I do both pretty much equally. If I see wonderful yarn on special, especially at yard sales, I will buy it, and then work out what to do with it. (Hence my boxes of yarns!). But then if I get a project in mind, I will go out and buy yarn especially for it as well. I asked my step mum for yarn for my recent birthday and said I particularly liked sock yarn. I was thinking a nice Opal ball. I forgot most people consider "yarn" to be any type of yarn, wheras I am a yarn snob and will only use natural fibres. So she bought me 4 colourful balls of acrylic sock yarn. I think I might knit her some socks for her birthday! Not her fault, but I dont like to waste it yet...I dont want to use it. Ugh.

I got some baby pics done professionally years ago because there was a special on at the shopping mall and the price was given to me up ahead and it was cheap. I have those pics still and they really are wonderful. (And I look so young in one!). However.. I would never pay full price because I have other priorities for my money. And yes, the price is up around those prices. Nowadays it is very inexpensive to take your own digital shots and get them printed yourself. At least, it is here. Dd and I recently picked out a dozen good photos and went and got them printed. Cost hardly anything for the 5"/8" prints we got, but it was cheap even for large ones. We could do a trip to Bali for $900! Take lots of holiday photos and come back and get them printed for less than $10!

:iagree::iagree::iagree: There's no value in trianing someone to stick at something when they are being treated badly, IMO. She can value herself more than that.

I loved it. She is a teen (or appears to be!) and "fitting in" to the mainstream and not standing out as wierd or geeky is very important to many, if not most teens, including mine. If your kids are young it's easy to feel you don't care if you fit in or not, but once they hit the teen years...it can become an issue. I appreciated her creativity in putting it together...and it DID say at teh beginning that it was a JOKE. Maybe it presses a few buttons.

I must admit under those circumstances I would say sorry, but no. There are circumstances under which we would give out money, but rarely for a loan. We would just give it. And not at the moment. Money is tight. I would only loan it if I didnt need it back, personally, and felt generous to the person or situation.

We handled the toy thing differently to most. I wanted to do the Waldorf thing- only toys made of natural fibres/wood, and without faces and too much detail, leaving a lot to the imagination. Maybe, if I could, I would go that way. But it didnt work out like that because we go 2nd hand shopping every weekend. It's our family adventure. The kids have come since they were in utero. So...they often got cheap toys because they were attracted to them and for $1, it was worth it. So even though dd wasnt into Babrie much, she got 2nd hand Barbie dolls. And when she got tired of them, I got rid of them. DH had a fantastic collection of plastic monsters- many of which would have been expensive new. But they cost us very little. So he had dozens of them. Same with plastic guns. My kids did not like Lego. I've oftened wondered why, and I bought plenty in hope, but I dont know. They just didnt. However they got years' worth of joy out of simple wooden blocks. So...they got whatever attracted them, and I think I would do it the same again. And every kid is different, so there are not any toys I would say "definitely". Another kid might love Lego! (I understand most do!). IN which case I woudl buy even more. I would probably still buy a few of those beautiful Waldorf toys, though.

When you say quiet time- are you getting a good couple of hours every afternoon, plus say, after 7.30pm at night? And do you take that time for yourself to rest, read, have a bath, and take care of yourself? That is what has kept me balanced over the years, although now with teens, I get a lot more time to myself. I am much better with older kids than I was with younger kids. I didnt handle the constant touching and demanding for attention of younger kids, even though I also wanted to give it. I used to do things like take the kids to a park that was fenced in, and take a book and sit outside the fence on the grass and just "switch off" and let them play. I would run a bath, put on a movie for them, and disappear. Can you book one evening a week for something for yourself? Then either dh or a babysitter has the kids. I didnt use babysitters often but we did use them. We didn't have family either. I even put the kids into some family daycare to give me 2 half days off a week to be alone or spend time with dh. The fmaily daycare system here is great- it is just women in their homes- and the kids were fine. Are you being so overprotective you wont let your kids be with anyone else but dh? There are many options, but you might be limiting yourself unecessarily.

I havent read the other replies. The reason you can't have good healthy boundaries with your mum is because you are frightened of her anger. It's her anger, and she is a big girl, she can handle it. If she gets angry at least its real and out in the open and you can move forward. Treading on eggs around someone when they are actually the one being rude, insensitive and undermining your parental authority, is a sign you don't have healthy boundaries and she is controlling/manipulating you- and making you feel guilty when she is in the wrong. She's already angry. You can't anger her. Passive aggressive behaviour is an insidious form of anger. Dont take responsiblity for her undealt with emotions. I don't mean you cant be gentle and come from a clam and loving space, but you cant set a healthy boundary if you are not prepared to handle the possibility of her anger. You cant be responsible for someone else's emotions. Being real and setting healthy boundaries is a gift- to yourself, to your children, and to your mother.

