We only had to show proof ds's freshman year. Each year after that we simply had to waive the college plan. We have BC/BS, and when ds dislocated his kneecap freshman year, everything was in network except the ambulance ride. Can't you call your provider and ask what is and is not covered? I did this recently as ds is going abroad and there were additional insurance requirements for that. He IS covered for emergency care out of country, but the college required coverage for medical evacuation and repatriation of remains (!) that we had to acquire separately. Honestly, I'd be worried you'd have challenges between both carriers as to which one was the primary should she have a major medical situation.

I'm a bit late to this thread, but I will say, OP, that I got better at this as time went on. My ds is far away from home at school. As bad as this sounds, it's a bit, "out of sight, our of mind," when he is gone. We had to work through this issue his first Christmas break home, and it took awhile. He couldn't understand why I would be worried when he was home out and about but not when he was so far away. I explained that if he needed me while at school, I really couldn't do anything to help, but when he was home, if he needed me, I could get to him and help! Another issue was the fact that he didn't have a car at school his first two years at college, but then he would come home and be driving. I worried because I figured he was a bit out of practice and driving has inherent risks anyway. But, I was also one who couldn't sleep until he got in - at least early on. What we worked out was if he did not expect to be home by midnight, he was to text and let me know before then where he was and if and when he expected to be home. That seemed reasonable to him. And, he actually started coming home earlier after we implemented this. We don't have waking up issues in our home, though. He now has his car at school, so I had to get used to that which also took awhile. At least he isn't out of practice driving. I don't require that he text by midnight anymore when he is home with us and go to sleep just fine. But, it took awhile for me to get there, so I understand where you are coming from. Hope the treat and talk go well.

I needed to read this. Thank you for being so direct. It is more than his being slow. I do not enjoy being around him at all. He is a condescending, mysogynistic, grumpy, bossy know-it-all. Who also happens to move slowly but not recognize his limitations. But, you are right, I am being selfish because I'd rather not have to put up with him. You are also right that I have no control over whether they attend or not. As much as I dislike his being around, I don't like the idea of wishing him additional decline over the next 18 mos. I previously saw an idea on CC about using Google maps to determine distances and letting grandparents know ahead of time how far they need to be able to walk in how long a period of time. He will be insulted if I "book" a golf cart or whatever without his "permission." So perhaps I will use the google map idea and let him know that I can arrange it if he wants it. However, if he declines that knowing what is required, I would not hesitate to leave him behind. I'm not going to miss the individual college ceremony because of his stubbornness. As I previously stated, I had just spent three days with them, and my patience had worn thin by the time the mention of this came up, so I wasn't in the best frame of mind about it. But, again, that's no excuse. And I do want to set a good example for ds.

Ds is majoring in Management Science & Engineering. That's one degree, not a double. It's a hybrid-type degree. His university does not have an undergraduate business college. The degree he chose is sort of business-y, but it is within the college of engineering. It requires the entire engineering core, some CS, some math (it's pretty quant heavy), and then some courses that one might typically find within a business college. I'm often asked if it's like industrial engineering, but it really isn't. Within the degree he chooses one of three specializations. It's pretty unit heavy on degree requirements. He declared the beginning spring quarter of his sophomore year. His school does not have impacted majors and declaration is not required until the end of sophomore year. However, the application asked for three "areas of interest." He wants to do management consulting. When ds started he thought he wanted to major in International Relations. He had been heavily involved (still is) with Model UN in high school. He was on that path until he took Intro to International Relations - ha ha. Then he decided that wasn't for him. He had applied to several schools based on that perceived interest - with regard to strength of programs and location (DC). I am glad he didn't choose a school based on that, and I am always a bit leery of picking schools based on specific, specialized programs. Especially if the school is not as strong in other areas. Yes, I know some students never waiver from an interest that they have at age 5, but changing majors is not uncommon. Our school counselor often recommends doing some aptitude/interest/personality testing for kids who aren't sure of direction. It wasn't necessary for us, but I suppose it could be helpful.

Thanks for listening. Too much togetherness at Christmas, I suppose. From my limited knowledge of how graduation works, there isn't a way to allow for lots and lots of time. There is a large, all-university ceremony in the stadium and then everyone must hustle to get to the individual college (e.g. College of Engineering) graduations and there is very little time in between. They could skip the big one (though it's pretty fun, I think, and that's where the "fancy" speaker speaks) and just go to the individual one if I could convince them to do that. They are not super good at recognizing (accepting?) the fact that they (especially fil) are really not as able-bodied as they used to be. There aren't any other grandparents. My parents both died before dh and I married. Even if there were, there are no space restrictions either at the large ceremony or at the smaller ones. I'm sorry, Scoutermom. That sounds rotten. We are fortunate in that the in-laws only have two grandchildren. Our son and dh's sister's one daughter. It's made favorites a non-issue since there is the favorite grandson and the favorite granddaughter. Ds's school is 1,800 miles away, so I don't think we could ask them to fly all that way just for a party afterwards. Ds has no plans to permanently return to our home state, but perhaps he could go visit them for a celebration after he graduates.

