I donate 90% of the clutter and no longer used stuff that I want out of the house. It is just not worth the time and trouble for a few $ for me. I will try and resell hoemschooling curriculum, but even that can be a pain in the a*se. Last time I did it, I had people asking if they could wait till they got back from their overseas trip before they paid me, and several who said they wanted to buy but then never responded again. If its worth more than $20 or $30 I will probably try and sell it somehow. But I rarely bother with anything less than that. THe other serious issue I have is that my family do not like me decluttering, and if I leave bags or boxes of "stuff" around waiting to sell, pretty soon one by one they come and take things back. I am a sneaky declutterer. I know my family are all pack rats. THe only way I can declutter is by stealth. So it needs to go straight into the boot of my car and to the charity shops on my next trip.

Biggest joys: Being so intimate with my kids, and able to bring them up my way, instead of handing them over to the institution of school. My kids have been to school and they told me that there, all the kids act like they hate their parents (this was elementary school!). It is uncool to openly love your parents. How sad- especially for parents who put so much into raising their kids. Having a good relationship with them in their teens (so far :) ) Having a close family life with plenty of time for whatever we want to do. Learning with the kids- especially history and literature. Reading aloud to them well into their teens. I love "planning school" for my kids. Biggest challenges: My biggest would have to be teaching and being around my son so much. He has always struggled- with his perfectionism, his dyslexia, with writing, and with me who tries to get him to overcome all these things! He has always argued and resisted me. Yet, if you asked him, he loves to homeschool. For me, I burn out rather easily, so a challenge has been to be able to be present for the kids enough (supervising their school day, being in the room to help when needed, and up until recently, sitting next to my son for a large part of his subjects), as well as being able to fulfill their social needs. They are both very social kids and it takes a lot to keep them happy in that area. To cope with burn out issues, I take an afternoon nap and quiet time every day. One challenge i dont acknowledge very often is giving up my own potential career for these years of homeschooling. HOmeschooling is my priority and I wouldnt have it any other way....yet, it is a sacrifice of whatever else I might be doing and as I move through my 40s, I am feeling it more and more.

My kids work form a checklist schedule and have done for years. All their schoolbooks are on their desks, standing up at the back or stacked in a pile. I don't see the advantage of having them in a box. But the main disadvantage to me seems to be having to stack the boxes nightly. I just dont do anything nightly anymore. If they were younger, maybe it would be easier than a checklist, but maybe not. I love organising systems, I really do, but workboxes never appealed to me.

I usually have several going at once. If I get hooked up in a novel (like Twilight :001_rolleyes:) or anything for that matter than really catches me, even non fiction, I will just read that till its done. But I usually have several books at once next to my bedside. If I try and read something that doesnt interest me at that moment, just because I think I should (even if I am pre reading for the kids) I usually don't get very far into it. Idont have endless hours to read each day, so I do prioritise and I dont waste my time on books that dont interest me much. So I guess I choose by going with what pulls me. Other than that, you could do the schedule in TWEM.

I am more in the "work smart, not necessarily hard" camp. I dont think "working hard", particularly for some future goal, is how we are necessarily meant to spend our lives, although for some people, it's just the way it is. If you love what you do anyway, its not neessarily "work" (in some cultures they dont even have a word for "work", it's just life to them). As in, I don't think it is morally superior to spend our lives busting our guts and you may make more money but you may not be happier. Particularly if we are working at something that helps destroy the planet faster. I think life is basically good anyway, and we all have access to happiness. Good things are around us all the time- we just have to open our eyes and see them. Gratitude for what we already have is the key to attracting abundance and good things. Rather than "work", I tend to feel that we need to do what needs to be done, and not shirk that. So if we do what needs to be done, work when work needs doing and be able to rest and play when the work is done (which many people can't do- they dont have an off button), life may still serve you lemons rather than roses. But your attitude to what life serves you is what makes the difference. You can make lemonade or you can go around being sour.

