I don’t have advice, but have a mother like yours in regards to wanting to be a model patient. My mother and father will withhold vital information that could help dx their conditions, because they don’t want to be seen as “whining or complaining.” They don’t understand that a doctor must be told all the aches and pains in order to dx the condition. They also don’t want to waste the doctor’s time, so if something doesn’t get discussed in the visit and they think the doctor is done with the visit, they’ll just remain silent instead of saying, “Hang on…before we’re done, I need to tell you about X.” They’ll just go home and suffer in silence and never go back and tell the doc. My parents think that if they waste the doctor’s time by “whining” about their medical issues, they’ll be seen as troublemakers and dismissed. But they end up being dismissed because the doctors genuinely don’t know what the issues are. They brush it off in a jokey way, “Oh, I’m not going to be one of those old people who go on and on about their medical issues! No one wants to listen to that!” I found out after the fact that when my dad had tonsil cancer and couldn’t eat, that he was practically starving because my parents didn’t understand how to use the feeding port he had into his stomach and weren’t giving him enough food. They refused to research it on their own or ask the doctor about it. The doctor couldn’t figure out why my dad was losing so much weight and was worried. But my parents had turned down any help from the nurses about how to use the port and how to get food into him, because they didn’t want to be seen as bothering anyone. And so…he was literally being starved. My mom was feeding him, but about 1/4 of the amount she should have been. Quill, I worry about what will happen when they’re too old to care for themselves, and I live 2500 miles away as the only child. I’m watching this thread and making notes for the future…

Yes! That’s exactly it! It’s best mostly because it fills in that backstory and then provides an emotional whomp at the end when you realize that the apple seed grew into the tree that made the wardrobe…brilliant. Though, I suppose, it would be fun to read about the apple seed, and the tree, and the wardrobe, and then when you see it again in the old mansion and you realize the professor is the boy you grew to love in the first book, you might also get a sentimental thrill in the heart. Maybe it’s ok to read the series either way…

But you have to have some time set aside to listen. It’s 18:34 minutes long. It’s really a short story set to music.

I love that song! It’s awesome. We had to fill out some papers yesterday when we got our booster shot and I asked my husband, “Are you having fun filling out the forms?” and he said, “Yup, and playing with the pencils.” The song is hilarious and we love listening to it.

That’s a great plan. Grandma is ill…(in the head.) For now, emotions are too high to get into it with the kids and put a weird damper on the holiday. Later, you can unpack all that with your kids. They’re old enough to get it, but let yourself simmer down first and come up with a plan on how to talk to them about it…later. All this has happened just in the past few days. It’s ok to give yourself grace not to rehash it to everyone the day before, or the day of, Thanksgiving. Sounds wonderful to have a holiday with you, dh, and the kids. The movie will be fun!

Sis didn’t have the same breakthrough that you did. That’s ok. Sis may or may not have a breakthrough anytime soon. She might be stuck in the old patterns for a while. But you did have a breakthrough. Don’t go back to old ways. Take this time to decompress. You know how sometimes it’s a good idea for kids who’ve been in a toxic school environment to deschool for a month or two? That’s the stage you’re in. You need to “deschool” from your family for a while. SIs might not understand and Mom certainly won’t. But it’s time to de-family for a bit. Take this time to read the books people have suggested and watch the videos. Write it all out—your feelings, what actually happened, etc, the way you did earlier in the thread. Tell Sis that the blowup took more out of you than you thought, and you’re going to stay home for Thanksgiving. It’s sad for Sis, but maybe she has a friend whose family will allow her to come to their Thanksgiving dinner. And then plan to stay home for Christmas as well. You’re in de-family mode for the next few weeks, while you try to figure out a new path going forward. At this point, when people realize they’re dealing with a narc and they reach a breaking point, some people go full no-contact with the family—either forever or for a number of years. Other people stay in contact, but learn to create strong boundaries (like the poster above, who allowed a 15 minute phone conversation each week, but would hang up the second it got weird.) You’re not ready for contact yet. You’re just not. You might not know it, but we do. We can see it clearly from the outside in that you’re not ready to be with Sis, because Sis didn’t have the breakthrough and won’t understand your new enlightenment.

I’d come down with Covid on Wednesday if I was you. The entire family. Covid. Can’t come. So sorry!

And if you do, start off by apologizing and saying, “I don’t even know why I let myself think it would be a good idea. I’m sorry for even texting you about it. Of COURSE I’m not going to go along with the “joke”.”

