Seeking input/advice on moving! Please join in.

[sheryl]

DH and I are from the north originally.  He is from WI and I'm from OH.  We lived in WI, MI and moved to Charlotte, NC July 1990.    In fact, that is 33 years we think this past Monday!  Spent 6 months in an apt and bought this house Nov 1990 and moved in Jan 1991.   Also, 3 months ago we paid off our mortgage!

DD is out of the house so it's DH, me and Shiloh!  We live in a smaller split level now.  We'd actually like to increase our sq ft but not by much.  Just a bit more will be good for us and a ranch!  

I asked and DH is not interested in moving away from Charlotte to a small mountain town.  However, we've thought about buying a (secondary) small cabin somewhere in Appalachia Mtns/NC side.  He doesn't want our house to be in a teeny, tiny mtn town.  He'd like to stay in Charlotte I think.  Not really sure.  When I mentioned some other areas he said maybe to WS and GSO.   We do NOT want to move to beach or any further south.  Heat in Charlotte is hard on me as I prefer cooler temps.  

OPEN TO DISCUSSION -

I'm torn.  We've been in this city for 33 years (house 32 1/2).  We WILL move to another house.  Want to get out of this subdivision.  Every single neighbor has moved since we've been on this street.  Some homes have had multiple owners.  We live on a cul-de-sac with 11 homes and we've been on the street longer than anyone else.  The next couple has about 28-30 years in their house.  So, if we stay in Charlotte, we're still buying another house.  

I'm trying to wrap my head around "leaving" Charlotte for another city.  We are plugged in here.  Homeschooling started and finished here.   Stores abound and are no more than 10 minutes away.  TJ Maxx, Homegoods, Goodwill, Publix, Earthfare, WF, TJ.  We have our church we started attending around 1993 or 1994.  Last year we switched to another church which was rewarding but "different".  A good move!  We have not made any friends at this new church yet b/c we were waiting to see if we were going to stay with this new church.  We are and now we can get plugged in. Downtown is good with restaurants, cultural events, etc.  We were invited to our neighbor's son's high school graduation.  It was fun.  Shi and I swim at another neighbor's house.  DD used to pet sit yet another neighbor's group of dogs/cats (yes, plural) growing up.   

Is it easy to move from what is so "familiar"?  It's starting over again in another city with house, neighbors, city, stores, church, events, new friends, etc.  We are not kids.  We not "old" but dh will be retiring in the near future.  

COLA as Pawz or someone else said in another thread is lower in her neck of the woods.  That area would be one we would consider.  

How hard or easy is it successfully find your preferences?  Think above with stores, friends, church, etc.  

Moving or staying I'm hoping dh will agree to a small cabin too in the mtns.  It's gotten to be expensive with those long-range views (high elevation) and "hot spot" areas but something smaller and so on would work in our budget.   Thinking if we want to rent out.  Pros and cons to that but I don't think we will.   Maybe to trusted family/friends to rent at a reduced rate.  

Has anyone here moved to another city or state after 20, 30, 40 years?  What was it like for you?  

What do y'all say? Thanks! 

 

[Annie G]

We moved to Illinois and stayed for 30 years, then in 2019 retired to Georgia, between college town and the mountains. 
It’s been hard to get connected again. We left all our friends, and are grateful to have several who visit. But it’s been hard. I’m sure the pandemic lockdown didn’t help, but we’re finding it difficult to connect without having kids/job/homeschooling and stuff like that to help us find friends. 
We love it here, and have family in the state, but finding those best friends just hasn’t happened. Even getting involved in our hobbies hasn’t panned out beyond casual friends. 
Moving was absolutely the right choice for us. But I sure do miss our friends. 

[sheryl]

1 hour ago, Annie G said:

We moved to Illinois and stayed for 30 years, then in 2019 retired to Georgia, between college town and the mountains. 
It’s been hard to get connected again. We left all our friends, and are grateful to have several who visit. But it’s been hard. I’m sure the pandemic lockdown didn’t help, but we’re finding it difficult to connect without having kids/job/homeschooling and stuff like that to help us find friends. 
We love it here, and have family in the state, but finding those best friends just hasn’t happened. Even getting involved in our hobbies hasn’t panned out beyond casual friends. 
Moving was absolutely the right choice for us. But I sure do miss our friends. 