OK. you have me intrigued now. I stayed with a fmaily in India- a middle class family in Delhi- and they didnt have a fridge. I made ghee last night. Ghee is butter without the milk solids- it can sit at room temperature for weeks. I can easily eat it instead of butter. And the raw milk I get...well, it just doesn't go "off" the same way that paseurised milk does.I reckon it could sit on the bench for a good couple of days before actually going off. Well, in winter anyway. And even when it starts to turn, it's useable, as sour milk. So, I can see its possible Rosie and thankyou for at least getting me to think about it. I love ideas like that. We do take having a fridge for granted. But really it is a luxury item- I bet the majority of the world's population live without fridges.

I have had a laptop for 3 years. I was hooked when I visited my brother and his wife and they were sitting around on the couches with their laptops. I have enjoyed it and at first I used to take it places with me. But the novelty has worn off and just the way our house and lives are designed...when my laptop died a couple of weeks ago, I asked dh for a desktop. I simply didnt like taking my laptop anywhere anyway. I am enough of a computer addict that it wouldnt be healthy for me to actually take it places :) ANd my desk is central to the schoolroom and living areas- I can even watch TV from my desk while on my computer. So consider whether you would actually use the mobility of the laptop. I thought I would be out at coffee shops with it drinking cappuccinos and writing emails...but it never happened in 3 years. However, the kids do have a laptop each- they find it convenient. I really enjoy my big screen now, with my desk top.

Lol Rosie, you go for it and let us know how it goes :) We just bought an extra fridge, so , um, I guess we are not heading in the same direction :). I love having an extra fridge to store things in, but then, I have a cooking job so often have to store bulk things cold. I guess it is mainly the raw milk/butter/cheese that we really need the fridge for (although we also store juice and vegies there)...but I am not about to go vegan, so I guess the fridge will stay. How will you go in summer? This time of year I can imagine it could work well. Also, if you are short walking distance from local food supplies it could work too.

Flylady.net for how to get myself into the habit of cleaning. I use orange oil based cleaners for almost everything, for the smell and the environmental friendliness. I use a real ostrich feather duster for dust because it makes me want to dust (its pretty and soft :) ) and its delicate enough that I dont have to move any ornaments around to dust them. I burn essential oils for putting beautiful aromas through the house. I put drops of essential oils on the pillows at night often. Decluttering- I agree, thats essential.

It sounds like you guys are at war already. If she is asleep as you write this, and you dont want her to be....you have obviously lost control big time and that is the issue. I read one person on a thread here years ago, who poured frozen marbles into their teen's bed. Take the door off the hinges so you have access to her room at all times. Get a spray bottle and spray her. I would do all these things if it got that bad here. I have a 15yo teen who will sleep in and stay up late if allowed. Its not allowed, so its not an issue. We bang on her door if she sleeps in (school days) and if I have to bang too often she loses priveleges. But i am not generally at war with her. Somehow though it sounds like you have lost your daughter's heart and I dont know the solution to that other than it would be a priority for me to get it back again, to build our relationship. And of course tough love may be a necessary component of that. I suggest you don't lost your temper with her. Deal with her matter of factly and as severely as needed, but keep working on keeping your own heart clear and loving for her, rather than resentful. She is a child going through a hard time with her family. I was one of those once and my mother's tripping out didnt help at all. Guilt tripping me absolutely didnt work either. I didnt care because I didnt feel heard or understood. If she had been willing to be humble and sit down with me and try and sort it out, respecting me while telling me how hard it was for her and how she felt and why she was behaving as she was, I might have listened. YOu may well be past that stage. I am not even Christian and I would pray for a solution to come to me, so that I could see a way through with this child. I have honestly found that when I am at my wits end and ask for help, it always comes.

What I tend to do in that situaiton is try to boost the immune system with echinacea and whatever else I have around. Big doses to really try and get the body on top of it. Then I use Vicks, a humidifier, and treat him as if he is still sick- early to bed, not too busy, cut back on sugar.