If I was Sis, I’d probably be so hurt/angry at what Mom was trying to set up with Nephew, that I wouldn’t even know how to respond to your text. I mean, not only does she have to eat tacos on Thanksgiving, but now she’s going to have to say if it’s ok for Nephew to taunt her about it? I personally think it’s crummy when someone wants a traditional Thanksgiving dinner and the family won’t oblige (unless, of course, Sis wasn’t going to help at all…). But if Sis was willing to help, I think it’s normal to want a traditional Thanksgiving dinner on Thanksgiving day. People eat tacos all the time, but they only eat Thanksgiving dinner once a year.

Don’t let your son get caught up in a mean-spirited “joke”, because it’s not a joke. Practical jokes are only jokes if the recipient will laugh, and there’s no way your sister is going to laugh at this. It’s just not funny. Let Mom be mad. You need to set this boundary.

I have a Kenmore washing machine that is at least 18 years old. It came with the house and we moved here 18 years ago. Unfortunately, they don’t sell that model anymore. At first when all the newer washing machines came out with their fancy buttons and electronics, I got jealous of my friends’ pretty new machines and I hated my boring old machine. But as the years pass and this thing still works, I have fallen in love with it. I hope it lasts another 18 years!

nt

I’m not sure I can answer that. Some things require less EF and some require more. Take the phone calls we’ve been talking about on this thread, for example. There are plenty of times when I need to contact someone and I can easily pause and send them some sort of text message immediately when I realize I need to contact them. Done. Back in 1990 when I was 17, I’d have had to jot down on a piece of paper that I needed to call someone, I’d have to put the paper somewhere that I’d remember to look at it later. When it was “later” and I was near a phone, I’d have had to look up their phone number, and then set aside some time to talk to them, because a phone call requires some social pleasantries that take longer than a quick text. In the past when I added something to the calendar, it was a paper calendar. If I wanted to use a tiny calendar that fit in my purse, it might be too small to hold everything, and the rest of the family couldn’t access it for themselves. So, I might carry a small calendar for myself, but would have to transfer the info from my small calendar to the big calendar that hung up at home for everyone to see. And if we needed to shuffle something around on the calendar, I’d have to erase and rewrite it in. And I’d have to be physically in front of the calendar to do so, so if I realized, “I need to do X!” when I was out, I’d have to write myself a note and then remember to read my note and then remember to erase and rewrite the event on the paper calendar. But now, we all can share an online calendar and access it everywhere we go. We can immediately make changes to it without having to remember to make the change later. Making a change is much easier than erasing and writing it back in. Ordering something to be mailed to you was either a phone call, where you’d have to list out all the numbers for the item, or filling out a form, finding an envelope and stamp, and mailing it—either in your own mailbox, or talking a little walk to the box that was on the corner of the street a few streets over. But, today is just as annoying! Today there are 5 billions choices of what to order and don’t Even get me started on all the user names and passwords. I hate user names and passwords with the fiery heat of a thousand suns. So…I’m not sure people need more EF, but that they need different EF. I’m just not sure either way. The question is fascinating and would require some real study comparing apples to apples for each type of task people need to do in life. It seems like things were ungainly and you had to remember things a lot more in the past and rely on jotting little notes down to yourself all the time. Now, we can do things immediately, but the technology can be a huge pain to navigate.

What in the world is wrong with that office staff that sees you in there month after month and does nothing to resolve the issue? Instead they threaten to have the police remove you? What butts! You must talk to the doctor directly and firmly. And I still can’t get over how the office staff knows it’s a problem and yet won’t fix it.

Golden. I want a golden ball. Like in the Princess and the Frog.

For people who want to read, but their families keep interrupting then, then this club sounds great. If I was still a young mom and wanted an evening off from being “mom”, and there was a club like this near me, I’d have gone, just to have the quiet time.

Is this a covid thing? Like, are they all comfortable meeting in restaurants and you’re not, so they didn’t tell you about it? My friends all had a secret birthday party last November and didn’t tell me about it, because there’s NO WAY IN HECK that I’d be going to secret birthday parties in Nov 2020. (They slipped and mentioned it in front of me…but I didn’t care because I think they were all crazy for meeting in Nov 2020.) Otherwise, I’d be totally asking Friend on Monday, “What’s up with the bible study? Why wasn’t I invited?” I’m too old (see other thread) not to tackle that one head on. Not mean and aggressive, but I would want to know straight up what was going on, without dancing around the issue.

