Does this seem sketchy to you?

[cintinative]

18 minutes ago, Lecka said:

 It makes me think your husband is not used to people being rude this way. 

I think, given the context, I wouldn't have been used to it either. I would have expected compassion, understanding, reflective listening.

 

[gardenmom5]

4 hours ago, Melanie32 said:

Oh wow! Obviously coming from someone who had never actually tried staying home and homeschooling! 
 

I honestly can’t believe these people managed to become counselors!!

There's a reason there's the meme of people with mental health issues become mental health counselors. (thinking they will fix themselves.)

 

[dsmith]

She is absolutely projecting personal issues onto your husband's situation. I've dealt with this before, and it caused a lot of problems and had me spiraling into a worse state of mind than before I started counseling before I realized what was happening. So many people switch counselors - it can be difficult to find one that clicks, but working with one that makes your husband and you feel uncomfortable and attacked is really not a good option. 

[SKL]

1 hour ago, gardenmom5 said:

There's a reason there's the meme of people with mental health issues become mental health counselors. (thinking they will fix themselves.)

Or thinking their experience will make them better able to understand their clients.  (Not saying that applies here.)

[Ausmumof3]

That is weird! Do the counsellors have any input on any payments or benefits he gets for PTSD treatment? The only thing that would make any of that make sense is if they wanted to make a case that you could work so his payment could be reduced. Otherwise plenty of families have SAHM and she’s way out of line.

[KidsHappen]

15 minutes ago, Ausmumof3 said:

That is weird! Do the counsellors have any input on any payments or benefits he gets for PTSD treatment? The only thing that would make any of that make sense is if they wanted to make a case that you could work so his payment could be reduced. Otherwise plenty of families have SAHM and she’s way out of line.

No, that determinization has already been made. My income or lack thereof has no bearing on his disability rating. 

[kathyl]

 

She is my age and this is kind of the feeling my hubby and I are getting. Although she also made a remark about being a feminist and how they (again my age) didn't do all that work so women could continue traditional gender roles and take advantage of men. Basically that I should be out there earning my keep. All of this without the knowledge that at some points in our marriage I was the breadwinner and my hubby was the homemaker, or that for well over a decade my hubby traveled five days a week and I was basically a well subsidized single parent, Or the years I spent pregnant, birthing, breastfeeding and schooling my children, or being there for my children and grandchildren, or caring for my hubby when he was ill, or how severe my disabilities are or the practicalities of me going back to work. None of which my hubby felt the need to explain to her because it was not her business and did not apply to his issues.   KidsHappen

 

That's crazy.  She sounds a little unhinged.  I wouldn't go back.

It's perfectly normal to go through a few therapists before finding one that is willing to do what you want them to do.  I did.  I was looking for one who would actually give me ideas on how to handle things in my life.  And who would answer my questions without giving me the run around with phrases like 'And how does that make you feeeel'.  I finally found one and it was worth the time spent searching.  And this was back in the 80's when I did this.

I hope your dh finds someone who can actually help him.   

Edited November 10, 2023 by kathyl

[Tiberia]

I agree with everyone else. I'd report her and switch therapists. Sounds like she has an axe to grind against SAHMs and military wives. Even if she has reasons for her bias, she should not project it onto her patients. That's unprofessional. I'd report her to make sure that if this is a pattern with her, it is well documented, in case her superiors need a trail of paperwork to take action against her. She is probably doing this to others. 

[Lecka]

My husband has had people be rude to him before about the fact I don’t work outside the home…. Typically they are $20,000 in credit card debt and bitter that my husband isn’t $20,000 in credit card debt.  

There was a lot different bar for “rude things you can say to people at work” in a lot of places he worked while he was in the Army.  Then he knows people who have gotten fired from civilian jobs for talking in the same way at a civilian job…..  but that’s just his little area he was in, he was in a more rude area probably.  But definitely an area where people would be seeking therapy for PTSD!!!!!!

 

Like, there are definitely guys happy to complain about their ex-wife spending all their money…. But there are also guys who would not respond well to these comments!   
 

But my husband has also had mental health professionals he has seen randomly start talking about politics out of nowhere, he has just changed over that.  This was an issue with his support group that didn’t have a group leader who would actually not let people start talking about politics.  It was actually a big issue for my husband.  He needed a support group with a leader who wouldn’t allow people to hijack meetings to complain about politics.  
 

And there were people who would be inappropriate about it, in my opinion.  

Edited November 9, 2023 by Lecka

[gardenmom5]

1 hour ago, kathyl said:

That's crazy.  She sounds a little unhinged.  I wouldn't go back.

 

a 'little'?

42 minutes ago, Lecka said:

My husband has had people be rude to him before about the fact I don’t work outside the home…. Typically they are $20,000 in credit card debt and bitter that my husband isn’t $20,000 in credit card debt.  

There was a lot different bar for “rude things you can say to people at work” in a lot of places he worked while he was in the Army.  Then he knows people who have gotten fired from civilian jobs for talking in the same way at a civilian job…..  but that’s just his little area he was in, he was in a more rude area probably.  But definitely an area where people would be seeking therapy for PTSD!!!!!!

 

Like, there are definitely guys happy to complain about their ex-wife spending all their money…. But there are also guys who would not respond well to these comments!   
  

my brother . . . who demanded his ex-wives get degrees so they could work, and then complain about how much daycare costs. (he'd berate ew#2 for stressing out over some exams and failing them.  She recently brought up (multiple times) to me how grateful she was for 1ds and how helpful he was in helping her change her perspective so she could pass the exams.  It wasn't a big deal to him, but it was huge for her.)  He wanted more and more income.   

Now that's he's moved on to ex-wife #3, and his kids are independent adults, he doesn't complain as much about ex-wife #1 and ex-wife #2.
I learned to ask him questions about himself.  He's always happy to talk about himself . .  

[KSera]

Cognitive Processing Therapy is another evidence-based treatment for PTSD. It’s a specific, short duration therapy (8-12 sessions), rather than just general talk therapy of unknown duration.