonderful news! Many congrats to all!!

Do you have any homemade specialities or regional fare that your kids specifically ask for when they are home from college? My ds usually requests regional (Southern) food. Black-eyed peas, collard greens, cornbread, etc. He will also sometimes request "something fried," which I don't do, so that usually means a trip to a local catfish place. He also likes my peanut butter pie. :)

Is a futon an option? I think I'd prefer that to propping up a mattress against the wall during the day. Friends who have a 2Br 2 BA condo have a futon and keep two of those flat dorm-type twin mattresses underneath that can be pulled out as needed as well. I think a futon can be purchased pretty inexpensively at Walmart.

Thanks for clarifying. I agree with much of what you are saying. The parents have to have a reasonable confidence level that their kiddo can have success or they shouldn't send them in the first place. The challenge, I think, with many parents, is that they don't see themselves harming their children by doing so much for them. They view it as "helping" when the opposite is true. These types of behaviors don't initially manifest themselves when kids go off to college. In my experience, they are ingrained, established habits of over managing their children. Parents should be in the best position to assess readiness for college. It's problematic when they can't be objective in their assessments. They see their children as achieving certain things without the realization that said children would not have had those successes without a lot of hand-holding and micro managing by the parent. There is too much vicarious living done through children.

If you're referring to the post about the last 30 years, it's more like 500%. I'm not sure what you mean by "right to their standards." Children, themselves, can only take on a limited amount of debt for undergrad via Stafford loans. If parents are anxious about a child's ability to get up on his/her own in the morning to get to class, IMO they probably shouldn't be borrowing to send them to college.

I certainly think one should always remain available to assist adult children, but, as they get older, those times where assistance is needed should be fewer and farther between. We have the weekly phone call with ds, and dh ends every conversation with, "Is there anything you need from us?" Usually the answer is, "I don't think so." We have been helping ds navigate the steps for obtaining summer housing for his internship. For one thing, he couldn't do it without us as he needed a guarantor. Additionally, this is completely new territory for him - an area he has no experience with. He and his buddy did a good job researching and finding a place, but there have been a few questions about the process - e.g., getting renter's insurance. So, I don't think I'm in the "sink or swim" category. I am willing for ds to learn from making mistakes. However, not for those that could be expensive (for ME) or unsafe for him. I have heard of students/parents who lost financial aid because of failing to fill out the FAFSA. That would certainly be somthing I would stick my nose in. Likewise, when ds was applying to colleges, I was the one who checked on the necessity of filing the FAFSA for schools where he was offered merit money. Tens of thousands of dollars at stake was something I didn't think a 16-year-old should be in charge of. What I don't agree with is rescuing young adults from every mistake they make or doing things for them that they should be doing for themselves. OR rescuing them when issues could have been avoided had the student been more pro-active in the first place. I do agree that there is no one-size-fits-all answer. Students with health needs are a great example of what should be an exception to the general rule of being hands-off.

Excellent! That's wonderful! The annual exclusion for gift taxes is $14,000 per person. You can give $14,000 to as many people as you want! Haha! Husband and wife can each give $14,000 to each kiddo for a total of $28,000 per kid. Even if you give more than that, you don't have to *pay* a gift tax, but the amount over that $14,000 exclusion amount reduces the amount of the overall estate tax exemption (I may be a bit rusty on this - consult your financial advisors-I make no warranties!) allowed on death. At least, this is my recollection. Consult your tax advisors! Lol. Basically, if a kid's COA is > $28,000 (for married parents), the school should be paid directly. That avoids the gift tax issue completely. I will say that my niece's college bills were under this amount and sil and bil would just give $ to niece and she would remit herself. That worked fine until she stopped attending her university and didn't bother to tell them until a year later!

Same!

We have to pay the school directly lest we incur the need to file a gift tax return.

https://www.theatlantic.com/education/archive/2017/05/the-ethos-of-the-overinvolved-parent/527097/ What do you think? I'm sure I am giving plenty of unsolicited advice to ds about all sorts of things, but I can't even imagine this level of involvement. He either takes my advice or he doesn't - his choice. I can't fathom contacting his school directly about anything other than paying a bill. I'm always amazed at parents who have access to their children's college log-ins and check on grades, etc. You either trust your young adult children to figure things out or you don't.

