I 2nd this book. It's good and sounds like just what you are looking for. I am in a situation where my two, ages 15 and 16, are off in February to out of the home education- school and college...and I am looking back asking myself what I could have done differently...is there anything I would have done better or differently given the chance. And nothing is really standing out to me. On the academic side...I just had to let go of all my high ideals at the time because we couldnt do it all, or at least we couldnt to the important stuff well if we tried to do it all. Out of the house activities naturally atrophied as they dedicated themselves to the couple of ones they were most interested in (and which also provided the most social activity for them). Family wise...well, homeschooling is just awesome for that. We spend time together. We dont actually 'do' a lot together - we are all pretty independent and have our own separate activities- but we do spend a lot of time together at home, eating together, talking. All in all, I am sooooo happy with how my kids are turning out, and how our family is.

Mmmmmmm...cant help you, but I just had liver, bacon and eggs for breakfast. I get my organic liver- frozen- at our local organic shop, which I am lucky enough to have about a mile away. I defrost it enough to cut it up and put it with a small amount of bacon in little freezer bags. Since I am doing WW I weighed my little packet of liver and bacon- 80 grams- and its not a lot. Only a few small mouthfulls really. But....I love it. Which means, I think, I need it. I also put a handful of baby spinach in the pan and let it wilt. Yuuuuum. I also buy this stuff and it is what my dd16 is taking. http://www.gpawholefoods.com.au/freeze-dried-liver-extract-p-16.html

So what vegetables do your kids already like, and how do they like them? Do they eat a basic salad (such as even on a burger? ) You could start there..and extend it. Put a bit more salad on the burger. Put carrot sticks as a side on the plate as well. Make your own chips and leave the skin on, and oven bake them. Make your own burgers...with less meat, more vegies. Try making other types of burgers- chickpea, vegie, mushroom, tofu. Do they eat fruit? Its always a good place to start. I made myself and ds15 ice cream the other evening (I was PMSing) from frozen banana, fresh dates, and lots of raw cacao powder. He asked for 2nds. I fed my dd16's new boyfriend spagghetti bolognaise the other night and he was very surprised that there was no meat in it. It was Quorn (and tomato). Give them raw vegies and dips while they watch TV. Make desserts with fruit. I would just slowly start introducing new foods while continuing the old ones. Enjoy it...be creative...and be prepared for some rejections...and some successes. Its very hard for me to please all 4 of us at every meal- if I can get 3/4 it is a good meal, and 2/4 is pretty normal. But I have a very fussy vegetarian dh as well, which doesnt help. What most people lack is vegetables. My kids prefer their vegetables raw, so although I get tired of it sometimes, mostly I add salad to every plate of food. So if they are having pasta, I add salad. If I am making a bolognaise sauce, I add vegetables. And they love fruit...so that's easy. We always have a full fruit bowl. I have found that my kids really need their protein and ds really craves it- so I need to keep up the meat..and just add more veg. We still only eat meat 3 times a week or so, but they really want it. The times they rebel against what I make is often when we havent had enough meat for them...but we are at the other end and tend much more towards vegetarianism, although my son reckons thats a pretty lame way to eat. Yet if he eats too much meat now, he feels awful too...so its all a case of what you are used to.

I paint a tshirt for my dh every year. I am thinking of a bonsai plant this year, as well.

I think it is totally relative to your income and expenses. I dont buy new clothes very often but every now and then I do what you are thinking of...splurge what seems a ridiculous amount of money (since we normally buy 2nd hand) on something. I bought ds15 a really cool jacket last winter for jsut under $100- one I knew he would wear and feel "trendy" in around his friends, which is important to him at this age. I dont regret it at all. It's just money. If the alternative is homeschooling books rather than paying the electricity bill....it sounds like a good investment.

Well...I have one who is very emotional (my boy) and in his case...I think he is just very emotional AND he will use it to manipulate, for sure. But he also has taken a long time to mature and grow up. At 15...well, the last 6 months have seen a HUGE change in his personality. He has really matured, has a beautiful girlfriend, and has demonstrated that he knows how to behave very well for other people (which is I guess a good thing but I wouldnt mind seeing more of it at home). But this kid will melt down and have a hissy fit over anything. THere are so many times I have sent him to his room in order to take some space from him-- when I get upset with his getting upset. But when I am patient Mummy , what I have found is that he responds REALLY well to be listened to. He has a huge sense of injustice (mostly about himself) and it gets triggered easily. Even though he seems to be being completely unreasonable to everyone else....to himself, he is not. When I stop and listen and hear his point of view, really listen to how he is seeing things...I can see why he is upset- in his own eyes (even if I dont agree with his reasoning). Often, just listening to him is enough. It diffuses his upset- often the issue just disappears- or at least he can then hear my perspective. Kids really need to be heard, not dismissed, even when they are seeming to be really unreasonable. At least, it's worth a try. A middle child is classically getting less attention just by virtue of their birth order. Spending that time to really just listen to him might disarm him and take away his reason to go for so much negative attention.