I would absolutely help. I would not encourage adoption. I would take whatever role was needed, even if that meant a large amount of care while dd went to college or whatever. I am not so familiar with the whole baby shower thing anyway. Sounds like a way to get lots of people to give you lots of stuff. Not necessary in our lifestyle- we would be looking for 2nd hand stuff whether the baby was to our teenage child or an older one. It's just what we do. The expense would not be much of an issue because of how we live. We would celebrate and support while helping the teen to stand on their own feet. We have already discussed the issue. The kids already know the issues. If it happened anyway, well, we would go with it. And none of this is to say I might not respond differently if particular circumstances seemed to indicate a different respnonse was needed. My stepdd, who is no longer a teen anyway, would get a different response from dh and I because she is largely an irresponsible person who can barely take care of herself- we would be much "harder' on her so to speak, to try and get her to be a responsible mother. Overall though, I would celebrate, and that doesn't mean its something I wish to happen.

Dh and I both read the Continuum Concept when dd was a baby and it clicked for both of us so strongly that we were pretty much on the same wavelength from then on- except that he wasnt so happy about me breastfeeding for so long, or tandem bf, but he did accept it because I felt so strongly about it. Even before I had kids or read books I knew how I wanted to parent- attachment parenting- even though I didnt have a clear concept in my mind or words for it. My parents were definitely easygoing and they really trusted my brother and I. There were a lot of good things about my upbringing. However I would say that I was an insecure child because my parents didnt understand you can't really make a kid independent by force or deliberate neglect. They naturally become indpendent if they are allowed to meet their need for holding, bonding, security, until they are ready to let go. So, the impact of that on me was so strong that I have reared my kids very differently from how I was raised. Dh was raised in a very rough way- oldest of 5 kids, sent off to boarding school 5 kms away, not allowed home on weekends. He was a wild, rebellious kid- but he was beaten daily at school. It was how he survived without having his spirit crushed. So I think it has been very healing for him to be exposed and then to enact a completely different way of parenting too. However, we have both done years of therapy and I think that also impacts on our parenting. Its easy to "react" to the way you were brought up and do the opposite, but that's not necessarily coming from intelligence either- its just a reaction. I think we cant but help pass on our wounding to our kids unless we heal it in ourselves first. Although often we dont even know we are wounded until our kids press our buttons. Dh and I actually disagree a fair bit too over parenting issues. I am much softer, he is much stricter. But somehow we muddle through and the kids accept we are both very different. It's definitely not always a united front.

I try to raise my kids in a "no regrets" kind of way. I did long term breastfeeding, family bed, little daycare, then later homeschooling. These have been important to me as an ideal of giving my kids heaps of attention and bonding, and I am happy with the results- two very secure teens. However within that, I often lose my temper, or get too tired to play or whatever. I have smacked them out of anger. Overall, I dont feel I have gone off the track- so far- but I really empathise with parents who do, and there are plenty of ways I could have been more perfect. We are only human. I try and use common sense as much as possible- or I could put it, follow my inner guidance system- rather than external parenting philosophies, which change per generation. I was just visiting some friends this evening who have a young baby, their first. They are so dedicated, so devoted to giving everything and doing everything right for this baby. They have read a book which is probably full of wonderful wisdom. And it has told them to feed the baby at certain intervals- and if the baby cries in between, and has pooed, been burped and all that- to hold the baby and let it cry. I was there and she fed the baby- for just a few minutes- then burped it- then after a while it started to cry. The dad held it. It cried and cried. All I wanted to do was put my own breast in the baby's mouth! Because that is how I parented babies- if they are crying, try feeding them more! They are trying a different way. I respect their choice- and who knows? So I guess I am fairly gentle with myself that I can only do what I feel is best in the moment and if later I realise it was a mistake, beating myself up about it doesnt help at all.

