I'd strongly encourage her to check a few different custom cabinet makers. We found three who could do our job pretty much right away, and the one we ended up going with was cheaper than the cabinets we'd been looking at. It also offered us the opportunity to do things that would have been even more costly with Kraftmaid and similar brands. For example, we had our uppers made to be 13" deep to accommodate some large plates and pasta bowls we have. Getting a big-box brand made deeper was going to be so expensive we weren't going to do it. There was no extra charge for that from the custom guy we went with. We also could set the exact heights we wanted for drawers (so we have a drawer to accommodate our large stock pot, for example), and we could use every inch of space on cupboards and drawers as we wanted, without needing to use filler pieces. All that was for less than the ones we looked at and priced out at Home Depot.

I was thinking about Chicago and a lot of the midwest after I typed that. Yeah, they'll totally cut you off there, more often than not. Does the South have friendlier drivers? I've never driven there, but I picture them being more polite.

Is it common where others live to not let people in? Here someone will always let you in without much, if any, wait. I have my own issues with drivers around here, but I am very glad that people will slow a bit to let someone who's signalling change lanes and that I've never seen anyone unable to get out of a driveway like you describe!

We're finishing season 2. I would let DS11 watch without any concern. I don't think it would be too much if your DD7 were in the room, Just Kate, except for a few scenes (e.g. one where two characters come upon a village that has been killed, and there are piles of dead bodies, or a scene where someone is being tortured by being electrocuted). There are maybe 3 or 4 scenes that we've seen that would give me pause for someone that age. However, it may get more intense as it continues; I know that the last few episodes have been more intense than the first season overall.

We eat a lot of cabbage here too. DH recently recreated one of his childhood favorites, stuffed cabbage. Take the larger, outer leaves of the cabbage, cut out the stems and save them. You'll steam or boil those leaves briefly to get them soft enough to wrap around a filling. Our filling was rice, onions, more cabbage (including the stems and chopped up core) and lentils, but you could use ground beef if you can get a good price on it. Throw a few herbs and salt in for taste, then plop a bit of the filling inside each large, cooked leaf. Wrap them up, seal with a toothpick if necessary, and place in a pot. DH put a very mild, thin tomato sauce on top. It wasn't like for pasta, it was more just canned whole tomatoes chopped up with extra water to thin it out even more. Boil until done. I was surprised, but it was really good, and even my DS liked it. We also eat a lot of beans and rice. I make a big pot of dried beans at least once, and often two or three times, per week. These show up on rice, in tortillas, in other dishes, in soup, etc. We freeze the extras in can-size amounts after a couple of days, so we don't ever have to buy canned beans, which are easily two or three times the price here. It's heading into spring there. Can you plant a garden? That is a good source for us for fresh veggies, but it's only worth it if you can stay on top of the maintenance for it. In the past I've had a hard time keeping up with the garden plot but have had great success with tomatoes and even potatoes in pots. For some reason, it's easier for me to water the pots. When I've needed to conserve water, I've watered pots with waste water like dishwater (wash in a dish pan) or bath water.

I think weddings should be about celebrating a couple starting their life together. How the food gets on the table for that celebration doesn't matter to me because to me that's not the point of it. If I were invited to a potluck wedding, I'd go with a joyous heart and a dish of food to help people I care about celebrate a new phase in their lives. I'd be glad that they weren't going into debt or sticking their families with a large bill to have an elaborate wedding. I realize many people can afford their catered receptions, and that's fine, but I don't think that choosing to spend a lot of money on wedding food makes one somehow better (less tacky) than those who take a more economical approach.

First off, :grouphug: to you, OP. I was going to recommend the "How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It" book too. I have a couple of friends who have used it and highly recommend it. You've been married long enough that you know it has its ups and downs, and it's normal for there to be times when we feel more or less in love with our spouses. Maybe it would help you a little bit to reframe how you're looking at this and see it more as a season within your marriage. Is there any chance you could work to prioritize your marriage in ways that will help build loving feelings? I'm thinking of things like packing his lunch, getting up early to have coffee ready if he leaves for work early, scheduling regular date nights where you have the chance to connect without the kids around, making a point of giving DH a hug and kiss when he gets home, giving DH a random hug or even a smile during the day, or making a point to buy a preferred food of his when you're at the store. I know that my own husband starts acting and feeling more loving toward me when I reach out and act more loving toward him. It can be hard for me to shift out of my hurt feelings enough to act loving. When I'm able to bring myself to do so, it makes a very dramatic shift in our relationship and how my husband acts toward me. :grouphug:

:grouphug: I'm so sorry for your loss, and I'm sorry you're feeling so hurt and alone right now. I know it's hard to do, but if you can continue to reach out to those near you, they probably really do want to help. Is there one person you were a little closer to whom you could send a text saying you're feeling very alone and need help?

