Son wants to go back to public school.

[ciyates]

I need help with a 13 year old who wants to go back to school. We started homeschooling in 3rd grade and it went well until lately. He loves telling people he wants to go back to public school. I don't know what to do. Any advise?

[JennifersLost]

Send him. He'll be back home in two years, almost guaranteed.

 

okay - others will have different advise, but all my long-time homeschoolers who went to public school for a couple of years are now coming back home.

 

Sometimes kids need to see for themselves what its all about.

[moreschool]

"Send him. He'll be back home in two years, almost guaranteed.

 

okay - others will have different advise, but all my long-time homeschoolers who went to public school for a couple of years are now coming back home.

 

Sometimes kids need to see for themselves what its all about."

 

Are you going to home school him on through college and his first job?

That's what bothers me about homeschooling, the student's lack of any ability to cope after living a sheltered low exposure life. Ascertain if your son is really serious about public schooling. He could be trying to get a rise out of you or defending his life style after being ridiculed by non-home schooled children who have more broadening experiences. Some home schoolers spend only a part of a day with lessons. Could it be that those who were expected to attend a real school just could not handle seven or eight hours in a class room setting?

 

Is a private school out of the question? In most areas public education can't hold a candle to a private school education.

who would want no part of a homeschooling program.

[Perry]

Can't cope after homeschooling-That's scary!

 

She didn't say they couldn't cope.

 

Maybe the schools stink.

[G5052]

My children periodically talk about wanting to see more of their peers, which is something I can deal with by seeing that they get more social time. That's the only plus they see in going to the classroom.

 

They know that they wouldn't like the bullies, evening homework, strict schedules, etc.

[dragons in the flower bed]

I need help with a 13 year old who wants to go back to school. We started homeschooling in 3rd grade and it went well until lately. He loves telling people he wants to go back to public school. I don't know what to do. Any advise?

 

Is his telling people this the only sign you have that it isn't going well? If so, I'd listen to his reasons and make any adjustments I could to accommodate his needs. I'd tell him that airing his grievances against his parents in public is dishonorable. I would definitely carry right on with the homeschooling, unless he had an earnest-to-goodness need that couldn't be met that way. Parental authority trumps thirteen-year-old impulses.

[Nestof3]

That's what bothers me about homeschooling, the student's lack of any ability to cope after living a sheltered low exposure life.

 

What ARE you talking about?

 

Sorry, I have no advice for the OP because I have never experienced this. Our oldest always preferred homeschooling b/c he could work nearly full time (saving lots of money) AND homeschool.

[Melinda in VT]

I think at 13 it's important for kids to have input into important decisions in their lives.

 

In this case, I'd sit down and ask him to tell you why he wants to go to school. Don't try to argue, just try to understand his thoughts and feelings. Ask questions if you need clarification, but don't talk much. Listen.

 

Then tell him you need to think about what he said and you will get back to him in a couple of days or a week.

 

And I would really think about what he's said. Does he have valid points? Are there ways you can address his points in a home school setting?

 

Without knowing more about his reasons and your situation, I don't think any of us can really give good advise on whether or not you should let him go to school.

 

Good luck.:grouphug:

[dragons in the flower bed]

"

Are you going to home school him on through college and his first job?

That's what bothers me about homeschooling, the student's lack of any ability to cope after living a sheltered low exposure life.

 

 

Moreschool, are you anti-homeschooling?

[Pamela H in Texas]

That's what bothers me about homeschooling, the student's lack of any ability to cope after living a sheltered low exposure life.

 

LOL Of course, anyone that has researched homeschooling, spent any time with homeschoolers, etc know this is far from the case. Just as not all public school kids are violent, drugged-out, sex fiends, few homeschoolers are overly sheltered and incapable of coping with real life.

[Pamela H in Texas]

As for my opinion for the OP.