I haven't read all of the thread...but spirits, entities, are recognised in many cultures as a matter of fact, and I have seen /felt many myself over the years. Our western so called scientific mind has shut us off from other dimensions, but that doesn't make them any less real. They are as real as this one. It is the shaman's job in many cultures to intermediate between the spirit world and this one, and there are many plants that are used as openers to the other dimensions. And obviously some Christian churches still recognise the existence of bodiless entities (called angels and demons in Christianity). One thing I think the darker ones feed on though, is fear. And even though I recognise the existence of bodiless entities, I also achnowledge there is a lot of New Age hocus pocus in the field as well.

We clean the kitchen as we go- thats the one area that really helps us all if it stays relatively ordered. THe kids are in charge of it. I do the extras (like clenaing the microwave, the stove etc) and the cooking. The rest of the house gets done in bite size chunks, and I am fairly impulsive about it (not comulsive- I am not a neat freak by any means). This morning I got up and felt to tidy my dresser and that led to me sorting my clothes. We are on the holidays- I spent one of the first days completely cleaning out the schoolroom. Now it just needs a vacuum and a quick pick up regularly because I got rid of a lot of stuff that didnt need to be in there. The bathroom sink area, and the toilet, gets done every few days and the shower every month or so. I am irregular and sporadic but one thing I learned from Flylady was that housework done imperfectly is still getting done, and that babysteps still gets it done too. I used to feel I had to do it all at once and it used to paralyse me. Now I am happy to just clean here and there as I feel to and it works much better for me.

My kids have a games computer each in the playroom downstairs, and a laptop computer in the schoolroom upstairs. (Dh loves to buy 2nd hand computers and upgrade them for us all). When we realised our 13yo was also looking at inappropriate material, we decided to disconnect the internet from the games computers. There was also an issue of looking at many You Tubes and showing visiting friends- and some were just unsavoury altohugh not se*ual. He just liked to pull up horror movies and anything shocking. I was worried a visiting kid would see something completely innapropriate for his age. In the schoolroom (which is also the family room), the laptops are not allowed to be taken to their bedrooms, and they both are to sit so that the screen is facing into the room so that at a glance we can see what they are looking at. Both had kind of worked out how to be on their laptops at an angle we couldn't see anything. I used the excuse that I had caught ds playing computer games during schooltime- which was only a part of the issue. We didn't make a big deal about it, and I don't actually watch what they are doing very often, but its enough to stop anything inappropriate. I agree not to make too much of a fuss. In our case, I left the discussions up to dh, although ds knew I knew. Honestly, we didnt want to shame ds too much because we feel it is a natural urge- we just want to redirect his attention and limit access.

Yes, I am dealing with this with ds13 right now. He came home from 4 days on a farm with his best friend's family, where I know he has a great time and he behaves himself. The only down is I think they do even more computer games than we do. This time he came home really emotionally closed down to me, with a yukky attitude. He is normally open and friendly and he wasnt, he was rude and unfriendly. I noticed it straight away and asked him about it- he just shrugged. Its now 4 days later and unfortunately his attitude is barely any better- partly because his dad was away for the weekend, I had things on, and he spent a lot of time with other friends over the weekend. SO its like he hasnt really clicked back into our family mode. I dont like it at all and it makes me want to keep him home more- but now that he is 13 thats getting harder and he does need and want to spread his wings. Today I have grounded him- not so much as a punishment, but just so that we can deal with the residue of this behaviour and transition him back to his sweeter self. And no more sleepovers these holidays. My dd doesnt however seem to get like this much, although others have commented that she is different with different groups of friends.

Perhaps because it makes them feel safe? As far as I can tell, women are far harder on themselves, and other women, than men (in general) are on them anyway. Women on the one hand want the strong man with the income- I believe it is a primal instinct in order to bring up children safely- and on the other hand want to be free of it. We live in interesting times and I believe we are in some sort of cultural transition which is why we are even discussing it on message boards. And I dont think all women do work hard to preserve patriarchy, by any means. The subculture on these boards is of a high percentage of conservative Christian element. I don't actually mix with people who think like that IRL. There is a certain appeal to surrendering to a human higher power, I guess.