I took my kids to see Food Inc last week- does that count? I dont think they would count it :) I took dd to see Alice in Wonderland last month, and we will see the new Twilight movie when it comes out. I am presuming there will be one or two other movies in the year we will see- but not necessarily. They go with their friends nowadays. We tend to go on a schoolday when its something we have all loved- like Harry Potter or Twilight.

I like your approach, but th problem is, it makes you suffer as much as the kids- and they know it! I have gone on cooking strikes and it really did work well- I was not being appreciated at all for making meals and it hurt a lot, so I stopped cooking for them (especially dh) and just made myself beautiful, healthy meals. They all started being appreciative! But it's different because I wasn't suffering, in fact it was a great holiday from taking care of everyone. I took my cue for this cleaning issue- from Flylady's ideas. It takes training- it's not inbuilt in most kids and mine have never naturally felt the need to pick up something they step over every day. They would live like swine if not directed. First, I had to take responsibility for the fact that I myself was not very neat and tidy, and it just bugged me that no one else was either- but I had no leg to stand on. Once I swallowed that, I started keeping my own stuff tidy and staying on top of the washing-so, I focused on my own sphere and areas of responsibility foremost. Then, I helped the others with their chores. If the kids made a mess, I would literally help them clean it up. If their rooms were messy, I would go in there and clean with them. This was modelling to them how to actually clean up a mess, or a whole room, which can be very overwhelming to young people. It also made it more fun and less of a burden to them if I was there. I also would send them to do one small job- such as pick up all the clothes on the floor and put them in the wash basket. Thats it. I still do this with my teens- send them to do one thing rather "the whole lot". I would also use timers a lot. We would put the timer on and then work- together- till it went off (5, 10 or 15 minutes). Then, we stopped. So, we made it a game. Years of this - and I still have very messy teens. It hasn't gone away. However, we do have techniques and methods with dealing with it. I have been known to disappear things (they all dread it when I start decluttering). The kids have chores and they lose pocket money if they don't do them. Saturday mornings they do extra stuff like dusting and vacuuming- never more than half an hour. And I get them to clean their rooms regularly so that it doesnt get so bad that its a whole day to clean it up. I am teaching them the value of decluttering too, but they do find letting go of stuff difficult. The keys have been to break tasks down into small parts (a messy rooom can really be overwhleming but focusing on one task at a time instead of the whole room makes it doable); swallowing my pride and helping them in their rooms or even when it's their turn to do the dishes; regularly decluttering especially messy toys and too many clothes; and using a timer. There is a point inside me where I feel that if I want to live in a neat home, that is my want and maybe no one else cares as much as I do. So, I take responsibility for that, and sometimes I will clean up after everyone just for teh love of doing it and having a clear space. Life is too short to resent my family for these things- if anything serious were to happen, how important would this issue seem?. And then, I shoulder the responsibility for trianing them, for holding them accountable, for being consistent in giving consequences(not so easy for me), and for being as cheerful as I can be while doing the work of trianing my kids to at least be able to take care of a home. I train them to clean the bathrooms, they now do their own washing, dh taught them how to look after the pool, and I am teaching them to cook. Many other things too. One thing I do is put it on my schedule, and sometimes on their schedule. I have put domestic science on their schedules at the moment and we are doing cooking- nothing extra- they jsut have to each help me with a meal each week in order to learn how to cook more than pasta or eggs. You coudl put "chore trianing" and "housework" on your daily schedule- before school starts- and put the timer on, some fun music, and see who can do the most cleaning in that amount of time. But you have to have a good attitude about it so that they pick up your joy, rather than your resentment. They may never care without your consistent guidance, but I think most kids are similar, and they can be trained.