Your input is helpful.  I'm sorry for the lack of connection.  That is what I'm concerned with most.  And, our church.  Over the years here in NC I've had 2 good friends pass away.  Homeschooling groups have all gone their separate ways.  I know others experience the same.  They don't want to spend the energy (physical, emotional, etc) energy to maintain those adult mom friends when kids graduate.   Homeschooling chapter is closed.  In your case, the pandemic probably didn't help.  Will they come now?  I had a friend fly from Milwaukee to visit me here in Charlotte years ago but we've lost touch.  How does that even happen?  People just get so caught up in other things that are a priority I guess.  Family issues that stare you in the face vs. connecting with that friend.  But, I maintain, that a simple phone call or text doesn't take that much.   Oh well....   I'm thinking DH and I will take community college classes and maybe community classes like dancing.  We took dancing in college so it would be fun to pick up again.

Are you actively engaged in seeking friendships or have you given up?  Awkward wording.

[mommyoffive]

1 hour ago, Annie G said:

We moved to Illinois and stayed for 30 years, then in 2019 retired to Georgia, between college town and the mountains. 
It’s been hard to get connected again. We left all our friends, and are grateful to have several who visit. But it’s been hard. I’m sure the pandemic lockdown didn’t help, but we’re finding it difficult to connect without having kids/job/homeschooling and stuff like that to help us find friends. 
We love it here, and have family in the state, but finding those best friends just hasn’t happened. Even getting involved in our hobbies hasn’t panned out beyond casual friends. 
Moving was absolutely the right choice for us. But I sure do miss our friends. 

We haven't done it, but this is what I imagine it to be like.  I am sure sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't.  But I think 30 some years  is hard to get somewhere else. I find the stages get harder to meet people too.  When I stopped working it was harder to meet people.  When my kids got older instead of just being at playgroups and all the classes you have to stick around for because your kid is little vs the high school age when they are all driving.  

[Annie G]

30 minutes ago, sheryl said:

Are you actively engaged in seeking friendships or have you given up?  Awkward wording.

Definitely haven’t given up. I’m in the process of thinking through what I want…what is important to me in a friendship…because I think that will help me focus on where/how to look.  Everyone understands how work friends, homeschool friends, church friends work and why. But with those gone, WHAT is important? 
It’s been on the back burner this year because my sister moved to be near me and she arrived with a deteriorating medical condition and she’s now had surgery and is wheelchair bound. So I’m spending a lot of time caring for her. As she improves I hope I can resume my normal life. 
 

[sheryl]

26 minutes ago, Annie G said:

Definitely haven’t given up. I’m in the process of thinking through what I want…what is important to me in a friendship…because I think that will help me focus on where/how to look.  Everyone understands how work friends, homeschool friends, church friends work and why. But with those gone, WHAT is important? 
It’s been on the back burner this year because my sister moved to be near me and she arrived with a deteriorating medical condition and she’s now had surgery and is wheelchair bound. So I’m spending a lot of time caring for her. As she improves I hope I can resume my normal life. 
 

Sorry to hear about your sister.   That is one relationship right there and I'm sure you're grateful for each other.  That's where I am, thinking/pondering about it all and that will lead to the where and such.    

[Bambam]

We are sorta in the same boat. 
We've lived here for 11-12 years. We like this area, but as with anywhere there are positives and negatives. Our kids are adults now, and although they are semi-close, they do live in the immediate area. There is nothing outside of my DH's job that keeps us here.  He is approaching retirement.

So, we've been making a list of places and criteria which includes
Fairly low cost of living 
Retirement tax friendly (easy to find, just google, fortunately SC is pretty tax friendly!)
Close to major metro area, but not in, with excellent medical care. We do not need this now, but would like to be prepared (our area ~100K population does not have excellent medical care - requiring either a 2.5 hr drive or 4 hr drive - which are fairly easily doable now, but will get harder)
good sound church (and frankly the availability of online services can help you figure that out before you move)
And for me - warm but not hot and definitely rarely super cold climate. 

We figure there is no way our kids are both going to be in the same place or even possibly a place we would want to be. 

I'd rather move now while we still can easily do things, make friends, learn the area, etc vs. moving much later. But I grew up as a military brat, so I like moving, and I know wherever we move, you find good people and interesting things. No place is perfect, so you just make the best of what you get.