 

Generally, I think that teenagers need to have a great deal of say in their lives. However, often times, their desires are built upon false expectations. I would have many heart to hearts about what he wants and why. I would then consider all the options to get ALL of his needs and MOST of his wants fulfilled. He probably will be able to come up with a handful or two of solutions himself which is a good exercise in good decision making :)

 

We did this with ds recently (btw, also 13). He could not do something (healthy) that he really wanted to do because of the virtual academy's requirements. The virtual academy met our needs for the 15months we used it (we homeschooled traditionally before that), but now it was interfering with "real life." So we discussed it over a bit of time. We needed to make sure he got an appropriate education (as that is his job at this point in his life) but we also needed to address his other desires and needs. And we have :)

 

It probably can all work out while continuing to homeschool, especially if you believe that is best for him. Unlike our anti-homeschooling visitor, we all know there are many benefits to homeschooling and very few, if any (for some people), drawbacks. It certainly isn't for every child or family's situation though. If that becomes the case for you, there is nothing wrong with him attending school for awhile or from now on out IF that is what you decide is best :)

 

HTHs,

[Tammy]

From what I see.....Moreschool only has 10 posts....and under her name, she is listed as 'banned'....talk about scary....LOL.

[bettyandbob]

For us going to school at that age made sense. My son started public high school this year at 13 (he's young for the grade).

 

*He's taking advanced classes I can't teach (French IV and JAVA programming).

 

*He's needed to see how he could do in the big arena socially. He's socially immature, awkward, geeky, but he's made friends. I don't mean that he's the center of all activity. Success socially for him is having a group to sit with at lunch. He has that and is proud. Because of block scheduling he only sits with his group 2 or 3 times a week. The other days one of his teachers is available for extra help and that's where ds spends lunch.

 

*He's needed independence from me. He walks to school, even though no one else from our neighborhood does (all the parents drive from here, it's a mile on safe roads). His taking care of himself this way gives him a sense of control over his life--he's not waiting for me drive or pick up all the time anymore. Another big plus is he often stops at my parents after school just to chat. Stopping at my parents was a surprise when he started this, but my parents really love it.

 

*I'm working part time. This is a must for us financially. As a result I couldn't join a group that offered advanced classes and a bit of a social pool. If I didn't work I might have found that kind of stimulation and farmed out a few classes so my son would answer to someone else other than me for deadlines and work quality.

 

All is not honkey dory. Ds is having a hard time with deadlines--while gifted, he's seriously AD/HD with anxiety mixed in. His grades are showing these problems, but he is adjusting.

 

You need to do what is right for your family. You will have to consider the quality of school, your ds's college/career plans and whether you feel you can prepare him at home, whether you have a coop for high school material and that would satisfy your ds's need. I'd really sit down with him and find out what the attraction is. My ds honestly needed to see if he could do it--not just academically, but socially. I know if I'd kept him home this year, the year would have been lost academically, ds would have been angry and feeling isolated. You will need to consider if your family has strains that interfere with meeting your ds's current needs or future goals. These strains could be from a variety of areas, financial, sick family member care, another child just needing a lot more attention, etc.

 

If you've been doing it all on your own, maybe this is a good time to farm out a couple of classes. That could be a good compromise.

[Mandamom]

Well, what are your considerations? Is public or private school an option?

 

If it is than you can decide under what criteria he goes.

 

If it isn't an option, for whatever reason, I would sit him and down and tell him that so he realizes that it isn't going to happen.

[SonshineLearner]

I was just thinking, you might send him for a week this year, and then tell him in May or June you'll discuss next year...Make no promises...BUT, just the week might make it so that when you discuss PS, he might change his mind....

Carrie:-)

[Pamela H in Texas]

You know...when I was in school, occasionally people brought friends or cousins or whatever to school for a few days.

 

Can schools do that these days? Could a kid basically TRY school with a friend for a week or two?

[JennifersLost]

LOL!

 

I guess moreschool doesn't have to be answered, but in case any of the rest of you aren't clear, my kids voluntarily "came home" because the education they were getting at the local ps was so boring and juvenile they couldn't stand it anymore. As my 11 year old summed it up. "We listen to the teacher explain something I already know. Then she passes out a worksheet. Then she explains it again. I do it in about five minutes. Then I sit there for a half-hour while everyone else struggles to do it."

 

My kids have no time for that crud. They want to LEARN.

 

So what I'm saying to the OP is that many kids want the experience of trying ps because they feel that they're missing out. For the first few months to a year or more being at ps is exciting - so much socializing going on. Then the excitement wears off and many of them go back to homeschooling because it's so much more efficient.

