Anger issues here too at times. Living with a dh who flies off the handle easily and then is all calm a few seconds later as if nothing has happened has its issues too. Dd16 is not outwardly angry but gets a bit passive aggressive. Ds14 has quite a temper. I have been good for ages then the last two cycles, man, I have really lost it for about 3 days. This last one was the worst for years. I felt stuck in rage for 2 solid days. I found this last cycle I was stressed because of running dd's 16th b'day party...the extra stress really seemed to send me over the edge. (the party went well but my marriage barely survived it!). If you are being triggered by a messy house and unhelpful kids, I suggest you deal with those issues in a proactive way the rest of the month. I have just got back on the Flylady bandwagon because I was sliding too far towards chaos. Watch your tendency to become a victim to your children and remember you are the parent and it is your job to train them well. They are just being normal kids and gratitude and a desire to help dont seem to be in built- they seem to need to be cultivated! My mother got very bitter at my attitude as a teenager and when I look back, she "exected" me to just help and be responsible, because a part of me was quite mature- but she didnt train me and she didn't take responsibility. Even the teen years take lots of guidance. Then, to keep myself balanced, I have tried various things and I think you need to experiment and find what works for you. And what works for 6 months might not work forever. Natural progesterone cream. Chaste tree Spirulina and other green superfoods a Low GI diet, keeping blood sugar stable B6 a multi B St Johns Wort A liver cleanse (the liver is where anger is stored and we westerners tend to get quite toxic) Lots of extra sleep and naps, especially around the worst time of the month Taking extra time to nurture myself and slow down, have baths, go for walks alone, read in bed for hours etc, when I am feeling my worst Extra exercise to burn off that anger When I am angry, I find long walks help me- when I had small kids I owuld take them to a part or the beach where I could let them run wild while I salmed down. Beauty- a sunset, flowers, time in the garden- these help me calm and get things back in perspective. Writing a journal- sometimes writing helps me clear my head I try to remember that issues that come up pre menstrually are not necessarily invalid- they are just not always seen in correct perspective. So I try and remember what they are and deal with them at other times.

The truth is, while I would still consider the other mother a friend, if there was no actual structure for our friendship, I probably wouldn't continue it- or rather, I wouldnt put my attention and energy there. I have had several friendships revolve around my kids' friends and while I still consider the mums friends, and might even attend get togethers or girls nights out if someone else organised them...once there are no structured activities where we meet up regularly and chat, it tends to mean we don't see each other much at all. We often say we should when we do see each other, but we dont tend to. It doesnt mean we wont bump into each other and have a good chat, but life is busy with children and I am not so good at maintaining single use friendships (doesnt that sound terrible! ). I mean, if we are friends yet share no common interests (whether thats our spiritual views, music, craft, homeschooling etc) we probably won't connect much.

My ds used to do that a lot. He really did have low self esteem. I used to think lots of praise would counteract it but its like he could "see right through it" and just plain didn't believe me. In a way, they have to work it out for themselves and giving the negative talker too much attention seems to make it worse, not better. Their worth is not to be determined by their academic ability so even telling them they are "just as bright as their brother" is kind of feeding something unhealthy- because what if they arent? What if one sibling sails ahead in some areas? THen what are you goign to do or say? My dd is academically more capable. Ds has learned to value himself for his own abilities more as he has got older, and for his uniqueness. He doesn't talk badly about himself anymore (even though he doesnt exactly do brilliantly at his schoolwrok) and he is more focused on his own work, than comparing. My kids are not twins but they are 17 months apart and the difference in ability is obvious.