So, my current plan is to try to take some vacations to some of the places on our list and check them out. 

[kathyl]

We moved after living in SW Virginia for 15 years.  We had lived in Northern Virginia for 6 years about 10 years before we ended up back in VA.  So a total of 21 years in Virginia.  We have also lived a total of 10 years in southern NH.  (We've lived in other states, including NC, just not as long.)

For me, it totally depended on the people in the place we moved to.  And when we left both the above places I was more than ready to leave.  There were a lot of things I missed about places we've left.  But none of them were enough to make me want to stay.

We now live in an older subdivision in northern TX.  We've only been here 4 years, but I feel like we really hit the jackpot when we randomly moved here for dh's job.  The people, the area, healthcare, location, economy, tax breaks for seniors, etc.  Our dc are scattered all over the country and one dd and her husband will be moving to Japan next month, so living a short drive to DFW airport has been wonderful for us and for all our dc.  

It's hard to describe, but the people here make me feel like I've come 'home'.  And there are a lot of people from all over the country, lots of retirees, plenty of young couples - so not just Texans.  And it's not just our neighborhood.  I talk to people at the gym, the pool, everywhere I go.  Most of them are friendly and open and helpful.  And funny.  I really missed that Deep South sense of humor.  (Although, technically, this is not the Deep South - but it makes its way up here 😉 )

I don't really know how you would decide.  I mean, how many moves do you think you have left in you?  I said 'None'; and then we moved at least twice after I said that.  lol

As long as you've been where you are, if you love it, seems like that might be the best place - for now?  You'll know when it's time to do something different.

 

 

[Bambam]

Thinking further - we have had a few older folks (probably 70 yo+) move into our local congregation - some still married, some widows. Many have made several friends and stay busy volunteering, helping others as they can, visiting, etc, while others are less tied in.  I'm not sure if that is because desire/interest or willingness to reach out and make connections.  But some have fit in so well and are so tied in (plus positive happy people) that it is like they have lived here for years vs. just a few. 

[Terabith]

My in laws moved into a 55 and up place with continuity of care, and they LOVE it.  They've made tons of friends and it's like summer camp for older people.  

[sheryl]

2 hours ago, Bambam said:

We are sorta in the same boat. 
We've lived here for 11-12 years. We like this area, but as with anywhere there are positives and negatives. Our kids are adults now, and although they are semi-close, they do live in the immediate area. There is nothing outside of my DH's job that keeps us here.  He is approaching retirement.

So, we've been making a list of places and criteria which includes
Fairly low cost of living 
Retirement tax friendly (easy to find, just google, fortunately SC is pretty tax friendly!)
Close to major metro area, but not in, with excellent medical care. We do not need this now, but would like to be prepared (our area ~100K population does not have excellent medical care - requiring either a 2.5 hr drive or 4 hr drive - which are fairly easily doable now, but will get harder)
good sound church (and frankly the availability of online services can help you figure that out before you move)
And for me - warm but not hot and definitely rarely super cold climate. 

We figure there is no way our kids are both going to be in the same place or even possibly a place we would want to be. 

I'd rather move now while we still can easily do things, make friends, learn the area, etc vs. moving much later. But I grew up as a military brat, so I like moving, and I know wherever we move, you find good people and interesting things. No place is perfect, so you just make the best of what you get.

So, my current plan is to try to take some vacations to some of the places on our list and check them out. 

I could have written the above.  All same here except I DO like winters and snow which we rarely get here in Charlotte.  It sounds like you may have a bigger move.  ??   Different state?  That is a good idea to vacation there in advance.  We would only be moving 2 hours away.  LOL! DH does not want to leave NC.  I like NC a lot.  We have city, country, mountains and beach.  We have it covered.   LOL! But, the trip we took to Maine last Sept.  Boy, that was nice.  I bet VT is great too.  A personal question and you already slightly touched on it but you'd be good with "starting over" in all those areas outlined above?  Church, friends, etc?  

[sheryl]

1 hour ago, kathyl said:

We moved after living in SW Virginia for 15 years.  We had lived in Northern Virginia for 6 years about 10 years before we ended up back in VA.  So a total of 21 years in Virginia.  We have also lived a total of 10 years in southern NH.  (We've lived in other states, including NC, just not as long.)