[Maliainoregon]

Jake, my 10 year old, wanted to go back last year, and after 3 days in public school he was back home. All kids do better with homeschooling as opposed to public.

[LunaLee]

:grouphug:

 

I'm reading this thread with interest and trying to gain some perspective. My ds says the same thing. Going back to ps right now (he was there k-2) just isn't option for him right now. He's only in 4th grade, but I think when he says he misses it and wants to go back, he's remembering how fun it was. He's remembering all the cool stuff 2nd graders got to do. Is this maybe what's going on with your ds? My boy doesn't really understand that the problems he had then, i.e. finishing ahead of the class and then getting in trouble because lacks a little impulse control, will only be worse now that he's older. Teachers in the upper grades run out of patience easily. I tell him when he's a little older, like high school, we'll re-evaluate hsing then, but that honestly I think that he wouldn't like having to sit in a traditional school all day long. He says he wouldn't mind 'cause they have recess. I haven't the heart to tell them there really isn't recess at high school.

 

FWIW, my ds tells loves to people that "homeschooling isn't for me" and when CA was involved in that whole legal uproar about hsing, he would tell people he hopes it does become illeagal. But, here's the kicker, he'd tell this to customers when he was at work with me. At a homeschool bookstore.:glare: Oh heavy sigh...

 

I wish you well as you try to sort through this.

[lulubelle]

My husband has read about this stage even though we are not close to it ourselves. A 13 yo boy wants independence and it is the time he wants to break from his mother. How is his relationship with his father? Is it active? It is a normal stage for this age. It may not be that he really wants to go to ps, but it could be his way to break away from his mother. It won't necessarily help him. He still needs you, but has to figure out how to become his own person without you. There is a real fine line to succeed through this stage as the kid and the mother. This would be a great time for his Dad to take him on a weekend hike and teach him about life. The male figure is much more crucial to him at this time. Have you or your husband read Raising a Modern Day Knight by Robert Lewis or Wild at Heart by John Eldredge. Steve Gurian has some great books on raising boys too. Enlist your husband to talk to him about going to school and help him think it through. It may be a good time for you to step back a bit and give him some room. Public school is not necessarily the answer, but he may need the break. Good luck to you.

[Lizzie in Ma]

Is his telling people this the only sign you have that it isn't going well? If so, I'd listen to his reasons and make any adjustments I could to accommodate his needs. I'd tell him that airing his grievances against his parents in public is dishonorable. I would definitely carry right on with the homeschooling, unless he had an earnest-to-goodness need that couldn't be met that way. Parental authority trumps thirteen-year-old impulses.

 

Well said. :iagree:

[Tracey in TX]

All kids do better with homeschooling as opposed to public.

That's too broad a generalization to be true. Remember there ARE good ps. Doesn't mean that a good school is better than hs, or vice versa. We will be sending our children back to school--not sure if public or private. We would all agree that kids need to be nurtured and educated. It's not a one-size-fits-all solution. What's beneficial for Child A might be a debacle for Child B, even in the same family.

 

Regarding the OP, has DS articulated why he desires to return to school? Is it academics, social interests, extra-curricular, or just to be like everyone else? If you're not opposed to returning to traditional school, then have him give you a well defined argument explaining his request. Then have him consider the downfalls of a typical high school. There are many pitfalls, just as there are some advantages. One poster suggested several days attending school. Not sure it's done anymore. None of the schools (or districts) we've been associated with allow this. However, check it out as it would be a good way to test drive the experience. One day won't cut it--the novelty will not have worn off in a mere 7 hours.

 

DS should have a say in his education. To undermine you in front of others isn't a great way to begin his journey, though. Maybe he could discuss with you only. Good luck with your decision.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I think that homeschooling COULD be best for every child IF every child's parents were in the position to homeschool conscientiously AND would do so. Under these ideal circumstances, I think Malia's assertion that all children would do better homeschooled is true.

 

But not every parent's situation allows for homeschooling their kids. Not every parent would do it well even if their situation did allow it. Many families lack the discipline. So schools are best for many families. And then there is the extreme: Some people have no business even being parents!

 

I know more kids who are homeschooled that should be in school than I know children who would be better off homeschooling in their families' situations.