This you tube is scary. I would be interested if anyone else is talking about the potential of them hitting a volcano down there and that is why they cant stop it. It suggests they knew it was unstable, drilled anyway, and now have basically triggered a volcanic eruption. The ramifications of that, if it is true, are just mind boggling. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EG_pupjoavU

I would do something like an agreement or contract with him that is actually led by him and not you. That is, if he still wants to do what he is doing and not just feeing he "should" because of you. If he still genuinely has the same goal...I would sit down and ask him if he would like your help or would he prefer you back right off. If he would like some help from you, ask him what sort of help. It might be marking his work, it might be to pay for certain subjects if he passes(he could pay for them if he isn't going to work for them and fails). Throw it back on him. At least, that is kind of what I am doing with my 14yo ds, without going all the way. He actually does want my help and structure. He wants some accountability. He just doesnt want me putting pressure and nagging him all day. And neither do I. He also still LOVES it if I sit and walk him through something hard rather than just leaving him to it. I just started reading Raising Teenagers with Love and Logic last night- its all about making them accountable rather than using punishment. It is helping me reframe some ways I have been treating my kids. It has helped me see that I want them to be motivated by healthy, intrinsic factors, not by fear of punishment from me.

I make my own planners in Word, after having tried many premade ones. I just build a table and fill it in. However, looking at how other people plan with programs, and how people structure their days too, really helped me a lot over the years. I love planning. Its the implementing that gets messy. It all looks so good on paper.

I loved seeing NT there at the end of your post. Thankyou. It gave me flashbacks to the old board. And back then putting NT was such a lovely courteous thing to do for those on dialup especially.

I knew a kid who was called Simon by his 5 year old sister, when he was born. It wasnt the name the parents would have chosen but the sister was so adamant they went with it. I would certianly be open to it. Why not? The sibling has a right to express and be heard. The parents get the last say.

We just got a new leader of our country. A woman. The times they are a changing. Not that she may be any better than any bloke, and she's a politician so that doesn't bode well for starters, but still....shes a woman. Cool. (And we didnt even vote for her!).

We just got a new leader of our country. A woman. The times they are a changing. Not that she may be any better than any bloke, and she's a politician so that doesnt bode well for starters, but still....shes a woman. Cool. (And we didnt even vote for her!).

Sandra I definitely dont know the answer. I have an unmotivated 14yo son but he is really not inclined towards academics so I dont really have the same high hopes for him (as in uni) you have for your son. I know he has some sort of destiny but I know I can only do so much to motivate him academically. I have found recently my son REALLY wants to be treated not as a child, and not "under our thumb" so to speak. Of course we have told him all about getting more freedom when he acts more responsibly...but in the end, it is up to us to let go a bit too. Dh changed the tone with which he was talking to ds, and I listened more too, to his perspective. I tend towards the no. 3 option but I dont think it needs to be extreme, throwing the baby out with the bathwater. I sat down with my son and told him my perspective (after losing my temper for a bit with him and telling him he needed to go to school because he argues with me over everything!). I said, if he wont work for me, without arguing (because it makes it impossible for me to work with him and "teach" him anything), he will have to go to school, because he really needs an education. He understood that. He was reacting emotionally and hadn't really thought it through properly. He was very sorry, and at the same time, knew himself enough to know that this talk wasnt going to be enough to motivate him to change. He suggested, beleive it or not, a solution. He suggested that we fine him 50 cents every time he argued with me, so he could be reminded and get out of the habit. We agreed and it is working. He got4 50cent fines last week. And he has largely stopped arguing. Dh also thought to start positively motivating him, instead of negatively. He was doing badly at maths because he wasnt concentrating- lack of motivation. Dh is paying him now to do well at maths. I know these arent ideal, idealistically speaking, but its been 2 much better weeks and trying hard in one subject has definitely helped in others as well. I dont think you can "make" a child be internally motivated. You can reason with them, but that's about it. I have considered being completely hands off with my son to try and get him to be self motivated...but he doesnt want that, actually. He likes my structure and me helping him (he asked me to help him more). He doesnt have much internal motivation but he has some. Enough. YOur son obviously has some motivation. He just doesnt want to do it your way, perhaps? I think you need to reach his heart on it all, because once you have lost his heart, once he feels you are on separate teams, its pretty hard parenting from then on. Maybe sit down and just tell him how you are feeling and see how he responds. I wouldn't worry so much either, if he is only year 10. He has some time up his sleeve. He can do some TAFE. He can do uni a year later. He can try and fail. You may be panicking for nothing and putting a bit too much pressure on him than he needs right now, to get where he needs to go. Does he do some work, so that he realised what teh work world is like? Does he crave money and what it can buy? What motivates him? I was at the point 2 weeks ago where I didnt want homeschooling to ruin my relationship with my son. I couldnt see a way through except school which seems like a gamble as to whether it woudl hlep or not. Then, between dh, ds and I , we found a way through for now that seems to be working. I suggest you put the relationship first, and work on connecting and finding out what is going on for him. You may find a compromise.

