Chatted with my son today!

[Jenny in Florida]

One of the reasons I think I'm having such a hard time with having my son away is that I know from previous experience that he will not keep in touch like my daughter does. The standard "joke" I tell about this is that, when she went to London for three weeks with a school group, we Skyped pretty much every night. When my son went to London and Oxford with his choir for three weeks, I got four texts, all of which were about either money or ballet shoes. (I had to place an order for new dance shoes while he was away and needed his input.)

 

So, I handled moving my daughter to New York fairly well, in large part because I know she will be in touch often. And she is. We talk on the phone every two or three days, and we exchange silly Facebook messages and texts frequently, too. But moving my son into a dorm 90 minutes from home has been truly traumatic, in part because he's my youngest and I now have an empty nest, but mostly because I have been convinced I would never hear from him.

 

However, he did actually call and chat today! He sounds like he's doing well, finding his way around and making a point of getting to know some other students before everyone gets busy with classes. He's already visited a couple of dance studios near campus and made inquiries about teaching or assisting. He's looked up the audition dates for the first big mainstage musical and the fall dance production. He was even doing laundry when I talked to him today. 

 

So, for the moment, all seems well, and I am a happier, more relaxed mom.

 

Anybody else touch base with their new freshman this weekend? How are they adjusting?

 

 

[Sunshine State Sue]

I have been convinced I would never hear from him.

 

I have set my expectations very low because ds is fairly monosyllabic, but I got a text from him last night (letting me know that he gets no cell phone service in his room, so texting is a better way to reach him) and we actually had a short text conversation.  I was pleasantly surprised.

 

[Lori D.]

Yes! And it makes such a world of difference! :)

 

DS really is a "home body", and very good at keeping in touch when he has been away for the summer in the past. Drop-off was Wednesday; he made a face-time call Friday night, just to let us know how everything was going, and then another one today, because he needed the credit card number for purchasing some e-books for class tomorrow (his card does not arrive for another week).

 

Just seeing him relaxed and having everything settled, getting along well with roomie and suite-mates, and doing so well makes it possible for me to relax and be okay now, even if I don't hear from him for a month. (Though, knowing DS, he'll probably video-chat about once every week or two this first semester; he is a sweetheart! :) )

[Starr]

I know how you feel. For me it's the other way around, ds keeps up better than dd. Ds started as a commuter at the local university. He just got his drivers license before he left for a summer camp job. I think the driving has me more worried than school at this point. I've been almost taken out by young men driving at his school. :D 

[MysteryJen]

Hmm, I have had about four lines in two emails.

I think he is having a good time.

 

I am not expecting a phone call.

 

Ever.

[Lori D.]

Hmm, I have had about four lines in two emails.

I think he is having a good time.

 

I am not expecting a phone call.

 

Ever.

 

:grouphug:

 

 

I think we get calls or video chats because neither DS ever text or email. They are not big Facebookers, either.

[Myra]

This is all that I've rec'd so far....a text msg stating (in reference to what I thought was my rather stoic goodbyes - at least, until I drove away from the dorm yesterday and out of sight of my freshman).....

"Be happy.  Smile. And pet the puppy a lot."

 

 

Myra

[Pawz4me]

Hmm, I have had about four lines in two emails.

I think he is having a good time.

 

I am not expecting a phone call.

 

Ever.

 

If DS ever calls, I know it will be because he's got a problem.  And it will likely be a doozy.

 

Otherwise, it's a short text here and there.  And that's okay, I'll take what I can get.

 

I got a funny one a couple days ago -- a text with a photo of some of his clothes in a washing machine.  He wanted to know if it was too big of a load, and about how much detergent he should use.  :lol:

[Catherine]

I'll tell our experience briefly.  My oldest spent 10 months in Germany as an exchange student the year between junior and senior year of high school.  While he was gone, we allowed him to control out contacts, with some occasional suggestions from us.  AFS strongly recommended this, and I felt he needed to settled, bond with his host family, etc. 

 

I was not prepared to not hear from him for 6 weeks, after a 1 line email telling us he had arrived safely in his host family's house.  It was heart-wrenching.  That has to have been some of the hardest weeks of my life. 

 

When he left for college, I told him up front we would call weekly, and he said fine.  If we miss the call, he doesn't call us.  He very occasionally contacts us via email or FB but my recollection is that he has not spontaneously called once in 2 years. 