Other, because I save them for ages then when I am cleaning up one day I come across them and decide to ditch them.

MIL is still looking after her dd50...intellectually disabled. So..no, she has not been available, physically or emotionally, although she lives 10 minutes away. She wasnt a good mother, supposedly (but then, her dh was out having affairs a lot and she had a nervous breakdown- 5 kids, one disabled). FIL - well, he has early alzheimers now but was never around anyway. Absent father, absent grandfather. My mum and dad are divorced. Mum is a good granma- I wish we lived closer while my kids were growing up but it wasn't to be. She spends a lot of time with my brother's kids (all 6 of them!) and is a very grounded, intelligent, practical and creative doting grandmother. She lives in a large house on a small river and just like when my brother and i were kids, her grandkids are allowed to run wild, go fishing and canoeing. Its always great to visit granma- she does "granma" well. Dad is ....well, he's good with me. He finds kids hard. He always did. After my brother's first 2 kids he just shook his head as he heard about each of the next 4, and verbalised his astonishment that anyone would want more than 2 kids. He is not good with kids. Nor was he a very good dad, really...but, he did his best and he does try now. Again- we rarely see him but do stay in contact through the internet. He loves my kids- both my parents are very proud of how I have brought up my kids, which is lovely. He has very limited patience and has a tendency to be very judgemental, which he doesnt realise just alienates him.

Just because it's in the culture to do so. Simple. I grew up with an atheist dad and a non practicing mum who at the time considered herself Christian but didnt go to church...Christmas was a wonderful time of family connectedness and celebration. Christ was never discussed. We never went to church. It was all about Santa and gift giving (or, rather, as a kid, gift getting), food (and alcohol) and seeing relatives. And STILL I would say it was meaningful because of the joy of the celebration. I have memories of plaiting my Pa Jack's few strands of hair and cutting his toenails, playing with granma's cat, the sparkling of Christmas Tree lights, being so excited I coudlnt sleep the night before. My gandmother falling asleep on the couch. All my cousins around. I havent been able to give that to MY kids because we just dont have a close extended family around here- or anyone like my granma. But Christmas, even without Christ, was certainly meaningful and beautiful for me as a child. As an adult...I could easily live without it but even I, who gets a bit cynical about it all....enjoy parts of it very much. I live my spirituality every day..no day is more or less meaningful to me in that sense. Why celebrate Christmas when we dont celebrate Christ the way Christians do? Because we can.

I find it hard but I receive it all as graciously as I can. My mother usually makes me amazing hand woven items. No problem there. But my step mum- dad's wife- sends all sorts of strange things. I am very fussy about creams, bath products etc (I wont put chemicals on my skin) and they kind of know how wierd I am, but they try hard and often get it wrong. Last year they asked me if there was anything I would like...I said, well, I knit socks so you could send me some lovely sock wool. Well, I knew what I meant (I had a picture of a lovely ball of Opal wool in MY mind) and I really shouldnt have presumed they did, because to me, pure wool or other natural fibre is the ONLY way to go...and they bought me a whole pile of acrylic sock wool. It was a pretty colour though. I kept it, agonising over it, for a few months...then it went to the op shops. Someone will like it. Life's too short to knit with wool you don't like :) On Boxing Day we have a party with any friends that want to come- usually there are 20 or so people. It is a tradition that we do Secret Santa - and everyone brings along one wrapped present- something they dont want. Its a great place to bring unwanted Christmas presents. Everyone picks a number out of a hat, and the presents are all in a pile in the middle. Number 1 goes first- chooses a present and unwraps it. Number 2 then can choose to either TAKE number 1's present OR pick a new present out of the pile. If they take number 1's present, number 1 gets to pick another. Each present can only change hands 3 times. Number 3 can either take no 1 or number 2's presents, or pick out of the middle. Etc. THe chances of ending up with something worse than what you originallycontributed are fairly high but sometimes you get something pretty cool :) And its very fun. I am good at ditching things I don't want. I also have a drawer for things I might like to give someone else - a gift drawer- its pretty good for those soaps and things.

