More and more I am expecting my kids to get themselves places via public transport, without expecting I will just be available to drive them. If it is purely social, they are learning to catch buses and trains except after dark.

We don't really date, but yes, we spend quality time together, both at home and out- whether its shopping or going for walks or for meals or just for a ride on the motorbike. But we don't call it a date because it's just life for us. I thought the idea of 'dating' was just to make sure you and dh actually prioritise some time together. If it is not put on the schedule, babysitters hired, and space made in their lives, for many couples, there would be no together time, and marriages can suffer. It makes sense to do that and calling it a "date" is just a way of remembering how important it was when you first met each other, and how much you would make that time, no matter what. Its just a way of making sure the marriage is put somewhere on the list of priorities and not just taken for granted. I can barely comprehend how couples manage when the husband works so many hours he barely sees his family and cannot give nourishment and emotional support to his wife. To me, that's not much of a life, that's just survival mode.

Thank goodness you feel like you do, Asta, and I think you are spot on. I have just come home from my severely autistic SIL's 50th b'day. I have never seen her so happy, and normally she is very challenging to be around. She was beautiful, shining, and surrounded by people who love her, even though she is quite difficult to communicate with. My 2.5yo nephew was there too, and he has been diagnosed autistic and his parents are incredibly stressed out about it. I know they are probably just beginning a long journey. People are people- everyone is whole and unique, not some whole and normal and others less than because of a diagnosis.

It was about age 12 here. The kids have to have enough income to pay for their calls themselves. However, ds pretty soon tired of his and its been sitting in a drawer for 2 years. It would be convenient if he used it- for us- but he doesnt want to spend the money. Dd16 however is a textaholic and has plenty of money to pay for her plan. She doesnt know how she would survive without her phone, and it has been convenient many times.

My teens are both reading the 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens, and I tihink it is a great book (I like the adult version). Dd16 thought it was good for a while then got a big bogged down with it. Ds14 is going through it with some reluctance. They are not really enthusiastic about it- but I think its still good to be exposed to those ideas in case they do really need them- it is adding tools to their reprtoire. For all my good intentions, they still only like what they like.

:lol::lol::lol::lol:

It sounds innocent enough and I do like that homeschoolers can play with a wide range of ages. My son loves older boys to play with, and he has many younger boys he plays with on the street here. Sleepovers? Only if you feel comfortable. If not..just say no.

Reverse osmosis and distilled water are great if you have an excess of calcium/minerals in your system, because the water lacks them, so it draws them out of your body. Great if you have kidney stones. However, a pinch of sea salt or a few drops of colloidal minerals will balance that out. The best water is actual spring water from a healthy spring, because its still alive and full of minerals. Preferably not shipped across a continent or two. The carbon footprint! Water is big business nowadays. I am not sure I like that- its water. We shouldnt be having to pay for quality water, while we poison our rivers and streams! Something is very wrong there! I bought a crate of beautiful spring water a while back and it was great water. But I just cant justify doing that. Its water. We have a water filter. It is good enough. I would invest in expensive water if I was doing a fast or a cleanse, but not for everyday use.

We considered it a modern Raiders of the Lost Ark. Dh and dd saw it first and raved about it. I saw it later and thought it was ok, but wasnt as enthusiastic as dh and dd. We are having a party next week with the Persian theme in honour of the movie. The costumes appeal to us.

Fenugreek tea is great for cleaning out the lymphatic system. Ginger tea is wonderful, and if you like ginger/honey/lemon tea it is great too. Just sipping hot water during the day- with or without flavouring of herbs- is cleansing. In Ayurveda it is considered to help with weight loss and detoxification.

My committment is to the kids, and to do what appears to me to be the best thing for them under any circumstances. So far, that has been homeschooling. If it came to any sort of crisis or major life change, I would re-evaluate what would be best for the greater good of the kids, and the family. Homeschooling would take 2nd place to having food on the table, thats for sure.