I didn’t do this—well, I did for Alg I and realized it wasn’t working. I had to outsource math. Like others have said, I discovered that I ought to have been at least a year ahead of my son in math in order to be an effective teacher. I had to know where we were going in order to properly teach the steps to get there. For my oldest son, he is naturally strong in math (is a math major in college now), and so our shaky year of Alg I didn’t harm him. Once I outsourced for him, he was fine working with his other teachers (myhomeschoolmathclass.com, then DerekOwens.com) For my youngest, he’s stronger in English and weaker in math, so even though his math was outsourced, I would do the work alongside him. I’d watch the lessons and do every practice problem with him. That wa, when he had questions or I could see him floundering, I could better help him. But this year, he’s flying on his own. I do think my working alongside him helped him, because it taught him what it takes to learn, since he saw me actually learning alongside him and saw what it took from me to do it. But…I guess none of this answers the OPs question…

Don’t attend that church anymore, and do work FT. I could always take a day off, but the venue is tricky. If there are no children coming, then a restaurant could work, but if there are children….what do you do with the children? And a restaurant is tricky, too, because it’s too loud to hear a person at the other end of the table and time is limited, so you really only chat with a couple of people you’re sitting next to. The church with the play area really was the best of all worlds. We could get up and mingle around or sit in a big circle and talk across it, or just talk to the person next to us, and the kids could play. Also, with Covid, it’s tricky. Do we all meet indoors and breathe on each other? If everyone is vaxed, then that’s supposed to be safe. But if everyone isn’t, then it’s not.

So much depends on the student. My first son was rather like yours. He didn’t yell, but he got squinty-eyed and short tempered and wasn’t safe behind the wheel with his anxiety spiking through the roof. He was pretty much unteachable. No matter how many times I would tell him something, he simply wouldn’t listen. For example, in a parking lot with 4 speed bumps, he hit the first one too fast. I told him, “You need to take those super slow,” he didn’t slow down for the second one. “Ok, just slow down a ridiculous amount for a speed bump—like 3 mph.” He didn’t slow down and we hit the 3rd one just as fast. And the fourth. He wasn’t being defiant. He just couldn’t seem to make himself do what he was supposed to do. He’d get all upset that he wasn’t slowing down…yet he wouldn’t slow down. After 2 years of enduring this, I stopped teaching him and let my dh do it. I haven’t ridden with him as a drive in a year. But for my youngest? He’s engaged and cheerful and reacts instantly to instruction. And he barely needs instruction. He just naturally seems to know what to do. It’s effortless. I don’t mind riding with him at all. It’s actually kinda fun teaching him.

I have mine. It was a knee-length, pink-flowered sundress that I got at Contempo Casuals in 1992. Imagine Angela Chase, the character from the 90’s TV show My So Called Life, wearing it with some combat boots. I didn’t wear combat boots, but that was the sort of dress it was. It’s such a tiny bit of fabric that it easily lives on a coat hanger in the attic. I’ll keep it for the memories.

I got a job and bought some “work clothes” and discovered that I only physically go in to work every 2-3 months. And when I do, only a handful of people are there (the other 200 all are working at home), and people dress down. Before I realized the above, I had already bought these work pants. (Scroll down to see them with different tops and shoes) I was a little self-conscious about how they’re bell bottoms and wondered if they were a little too trendy for someone my age. But then I bought a button down black and white polka dotted shirt (from the thrift store), which looks adorable with the pinstripes, and I got used to wearing bell bottoms and now I LOVE them. They do a great job of balancing out my body shape. So flattering! I wear the pants and the shirt every chance I get. Bonus points if I’m heading to the grocery store in them. No one at the grocery store has to know that I work from home in jammies many days of the week! I wear my “work clothes” outfit out to dinner or out shopping just because I can, and I feel like a million bucks when I’m wearing them. (I’m wearing my outfit right now in fact!!) For Christmas, I bought myself these purple converse. For grocery shopping, the purple converse would look amazing with my bell-bottomed work outfit! But I’m going to wait until Christmas to wear the purple converse. Otherwise, I’m a sucker for blazers. All sorts of blazers. Blazers that are dressy, blazers that are casual, blazers that are fitted, blazers that are loose, velvet blazers, purple blazers, etc, etc. I have an entire (little) closet just for my blazers. I even wear them in the summer because when I’m in a/c I get cold easily.

At my local SPCA you can volunteer to pet the cats and/or take the dogs out to the outdoor pen. You don’t have to come at a certain day or time. You simply show up whenever you show up. You sign in at the computer and stay as long as you like and pet the animals for as long as you want. My sons and I would show up for a few weeks in a row, then skip for a few months, then show up again. No one minded. It’s important for the animals to stay socialized around humans, so it’s worthy, but there is zero commitment. You have to spend $15 on a training session and get a t-shirt and then you can begin. Maybe your local SPCA is the same.

Any one of us could call or email them and ask them…

What’s weird to me is when adults my age or older call me Miss Garga. Where I live, no one does that, but I recently got a job that’s an hour south of here—an hour south of the Mason Dixon line (I live right over the line). And some of the adults there will call me Miss Garga. They are not deferring to me—they’re just showing friendly mutual respect. But it sure does throw me! I’m thinking of picking up on it and using it back at them, to also show friendly mutual respect. When in Rome and all that.