Wow, what a day. There is something to be said for boring, nothing much special hpapened days, isn't there? :grouphug:

There seems to be something in our western culture that makes people hate themselves. There is self loathing everywhere. If you go to some other cultures, people aren't so much like that- they like themselves. We seem to think its good to hate ourselves and supposedly love others, put others first ....but the truth is, if you dont love yourself, you can't truly love anyone else, either. I am not talking about egoic self centred supposed love...I am talking about recognising that you ARE a good person, that you ARE ok just as you are, that you are doing your best always (and so is everyone else) and that you deserve to be treated well- at least as well as everyone else. When you are your own best friend, and can act in your own best interests...you can do far more to help others and you do it from a much healthier place. AND you set a much healthier example to your children than a mum who martyrs herself for everyone. I think its so important that kids see mum taking care of herself and that she knows how and when to say no. So....at least, do it for your kids!

Truly "broke" to me is when the outgoings- trimmed way back but on current lifestyle- are more than the incomings, and probably credit is also maxed out (if it is used). In other words...there is no where to turn. Except...to downsize I guess, cut right back to survival level. Sell off, cut back. Truth is I have lived way below the poverty line for years and I never considered myself broke (before I had kids). I just lived dirt poor- largely out of choice, actually. Broke to me would be unable to pay my current bills. But, we have the capacity to downsize and sell things off...so even though if we oculdnt pay our current bills I might say we were "broke", we still have a long way between "broke" and "starving and on the street".

We never had any help whatsoever. My family are on the other side of Australia. Dh's mother lives nearby but she has a mentally disabled daughter who has become more difficult as time goes on....MIL is always exhausted- she is in her 70s and SIL is 50. MIL actually apologised to me the other day for not being much of a grandmother to my two kids (she had more time and energy with her oldest grandkids because SIL used to work in a sheltered workshop and was less obstroperous when younger)- but we never held anything against her for it. In a way....dh and I have always felt its a good thing and not a problem. We used family day care (day care in a woman's home, maximum 4 kids) to take breaks and we never really have had to deal with family issues because we haven't had much to do with either of our families.

How good are you at asking for help? At letting the house be messy? Do you have routines? Do you get enough sleep? Do you have healthy habits or self destructive ones (these are things we DO have control over- such as eating well, getting exercise- even a 15 minute walk- and going to bed early and getting up early rather than staying up late on the computer). Are you having to work a lot at the same time as homeschooling? If so...man, I don't know how people do it but you can ask everyone else to pitch in. As someone else said, you control the things you CAN and let the rest go. ANd you deal with the guilt monster, and the perfectionist monster. That is something else under your control.

I do think its worth considering that a teenage boy might need a break from being with his mum so much. It may well be an instinctive thing- and , if not school, maybe some other way of getting out of the house more. My ds15 will be going to school in February (new year here) and I just feel it my heart that he needs to rub with different people- be taught by teachers who are specialists in their area..learn subjects I can't do with him. But...I got him into a top state highschool. He is 15. Up until the day I decided to send him...he wanted to go, but we said no. And we could have continued to do that. But...in our case, mine actually (dh was very surprised that I decided he needed to go), I changed my mind. We will see how it goes. In his case...his reasons for going are purely social. However....mine are many faceted, and his reasons arent bothering me. He has a stinky attitude at home...I am hopeful someone else might be able to inspire him.

My experience is that teaching a teenager who wants to be at school is very challenging. Going against your dd's wishes may change the dynamic of your relationship if it is been cooperative that she came home, so far. Still, thats not to say youshouldnt do it if you really feel its in her best interests...but, its worth considering.

I agree with the Flylady idea. flylady.net Flylady will give you the right attitude, heal your heart and stop your beating yourself up, and teach the tools to move forward from where you are right now, one step at a time. It will help you feel that you can do it, and help you with your feeling of overwhelm. I would never have been able to homeschool if I hadnt found Flylady beforehand. I spent 6 months on Flylady...then I found homeschooling. Without the foundation of routines to keep my housework under control (and I am no clean freak, but things are in relative order)I would not have had the discipline to homeschool. Some people are extremely organised and structured...then others of us have to train ourselves. Order and structure make kids feel secure, and helps things to get done.