For me, it totally depended on the people in the place we moved to.  And when we left both the above places I was more than ready to leave.  There were a lot of things I missed about places we've left.  But none of them were enough to make me want to stay.

We now live in an older subdivision in northern TX.  We've only been here 4 years, but I feel like we really hit the jackpot when we randomly moved here for dh's job.  The people, the area, healthcare, location, economy, tax breaks for seniors, etc.  Our dc are scattered all over the country and one dd and her husband will be moving to Japan next month, so living a short drive to DFW airport has been wonderful for us and for all our dc.  

It's hard to describe, but the people here make me feel like I've come 'home'.  And there are a lot of people from all over the country, lots of retirees, plenty of young couples - so not just Texans.  And it's not just our neighborhood.  I talk to people at the gym, the pool, everywhere I go.  Most of them are friendly and open and helpful.  And funny.  I really missed that Deep South sense of humor.  (Although, technically, this is not the Deep South - but it makes its way up here 😉 )

I don't really know how you would decide.  I mean, how many moves do you think you have left in you?  I said 'None'; and then we moved at least twice after I said that.  lol

As long as you've been where you are, if you love it, seems like that might be the best place - for now?  You'll know when it's time to do something different.

 

 

IDK.  I've thought about it for several years now.  TX would be great if it was geographically up this way LOL!  Too hot for me.  But, have you made any "close" relationships?  

[Bambam]

23 minutes ago, sheryl said:

I could have written the above.  All same here except I DO like winters and snow which we rarely get here in Charlotte.  It sounds like you may have a bigger move.  ??   Different state?  That is a good idea to vacation there in advance.  We would only be moving 2 hours away.  LOL! DH does not want to leave NC.  I like NC a lot.  We have city, country, mountains and beach.  We have it covered.   LOL! But, the trip we took to Maine last Sept.  Boy, that was nice.  I bet VT is great too.  A personal question and you already slightly touched on it but you'd be good with "starting over" in all those areas outlined above?  Church, friends, etc?  

It will most probably be a different state.   I will be okay starting over - but I would prefer to do it soon after my DH retires - when we still have energy, health, ability to make connections, friends, etc. My DH? Not quite so interested but he doesn't really want to stay here either. Change is harder for him as he tends to be a homebody and not as interested in getting out, meeting folks, doing stuff, etc.  My MIL will probably soon move to be closer to us, but in her 90s, really isn't capable (decent health, but stamina is not good) to get our and meet new people, etc.  And that is one of the reasons I want to be sure to move to our retirement location earlier - so we can build that community and be helpful before we need some support/help. 

[kathyl]

54 minutes ago, sheryl said:

IDK.  I've thought about it for several years now.  TX would be great if it was geographically up this way LOL!  Too hot for me.  But, have you made any "close" relationships?  

Close for me may not be the same as close for you because I'm more of a homebody like your dh, probably.  Think INTJ ...

Dh and I helped an elderly woman (~94yo) along with a couple other neighbors until her grandson finally had to move her to the town where he lived. 

We regularly talk to neighbors when we see them outside.  

Stuff like that. 

And, yeah, it's hot here.  It's 7:45pm and 94 degrees right now.  You'd probably be miserable.  But I hate the humidity so the heat is fine for me.  We went to visit dd and her dh in Jacksonville, NC one 'winter'.  That was some miserable humidity.  

Good luck in your search.

[KidsHappen]

My hubby and I have lived in so many states and for the most part we have liked everywhere we have been. There are other places that we considered home but we would not move there now. We have been here for 20 years now and while I would never move here now, I don't really see us moving anywhere else. I have finally got most of my children within 20 minutes of us. My hubby has a lot of close friends and activities that we wouldn't want him to leave. I have a lot of medical problems and I have had the same PCP for almost 20 years now and several of my other doctors for several years each. It is beautiful here and there are lots of things to do. The weather is bearable for the most part. The COL is high and it is a stretch for the whole family but I just don't see us all picking up and moving somewhere else.

[Shelydon]

The people in an area are more important to me than the area itself. I personally have no plans to move away from where we currently live because this is where all of my connections are. My DH would like to move out of state. 

[sheryl]

1 hour ago, kathyl said:

Close for me may not be the same as close for you because I'm more of a homebody like your dh, probably.  Think INTJ ...

Dh and I helped an elderly woman (~94yo) along with a couple other neighbors until her grandson finally had to move her to the town where he lived. 