Originally Posted by angela in ohio I've found, though, that if you treat a man like he is smart, capable, and respectable, he will generally rise up to it. Just like when dh treats me like I am a great wife, even if I'm not, I strive to be one. :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

I watched it a few nights ago and was puzzling the same thing. I was just thinking northern Africa somewhere but I agree the scenery did change rather rapidly from tropical to snow to desert. I enjoyed the movie but felt it was rather hollywoody. I guess thats to be expected. The special effects were pretty cool. The storyline- well, pretty average.

Dr Laura's books were very good for me and my marriage. I do get the whole needing to drop resentment and just be kind and generous thing. My marriage changed, and dh did change toward me. However, I also feel that learning to communicate effectively when there is conflict, and stand up for myself when I was being too doormattish so that resentment doesn't build much, helps a lot, too. My dh is an extroverted A type personality with strong opinions and a tendency to love to take care of everyone in his life in a controlling way. He has told me many times over the years that me standing up to him has been very good for him. For me, standing up to him in a way that isn't emasculating, that doesnt completely annihialate him or condemn everything about him, has been a long journey for me. He appreciates and can hear me much better, even if he has been way off and wrong, if I just approach the issue in a specific way, rather than spinning off into a torrent of resentment. Dealing with resentment overall has been a biggie for me. Dr Laura's books helped me get myself into perspective and focus less on me and more on him, and I realised I was quite selfish and self centred. But then, so can he be- and I don't feel its to anyone's greater benefit for one person to dominate. However, the art is to stand up for myself in a way that is not actually destructive or righteous, just healthy and constructive.

Lol, my dd is 15 and I am having the same crazy problems as she really doesn't know yet what she wants to do. I dont have any advice, just :grouphug: because I have foudn it very stressful! ANd she is only 15- I dont want to force her to decide now. I want her to enjoy the rest of her childhood. I looked at courses and volunteering as you are doing...the photography course she wanted to do wouldn't accept her at 15. The workshop I booked her in for was cancelled. I have taken a step back and stopped trying too hard to make it work for her when she really has little sense of direction yet. Its her life. I will keep her doing the schooling that keeps her options open, and stop worrying so much about her future. I kept feeling it was my responsibility to make it all happen for her- but I was taking too much on myself. I asked her to discuss with me the subjects and schooling for our next term. She said "surprise me, mum" , because she doesn't want to take responsibility yet. You can only do so much...then sit back and wait for the next sign to come that there is a definite direction to follow.

I felt the same Laura- if I didn't have a program I would not do it properly, even though it's probably quite doable. I decided to try LLATL Gold for my dd15 and so far, so good. There are U.S and British books- dd wanted to do the U.S. one first. LLATL in the lower years has a reputation for being light, but at this level, I think it's great. At least, it's getting done and in a way my dd is actually enjoying and its making her think. Didn't you use Lightning Literature though? Don't they have higher level books too? I was considering using on of their Shakespeare books at one stage.

Wow, some threads really bring out the wierd ones. The first homeschoolers I met were scientologists. My son and I were kicking a ball in the local park on his very first day of not going to school. A group of about 10 kids with two mothers were also playing in the park in a seemingly organised kind of way. I gathered the courage to ask them if they were homeschoolers and they were. We chatted- I told them it was our first day- and for the next 6 months we were invited to join them for their weekly sports day, which we did. It was such a great entry into the homeschool world because it was important to my kids to met other kids who hoemschooled so they didnt feel like freaks. As someone who has been involved in a religious organisation that is seen as "out there" by mainstream, as in, a cult, I can completely understand why scientogogists, as well as famous people, might choose to homeschool. It doesnt mean the kids are isolated or cut off any more than any of our kids- they just mix in different circles. There was nothing wierd about the kids I hung out with at all, nor the mums, and they even had some great ideas that I took to heart about teaching.