How interesting about the MSTP. How long has this option been around? I have a friend who did his PhD first and THEN went separately to medical school. This would have been in the mid 80s through the mid 90s.

That's unfortunate. We know a young man at UTD who is there on a McDermott scholarship. They are extremely competitive. It's a full ride + perks. However, there is plenty of merit money to be had there. Our friend turned down Stanford for it because of costs. He interned at Tesla last summer and at TI the summer before that. I do get it. Ds wouldn't look at anything in Oklahoma. :/

Can she apply for the Morehead at UNC?

Ds's college counselor at his charter school was a big proponent of this as well. She had encountered situations where the student wound up needing to stay close to home after graduation. Most of these situations are not fun to think about, but issues can arise.

OP - do you have a firm budget in mind? I am a big advocate of telling kids ahead of time, "We can afford to spend $XXX on your education. We are okay with your taking Stafford loans (if you are okay with that), but we won't co-sign anything (if you won't)." I call this the "pile" approach. This is your pile. Spend it as you see fit. Divvy it between undergrad and grad school. Use it all on undergrad, and you're on your own for grad school. Take merit for undergrad and it's there for grad or professional school. Don't spend it all because you earn merit awards? Then use the remainder for a down payment on a house, for a car, furniture, computer, work wardrobe upon launching career. Anything reasonable (I am the arbiter of reasonableness) that won't trigger a gift tax (if there's a bunch left in the pile). I can't tell if your budget is fixed or a moving target depending on the school. I understand that you are in that spot where if your dd can gain admission to certain elite schools, it *may* be less expensive than some of your in-state schools. But I am unclear if you are willing to pay a premium/make sacrifices at elite schools if it is not. I may have missed something.

Is she National Merit?? If so, Ole Miss would be the same - tuition and housing. Nothing against UAH - I know nothing about it. National Merit can open doors at other schools. I wholeheartedly agree about getting past the rankings. Smart kids who avail themselves of opportunities can get many fabulous opportunities at "lower-ranked" schools because they are standouts.

I am going to suggest Ole Miss as well. http://finaid.olemiss.edu/scholarships/ Theirs is a bit more convoluted and piecemeal, but there is LOTS of money to be had for high stats students. I liked that their Honors College was smaller and by application only. I think they take around 300 per year into it. Admission to the Honors College is not automatic based on stats as it is at many other flagships. They have separate Honors College housing as well. I don't know about Alabama, but at our state flagship Honors College housing can fill up fast. I recommend depositing for a HOUSING deposit at the safeties as soon as you get in. Is your daughter National Merit? That part at Ole Miss was hard to figure out, but at the time ds applied it covered tuition, fees, and at least housing, Maybe board as well! He received a lot of automatic merit money and also was chosen for an $8,000 per year competitive scholarship as well. Eagle Scout would have garnered another $1,500 per year and being Valedictorian yet another $1,500 per year. Honestly, I always say they would have bought his tooth paste at Ole Miss. Ole Miss also has the prestigious Stamps Scholarship. My ds did not get invited to compete for that, but your dd's test scores are slightly higher than ds's were. Ds would have been basically free at our state flagship (the University or Arkansas) or Ole Miss. He would have chosen the latter if it had come to that choice. Ole Miss actually made his top three along with Rice (where he did receive merit - didn't your dd do a fly-in there?) and Stanford. That much money is hard to turn down when one is full-pay - he managed to do it though and chose the dream school instead. Ha ha! OP, I don't remember what state you are in or what your daughter's interests are, but I encourage folks who look at Bama for merit money reasons to also look at Ole Miss as well. ETA: National Merit does not cover meals at Ole Miss. Scroll down that huge list of scholarships to see the awards under "Academic Excellence." Those are the ones that are cut and dry. National Merit Academic Excellence is listed under that one. There are many scholarships listed for Mississippi residents, but not all are. The Academic Excellence and National Merit Academic Excellence cover full tuition. The difference in amounts is because of the differences in in-state and out-of-state tuition amounts. National Merit adds housing costs to that award.

This, this, a thousand times this!! Every. Single. Year. There are tales of woe on college confidential of kids getting shut out. I am not saying this is going to happen to your daughter, but it's not worth the risk!!! I would have her apply to two safeties. Neither one has to be the state flagship. Another poster suggested Alabama - a GREAT choice b/c you can determine the minimum amount of $ she will receive from a grid, she can apply for more and could potentially get one (or more) competitive scholarships as 8's ds did. If she flat out refuses, I would make d@mn clear to her what the consequences of that decision could be.