She's 15? That's a long way from 19. My dd16nextweek only has a vague idea of what she wants to do. Is your dd getting plenty of reality checks in other parts of her life? She is doing chores, has a part time job, earning pocket money, that sort of thing? My kids have motivation...they want stuff, they want to go on camps...we do a lot of 2nd hand buying and a bit of selling- they know the value of money. Thats motivation for being a bit grounded about earning money in the "real world". My dd is an artist at heart but agrees with us that art school is an expensive way to follow that passion...so she is looking at creative ways to follow her creativity that are more likely to earn her money. Ultimately, you can only do what you can do- taking it out of the realm of power struggle with you sounds important- maybe you need to back off and let her fail, or feel concern for her own future? I don't know. But..if she is still 15, she likely needs more space and time to dream and plan rather than come up with a solid plan already.

Hi Lucy, Jared is still doing handwriting practice at age 14, and this year he has made remarkable progress and is taking pride in his handwriting. He is even preferring handwriting to typing now. I have just kept him going on it, with occasional breaks, every year, and it never seemed like time to stop since his writing was so hard to read! This year I couldnt be bothered doing anything fancy (Startwrite, copywork of deep and meaningful literature etc) and just grabbed one of those handwriting books from Woolridges- 6th grade was the highest year they had at the time- he is grade 9, but he is not worried. It does have some good Australian quotes in it. He is slowly working his way through it and his handwriting is going very well. Finally, it is legible and even....almost...beautiful!

No guarantees, and no absolutes. Some teens know, others don't. If a teen is pushed into college but doesn't know what they want to do...well, less likely they will find a straightforward path. I am planning FOR dithering and changing paths. Dd16 is going into Mass Communication/media studies/ journalism. Lots of different possibilities in there- she is planning on following journalism, but it's not her absolute passion and we all all open to her finding a different area to specialise in- but the general area is interesting to her and she already has skills in it. She is an artist and a Gemini. She needs flexibility. And if the teen doesnt know....can anyone really know for them, either? I like SWB's idea that college shouldn't be done too young. One reason is less likelihood for costly mistakes. If one has already decided one's teen is aboslutely going to college...well, already you have laid down some tracks for them and their life may decide not to comply with your best intentions. I am rambling too :) College is on my thoughts lately. I am pretty open minded about whether either of my kids go or not. I am concerned about the debt, and we cant afford to pay for them, so I am not pushing them, that's for sure, but we will support them as best we can whichever way they want to go.

I have no idea- lots, but I don't hoard them particularly. I am often culling my bookshelves. Its just that I buy more than I cull :)

I noticed he has heavy metals? That can cause mental illness all on its own. If he is willing to try those diets and treatments, I would still encourage him in those directions because getting those metals out of his system may be key to his recovery. However, ultimately, he still needs to take responsiblity for his behaviour and if he doesnt, well, its not her job to take responsiblity for him. Sometemes peopele need to go rock bottom before they "get" they are in charge and not victims of their circumstance- referring to both the woman and her husband. She may need to have him live with his parents and drop teh gult so that she can have a life for herself and her son. He may need to get more serious help, and realise that he is too much of a burden for her. But they have to work it out. It sounds like he is doing something...it just may not be enough.

Yes, this is what I tend to do when I have time on my hands. I love to empty out cupboards, get rid of things, put it all back neatly, take the discarded stuff to the op shops or sell it. Buy more stuff, especially books. I also like to use time at the beginning of holidays to plan for next year/term, before I have forgotten what school is like and my ideas for after the holidays. I always feel better when I have sorted out school- I can really relax and enjoy my holidays without anything hanging over me.

Welcome to the boards. I havent found they saved me money- qite the opposite- but I am still glad I found them years ago! I come here when I want to feel like a homeschooler without actually having to be with my kids :)

I think if you read and listen to SWB's articles, books and talks on writing, you will get a great idea of a structure that works very well for building skills. I have found it is quite possible to adhere to that strucutre, foundationally, and add in more creative exercises at times to add variety. Both my kids love to write imaginatively (evne my reluctant writer), and over the years we have done a fair amount of that- while also maintaing a routine of working on the central age appropriate skills SWB talks about. I have at times dropped the outlining or narrations to do something different, then gone back to them. I think schools have it too much at the creative end of the spectrum and not enough at the teaching skills in a methodical way end. But adding in some creative exercises is not so hard here and there. Over the years we have done free writing (from Bravewriter), written articles, short stories, and taken a historical character and written a story or an article about them. I have found ideas on the internet, and sometimes they come up in our writing programs and I tweak them. You can do both and you can do it just how you like it and tweak it all exactly for your kids. You are in charge, not any program. Trust yourself and enjoy.