We dont do dates, but life happens and we do get plenty of time together apart from the kids. When the kids were little, we had no family to babysit and we did jsut a little daycare (family daycare, in a woman's home) and took that time to go to a movie or coffee. We trained our kids very young to let us go for a walk, or even to a movie, while they stayed home and watched a video. We dont have official date nights, but we frequently have time where we do things together without the kids. More and more as they get older. It might be different for people whose dh works full time. My dh is home a lot during the day.

Wow, I just want to give all you ladies a huge :grouphug: and tell you all how amazingly wonderful you are, that you don't need to prove or do anything to be more than worthy and special. That you all matter so much and you should look more at how your KIDS see you and realise how beautiful you really are- because they are far more accurate that your own perceptions of yourself! We all have this stuff. Seems crazy that we walk around comparing ourselves to others. How can we compare ourselves- we are all so unique! Blessings on you all, and lots of :grouphug:

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol: I love moths. They are incredibly beautiful creatures. I would be likely to pick up the moth and carry it gently outside- after showing anyone in the house. Particularly if it was a pretty moth. I would also actually not mind at all if a moth was inside my clothes. A spider- yes, that would get me, also a cockroach- that would be "gross"- but not a moth.

My greatest insecurity: Being able to survive- ok, not survive, but thrive- if something happened to dh or we separated. Being able to make a good living, since I have invested these years in my kids, not a career. Intellectually, I know I would be ok (more than ok), and I am glad I have done what I have done. But there is a fear there.

I honestly can't think of ANYTHING my kids could do that would make me feel they are a "loser". If my daughter became a prostitute and my son a drug dealer, I would still not think that. They have their own destinies and their own paths. They are no certainties and no cause and effect outcomes here. I have had a fear of empty nest syndrome and my identity being too caught up in homeschooling. However...it seems to be happening gradually enough here that I am adapting. my teens are very independent and have a lot of freedom and spend a lot of time out of the house. I have plenty of time to adapt slowly..and the truth is, I am enjoying my alone time a lot! Something about teens makes it wonderful when you get a break...and when its time for them to move on, I am pretty sure it will feel right at the time! I think the key is not to think of homeschooling as limited to an investment in the future, and dont get too caught up in outcomes. Are you enjoying being with your kids NOW? Is your life with them full of joyful times NOW? Thats why I am not an incredibly rigorous homeschooler- for me, I feel it is important we really enjoy the journey and smell the roses along the way. The future will take care of itself when we live in our joy in the present. I dont sacrifice today for tomorrow...so if my kids end up bums, well, hopefully they are happy bums because we had plenty of happy times together. There is an element of making intelligent decisions, sure, but also letting go and letting Life/God be in charge. I have feelings for my kids' strengths and what direction might be good for them, and I guide them ...but, they are not possessions or, as someone else said, projects. In fact, just check out my signature, that kind of says it for me.

I would say dont look for problems where there aren't any :001_smile: However...having watched my father and his wife...it can also be that one or both partners are too frightened to speak up, too frightened of conflict to be really real and cut through emotional smokescreens that can develop in relationships. Do you feel really free to say whatever you think, speak from your heart, even if it may upset your partner? DO you hold back for fear of "rocking the boat"? Sometimes a good argument can clear the air and get things grounded and get both partners knowing where they stand, and also bring more awareness to areas where they may not have been considerating the other's needs. I think it is common for women in particular to "swallow" their pain for the sake of peace in the relationship. I personally feel that if a relationship is serving only the relationship, or one partner, and not serving the needs for both parties to express and fly and live their life fully...there is something wrong. However...we are all so different and there are no rules. There are bound to be people out there who just get on so well they don't need to argue :)

Yes, this is my understand also. The research follows where they want to find results. No, it obviously doesnt- for you- and obviously your case is proof that vaccines cannot be the sole cause. It doesn't dismiss that vaccines are a trigger in a genetically susceptible case, though. ANd if I were you, and being told "how to cure" my autism by well meaning people, I would be annoyed by now, too. But not everyone is saying that they are. Would you dismiss that vaccines are a possible cause in some cases- as someone else says, there are many parents who saw their child change after being vaccinated- would you dimiss all evidence because of your own case? There seem to be a wide variety of issues and causes. I have a cousin whose daughter is amazingly fairy like and unusual and self contained. Hard to explain. She would probably have been dx something or other (and fmaily members have suggested she be tested), but instead has been able to thrive in a Waldorf school setting and with very patient parents. I dont think there is anything wrong with her, personally, even though she is "different", and I wonder if anything is actually "wrong" with many of these dx kids. Maybe this is just normal for them- for you- and nothing is "wrong" at all. Maybe its a genetic advantage in some way to be quirkie in these times. I don't know. And maybe some of the kids are being triggered by something in their environment. I just think its good to stay openminded and not draw too many conclusions while so much is not known.

