Update in first post!

Happy Birthday, Inky! @Terabith We want photos of the big party! 😉

And also with you! 😁

Well done, Spencer! 🎉 Very well played!

There are no words. Peace be with each of you!

Aslan appears to walk more politely on a loose lead than my dog, and I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry about that! 🤦🏼‍♀️😂😭

I just love your ideas for your library!

Worry, sort of, but I think my emotions could better be classified as grief and guilt. Biologist dd and her peers sincerely believe humans will be a part of the current mass extinction event.

Hope I’m not too late to wish Aslan a happy birthday!🎉🎂 Star Wars day *and* a birthday party? Two great reasons to throw a big party! (Note to Inky and Aslan: I did NOT in any way suggest that Mom should dress you in Wookie and Ewok costumes for the party and take photos to show the hive. Nope. Didn't even mention how adorable those photos would probably be! 😉)

So… I’m bumping this thread in hopes that someone will have a magical solution - and also to vent about the outrageous price of rent, so maybe JAWM? We spent 4 days touring apartments, all of which required guarantors for renters with a grad student stipend. Ok, no problem. We can do that, right? WRONG. It turns out that the guarantor must gross 5x (and in a few cases, we were told net) the monthly rent. Dh’s salary is within a few hundred of that cutoff, and she is not allowed to combine her stipend with that. The ONE location that we could swing rents by bedroom, and dd’s would-be roommate says she would rather rent a house with 5 other students, 30 minutes or more from campus. I know that’s how some folks roll, and that many would be comfortable just pitching in with any old person as long as the rent is paid. Dd is not that type of person. She has just managed to get her sleep problems under control, (anxiety is still raging, but she hasn’t been able to find a therapist yet) and she is one of those people who truly needs quiet to function. To say nothing of the concerns about moving in with some random people that one meets over the internet! What if one or more of these random people bring guns? Do drugs? Smoke and party all the time? Back out on a lease, leaving just a couple of them responsible for renting an entire house? It just sounds like a recipe for disaster, kwim? We have literally called/visited every housing option we can think of. On campus housing has a 400 person wait list, the one off-campus apartment we can afford is the only option the dean of students had to offer, and the prof is putting MAJOR pressure on the girls to be there in May. Heck, we haven’t found a way to get her there in August for the school year, so unless he is going to let the two of them couch surf until they find something, I think he should back off!! On the bright side, the research facility itself is smashing, and I feel like dd could really be a big fish there (pun intended, as it is a marine ecology lab). May is less than a week away. What do we do?

Feel better soon, Quill! You’re a braver woman than I am! I think I’d just panic and pass out if I taped my mouth shut! (I need that old fainting emoji here!)

It is so very thoughtful of you to consider the feelings of those students! Even if they're doing what they know is right for them (maybe they have an immune compromised family member, or are high risk themselves!) it has to be difficult for them not to give in to what must be immense peer pressure to fit in! We still mask (n95) indoors in public places, but not outdoors. Haven't been inside a restaurant since 2019- which really isn't saying much, since we only went out to eat maybe once or twice a year in the before times! Healthcare providers here don't mask unless you ask them- except for my dentist, who has always masked. My optometrist frowned a bit when I asked her to wear a mask, but complied, and I was grateful, even if it was just a ratty, old fabric mask. My best guess is that 2-5% of people in this area are still masking. I did notice a lot more masks (I counted at least 5 other masked patrons) when I went to the local co-op/organic food store. It was a small difference, but I felt so much more comfortable in there, and so much less judged! I also mask when I mow or do yard work, and always have. I sneeze and get bloodshot eyes if you spell p-o-l-l-e-n around me! None of us have had Covid. All of us are completely vaxed and boosted. We are doing everything we can to avoid infection, and especially multiple infections because 1) We don't want long covid or the organ damage that comes with repeated infections and 2) The bill from a single hospital stay could literally bankrupt us.

🎉 That’s all. I just wanted to post on this thread before it gets locked. 😁

What Bill said. Thank you Bill for stating this so calmly, politely, and succinctly. Right now, I am completely incapable of being any of those things.

[ETA: Oops, looks like I somehow cut out the quote about a frat house!] Said in jest, and yet… Never underestimate the desperate nature of broke college students. In the town where we used to live, it was known as “shopping at Curby’s.” 😂 If it isn’t completely falling apart, and you live in a city/town with a college, post on Craigslist, slap a “free to good home” poster on it, and I bet it will be off your hands before the new ones arrive.

Dd (22) offered me the following insight when I went on a similar rant while looking for jeans recently: Mid rise jeans are more flattering from the side because they aren’t sitting right on your waist. High rise jeans are flattering from the front because they are sitting at your waist. She’s kind of right, I guess. But I still can’t go with the high rise craze. Nope. This mom would’t be caught dead in the woods in “mom jeans”! 😂

Ah, sorry. She will be entering a master’s program, yes. She will be a graduate assistant (TA), starting in the 23-24 school year. The professor whose lab she will be joining has an ongoing project, (with $$ to fund said project) and wants her to start as a research assistant as soon as the spring semester is over. Hopefully, she will be able to live on campus for the summer while she looks for housing for the school year. Does that make more sense?