Boo! That's kinda silly when she had so many other credentials.

I'm considering cross-posting this on the high school board just to provide a heads-up there. My college junior is starting to apply for summer internships and thus far, has had two companies request his SAT scores. This has been within one specific industry (consulting). I am not sure if investment banking firms also request these scores, but it could certainly be a possibility. He is not currently looking into IB. While it seems odd, at this point, I suppose companies have no other consistent metric by which to judge applicants since most will not yet have taken the GRE. I often see those, "Should ds/dd retake," types of questions. I'm thinking that for those who know they want to pursue certain types of careers, the answer to that question might be "yes," when it might otherwise be "no." Fortunately, ds's scores were good, but he only took the SAT one time to qualify for National Merit status. He missed ONE math question and got a 760 on that section. The threshold for advancing to National Merit Finalist was around a 1960 (old test, three sections), which really is not that high of a score. It would be a shame for a student to be shut out of an entire industry because of a comparatively low SAT score. Anyone else encountered other industries where SAT scores have been requested for internships/jobs?

No, thank YOU! I liked this so much I had to quote it! You articulated my feelings far better than I.

It certainly does to me! I think it might be a pre-cursor to the quote, "A daughter's a daughter all her life, and a son's a son 'til he takes a wife."

I can finally post something, even though ds doesn't technically move in until next Friday with classes not starting until September 26th! Ds and dh left at 4:00 a.m. to start the 1,800+ mile drive to California. They are stopping at several parks in Utah as well as Las Vegas on their way out. Hopefully, good father/son bonding time. Ds wanted to have his car on campus for his junior year. We weren't super keen on this idea since he will be abroad winter quarter, but he talked us into it. He'll find a responsible, car-less friend to drive it periodically while he is in Berlin. Dh will fly back a week from Monday. I'm going to visit a childhood friend in Atlanta next weekend! :) I have already gone into ds's room. MUCH less to go through than when he left his freshman year two years ago. Plus, he did some purging of his own (at my insistence) during his time at home this summer. He did forget the desk lamp (not sure why he hauled it home??), but that will be easy to replace at Walmart when they do the snack/laundry detergent run.

Your son's desires scream Stanford, IMO. Full disclosure - my ds is about to start his junior year there, so I have a bias. Here is the link to undergraduate degrees offered: https://majors.stanford.edu For what you describe, check out: Aeronautics and Astronautics Applied & Engineering Physics Management Science & Engineering (ds's major) Product Design I think Stanford does an outstanding job with its hybrid degrees that combine disciplines. Of course, there are many straight engineering degrees offered as well. Students who obtain undergraduate degrees in engineering often choose to pair that later on with an MBA. I can't speak to the graduate school for engineering aspect, but Stanford does offer what it calls a co-terminal Masters degree in many disciplines which allows for remaining for a fifth year and obtaining a Masters. Not sure of all the areas that offer that. You might also look into the d-school at Stanford. The spirit of entrepreneurship is definitely alive and well there. There are many clubs and organizations (some of which are competitive to get into) that support entrepreneurship. The speakers that come to campus are unbelievable. With all that said, Stanford is the most difficult school to get into in the country with the admit rate dropping below 5% this year. And, it is very expensive though very generous with aid. We did not qualify for any aid and there are no merit scholarships. You are wise to start thinking young. Work on getting standardized tests out of the way earlier rather than later if at all possible. PREP FOR THE PSAT THAT IS GIVEN FALL OF JUNIOR YEAR. Achieving National Merit status opens lots of scholarship opportunities at some schools. Track EC's, awards, community service hours, etc. it will make the application process easier. I would suggest starting with determining at least one (and preferably two) safety schools. These are often your (or other) state flagship universities. A safety is a college that you know your ds can gain admission to, that you can afford, that he would be happy to attend. Run some net price calculators on some schools (Google the school name and the words, "net price calculator") and crunch some numbers. Determine what you are willing and able to contribute toward your ds's education. For I our ds, he had a "pile" of money available. It was enough to cover any undergraduate school in the country, but he could have chosen to attend an undergraduate school that gave him significant merit awards and had money left for grad school (or a down payment on a house or car or anything else within reason). That was how we approached the budget. He chose to spend the whole pile on undergrad, so we will. It be helping with graduate school costs if he chooses to go. Good luck!