I think for a general rule for beginners, you could consider all fruit and vegetables alkaline, and all meat, dairy (especially cheese), and most grains to be acid forming. Technically speaking, many fruits are slightly acidic. We are talking the effect on the body, not the actual pH of the fruit. Lemons are extremely alkalising. Almonds are the only alkaline nut. However...there are many varying opinions out there and I dont like to get bogged down in details. I use green juices to alkalise. I try to eat fresh and a fair amount raw. Yes I did pH strips for a while. I was surprised- when I tried the strips a couple of years ago, I was pretty acidic, even though I would have called my diet reasonably healthy. Then after being on a high raw diet for a while (with lots of greens) I remembered I had the strips and tried them and was surprised I was right in the healthy alkaline range- and I really was feeling better, too. I haven't tested myself for a while (a bit scared to- the cold weather here is making me binge eat on anything and everything!). I can really recommend The Sunfood Diet Success System by David Wolfe if you are really interested in such things (although it could be more than you ever wanted to know). However there are many other good books on the topic.

It sounds like you have your dd on a great diet, Denise! Yes, Supposedly cysts are ways the body encapsulates toxins- I did a liver detox when I had an ovarian cyst- the liver processes toxins. I am inspired by you!

I have never got into Buffy, but we are huge Angel fans here. So, I havent seen what he was like in Buffy, but in the Angel series...well, I am a little obsessed. It is the one show I can actually watch re-runs of- and do!

Finishing early here, and going to your equivalnt of cc.

Well, exactly! I am amazed everyone who has responded would take such a thing so seriously.

For starters, I wouldnt put a child on a detox diet. It is unecessarily stressful and a skinny child doesnt need it urgently (like an overweight child might). For a child, I would just make the changes to healthier eating habits for yourself, and make fresh vegetable juices regularly- adding enough apples or sweet fruits to make them enjoy it. Change the whole household's diet to a healthier one and the kids will get the benefit. Then, make sure they are going to the toilet- bm's- every day. Its surprising how often kids are constipated. Then, check they are drinking enough water. That should be enough for a child. These are just good lifelong healthy habits. I dont like to put a child onto a "diet". I prefer to establish habits. Drinks and snacks- off the top of my head, guacomale (avocado dip) or hummous and celery and carrot sticks for dipping. Vegetable soups. The best quality bread you can find or make, especially sprouted breads. Lots and lots of fresh fruit for snacks. I treat my kids to fruit and my son in particular will feel especially loved if I buy him a mango, a Thai young coconut, or a Fuji fruit. Thats heaven to him, and he still loves his junk food. We have overflowing fruit bowls each week and it all goes. For meals, just make smaller portions of the unhealthier stuff and larger portions of salads. Try different salads and buy or make your own healthy dressings. Basically- your diet should be plant based. You dont need to get rid of everything or make huge changes all at once- just eat less and less of the bad and more and more of the good. Change your habits slowly over time. If you binge on pizza, dont feel bad- make yourself a veggie juice and just keep going. The healthier you get and the more healthy food you eat, the less appealing junk food is, anyway. So you dont need to renounce everything all at once- it will renounce you when you realise one day that you would prefer to eat a salad to a hamburger. My dd16 is pretty sensitive to foods and hs learned to listen to her own body. She loves salads and asks for them if I dont make one (its winter here and I don't feel like salad every day, but the kids will eat them). She loves the juices I make. She will eat junk food now and then, but mostly prefers home cooked now. Listen to your own body. Sometimes you get cravings for watermelon. I crave green juices- once I started having them. If I miss a day, I really feel it. So one persons diet is going to be different to another's. Follow your intuition and take it slowly and enoy the process.