Eh, the chances of it happening like that to someone are vanishingly small. It's awful for the person it happened to, but I'm not going to worry about it. There are all sorts of random, freak accidents/incidents that happen, and I'm not going to change how I live my life to try to avoid such a miniscule risk. FWIW, my proximity key won't turn the car on unless it's really inside it, or at least it hasn't worked the couple of times we've tried it standing right outside the open door. I'll take the huge convenience of the proximity key with the very tiny risk of having my car stolen in that manner.

No, nobody has ever complained. I don't and wouldn't complain about others reclining their seats in front of me, but, yeah, I do mind. I don't think it's necessarily rude to recline, but it's often not that considerate either. Shoving your seat back at full force without checking what's going on behind you is rude, however!

When I took piano lessons as a child, we didn't have a piano for the first year or so. I practiced on a church piano. We didn't make it over there every day, but we did usually manage to get there about 5 or 6 days a week. I wouldn't recommend this as a years-long practice, but it might give you a while to decide whether a digital piano with weighted keys is worth investing in (given space limitations--those can store under beds).

Yeah, I just use stainless for eggs. No sticking. The key is to get the pan hot before you put the fat in. I even wipe out the extra butter with a paper towel, leaving basically none left, and my eggs don't stick at all. I turn the heat down before putting the eggs in.

I'm so glad you asked this! I'm also reading "The Hot Zone" right now, and it's quite frightening. I've been wondering the same thing about how one really recovers from Ebola. I did read yesterday that the woman who was treated at Emory was still having many issues and had a great deal of recovering to still do at home. Since reading THZ, I've been wondering if that means that she'll have lifelong problems from it, though I hope she won't.

For bread, we freeze the extra. Just make sure to separate the slices a bit first, so they're easier to pull apart when frozen. A slice of frozen bread toasts just fine. For snack foods like chips, we don't buy them all that often. When we do, we have a couple of nights of family "happy hour" where the adults have a glass of wine, DS gets juice cut with club soda (often made fancy by squeezing cherry or blood orange juice in for pretty swirls), and we each get a portion-controlled bowl of the chips. When dieting a while ago, I got in the habit of weighing out a serving of food, and it's stuck with me. DS and DH used to go back and get a second helping, but I've noticed that lately they don't do that as often. One serving is often enough for them now, but even when it isn't, their second servings are small ones, and the total amount consumed is much less than it once was. We've had many family discussions about limiting sugar consumption, and we've settled for now on roughly one treat a day. I rarely buy cookies, and when I make them, I make a half batch to keep from having too many around. If we have extras for some reason, I give some to the mailman, the UPS driver, the garbage-truck men, and so on. For marshmallows, I'd probably hide the bag for a couple of days and then pull some out to float in cups of hot cocoa. Then I'd just pitch the rest. I've decided I'd rather waste the food by pitching it than to waste it by putting it on our waists.

I think I've read that tongue cracks can be a sign of a vitamin deficiency, particularly a vitamin B deficiency.

What about Neal Stephenson? Reamde is probably the most accessible. Cryptonomicon may be a little harder to get into, but it's quite good, especially if your ds has any interest in cryptography. Stephenson's books tend to be quite dense and full of arcane information.

My thoughts exactly! If you hate the name Benji that much, then why would you name a child Benjamin? I also wonder if there isn't a generational issue here. I'm 40-ish, and the dog movies were not my first thought when I read "Benji." Folks ten or more years younger than I am might not even know the dog movies. OP, don't apologize again. You've apologized once, which was appropriate (despite her way over-the-top response). She's now the one who needs to try to smooth things over to salvage the relationship. Have there been other issues with this family? I'm wondering if this was a one-time (two-time) freakout, or if she has a history of being difficult to work with. If it's the latter, I'd be considering whether I wanted to continue the arrangement.

I didn't know how to answer because it varies depending on what the child wants or needs each year. Some years it may be under $100, and other years it may be above $500 if there is something large that's needed and wanted. I don't know what it will be this year.