We regularly talk to neighbors when we see them outside.  

Stuff like that. 

And, yeah, it's hot here.  It's 7:45pm and 94 degrees right now.  You'd probably be miserable.  But I hate the humidity so the heat is fine for me.  We went to visit dd and her dh in Jacksonville, NC one 'winter'.  That was some miserable humidity.  

Good luck in your search.

Got it.   I'm down the middle.  I'm a homebody and love my home and hearth but I do like to socialize now and then.   Social opportunities are varied though.  That was being neighborly when you helped your neighbor.  I, too, was in that position with Edith up the street before she ended up in a nursing home.  But, I'm talking movie, lunch, etc with a friend or two.  Yikes that warm but here we are almost 11 pm and it's 77.  

[sheryl]

1 hour ago, KidsHappen said:

My hubby and I have lived in so many states and for the most part we have liked everywhere we have been. There are other places that we considered home but we would not move there now. We have been here for 20 years now and while I would never move here now, I don't really see us moving anywhere else. I have finally got most of my children within 20 minutes of us. My hubby has a lot of close friends and activities that we wouldn't want him to leave. I have a lot of medical problems and I have had the same PCP for almost 20 years now and several of my other doctors for several years each. It is beautiful here and there are lots of things to do. The weather is bearable for the most part. The COL is high and it is a stretch for the whole family but I just don't see us all picking up and moving somewhere else.

Right!  We're plugged in to Charlotte.  If we did move to another city in state it would still be "starting up" again which is time consuming for me.   I had my pcp for 21 or 22 years until he retired in 2021.   

1 hour ago, Shelydon said:

The people in an area are more important to me than the area itself. I personally have no plans to move away from where we currently live because this is where all of my connections are. My DH would like to move out of state. 

I get that.  I'm looking for it all.  Would not want to move to a great city and not like the people and vice versa - can't see moving if we could know in advance the people are great but the city not so much so.   I know Greenville SC that a pp mentioned was a topic of people several years ago, hitting the bells and whistles but we're staying in NC.

[YaelAldrich]

We have moved a ton!  17 times in 26 years of marriage.  I find that moving is like childbirth  - horrible when it's happening,  but it's OK when you look back.

It is imperative to find some places in your new town to make community.  Whether that's church, or a club,  or whatever. The only time I hated a place we moved was when we first came to Japan in 2002. I had no friends,  no cultural connections,  nothing.  Luckily I found who is now my best friend after about 4 months in Japan and La Leche League. Otherwise,  that would have been the first and last time our family went.  My DH is grateful  as these trips have been the key to his career success. 

[Scarlett]

10 hours ago, sheryl said:

DH and I are from the north originally.  He is from WI and I'm from OH.  We lived in WI, MI and moved to Charlotte, NC July 1990.    In fact, that is 33 years we think this past Monday!  Spent 6 months in an apt and bought this house Nov 1990 and moved in Jan 1991.   Also, 3 months ago we paid off our mortgage!

DD is out of the house so it's DH, me and Shiloh!  We live in a smaller split level now.  We'd actually like to increase our sq ft but not by much.  Just a bit more will be good for us and a ranch!  

I asked and DH is not interested in moving away from Charlotte to a small mountain town.  However, we've thought about buying a (secondary) small cabin somewhere in Appalachia Mtns/NC side.  He doesn't want our house to be in a teeny, tiny mtn town.  He'd like to stay in Charlotte I think.  Not really sure.  When I mentioned some other areas he said maybe to WS and GSO.   We do NOT want to move to beach or any further south.  Heat in Charlotte is hard on me as I prefer cooler temps.  

OPEN TO DISCUSSION -

I'm torn.  We've been in this city for 33 years (house 32 1/2).  We WILL move to another house.  Want to get out of this subdivision.  Every single neighbor has moved since we've been on this street.  Some homes have had multiple owners.  We live on a cul-de-sac with 11 homes and we've been on the street longer than anyone else.  The next couple has about 28-30 years in their house.  So, if we stay in Charlotte, we're still buying another house.  