My spouse is a pack rat just like many others. I have spousal junk clear zones. I have my own bedroom- nicest room in the house!. I "own" the kitchen and the main living area which is also the schoolroom. I have a bathroom and I dont let him store stuff in the kids' rooms (he would if he could!). We do have a large house and he has two living areas downstairs, which he also works from, and whenever his clutter builds up too much upstairs where we mainly live, I just shift it downstairs. One of his rooms is useable- the other is a junk storage area. Of course its not junk to him. It is difficult because I do have a lot of stuff too, but I regularly declutter. I regularly shift furniture and change things around. He is very house proud and domestic, and sometimes I need to put my own stamp on areas. Recently he was away for a few days and I managed to clean out the entranceway of the house and make it really lovely. It really disturbed me that in order to get to the front door, you had to pass so much junk and stuff. Bad Feng Shui! He never said a thing, but he has kept it clear and nice for me. He still has two cars and a motorbike, plus our motorhome (and i have my own car). What does a man need with 4 vehicles, plus his wife's? I sigh in resignation. Now he wants to buy dd16 a car and I have said not until he lets go of one of his- because where will we put it anyway? Our front yard is full! He has yet to work it out, and I have yet to give in. I try not to sweat the small stuff. I do bag it up and put it in his room regualrly though :)

It must be a relief, after all this. And, kids are resilient.

Congratulations Nadia, she is beautiful, as is your whole family!

For years we had a spa together morning and evening most days. We stopped recently because the spa was using a lot of electricity and the bill was sky high. Now we tend to have walks together instead. We have separate bedrooms- so for us, jumping into the other's bed regularly for snuggle time is important. When we have conflict, we send each other emails till it is resolved. We make an effort to appreciate each other. That might seem obvious, but for him and I- we are very, very different people and we have to remind ourselves what it is that we love and appreciate about each other, or we can get stuck in focusing on our differences- you know, stuck in a negative space. We are very independent people. Probably different from a traditional marriage where people really lean strongly on each other. We purposefully try and stand on our own feet - we have separate rooms as I said, we have separate friends and separate social lives, as well as shared friends and social lives. We try and spend half a day or so together during the week doing something fun. DH works from home and has lots of free time. Dh and i have had many adventures together and whether its a holiday overseas (we went to Bali in February for 3 nights-just the 2 of us) or a walk down the local coffee strip or to the markets- we love adventures. On Sunday mornings, we go to swap meet together- we go to two in fact, plus a few garage sales. We have done it our whole relationship- coming up to 18 years. It is just fun, and we really enjoy the adventure of seeing what turns up.

Gained a little weight. Doesn't usually worry me much, because I feel more comfortable in my body, enjoy finding unique clothes and my own sense of fashion, and basically feel a lot more confident about my 43 year old looks than I did at 23, thats for sure! I take better care of my body and am far more relaxed and enjoying just being myself. I am definitely more confident, more self accepting. Probably much more opinionated, :lol:. I am not more conservative. In some ways, less conservative. I can shock my kids at times. I love doing that :lol:. I am much more comfortable socially, even though I still spend a lot of time alone. I used to feel frozen, out of touch with my feelings, and just go through tehe motions socially. Now I feel present and warm and in touch- relaxed. I just like my own company a lot too. As orangearrow said about herself- I have lightened up a lot. I didnt used to be able to laugh at myself very well. I guess I had to learn, since dh laughs a lot (and often at me!). Its a good thing. Life doesn't seem so serious as when I was younger. I laugh and feel a lot of joy in my life- although I still have bad days and sometimes very bad days. There is a LOT of love in my life and I appreciate it- both receiving and giving it. I didnt understand the value of giving and being generous when I was young- I do now. I have a lot of compassion for people and situations because I had a very rough time earlier in my life. However I do try and work on bad habits like complaining and criticising, and forgetting to empathise. Everyone is doing their best. Life is good and getting better. I was not happy earier in my life- from early teens till late twenties it was pretty much hell. I am grateful for the life I have now.

