And I agree that you shouldn't always give in or try to pacify everything, but my ds really thought dh and I were against him and tried to do things to make him upset, etc. (he has a low frustration tolerance/threshhold and was quick to react poorly). Because of his misperception and the things dh and I were doing that fed the misperception, it created a bad cycle where he felt misunderstood and picked on. Once we understood how he was feeling and changed how we did a few things (and talked with him about how we realized this and what we were doing to change it), we have a completely different relationship now and ds has learned how to change how he reacts.
We may go into a conversation asking what happened/how he feels and then go on to discuss the other side of it and how he might understand someone else's side of the story (usually his sister's) and how he might choose to do something differently next time. (And the same thing with dd.) He wouldn't change his mind about how he felt/perceived an issue if I always just told him his thoughts about it were wrong - it takes some talking and him feeling like he is being listened to.