I'm trying to wrap my head around "leaving" Charlotte for another city.  We are plugged in here.  Homeschooling started and finished here.   Stores abound and are no more than 10 minutes away.  TJ Maxx, Homegoods, Goodwill, Publix, Earthfare, WF, TJ.  We have our church we started attending around 1993 or 1994.  Last year we switched to another church which was rewarding but "different".  A good move!  We have not made any friends at this new church yet b/c we were waiting to see if we were going to stay with this new church.  We are and now we can get plugged in. Downtown is good with restaurants, cultural events, etc.  We were invited to our neighbor's son's high school graduation.  It was fun.  Shi and I swim at another neighbor's house.  DD used to pet sit yet another neighbor's group of dogs/cats (yes, plural) growing up.   

Is it easy to move from what is so "familiar"?  It's starting over again in another city with house, neighbors, city, stores, church, events, new friends, etc.  We are not kids.  We not "old" but dh will be retiring in the near future.  

COLA as Pawz or someone else said in another thread is lower in her neck of the woods.  That area would be one we would consider.  

How hard or easy is it successfully find your preferences?  Think above with stores, friends, church, etc.  

Moving or staying I'm hoping dh will agree to a small cabin too in the mtns.  It's gotten to be expensive with those long-range views (high elevation) and "hot spot" areas but something smaller and so on would work in our budget.   Thinking if we want to rent out.  Pros and cons to that but I don't think we will.   Maybe to trusted family/friends to rent at a reduced rate.  

Has anyone here moved to another city or state after 20, 30, 40 years?  What was it like for you?  

What do y'all say? Thanks! 

 

I spent my entire adult life in AR until age 47.  11 years ago we moved about 3 hours away to the Tulsa area.  We needed to for dh’s job. I am grateful for the job.  But I regret the move most days.  So often I  have the feeling that ‘ I want to go home. ‘ But now this is home.  I convinced my parents to move here. Then about time they did everything fell apart.  And I wished we were back in AR. But like they say, ‘You can’t go home again.’

If I had a 33 year history in a city and did not need to move for a job, I would not move.

[Raifta]

We didn't move very far from a geographic perspective, but it was a huge emotional move for us just over a year ago. 

Many years ago, as a young couple working 4 part time jobs we had a purchased a serious fixer upper built in 1892 and poured a lot of blood, sweat and tears into it.  It was a huge house on a large lot, very rare for the neighbourhood, and in a central, vibrant area where we had easy walking or cycling or public transport access to pretty much everything - stores, cafes, libraries, work, play, downtown, the theatre etc.  We lived there for 25 years, and over the course of those years we installed all new windows, a geothermal system, gutted and redid the entire house top to bottom with period details, finished the basement, dealt with the foundation etc etc etc.  We planted fruit trees and lilacs.  We got to know all our neighbours.  I was pretty sure we were going to die in that house.

And then a series of events in 2021 led us to being very unhappy in the house and a serious conversation in 2022 with the kids led to what was practically an impulse house purchase in a neighbourhood we'd always liked and visited, but that was very different in many respects from our old neighbourhood.  

As it turns out, moving to someplace where it was a very walkable neighbourhood and there is a strong sense of community was crucial, because we were welcomed right away and everyone stopped to talk to us and by the end of our first week I pretty much knew as many neighbours as I had at our old house.  It's been a year now and it has been such a great decision but I think knowing something about the neighbourhood we were going to was key to making this a success.  

So I echo what others have said about making sure the new place has the right community for you - that's been even more important to us than the actual house we bought.

[sheryl]

10 hours ago, YaelAldrich said:

We have moved a ton!  17 times in 26 years of marriage.  I find that moving is like childbirth  - horrible when it's happening,  but it's OK when you look back.

It is imperative to find some places in your new town to make community.  Whether that's church, or a club,  or whatever. The only time I hated a place we moved was when we first came to Japan in 2002. I had no friends,  no cultural connections,  nothing.  Luckily I found who is now my best friend after about 4 months in Japan and La Leche League. Otherwise,  that would have been the first and last time our family went.  My DH is grateful  as these trips have been the key to his career success. 

Yael, that's like once every 18 months, approx. average.  It sounds like you move globally so those would be big moves!  Where do you "feel" most home?  Thanks!

 

9 hours ago, Scarlett said:

I spent my entire adult life in AR until age 47.  11 years ago we moved about 3 hours away to the Tulsa area.  We needed to for dh’s job. I am grateful for the job.  But I regret the move most days.  So often I  have the feeling that ‘ I want to go home. ‘ But now this is home.  I convinced my parents to move here. Then about time they did everything fell apart.  And I wished we were back in AR. But like they say, ‘You can’t go home again.’

