Karen sn Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 (edited) My boyfriend's grandmother passed away on Tuesday morning. She had a broken heart. A year ago her own son (bf's dad) kicked her off of HER OWN farm and moved into the house with his evil wife. They sold or threw away whatever they didn't want. Her salt and pepper collection was traded for hay. Her dolls are in the pawn shop. Her winter clothes went in the trash. She was in the hospital getting a stent at the time. She got out of there and went straight to the assisted living. Even though they had signed a paper saying she could live in her home until she died. She was still physically strong and sound of mind. (Note to self: give all inheritance to the kids/grandkids who end up taking care of me. They get it AFTER I die). Luckily we were able to see her in November and she got to meet her great grandson. I loved her! She was sharp, funny, and matter of fact. She knew alot about living and farming. She was one of those sweet old ladies that make you want to sit on a porch listening to their stories. My boyfriend is heart broken. This is the woman who raised him because his mother is a froot loop and his dad never cared at all about anyone but himself. His grandmother was the one who gave him a farmlife childhood full of good memories. He was 18 months old and his brother was 6 months old when they went to live with her. Because they are too cheap, her idiot pathetic excuses for sons have decided she will have no funeral. Her creamated ashes will be burried unceremoniously by the funeral home director. Luckily there is already a plot by her husband with her name on the headstone with his. What a disgrace and a dishonor. This woman lived 60 plus years in a small farming community. She had a TON of friends. But the way she is being buried, you would think no one liked her at all. I called the funeral home and asked if we could be there to say our own prayer - do our own funeral. We have to have permission from her son (my boyfriend's idiot father)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And no one else can be there. It would cost $450 if we wanted a graveside funeral for everyone. And again - with permission. What is wrong in this country? I think we should bury our dead ourselves. I had a better funeral and more respect for my dog and my horse! I don't need a preacher or a funeral director, I could do it myself. I am thinking of having a graveside memorial if nothing else. The funeral home has been receiving a ton of calls about her - all they can say is that there are no plans right now. They can't say that her 2 sons have plans to do nothing. One son got a 100 acre working farm and all the buildings and machines on it. The other son took cash. This womon and her husband worked hard and saved all their lives. And it ends like this. What can we legally do? I am thinking of putting an ad in the paper and just telling folks to show up for a memorial service at her grave site. What I really want to do is put an ad in the paper: It is a sad day in America when a woman is kicked off her farm and left to die in a nursing home while one son moves into her house and the other son spends her money. It is even more sad when those who loved her have no funeral to attend because her sons are too cheap to spend her own money on a respectable funeral. I am so mad. My boyfriend is heartbroken. Edited April 30, 2009 by Karen sn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SherryTX Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 Ugh. I am so sorry to hear about this! That is so wrong!! Well - I say either go ahead with the graveside memorial, or have a memorial for her in your home - or if she attended a church ask to have it there - or if she was a member of the farming community, is there a grange hall or some other venue you could get? Do you have any contact information for any of her friends in the community? Perhaps one of them can help you plan it. I think it is very nice that you and your boyfriend want to remember her, and give her a proper goodbye. Her sons certainly sound disgraceful. I am sure she appreciated your boyfriend and you keeping in touch with her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 Throw the woman a party. You don't need permission from horrible relatives to invite everyone (else) to a memorial potluck. Make it the best party the town has seen and invite people from different facets of her life to introduce the part they knew to everyone else. Her younger years, her quilt circle self, her as a mum etc. Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 Throw the woman a party. You don't need permission from horrible relatives to invite everyone (else) to a memorial potluck. Make it the best party the town has seen and invite people from different facets of her life to introduce the part they knew to everyone else. Her younger years, her quilt circle self, her as a mum etc. Rosie Throw a party like Rosie suggests. Celebrate her life and memory with everyone you can get in touch with. Put an ad in the local newspaper if you must to get everyone's attention. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alice Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 Throw the woman a party. You don't need permission from horrible relatives to invite everyone (else) to a memorial potluck. Make it the best party the town has seen and invite people from different facets of her life to introduce the part they knew to everyone else. Her younger years, her quilt circle self, her as a mum etc. Rosie :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BamaTanya Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 We have an extended family thing like that, too. A relative died and the wife (with whom no one could have a relationship) had his body cremated (when there were TONS of questions about how he died!!! -- yes, you understand my meaning), saying he had wanted his ashes sprinkled in a certain place (where he knew it would have been illegal!!! -- questions again!) -- Anyway. The rest of the family is having their own memorial for him. You don't need anyone's permission to celebrate her life. With respect and dignity and honor to her. Wherever or whenever you want. Was a preacher or priest important to her? Or maybe her friends could speak? This whole thing is heartbreaking, but you and your bf can do right by her anyway. She sounds like one terrific lady, and it matters that she had some decent people who cared and want to honor her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