From the perspective of "and they lived happily ever after in wedded bliss", I guess they are bursting a few bubbles because peopel love to believe in other people's marriages. But I honestly dont get what 40 years together has got to do with it. People stay together in misery and unhappiness and "committment" and just because its for 40 years, we think thats a good thing? I think it's great when people can stay together long term and ride the waves and seasons of marriage, and their marriage is still alive, real, and serving both partners in love.....but I think if it gets to the point where the marriage is a show, an institution that is dead, and one or both partners has no hope for a "revival", well, please separate with my blessings and move on to where your heart sings, where you can keep growing and love can come back into your life. We need more love, more life, not more institutionalised and unhappy marriages.

Here is what is on our bathroom mirror: Good Morning, This is God, I will be handling All of your Problems today. I will not need Your help, so have A miraculous day.

Vegetarian pizza. You can even make simple mini ones by using half bread rolls, spread with tomato paste, some fresh tomato, olives, sprinkle with cheese and put in the oven for a few minutes. Dips and rice crackers and/or cut up vegies. I make guacomale a lot- avocado, lemon or lime juice, Braggs or salt, and a garlic clove. There are spinach and ricotta, or spinach and fetta pastries in Coles. They are always a hit when we take them places. They take 15-20 minutes heating in the oven, but they stay hot for ages. Nachos- pkt of corn chips, jar of salsa poured over the top, grated cheese on the top of that, pop in the oven or microwave to melt cheese. My kids make that regularly for themselves. You can put a dollop of yoghurt or sour cream on top of that. Vegetarian samosas from Coles. Fruit platter.

Australian and British grammar do not use the comma, officially, so we have always had to disagree with U.S. programs that insist on it.

I went to two highschools. A top private girls school (for grades 4-10) and a fairly rough, low standard country school (years 11 and 12, after my parents separated- my choice). I was an average student at the private school, and a top student at the country school. Because of what they call "scaling" here, being a top student, even in a poor school, gave me a higher total score than I would have got at the private school. Just a kink in the system. I would say the private school had an excellent standard, and we did Latin and some classics. The public school had a low standard but for the few top students, the teachers would make a lot of extra effort, so I got through well. I would say both ways, though, there were a lot of gaps. I didn't know much about the world after leaving school, even where the Mediteranean was, that sort of thing- even though I did the highest level of Geography! Nowadays....kids seem to have to work harder- a lot harder- and I know a school teacher at a private school- what used to be university work is now being done in highschool. However...I have learned a lot through this teacher- mainly that I am glad my kids are with me and not at school (and his own kids homeschool)! So much is about understanding popular culture, and barely any books need to be read the whole way through school. Basically, I dont like what they are being taught- I prefer the classical content to popular culture content. So, no matter if it is university level , who cares if it isnt really benefitting, enriching their lives? Kids nowadays seem to have to work harder to learn much less important stuff! We are getting anational curriculum in Australia starting next year. I am interested to see how that affects us homeschoolers...and glad that my kids are almost done, and it might not affect them at all. I am hopeful though, that for the sake of the next generation, it will be a vast improvement on the mumbo jumbo that passes for education nowadays.

That sounds healthy- at his grandparents helping them clear their yard? There is something in him that knows what to do, that is looking for healing. Physical work, and grandparents. This thread has really touched my heart. I am a step mum to a 21yo who has been difficult (and also since she was 3), but because her own mum is in the picture, I haven't really had to step into that mother role anywhere near as much as you have. As much as I want to, I cannot feel the same feelings for my very challenging stepdd as I do for my own children. I do understand your desire to protect your own children. The way we have always done that is be very open about what is going on with stepdd. I think he may need much more time to grieve, and may need, yes, space, and also, a lack of pressure to decide what to do next. Has he cried lots? I know he is 18, but he just may not know what to do next because his system is busy processing his deep emotions. But really, I think you seem to be doing everything you can, with a huge amount of compassion, and I know it can't be easy. You can't travel his journey for him and you don't really need to suffer for him- just love him. I understand Elizabeth's point about not accepting bad behaviour- you have nothing to feel guilty about and you do need to make sure he is not abusive. But I would definitely give him space when he comes home and not demand he be part of the family dynamics. My son is similar when he gets home from camps and we give him space and lots of time to sleep and reenter the family. Even though it seems rude and disruptive, it's small stuff. You are doing wonderfully in a very challenging situaiton. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

I am a trained naturopath...not in practice...but it is my area of interest and i have read a lot over the years. I would recommend David Wolfe's book Superfoods as a good place to start to learn about nutritional foods and a healthy approach to eating.