I really wish we'd sprung for a larger-capacity washer. I like to wash blankets and comforters, and there are some I just can't fit in our washer. I have to take them to a friend's house or the laundromat to wash. I'm not sure the middle-sized one would be enough larger to make much difference, so if I were going to do it, I'd want the largest one. That being said, $400 is a lot more! With a family of five, I imagine that even that much difference might be worth it if you can afford it.

I'm incredibly happy that no one has chosen 4 a.m. That just sounds too horrible to contemplate.

I'd definitely consider that, depending on where you live. In my area, those cabinets (even though they are in great shape) would quite likely slow the sale, meaning a lower price. If you're in an area like mine where things that are fixed up sell fast, I'd gel stain or paint, even though it's a major pain. If you're in an area where honey-oak cabinets are more common still, then I'd probably leave them and update the hardware. I'd definitely remove that valance. At the very least, I'd pull off that valance and replace it with a modern light. Most likely your cabinets came prefinished from the factory, and that piece was probably an option that the original buyers chose, meaning it's fairly likely that the wood under it is finished. I would not put a lace valance back up. I'd probably mount an inexpensive roman shade a bit higher, so it covers the top of the window frame and makes the window look a bit taller than it really is. I think some darker hardware or nickel hardware would modernize your cabinets a bit if you decide not to stain/paint. Oil-rubbed bronze is quite popular now, and I know nickel is still a more modern choice, though trending down.

Mine is 11.5. He is, at this very moment, a mile or so away at the grocery store. I regularly see kids from perhaps 2nd or 3rd-grade age walking to or from school, and I regularly see kids from about 4th grade or so and up walking around to the stores and parks. No one has ever harassed my child or his friends for doing so, but it is quite common around where I live (upper middle class area). I live in a metropolitan area of about 4 million (but in the city itself, not a suburb), fwiw.

Has anything in particular happened with the one family with which you're uncomfortable? What about in the other houses you don't let your children play inside of? Do you know that they have unsupervised/unfiltered internet access or that they allow tv shows that grossly conflict with your values? Do they have guns that aren't locked up away from children? Are the kids allowed to play violently without correction? Do your kids have severe food allergies yet that family won't restrict allergenic foods when yours are around? Do you worry about the kids' safety there? In those cases, I would understand your restrictions, but without a reason (and her wanting you to drive her toddler without a carseat is a great reason to not let her drive your kids, but it wouldn't affect my decision about her house), it does seem stifling to your children, particularly your 8 year old to not let them play in anyone's house because you're socially uncomfortable with one mother. In our neighborhood, kids play with other kids, and they do so from relatively young ages. Certainly by the ages of your kids, it's normal for the kids in my neighborhood to be allowed to play inside at least some other neighbors' houses. To refuse to allow your children to play inside anyone's house, would lead to your children becoming outcasts, and your family would be viewed oddly. That's just the harsh truth--in my neighborhood. Our one neighbor who keeps rules such as yours now has a child who never plays with anyone in the neighborhood. After years of being rejected or severely limited in where they could play with her, the other kids eventually stopped asking. I suspect your neighborhood dynamics may be similar with most neighborhood kids playing together regularly without scheduled playdates. That's not to say that I'd let my child, even now at an age a few years older than yours, play in every house in the neighborhood. I would want to know the parents, have some sense of their parenting approach, and feel secure that the kids are safe there. I'm sorry, OP, but I do fear that in the situation you describe (neighborhood full of kids who play at each other's houses without scheduled playdates), your kids will end up being left out more and more. That's not to say that your rules are unreasonable--it's just a very likely consequence of those rules. Do you think it would be possible to start allowing your kids to play at the houses of neighbors other than the one who makes you so uncomfortable? If I were that uncomfortable with one parent, I wouldn't allow my child to play there, but I would still allow free play at the houses of other parents with whom I was more comfortable.

For the most part, yes and yes. My house may not be spotless by my standards, but I've learned over the years that my idea of really bad is most people's idea of pretty good. I vacuum most days because I hate dirty floors, so at most you'd find two days' worth of dust, pet fur, and kid crumbs. If I can see mess, I clean it up right away. Since I keep things up as we go along, it doesn't take me long to do. However, all bets are off if I'm sick or have been out of town! If you really poked around in my house, at any given time you will find small areas of mess. It's almost 10 a.m. here, and my bed's not yet made. There's a basket of dirty laundry in the hall upstairs waiting to be taken down to the laundry room. My office is half torn apart because I've been in the middle of an organizing project in there for a couple of weeks. Living room, entry, kitchen, and bathrooms are all presentable, though, so a casual drop-in visitor wouldn't see the areas that are bugging me!

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