[Joanne]

I'm personally in a different situation, but if I weren't, I'd tell my 13 year old:

 

"Public school is not an option for you. I'll discuss what we can do to make our homeschool better. Also know that I will end any conversation and remove you from it if you continue to disrespect our parental choice in general conversation."

[Mesa]

I was origionally going to tell you to "just send him, he'll come back home.".. but really only you know the situation. You know your schools best. I'd judge by a few criteria... are your schools safe? Will your son be safe? If your fairly confident he will be ok, then I'd send him and let him see how school is. He may be looking through rose colored glasses... public school was a very harsh environment for me as I was growing up. I dont think thats changed any. Your son doesnt see this though. He has no clue what its like, and he's curious. I would be too if I were him. Let him try it for the rest of the year. I bet after a nice summer break he will be ready to stay home again.

[Mesa]

My 6 yr old is certain he wants to go to public school next year. I'm still on the fence as to wether I'll send him or not. I want him to be happy, and I want him to help me with this decision. He's only 6 but it's his life too kwim. I want him to have a great education though... which will only happen at home. Oh this is so tough! I will go ahead and fill out the paperwork to homeschool him next year and then go in to the 1st grade class a few times next year to show him what it's like, we'll decide from there. He will also get to participate in a 2 day a week PE class with the homeschoolers next year, I bet that'll help him decide to homeschool for first grade! LOL

[Pamela H in Texas]

Also know that I will end any conversation and remove you from it if you continue to disrespect our parental choice in general conversation."

 

I would do this. It is completely inappropriate what some of the kids represented on this board have said in public. It is one thing to let your parents know how you feel and have a reasonable discussion about it. It is quite another to say whatever comes to mind to whoever you wish to. That behavior would not be tolerated in the least. And if kids are specifically asked, there are appropriate honest answers that wouldn't be disrepectful to one's parents. I would encourage kiddo to find those answers.

[Tracey in TX]

Why would a parent, whose best interest is for the child's growth, to disregard a child's wishes to return to school? This isn't to say that returning said child to ps is the right option, but a teenager has lived enough to at least be entitled to voice his requests. A parent can't be effective if the child is entirely unhappy. I don't believe parenting is an absolute autocracy. It's more of an illusion of democracy: leading the child toward the right choices.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Why would a parent, whose best interest is for the child's growth, to disregard a child's wishes to return to school?

 

Because a parent is better capable of deciding what the best interest of the child is.

 

This isn't to say that returning said child to ps is the right option, but a teenager has lived enough to at least be entitled to voice his requests.

 

I think he most certainly should be able to voice his opinions (appropriately--which is NOT what happened with a few of the kids mentioned in this thread). Voicing it doesn't make it in his best interest. Voicing it doesn't mean he gets his way though.

 

I was appalled when I read some of the ways kids expressed it but decided not to mention it til Joanne did. Seriously, I just would not tolerate that kind of inappropriate expression about ANYTHING. And to me, that suggests they very much need to be guided since they haven't figured out how and why that is so disrespectful.

 

But I welcome respectful and reasonable discussion. Let's work together to find a solution that works for everyone and fits what I believe is best for said teen.

 

But under no circumstances do I think a 13yo is ready to make all the decisions regarding his life or even just his education (and sorry, school is more than about "just education"). I DEFINITELY think they should have a say. I try to give my children as much say in EVERYTHING as humanly possible. My kids have much more freedom than any kids I have met. But that doesn't mean they get free rule. And in the end, it's my job to correct them if they are being inappropriate and it's my job to decide what is in their best interests (ie, I have final say).

[Tracey in TX]

Because a parent is better capable of deciding what the best interest of the child is.

 

 

 

I think he most certainly should be able to voice his opinions (appropriately--which is NOT what happened with a few of the kids mentioned in this thread). Voicing it doesn't make it in his best interest. Voicing it doesn't mean he gets his way though.

 

I was appalled when I read some of the ways kids expressed it but decided not to mention it til Joanne did. Seriously, I just would not tolerate that kind of inappropriate expression about ANYTHING. And to me, that suggests they very much need to be guided since they haven't figured out how and why that is so disrespectful.

 

But I welcome respectful and reasonable discussion. Let's work together to find a solution that works for everyone and fits what I believe is best for said teen.