Do you have a diary or calendar? I have a To Do list next to my computer (divided into sections- Shopping, Phone calls, computer, Out and About, plus a section for Goals), as well as one of those huge squared calendars with lots of space to write in- I put things like meal plans on the calendar, as well as appointments, and what Flylady zone I am in. Different people need different tools- this is my current system. Do you have a good system that works for you? I like to read those motivational books. I recently read the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and while I didnt read all of it, I gained several very useful insights from it. I really liked his approach. You don't have to run a business to get a lot from those types of books and even if you just get one thing, it can be inspiring. One thing I understood from that particular book was that we all have different roles in our life, and it is important to balance all your roles...so I set some goals for my various roles (my 4 main role areas are Self (spiritual, mental, physical social), Homeschooling, Domestic (family, financial, housekeeping etc) and my Business role (I am in 2 small businesses). By just writing all this down, and thinking up my natural goals for each area of my life, I realised I was spending a lot of time being anxious that I wasn't fulfilling my Business goals, yet I was neglecting to appreciate my other roles and how important they are too, to my overall wellbeing. On Sundays I try and write out details for my week, and get most of the homeschooling stuff organised ahead of time (eg photocopying). I actually enjoy the time I devote to organising myself and when I get tired during the week, it's great to be able to step back or even crash, and have things carry on relatively normally. Daily, first thing in the morning, I go to my desk and write down things I want to get done for the day- whether its some seedlings that I have neglected to plant, or phone calls, or researching my daughter's further education studies, or a shopping list- I do it first thing, often while I am having a cup of tea- sometimes before, sometimes after exercise. I have trained the kids to start their day without me, with Maths, and it gives me some time to organise myself. Then, because I have a list right there at my desk, I can refer to it and get things done in my spare time between attending to the kids' homeschooling. Whatever doesnt get done, just gets put on the list tomorrow and every day till it is no longer relevent, or actually gets done. I am actually not very disciplined, and I also have a bad memory. I wont do things if I really dont feel like it- such as meal planning, which I dont enjoy much, or paying bills- but then on another day, I will feel refreshed and ready to tackle jobs I dont enjoy so much,and it will feel very satisfying to get them done and crossed off my list. To someone who doesnt do these things, it probably sounds tedious, but its not a prison. It helps me get things done and gives me some structure to my days. But often as not I dont do anything like evreything on my To Do list for the day- but just having it written down makes it much more likely to get done, than if its floating around in my head- even things like making a cake or downloading something onto my Ipod, I write down. I am so easily distracted- it also helps me see what is a higher priority if its written down. Not that I always do the highest priority. Sometimes I do something not so important just to get my energy up to make phonecalls I dont want to make. Anyway...my system morphs along with me and I am always looking for ways to improve it. Once I discovered the benefits of some sort of structure to reign in my natural chaos, I keep tweaking my structure to suit my personal nuances. I cant use anyone else's system in total, but I like to borrow from them.

TV and computers off at 8.30 for both ds14 and dd16. I know both use their ipods to go on Facebook after that but I am not so good at remembering to take their Ipods off them! Bed by 9pm (it takes the half an hour to actually get to bed usually, so I had to pull the whole thing back half an hour. Until recently, TV was off at 9pm bt they weren't getting to bed quickly enough.). They can and do read (and likely chat on Facebook on their IPods). They actually sleep somewhere between 9.30 and 10pm. Both need to be up at 7am and this is the only way to make sure they get a solid 9 to 9.5 hours sleep. I wouldnt be so strict about it if our routine didnt include a 7am getting up time, but it does. I work backwards from getting up time and make sure they are actually getting enough sleep, and if they insist on taking an hour to get to that point...well, so be it.