Thanks, *LC. His internship is not in Silicon Valley. But, we do plan to do some sightseeing where we are visiting! Not all work for sure! Yes the apartment has a fridge. I cant remember if internet service is provided in the rent. I believe it is. I think they only have to set up electric. I'm sure whatever they do on furniture rental, it will be "less is more." Really, if they'd do all these suggestion (inflatable mattresses, card table, chairs in bags, etc) they probably wouldn't have to rent anything.

Super suggestions! Can't believe I forgot about a shower curtain and bath mat! This is why I love running things by all the smarties on this board!! He talked about an Airbnb for a bit. Not sure why this decision was made instead. It's his $, and he is pretty frugal. Though it seems crazy expensive to me. Not used to big city prices. Hoping he made a good choice.

Arcadia! What a lovely offer! I will send you a pm. Sadly, they won't have a way to haul much, however. Dish towels are a great idea to add to the list. There is a microwave in the unit. To me, the broiler in the oven can serve as a toaster oven. I know they will likely do take-out some, but I'm hoping not ALL the time. A skillet and saucepan can go along way, IF they will use them! Scrambling eggs, browning ground beef for tacos, heating up soup, etc.

Ds will be starting a paid summer internship in mid-June. He and a friend (who is also doing an internship in the same city) came to the conclusion that renting an unfurnished apartment and renting furniture was more affordable than renting a corporate apartment. To further keep costs down, they are renting a one bedroom and putting a bed in the living room as well. Lol. Ds will likely travel M - Th, but the friend/roommate will be there all week, I have suggested perhaps purchasing an inflatable bed for the living room rather than renting two beds depending on the cost differential. Anyway, I'm not sure they are getting that there will be NOTHING in the apartment. We will fly out to visit before the internship starts and help him get situated. I am trying to come up with a list of bare bones necessities. I can't imagine they will do much cooking, but I'd like for them to have a few kitchen items to minimize eating out ALL the time, which I fear would mitigate any savings they are getting by going this route. Likely anything will be pitched at the end of the summer (except maybe the inflatable bed/mattress). Can y'all help me brainstorm a list of necessities? We want this to also be somewhat of a vacation for all of us, so I prefer purchasing new (but cheap) in lieu of spending our four days scouring Goodwill or thrift stores. We're flying, so we aren't hauling things out there. So far I have thought of: Toilet paper (! - don't even think ds gets this isn't a dorm/hotel) Cookie sheet Saucepan/skillet Can opener Silverware & dishes & glasses/cups (perhaps all disposable? though I think a few non-plastic/non-paper items would be nice - for microwaving leftovers, cereal, soup) Small cutting board Paring knife Spatula Large serving spoon Trash can/trash bags Paper towels, Saran Wrap, foil, etc Few cleaning supplies Laundry supplies (I'll suggest he bring his hamper from school) Sheets (he'll have towels from school, but bed size at apt won't be XL Twin) Maybe I'm overthinking this, but I'd just like to be as prepared as possible so we can maybe knock out the majority of needs in one trip to a big box store. Thanks for any ideas!

One other possibility to consider: Idk what your ds's instrument is, but some schools offer certificate programs for piano performance (the instrument I am familiar with). These typically require taking private instruction each semester coupled with a junior and senior recital. These are performance oriented, so if this is the primary desire (continued improvement in playing), the instrument study can be continued in a purposeful way without the other heavy music requirements of theory, ensemble, etc. I don't know if such programs are available for other instruments or not.

How wonderful!!! Many congratulations to all!!!

I'm not sure how you are defining "rural," "average situation," or "expected as the norm." I do understand that within rural areas of some states, there can be fewer opportunities for taking AP classes or participating in local youth orchestras, etc. So, yes, there can be fewer resources in truly rural areas.

Interestingly, Stanford was ranked #1 the first year US News did their rankings back in 1983. UChicago was 6th in that first year. So, while both schools have become more selective in terms of admission percentages, their rankings (for those who care about rankings) have always been high.