 

Part of that is who he is, and part of it is, honestly, chronic depression.  But I see both of these improving and I have high hopes for this year!  

 

Jenny, I am very sympathetic.  I honestly don't know what to say except not to take it personally.   

[creekland]

I feel fortunate that I heard from all three of my boys this past weekend!  Of course, Saturday was my birthday. ;)  I probably can't expect the same again for another year.  If we're lucky though, it may only be until May when hubby's birthday rolls around.

 

Oldest rarely contacts us - about once every 2-3 months.

 

Middle calls once per week unless he's super busy.  (I've told you over and over again that someone is going to get a fantastic hubby someday!)

 

Youngest has loved keeping in touch via e-mail so far - short e-mails, but very conversational.  I've asked him to keep in touch once per week (similar to middle son, though e-mail is fine).  We'll see if it works.

 

I really don't recall how often I called mom or dad (divorced, so separate calls).  The internet wasn't around for very common use then.

[Sunshine State Sue]

I am not expecting a phone call.

 

Ever.

:rofl: Me either.  Or if there is one, it is to ask for money.  But, that can be texted.

[Jenny in Florida]

Well, it wasn't money, but my son did call again today for help. He has two auditions in the next couple of days and needed a copy of his resume and some help tracking down sheet music. 

 

We chatted for another few minutes about his first day of class and the upcoming auditions. It sounds like he had a good day, and two phone calls is more than I expected in the whole first month!

[Harriet Vane]

My husband got into a world of trouble with his parents for not calling when he went away to school. Their hurt was further compounded by the fact that he didn't always return their phone calls, or forgot sometimes that he had agreed to chat at a certain time and would make other plans or not be available to take the call.

 

It wasn't out of any meanness on dh's part nor did he have any specific desire to avoid his parents. On the contrary, he had and has always had a really, really positive relationship with his parents. When he went to school, he threw himself wholeheartedly into college life, with millions of friends and activities and so forth. It didn't occur to him that his parents wanted to hear from him.

 

Things finally blew up. His mother was sooooooo hurt, and dh felt awful as he had never intended to blow them off.

 

The end result was that they picked a weekly time that they would always talk. Dh made it a priority to be there for that call, even if the call had to be kept short for some reason. It ended up being a very good thing for all of them. His parents felt better being in touch with him, and the close relationship they had wasn't allowed to just drift away.

[Lolly]

I hear from my crew more when they are away than when they are home. I spend almost all of my day talking on the phone or texting with someone/everyone. Each dd probably calls twice and texts...who has a clue many times! I expect when ds leaves I may never hear from him again.

[Blue Hen]

My oldest DS is off in grad school and I was shocked this past Friday when he called to let me know where he was going backpacking for the weekend. Since moving into his apartment in Salt Lake City a month ago he has called at least a-half-dozen times and texted a lot. This is a kid who went months upon months his freshman and sophomore year without texting or calling.

 

My youngest DS, for medical reasons, is required to text me every morning, single word is fine. On his own he has sent photos and answered a phone call once but started the conversation with a ---- I only have a minute to talk. LOL! No, a minute was not enough time. He moved into his dorm 2 weeks ago so yesterday I called him. During the call we chatted about phone calls. He claims that he didn't know he was supposed to call and let us know how things are going, or that we wanted to know what he was doing.  :lol: I expect that in another 2 weeks I'll be the one calling again.

[Jen in NY]

This thread made me feel a lot better this morning, ladies. (Jen ramps down expectations of hearing from daughter regularly.) Thank you!

[Muttichen]

 

 

The end result was that they picked a weekly time that they would always talk. Dh made it a priority to be there for that call, even if the call had to be kept short for some reason. It ended up being a very good thing for all of them. His parents felt better being in touch with him, and the close relationship they had wasn't allowed to just drift away.

 

Having a set time to talk really helps.  We usually skype or talk on the phone with our older kids every Sunday evening.  The middle two are in the same college, so they'll usually get together in one of their rooms. Sometimes it's short -- I love you, I'm doing great, I have to get up early so I'm heading to bed... etc. Sometimes we do a big google hangout with everyone.  If they're busy or away, they let us know and then they'll usually call sometime during the week.