That is a great idea, but ds is an only. College is very good about offering accommodations. Mil will likely not need. Fil won't accept because of his pridefulness. This will be an expensive trip for all. They can afford it, but FIL is insufferable. Ugh.

They do, but PRIDE. You are right, though. Much can change in 18 mos.

Okay, I'm clearly needing to vent. Ds graduates in 18 mos. MIL tonight made noises about attending his college graduation. Sigh. It's going to be VERY challenging. LOTS of walking. FIL is s.l.o.w. This is already stressing me out!!! I do not want them to come. It will be difficult. I know this is selfish. Please either teach me to be more gracious/kind or JAWM. Fil will be 82 and mil will be 79.

No, they're for changing the TV channel. :D Ds has one but has not had to use it for awhile. Probably because he is getting more into his degree coursework with smaller classes. At his school, ds reports that some academic areas (CS) have figured out how to use student cell phones for clicker purposes. Some others (which shall not be named), have not.

:D We do!!!!

I'm quoting this because I wanted to point out that Crimson Wife said that Greek life CAN be valuable for networking. She did not say it was the ONLY path to obtaining employment in business or elsewhere. Just that it CAN be valuable. There are many ways to network. And, I think any of those ways tends to diminish in value the further removed one gets from that first job. My dh was Greek. Had nothing to do with his getting his first job. My alma mater doesn't even have Greeks! It's just one way to network.

Perhaps. I do see what you are saying. An overall higher cost of living could certainly provide some sticker shock, The local girl at ds's school had certainly never had to pay $30 a session for Soul Cycle here. It doesn't even exist here - lol! By contrast, we have friends with a daughter at Ole Miss. They provide her with $500 per month which must cover ALL her extra costs - clothes, sorority dues, eating out, gas, trips, etc. To be sure, that is a very generous amount of spending money, especially in Mississippi. But when she has multiple friends who have budgets four times that amount (yes, some do), her spending limits have nothing to do with the COL. They get to take far fancier spring break trips than she does. Likewise, there are some kids at ds's school whose parents travel form the opposite coast multiple times per year to visit their children on campus. We can't afford to do that. It's a budget constraint rather than a cost of living issue.

I agree that travel costs should be obvious if one chooses to attend a school far enough away that driving isn't feasible. I would think a laptop would be an anticipated cost as well. Honestly, I think this article can best serve as a cautionary tale about socio-economic differences that one might not anticipate. Students may or may not have previously experienced the "keeping up with the Joneses" (which is kind of how I view this) mindset. Regardless of where one attends school, there will be a disparity in resources available for all these extras. Children (adults!) need to learn how to comfortably say, "Sounds fun and thanks for asking, but that is not in my budget." Ds attends a university that offers generous financial aid but also has children of billionaires (yes, with a "b") and celebrities who are students. The students who most need to learn to navigate this are the majority that fall in between. Our ds is pretty frugal, and has seemed to have found a group of friends that are like-minded that way. They eat out *some* but not too frequently. But, he has a female classmate from our area who runs with a much more affluent crowd and learning to navigate her budget has been more challenging for her. We do give ds some spending money each month. I'd hate for him to not ever be able to order a pizza or see a movie. BUT, he also knew going in that we weren't going to fund spring break trips (unless he flew home) or other "super" extras. As someone else said, once that spending money we provide is gone, he is on his own to fund above and beyond that. Greek life, in particular, can be a huge expense that is difficult to anticipate if no other family members have experienced it. Income/wealth disparity may or may not have been experienced in high school. Probably much less so for homeschooled students. We have never been ones to hand out cash on an as-requested basis. We've always been allowance types and allowed ds to budget for himself. When we chose how much to provide as spending money for college, we aimed low but told him we would *consider* increasing if he could demonstrate it truly wasn't enough. He has managed just fine with what we thought was reasonable. So, just as students must learn to say "no" to peers, parents must learn to say "no" to their children. I think there is a failure in both aspects going on in this article. ETA: Ds did have an on-campus job part of his first year. He did not have paid summer work after his freshman year of college (worked in our Congressman's local office). He has not since worked during the school year, but he did have a paying job last summer on campus and has secured a nice, lucrative internship for this upcoming summer. He would not have even been considered for the latter without very strong grades, so I think the trade-off of dropping work during school has paid off.