Ds did three because Georgetown wanted three from everyone. I do distinctly remember during the info session at our on-campus visit that they wanted homeschoolers to have something like six or seven! I agree with you about the frustration. I can understand the desire for schools to want some sort of outside verification beyond mom grades, but DE OR Subject tests OR AP tests should work equally well. I don't know how it is now, but when ds took the Subject Test for Chemistry, there was a weird true/false section. I was glad we were aware of it and had prepped for it, because I can see where one could be thrown for a loop encountering that unexpectedly. I think it's also important to remember that students who take Subject Tests are self-selecting as mostly only upper-tier schools want them. So, the curves can be really tough as the pool of testers tends to be academically strong anyway.

Look into Northwestern. They have a five year program that allows students to major in music performance and another field. Also, check out Jacobs School of Music at Indiana University. They have a dual degree program with music paired with another field. At one point in time, my ds (a pianist) thought he might want to major in music. Or double major with music and something else. Eventually, he decided that was not his desire. Piano, as opposed to other instruments or vocal performance, can be quite isolating. Ds is extremely social and concluded he didn't want to spend four hours a day alone in a practice room. You do have plenty of time. However, like you, I am a BIG planner and had a "need to know" well in advance.

OP, why do you want your ds to take three? Don't most schools usually only require 2? Are more being required because of homeschooling?

(((Quill))) My mom had no college degree (she was a radiology tech), and I know how hard it was for her given the social circle she was in being married to a physician. So many make ridiculous assumptions and place too much emphasis on the wrong things in life. I am sad for you that you have been hurt by thoughtless comments. You have gotten some great advice here already. I would throw in the idea of not making this an "either/or" situation. One can explore college options and trade options at the same time. As others have suggested, pursue accommodations. For those talking about the school's role in this, I will throw in that, in my (limited) experience, private schools are often not equipped to handle this very well. My friend whose ds has accommodations found this true at the college level as well. His big state U was far more equipped and was much more used to handling them than the private LAC where he was also accepted. This played into his decision process in selecting the big state U. However, in addition to pursuing accommodations, I would look into other options (trade schools, certificate programs at a CC, CC to four year) as well. I had a another friend whose ds tried the college route which turned out not to be for him. He went to welding school (which was expensive), but she said it was the best money she ever spent. He's doing better financially then her middle ds who has the college degree. Don't make it an all or nothing decision TODAY about which path he must take. Do not let other people in the world define what success is for you or your children. As an aside, grab a copy of the book, The Millionaire Next Door, and have a read. Maybe have your ds read it as well. There is much to be said for the time value of money,

Wooooo-hoooooo! So happy and excited for you and your ds!!! Go Cardinal!!!! Fear the Tree!!!!

We did many college tours with ds. Most were official, but a few were drive-by because we were in the area. Ds participated in summer academic programs beginning in the summer following 7th grade. Through those, he lived on five different campuses for three weeks or more each summer. He wound up applying to and being accepted at two of those schools. I think these summer programs provided the best taste of what living away from home would be like. At only one of the five programs did he go in knowing another student who would be there. I truly feel like these experiences were a good preparation for college life for him. Sorry - a rabbit trail off the types of visits in the article but another way one can effectively "visit" a campus. We found college tours to be very beneficial. While the standard info sessions were all similar, I thought it was telling where emphasis was placed in each one. Responses by presenters (including specificity of answers, attitude, enthusiasm) during the Q&A segments were also telling for us. For us, finding fit and assessing campus "vibe" were very important, but I do realize that is a luxury. Never was vibe so clear as when we visited the Claremont Consortium. Five small schools all adjacent to each other but with very different vibes. We toured three. Ds only applied to one after that visit, and it was definitely because of the sense he got while being on the different campuses. We did as much as was offered whenever we visited a campus - info sessions, tours, class visits, interviews. Also, because ds at one point had an interest in majoring in music, he would do a trial lesson with a faculty member as well. He did those at six schools. The ability to tour schools largely depends on time and finances. If those are limited, I think visiting different *types* of schools (LAC, CC, Big State U, regional U) close by can give a good general sense. Visits can also be done after an admission is gained, but admitted student days are definitely designed as marketing to prospective frosh. And, if one has an interest in a school that places value on demonstrated interest, that should be considered as well. I'm glad we did them.