I think we are all inherently worthy and there is nothing whatsoever we can do to make ourselves more worthy than we naturally are already. The sun shines on absolutely everyone, no discrimination. We don't have to earn it (through being good, through being saved, through being a good mum, through working hard) . The tiniest baby doesn't have to earn it. The worst criminal doesn't have to earn it. All are equal...and all are uniquely different. The Sun is just the same as the Love that is always shining on everyone from within their own heart. Everyone has that potential. The difference is..some people know it, are in touch with it, and some arent...they still think they have to earn it or behave in a particular way to deserve it. It is always there, though.

It is around that age that kids go through quite a change. I have heard it expressed as moving out of their personal bubble and into the larger world. But lots of changes are happening. As always, just when we think we have a handle on them....they go and change on us. Keeps us on our toes.

No encouragement necessary here either. We read lots of fantasy though.

Oh, gorgeous, I can relate.

The thing with modern stress is that it is so nepharious and ubiquitous...how many of us wake up with clenched guts in the mornings and don't even know why? Our stress is not the stress of being chased by a tiger...and when we escape safely, the stress relaxes. We are built to handle that sort of stess. Our stress is so habitual, and never really goes away...we are in constant stress- so when we meet other people, they are in constant stress, so it is somewhat normal and people barely even realise we are not meant to live like this. All the modern conveniences we have are meant to give us more time but we fill up all our empty time with more busy-ness. Our grandparents could sit on the porch for a couple of hours in the evening and talk. They had social networks. They would talk to the neighbours. People werent expected to be busy all the time, to be productive all the time. Time was not so sped up...it was slower. Partly because it took longer to do things because there werent the modern "conveniences". We expect ourselves to do so much, to pack so much into our days. We value ourselves through our productivity, through what we do, rather than inherently. We have filled in all the empty spaces in our lives. The spaces where people used to connect, celebrate, hang out, chat, relax. Also...we are trained to worship consumerism. Shopping is considered leisure now. We fill our empty times, the times when we could stop and smell the roses, with consumerism. I have just come back from Bali. If you have ever been to Bali, you would know that the Balinese are an inherently happy culture. As they say themselves...often they dont know where their next meal is coming from- there is a lot of poverty there- but they are happy anyway. That is part of the attraction of going to Bali...they are infectiously happy- they laugh easily. It's funny...a days work to a Balinese will generally involve a lot of not doing much. A lot of patiently waiting. We in the West are not so happy yet we have so much and are so busy all the time, chasing happiness around the next corner but never quite getting there. We forget we are human Beings, not human Doings. We just lost the balance. We are capable of finding it again, though, but we have to drop out of mainstream culture to do so.

DH's midlife crisis happened years ago when I was busy having babies- he is 14 years older than I. He changed careers, downsized, had babies with a younger wife-me :) Mine seems to be in full swing (age 43) but I am still in the "what the heck am I doing with my life" stage of it. Homeschooling is ending- I guess that is part of it. It surprised dh- he was the one hanging on to it. Dd is going to college and the thought of homeschooling ds, while he fights, resists and argues me every single day, for the next 3 years...was too much to handle, so it felt right to find a good school for him and he is happy too. So...what on earth am I going to do with myself? I am not short of ideas...but they are so wide and varied and I cant seem to feel one pull stronger than another. They are all equal...and, I think I could just do with a year of not doing much at all, frankly! And, I dont want to get too completely busy while the kids are still really needing guidance, and ds (with LDs) may not even handle school, so I need to give that some time. DH has mentioned a few times as I go into meltdowns and craziness, that I must be having a mid life crisis. It feels good to be able to give it a name :)

Ds15 does his own washing. Usually it is left in the laundry so long that i put it in a basket and put it in his room to be put away. I am pretty sure that what happens is...the dirty clothes then get put on top of those clean clothes in the basket, and it comes back into the laundry a few days later to be washed. Dd16 can manage to wash her clothes and actually put them away.. both need reminding to keep the washing moving. In other words..they both need supervising even years after being technically capable of doing their own washing, bringing it in and putting it away. I suggest a 9yo needs lot of patience and probably some supervision...for as long as he needs it. THe more time and effort you put in at this stage...patiently, consistently...the less likely you will need to worry about it later. It needs to become a habit. I wasnt consistent enough for my kids and dd16 has found her way but ds15...needs more consistency from me to follow the whole laundry cycle all the way through.