Oh, of course not, Nan! I do feel my experience is okay. I feel yours is okay. I feel that *most* everyone's is okay, with the rare exception of those who experience prolonged depression. That is not okay and tragic for anyone, regardless of the cause. We are all different. We all come to our life experiences with different backgrounds. And, I think from reading this thread, perhaps different definitions of grief. For me, what some call grief, I would label nostalgia. I have enjoyed reading all the different perspectives here. I treasure this board - the people, the humor, the support, the honesty, and the wisdom. It's a fantastic place!

Of course you have. I love this statement, too. But just as one has continued to have a life while children are at home, one will continue to have a life after they have left the nest. I think it's about the concept of "seasons." It's not even about *preferring* one season over another. It's about recognizing and appreciating the different aspects of them. But, we have to allow ourselves to see the good in each one.

My recollection is that there was a big difference between the alumni interviews ds did and the competitive scholarship interviews he did. The former were much more laid-back and one-on-one. Basically, getting to know you. Honestly, I don't think the alumni interviews count for much. The competitive scholarships were with panels of people and asked more thought-provoking questions. An issue that came up with both of those that was challenging were questions about other schools to which ds was applying. Both of these were for Big State U's. When they learned ds was applying to top tiers, in both instances they sort of challenged him about that and who he would choose and why they should give him their opportunity since he was aiming high. He basically said that he was waiting until all choices were in to make a decision and that cost was certainly going to be a factor in his decision process. This was a true statement, and either would have been one of his most affordable (free) options. The only awkward thing that came up was when one of them learned who my dh's employer was (because of ds mentioning an expat assignment our family had). That interviewer kind of put ds on the defensive with his critical assessment of dad's employer. The questioning didn't last long (another panelist steered that interviewer back on point). All that to say, ANY interviewer has his/her own background carried with him, so you can't ever know what might hit a nerve. My tip for panelist interviews (from my short-lived pageant days) is to look initially at the person who asks the question, then look each of the other panelists in the eye as you answer the question, and then end with eye contact on the initial question-asker.

Rice was on ds's short list. We absolutely loved it. It didn't hurt that they offered him a nice merit scholarship and that they have a lower overall COA compared to many schools. At the time, loan amounts were capped at even less than the Stafford loan amounts. I am a huge fan of the residential college system. The students we interacted with were fun and quirky. We attended a junior-level class, and the professor hardly had to say a word as the discussion was so lively. I would say close to 80% of the students in the room participated. The prof merely served as a facilitator and played devil's advocate occasionally to challenge a student. Is your daughter interested in premed? They have a combined program with Baylor for admission to med school and undergrad at the same time. I know nothing about it other than it is extremely competitive. I don't know if your daughter is into music, but accessibility to high level teachers is difficult because of the conservatory. The lead piano faculty was willing to take on ds as a student, but that would have had to have been done outside of school enrollment as a private student since my ds was not going to be a music major. It's more than warm - it's HOT. And humid. More so in summer. And flip flops in February is a big plus. In the end, ds was accepted to his "dream school," so did not matriculate at Rice.

My ds applied, but he didn't get an RA position. :( Interestingly, at his school, one gets paid and the housing continues to get billed. At least, this is how I think it works.

Ha ha! Not *that* much higher tha your quoted $85 per day in the subject line. Since he's in California, I am wondering how that impacts it.

About $91 per day for room and board with 14 meals per week. We don't get financial aid. No merit $ available. The dorms are all the same price regardless of quality.

I'm not sure I would describe myself as "chill." I think I would describe myself as "hardened." I lost my parents simultaneously when I was 24 years old. I am an only child. I guess I view losses as being relative depending on the type of "loss" that it is.

Lol - no! Senior moment on my part since i posted on that thread where you basically said the same thing that I said in my original post.

Slightly off-topic... Many moons ago when I was teaching at our local CC, I had a student who recorded my lectures. She did listen back to them for the purpose of filling in items in he notes that she might have missed. She also informed me that I always put her dog right to sleep!

I have no way of knowing what people's motivations are. I do know that I don't identify with it, so you are correct there. I have encountered people in life who are chronic one-uppers, regardless of whether the topic is achievement and success or loss or difficulties. The social media angle is interesting. I have one friend who refuses to be on Facebook - she refers to it as Fakebook. Ha ha! As I originally posted, I'm not trying to minimize anyone's feelings. As many have said or alluded - everyone handles life changes differently. I don't like mommy wars either. We all come to the place of launch with different experiences and backgrounds. I have certainly known grief. I just didn't experience it with ds going to college.