I have to admit that I'm more than a little relieved that she'll only be a day's drive away instead of multiple flights. (Univ of Hawaii was on the table for a while.) Thank you! It has been a bit of a stressful year for her anxiety-wise, but now that she has a plan to focus on, things are looking much brighter! I'm sure DD will MUCH prefer Wilmington to our current home. Right on the coast vs. stuck in the mountains- Hmmmmmm.....which do you think a marine scientist would prefer? 😂 Ok, yeah, I was kinda hoping for "Hey, no problem! Lots of busses and shuttles!" But you guys just confirmed what I suspected: She's going to need wheels. On the plus side, the easiest thing for us to do is just give her our older car and... (I might just be a tiny bit excited about this) get me a new vehicle! It looks like she might be able to get on-campus housing for at least the summer research assistantship, so that will buy her some time to get to know the area and her fellow students, and look for an apartment. She will definitely be adding her name to the waiting list for the graduate housing. That's her preference, actually, but there is already a waitlist a mile long, since the building is open to seniors as well as grad students. Fingers crossed, though! Nothing can happen on the housing front until she actually has the acceptance letter in hand and puts down her deposit. The prof said he would have that sent out immediately, so hopefully some time next week, it will all be official. In the meantime, we are going to have some fun today shopping for kitchen and bath necessities! There is an antiques shop in town with a huge room dedicated to Fiestaware. Maybe she can find some colors to match the Cognitive Surplus tea towels she got for Christmas! I think I'm almost as excited as she is! Thanks for the advice, gang! I've passed along the congratulations, too!

Congrats on your new addition! We wound up with a Bosch because it was the only model we could find locally that was narrow enough to fit the space where our old dishwasher was. I am so glad we did, and I know what you mean about it being quiet. The old one sounded like a train going through the kitchen. Now, I have to actively listen to know if the cycle is still running!

I am sorry to read that update, Quill! Virtual hugs and positive thoughts coming your way!

Huzzah! DD22 has had her first research/grad assistantship offer from a professor at UNC, Wilmington. This professor's lab looks like it is going to be a pretty good fit for DD in terms of her interests and research experience (marine invertebrates,) and (Huzzah, again!) this professor is very well funded. As in, plenty of grant money coming in for a while, should DD decide to continue through her PhD after completing her MS. So! That's exciting! But...(isn't there always a "but"?) The professor wants DD to start her research assistantship as early as possible in May. So we now have six to eight weeks to find housing, and perhaps a vehicle, and get her settled in because the prof wants her to hit the ground running with the research project. Again, Yay! but also, Yikes! Lay it on me, gang! Tell me the good, the bad, and everything DD needs to know about Wilmington. Any good places to rent? Safe, clean and reasonably affordable is perfectly acceptable. We're not looking for luxury. How's the public transportation in Wilmington? Are there plenty of bus routes, or do we need to go out yesterday and start searching for a vehicle? I'm sure there are 1001 more questions I should be asking, but right now, we are still kind of in celebration mode. 🎉 It has been tough for her to find a professor with funding! She has talked to several professors who would be happy to have her in their labs, but don't have sufficient funding for more graduate assistantships. *sigh* Update: Yay! She finally got in to a studio apartment just over 1/2 mile from campus. It’s on the campus shuttle line, just in case the 20-yr old car decides to hand in its notice. Don’t know the exact move-in date yet, but looks like she will be up and running at the new research lab by the end of the month! 🎉 🪸 🐠 🌊 Thank you everyone for your suggestions and input! Oh, and the icing on this cake: It looks like the prof. will be paying the tuition of all three of the new grad students out of his NSF grant $$$. 🍾

I have been following but not posting, as I have no useful advice to offer, but this was my first thought as well. That, and that he may be trying to track her back to the kids. GM, please tell her all the hive is worried about her. (Complete agreement is something that almost never happens on this board, but I’m seeing it on this thread!)

Aside from dd, my dogs are my world. We do everything together from exercise (canine enthusiasm is the best motivator for a daily 5k!) to pet therapy.(which allows me to share the joy they bring me with those who cannot have dogs.) They are truly my best friends, and I would be lost without them. I try to be a responsible dog owner. My dogs are chipped, and they are never allowed off leash anywhere except their own fenced yard. Even so, accidents can happen. Leashes or harnesses can break, and in the blink of an eye, a dog can be off and away, chasing a rabbit or squirrel or chipmunk. This is one of my worst nightmares, but now I have a new one! It actually makes me nauseated to think that if one of my pups escaped, they would be found by a heartless creep like your dh - utterly devoid of compassion, and so cruel as to not care one iota about not just the well-being of another living creature, but the agony of the dog’s owner. (There could be a child out there crying their eyes out because their beloved pet is lost!) One night, and you are the one who will be caring for the animal until you can turn it over to a shelter or rescue? Your dh needs to put on the big boy undies and deal with this extremely minor inconvenience! The fact that your dd is afraid to upset her father is also concerning, but that’s another issue altogether.

No advice to offer here, only commiseration! The bold bit basically describes my relationship with my mother. To be honest, I’m still not as good at “gray rocking” as I should be with her, because I wind up second guessing myself and thinking that I’m being mean by not responding to her hysterics. There are layers of garbage with her, but the basic story line which I have repeated all my life goes like this: I disagree with my mother about something. She responds with dramatic passive aggression. I go low or no contact for a week or two, and she “behaves” for a while,so I hopefully (and, I now realize, stupidly) believe she has finally changed, and I am the one being mean for cutting contact for a while. Just as I am beginning to believe things might be ok, BAM! The passive aggression is back with a vengeance, reminding me that I wasn’t overreacting at all. *lather, rinse, repeat* Passing you some 🍷and 🍫, IB!