Yes, something along those lines. I dont know, but I have a 14yo ds who does things like that all the time, and although it hasnt cost us the whole freezer contents, it has been plenty annoying. But in the end...they are our beloved children and they make mistakes, and honestly, I think puberty makes boys kind of thoughtless. At least, thats my experience with one boy. If I got upset and angry and gave out punishment everytime my kids did annoyging things like that (and it is regularly) I would spend all my life being upset and annoyed. I am learning to have some grace, forgive, communicate lots about the affect of their behaviour, and move on. Yes, hold them accountable. But...punishment is probably not going to not make him do it again, and it will make you and he feel bad.

There are simply consequences for every single thing we do. I think too many people put too many "shoulds" onto themselves. Then life feels heavy, and often they go around putting shoulds onto other people to justify their own restrictions. They are the moralists who tell you what you shoudl be doing. I dont see responsiblity as a burden or a bad thing, but a freedom. If you take responsiblity for yourself and your life, no matter what happens, you are much more free than if you dont, and you feel a victim to circumstances. YOu are not responsible for others, except obviousyl as a parent we feel responsible for our kids. But you are not responsible for your husband, or your mother, or your sister, or your friend. Only for yourself , and your natural mothering instinct. Everyone has different karmas and different life paths. We are not all meant to be sitting in suburbia raising kids safely and saving for retirement. Some people are meant to be out there doing wild and different things, thank goodness. Everyone gets to meet the consequences of their decisions, but I think many put way too much investment in their future instead of living the life they want to live now. People get too caught up in security and the truth is it simply doesnt exist, on one level. Life can take away everything you have in a blink of an eye, in spite of all your precautions. I think we are all here to live our purpose and live our potential. Many let fear stop them. I think we are also all given the circumstances we need to grow, and to live the life we were put here to live. What is satisfying to one may not be to another- it doesn't mean they are irresponsible. I did a lot of things before I married and had children, and I really lived on the edge and also had very little money. I didn't follow the normal pathways and because of that, settling down and having kids was healing and the next step for me, and I was ready to devote 100% attention to it. My dh has had very strong feelings about not sacrificing the present for the future, and so we live beautifully now and raise our kids that way too. Not to be irresponsible, but not to live from fear and just for security, either. And I feel a new season is coming up in my life. I think if you are looking at other people and feeling they are having more fun than you are, although they seem irresponsible, and on the one hand you are a little mortified by them and on the other hand, you are a little envious of them....it is time to get in touch with your own inner Wild, Authentic Woman and see what she is yearning for, and take steps in that direction. Being true to yourself is never irresponsible, no matter what other people think.

The thing to realise is that your body detoxifies all the time, and especially at night time while you sleep. We westerners tend to put so much stress on our digestive system by overeating, eating late at night, eating wrong foods, that our bodies dont get to detoxify well enough. So there is nothing you need to to to make your body detoxify- it does that already all by itself. What you can do is take the load off your digestive system in order to better support its natural detoxifying systems and channels. First, you cant detoxify if your channels of elimination are blocked. That's why bowel cleansing of some sort is important- not so much if you are already really regular (once, preferably twice daily), but if you aren't, thats the place to start, otherwise everything you do will be pretty futile. Simple ways to encourage detoxing are: -eliminate even one bad habit, whether its your addiction to 5 coffees a day, smoking, or eating junk food regularly. Just doing one of those will start your body immediately detoxifying (thats why it feels bad at first, then good later). - drop dairy and or wheat - if you don't exercise, exercise- even a daily walk - drink more water - a glass of warm water with a squeeze of lemon first thing in the morning will stimulate your liver and promote elimination and detoxification - freshly squeezed vegetable juices- I make a litre of 50% green juice (celery as a base, cucumber, parsley, spinach, kale, whatever I happen to have) and 50% other vegetables such as carrotsa and beets, and if its for everyone, I add apple too. - eat more greens. Greens are so important to our systems, and they help us detoxify and eliminate, and they are full of essentail minerals. -undereating rather than overeating to take a load off the digestive system Then there are many herbs and products you can take, retreats etc. They are all good, as long as you understand that you dont really need anything to detoxify- your body already does it all by itself, and whatever you can do to get out of its way by not putting a burden on it, will help. And its a lot more gentle to do it that way than go from a typical western diet to an extreme detox regime, and much harder to integrate into your life. If you make use of the time of day your body naturally detoxes- nighttime and early morning- you can set yourself up well. Dont eat at night and when you get up in the morning, drink water, water with lemon juice and/or a green juice....and then don't eat anything till mid morning- you will faciliate a lot of detoxifying without having to make huge lifestyle changes all at once.