springmama Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 first of all, I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree with everyone else. Throw a party, have a memorial, do whatever it is you want to to do celebrate her life. I would probably call the funeral director who has been taking calls about her and let him know you are planning something. Have him give out your number so that these people can call you. That way you could get in touch with them when the plans are finalized. If she was active in a church I would start there. Find out who she was close to and ask a few of them to help plan something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConnieB Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 :grouphug: for your loss:grouphug: I agree with the others.....you should CELEBRATE her life. You can't be there for the actual burial, but there is nothing that says you can't have a memorial service for all those who knew and loved her. I think I would wait and go to visit her AFTER the party. Go with joy in your heart over the life that she lived and the joy that she was....rather than visiting her with anger and hurt and sadness. Doesn't sound like she'd like the sadness brought to her. There probably isn't much you can ever do to right the wrong, but you don't have to allow her son to sully the memory of this loving, warm and generous woman. We live on in those who love us....we are dead and buried to those who didn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMamaBird Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 I agree with the party people. Rent out a park pavillion, grill up some food, have everyone bring a dish to pass, put on some fun music, and celebrate a beautiful life. At our family funerals, we always make up poster boards with pictures of the deceased's life. If folks bring flowers, take them over to the assisted living center she lived in to brighten up the patients days. And my snarky side says don't invite the sons. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 Oh Karen, this has me in tears. Tell your bf I'm sorry for his loss. Does the assisted lliving center have a chapel? Maybe you could have a memorial service there. If not, I agree w/ others- have a service at a park. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 :grouphug: My dad was raised by his grandmother. I agree have a party, do something. I can't form a coherent sentence right now, but celebrate her life in some way that everyone who DID love her will be able to honor her memory. (HUGS) to your bf. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeatherInWI Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 What is wrong in this country? I think we should bury our dead ourselves. I had a better funeral and more respect for my dog and my horse! I agree -- throw a memorial party and show your respect for her. Be prepared for her "sons" to take credit for it, though. As to what's wrong with this country. It's not the country, it's the sons. If they were to bury the dead themselves, it sounds as if they'd have thrown her into a ditch and used machinery to shovel her over with dirt -- if that. Poor lady that her sons grew up so selfish and cruel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maria from IN Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 I agree, you should have some sort of gathering to celebrate her life with the people who really loved her. And call the media! Not only would it spread the word to others who will miss her, the community needs to know how this lovely woman was treated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardening momma Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 :iagree: And because they might try to take credit for it, or might show up uninvited, I'd go ahead and start your newspaper ad the way you said, and then continue with the party details. What I really want to do is put an ad in the paper:It is a sad day in America when a woman is kicked off her farm and left to die in a nursing home while one son moves into her house and the other son spends her money. It is even more sad when those who loved her have no funeral to attend because her sons are too cheap to spend her own money on a respectable funeral. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 Oh, that is so heartbreaking. :sad: Sadly, it sounds like we have similar relatives. My great uncle did close to the same thing to his sister, my great aunt. I agree with the rest of the suggestions to throw her a party and DON'T invite the ****head sons. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen sn Posted April 30, 2009 Author Share Posted April 30, 2009 Thanks Everyone! I feel better now. Mostly I needed to vent to intelligent womyn. I feel good. I am going to have a party for her. I will put an ad in the paper: The grandsons and great grandchildren of XXXZXXXX invite you to their grandmother's memorial service. Please come celebrate her life with us as we honor her recent passing. or something like that..... my boy friend won't let me say, "Due to the fact that her sons will not have a funeral...." Again, thank you everyone. You've all made me feel so much better about this. I am now empowered to do something constructive....because I was considering a rock through a window when I felt we had no recourse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 Throw the woman a party. You don't need permission from horrible relatives to invite everyone (else) to a memorial potluck. Make it the best party the town has seen and invite people from different facets of her life to introduce the part they knew to everyone else. Her younger years, her quilt circle self, her as a mum etc. Rosie Exactly. Have a memorial for her. What a disgrace her sons won't do it. Makes me sick. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Atl Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 I will put an ad in the paper: The grandsons and great grandchildren of XXXZXXXX invite you to their grandmother's memorial service. Please come celebrate her life with us as we honor her recent passing. or something like that..... my boy friend won't let me say, "Due to the fact that her sons will not have a funeral...." Nicely worded. I wouldn't worry about the sons. You said it's a small town. Everyone will know all there is to know by tomorrow without you having said anything and they won't be able to beg a cup of sugar off anyone ever. Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 I think you should post your thoughts in the paper just as written here. And announce a party in her honor for all those who would like to attend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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