He has chosen to fly back to SFO from Copenhagen. So, leaving items with the host family won't work, though, that was a great idea. Still thinking through the gift.

I think temps between 27 and 35 (Jan) and 30 something and 46 (March) is cold! Perhpas it's all relative. Ds is used to Palo Alto weather. He, like his mother, doesn't like cold. He will have a chance to get used to colder temps when he is home for the holidays, however. I guess I am just a weenie. 80 degrees is my ideal high! I am a Florida native.

Ds is going to do a quarter abroad in Berlin beginning in January. Trying to think of necessary items to take for study abroad in general and for Berlin in particular, He will be doing a home stay - not sure when he finds out about his family. Thinking he should take a gift? It would have to be small! They do not provide meals, just a place to live. He receives a food stipend. He is a fairly light traveler, but I want to make sure he is warm enough! I am assuming space will be limited in the home. He will also be traveling around Europe the last couple of weeks he is there for spring break, so anything he takes, he will have to lug around with him. I'm also hoping he will not need anything too dressy (like a suit), but I do think he needs a pair of dress slacks and shirt, just in case. What do you think? The dress shoes are so bulky. Any and all packing advice is welcome! Any cultural thoughts to share on how to be a good German houseguest? I mean, if there are any nuances different from being a good US houseguest. Thanks in advance for sharing your study abroad advice!

One can check the Common Data Set to see if "demonstrated interest" is considered and to what degree.

I think the type of ECs can affect the consistency of downtime one can experience. My ds is heavily involved in two ECs. One is pretty steady week in and week out in terms of the amount of time he must devote to it (with the exception of one week in two of his three quarters - those two weeks require significant time). The other is much more cyclical in terms of time demands. So some weekends (such as this one) he has NO free time at all. I hope I am making sense. I'm just saying that there can be more to it than just the *number* of ECs a student participates in when one is considering down time. Regentude has a great idea about doing visits after decisions come in. It's really hard for me to wrap my head around someone not caring about "vibe" at all. I guess if one were more of a loner?? Not trying to be critical - I just don't get it. "Fit" (and climate) just can't really be adjusted once a student lands somewhere. Other than by transferring, of course.

Great ideas to get my numbers to work!!!

Not a coffee drinker, but I like the protein thought! Will have to figure out how to integrate with the number idea.

I saw this darling idea on Pinterest to countdown to the holiday break by sending a care package of the "12 Days of Finals." The basic idea is that you wrap twelve gifts and put a number on each one so your dc can open one package per day leading up to the end of final exams. The first day has one item, the second has two items, etc. I have a boy which, I think, makes it harder. I don't want it to be all food, and no more cash/gift cards. He won't want any fun decorations. This is what I have so far: 1 pair of school mascot socks ("and some socks of the Stanford Tree" - lol they are super cute) 2 Reese's cups 3 pairs of boxers 4 candy canes 5 Hamiltons (so, five ten-dollar bills) 6 caramel Santas 7 8 9 10 10 bucks from Subway (a $10 gift card) 11 12 Hershey's kisses Some of the numbers and content could be flexible at this point. Maybe one more treat? School supplies? Idk. I'd like something a bit more fun, but boys are so hard! Please toss out some ideas. :)

My ds's school is known for its "duck syndrome." Meaning that students are expected to have a calm, outward appearance, yet underneath the surface they are all paddling like crazy. Not sure how accurate that is. I think ds works pretty hard, but I know he has down time. He goes to all the home football games and hangs out with friends. It's somewhat cyclical, I think. There are definitely times during the quarter that he has no downtime (midterms, finals, extra work/expectations for an extracurricular activity), When things aren't in high gear, I think he usually has down time on the weekends. I beat into his head the mantra, "work before play," from a young age, so when he takes his down time, he has definitely earned it. Those who take the downtime first and procrastinate are the ones who wind up in trouble, IME. How much downtime does your ds need? Engineering is challenging because the sequence of classes is usually pretty set and one must hit the ground running first semester to stay on track. So, I think there is less time for adjusting to college life in general. I also think that whether the school has a collaborative or cut throat environment plays a role. Ds's school is not cut throat at all, but I would imagine that in such an environment there would be the sense of always needing to do more, which could inhibit taking that necessary down time.

Yes, this!!! So very sorry! So hard when far away - such a helpless feeling.

Lol! I'm sure he'll do just fine as I am sure he was well-prepared in your homeschool.

Neurotic Parent's Guide to College Admissions - for comic relief.