I tihnk I would hate to be a middle child growing up being compared to my two generous sister! I think it might make me even more try to distinguish myself as "individual" by holding onto my differences. Have you read anything about being a middle child/place in the family? That being said, my dd16 is generous and thoughtful and ds14 is selfish and self centred. The message I have received over the years and which I take to heart is that he needs more loving, more patience, more acceptance..not less...for bieng the way he is. I agree it may be an immaturity thing, too- he is immature. But it also seems to be "something they came in with" for many kids. For that reason, I think it is THEIR lesson to learn, and we are here to help THEM learn this lesson with as much love as we can, but not so that we can feel like better parents for having such lovely kids. I know my dd's behaviour makes me look good as a parent, and ds's behaviour often doesnt. SO I have to be careful when I react to ds that I am actually being selfless myself, as much as I can be, and doing what is best for him, so that he can learn the lessons he needs to learn. I have foudn there is very little I can do about it, but that doesnt mean we dont talk about it regularly. I think the things parents say to their kids do go in and probably stay with them the rest of their lives, so I try not to make him feel guilty for being himself. I try and get him to see that givers are happier people, that it is of benefit to him to practice being more generous.

Whenever she wanted to. I think she was about 12. But she is blonde. I feel kids need some sovereignty over their own bodies and I don't control issues that arent health issues that concern me. So, I don't allow aluminium based anti-perspirant, but I don't control makeup or shaving. ETA: I rarely shave my legs except maybe half a dozen times (max) over the summer months. I dont "believe" in shaving legs. I love it when women don't shave their legs. But I am not going to put that on my daughter. She knows me and my thoughts- that is enough.

We rent in a high cost area. We live in a $2million home and pay far less on rent than we would on interest on a mortgage in a home 1/4 of this home's value. The bank wont lend us money to live anywhere near where we want to live. So we bought investment properties in areas we don't want to live, and live where we want to live.

I must be the only one but I pick my battles and I don't try to control that sort of thing. I might laugh at it, get annoyed at it, express my own feelings in return....but to me it is a form of self expression that is fairly harmless. I also wouldn't "make" a teenager stand in front of a mirror and roll his eyes 50 times. I guess I find that more disrespectful than the original thing. I don't expect to have perfectly "obedient" teenagers on all levels. I expect that they do their chores, or receive consequences. I expect that they speak to me (and everyone) reasonably respectfully. I expect that they follow society's normal rules for courteous behaviour. But I myself roll my eyes sometimes (at dh or them, with humour), I myself speak sometimes less than respectfully when asking them to do something....I do not expect them to always behave better than me at my worst. I guess we allow a certain range of emotional expression around here, including towards us parents, that is perhaps unusual. Everyone gets to feel what they feel and say what they think, basically, even if we dont like it. If I ask my kids to do something and they roll their eyes, but still do it, I will note their response, try and see where they are coming from, and generally move on.

Inappropriate because she didnt guage her audience. Not so inappropriate in other places, most likely. If someone said that to my 14yo son, we would laugh and I would be a little annoyed (because I don't want the thought planted in his head) but not offended. Ds14 would handle it fine and with probably a quick, humorous retort.