 

But under no circumstances do I think a 13yo is ready to make all the decisions regarding his life or even just his education (and sorry, school is more than about "just education"). I DEFINITELY think they should have a say. I try to give my children as much say in EVERYTHING as humanly possible. My kids have much more freedom than any kids I have met. But that doesn't mean they get free rule. And in the end, it's my job to correct them if they are being inappropriate and it's my job to decide what is in their best interests (ie, I have final say).

Pamela,

Thanks for the reply. I understand and agree with your POV. Just wanted to voice what I misunderstood to be an opportunity for said child to be heard. :) You're so right in stating that it's our job to correct children. In some cases it's even a wonderful opportunity to let a child fail in order to learn to correct himself. (This is in no way to imply failing school is ok! LOL) Even open mouth-insert foot ("athlete's foot of the mouth") can be a good opportunity to discuss err of his ways to ensure a better method transpires next time.

[Brindee]

We did not want our children to go to ps, so I can see the one poster's reasoning for saying that is not an option. But we were open to Christian Schools that offered a good education.. Our oldest always wanted to homeschool until his 10th grade year he sort of bottomed out. He struggled with boeredom or SOMEthing that year, so we discussed it and agreed to look at schools he felt he might be interested in going to, and schools we, as his parents, might be interested in him going to, and continue to look into homeschooling as an option as well. We ALL did the research, we ALL worked together looking things up, making appointments, finding out info. He went to one local school for a day--they have a program where a student going there takes a prospective student with him/her to classes and introduces him/her to people, eats lunch with them, etc. We liked that school, but the cost was just too much. We visited schools, talked to teachers and students, and it ended up all 3 of us liked the same one: A Christian boarding school that has a work/study program, and outreach projects in the community and mission trips abroad every Spring. It was what we were looking for, and he liked the idea and the place. So, his junior year he started going there, and absolutely LOVED it! He's a senior there this year, and has had so many beautiful and amazing opportunities, that though I miss him immensely, I couldn't take him from these experiences that have truly helped him grow and learn more than he was at home! It was one of the hardest decisions we've ever made, but it was what we all felt was best, and since we prayed about it and asked God to lead, we felt that was His answer. (He's going with a group to Portugal this Spring!)

 

Though I am for homeschooling totally for my children, I don't believe everyone can homeschool, or even wants to---which would make it harder for them to homeschool well. I also believe that each child is different. What worked for our oldest, is most likely not the answer for our next one. He's a totally different person, and we will homeschool him, and work with him to do what's best for his life.

 

 

I also am very surprised to hear how some children are talking about homeschooling in a negative way to others. That should be a family matter and they shouldn't be allowed to speak rudely and disrespectfully like that!

 

One more comment: At 6 years old the child has rights to voice ideas, but doesn't have a knowledge of what consequences and outcomes there are from different scenarios. If I, as a parent, feel homeschooling is the best, and it is not harmful for the child, then at this age that is what that child should do. I don't want to get into "overbearing parents who don't allow their children to make any choices for themselves" ossues. That's NOT what I'm meaning. Just at this age, if you as the parent, with the life knowledge that you have, feel homeschooling is better, then keep homeschooling! A 6yo may just hear things and on a whim decide that's what they want to do. Discuss it with them, see what their reasons are, and try to work those things through the homeschooling, or by observing real life stuff. He may just want to ride the bus and carry a lunch bag. So get him a lunch bag and go on a trip in the city bus. That could help answer his curiosity about that kind of thing! :) Maybe it's more, I'm just sayin'................

[ciyates]

Thanks for all the responses. His big issue is he wants to hand out with his friends. I have pointed out several times that won't be an option. We joined a co-op at that seems to have helped a little.

[May]

My husband and I faced this with our 9th grade dd. She asked to transition into a traditional high school when we move. The reasons she gave were valid and yes, did include social reasons. My husband and I visited with the headmaster and our dd had the opportunity to visit the school for the day. She was positive about the experience and said she would like to attend. We did tell her she would have to commit for the year but if after that time, she wanted to come home, she could. I do believe highschoolers should have some say in there education. I do respect the choices other families make. If she had asked to go to a public school, we would have said no. But again, I respect the choices that families make in the education of the children. Blessings on making this decision.