If I had a 33 year history in a city and did not need to move for a job, I would not move.

I hear you.  That's why I'm asking folks here.  I'm not sure it's the right or wrong decision to move.  I see pros/cons split down the middle.  My sister and bil have been planning to move here to Charlotte.  Their dd (my niece) and her dh, their baby live 5 miles from us, just down the street.  And, of course we live here.  They would be moving from Detroit to Charlotte.  That's a big move.  That's what dh and I did 33 years ago this past weekend - move from north of Detroit to Charlotte!  It's a big move not only to another state but it's a different "region" and there was cultural shock.  Things/people are different region to region.  I don't want to regret not moving or regret that we have.  My Mom always used to say, "when it doubt, don't".  Also considering just moving out of this neighborhood.  Maybe that would suffice.  Yes, 33 is a good history.  Wish I knew up front if it would be a better move or not to do so.  🙂

 

9 hours ago, Raifta said:

We didn't move very far from a geographic perspective, but it was a huge emotional move for us just over a year ago. 

Many years ago, as a young couple working 4 part time jobs we had a purchased a serious fixer upper built in 1892 and poured a lot of blood, sweat and tears into it.  It was a huge house on a large lot, very rare for the neighbourhood, and in a central, vibrant area where we had easy walking or cycling or public transport access to pretty much everything - stores, cafes, libraries, work, play, downtown, the theatre etc.  We lived there for 25 years, and over the course of those years we installed all new windows, a geothermal system, gutted and redid the entire house top to bottom with period details, finished the basement, dealt with the foundation etc etc etc.  We planted fruit trees and lilacs.  We got to know all our neighbours.  I was pretty sure we were going to die in that house.

And then a series of events in 2021 led us to being very unhappy in the house and a serious conversation in 2022 with the kids led to what was practically an impulse house purchase in a neighbourhood we'd always liked and visited, but that was very different in many respects from our old neighbourhood.  

As it turns out, moving to someplace where it was a very walkable neighbourhood and there is a strong sense of community was crucial, because we were welcomed right away and everyone stopped to talk to us and by the end of our first week I pretty much knew as many neighbours as I had at our old house.  It's been a year now and it has been such a great decision but I think knowing something about the neighbourhood we were going to was key to making this a success.  

So I echo what others have said about making sure the new place has the right community for you - that's been even more important to us than the actual house we bought.

Sounds like a lovely old house.  That's good advice to preview the community before hand.  People come and go and I'd hate to move and have a newly developed friendship dwindle because she's moving.  Oh, so many things to consider.  

[sheryl]

See one of the problems (my definition) is the layout of this city and the lack of suburbs.  They exist more on the north side and I'd move up there right away but dh refuses b/c the congestion and traffic flow is beyond ridiculous.  And, he's right.  But, I keep thinking alternative routes but he's right again that others think of that and those become congested.  So, north side is out.  On the south side there is very little "city" (separate municipality) but it's basically Charlotte b/c where one ends the other begins.  I'm reviewing the map.  Maybe I'm feeling this way b/c we did move to a new church.  Will need to talk with dh and our real estate neighbor.

[lmrich]

 I grew up in Gastonia but have not been back in years. BUT Facebook keeps me updated.. 

Mt. Holly, Belmont, and McAdenville (but only if you love Christmas) are nice and close to Charlotte. 

Go see some houses; drive around and see what appeals to you - go in every open house - even town homes. It will help you understand what you like and dislike. In the meantime, start cleaning out one room a week. If you don't move, you end up with a clean house.

[Wildcat]

If you or your dh is 55+, those are wonderful communities where a person can socialize as much, or as little, as one wants. 

Edited July 21, 2023 by Wildcat

[sheryl]

4 hours ago, lmrich said:

 I grew up in Gastonia but have not been back in years. BUT Facebook keeps me updated.. 

Mt. Holly, Belmont, and McAdenville (but only if you love Christmas) are nice and close to Charlotte. 

Go see some houses; drive around and see what appeals to you - go in every open house - even town homes. It will help you understand what you like and dislike. In the meantime, start cleaning out one room a week. If you don't move, you end up with a clean house.

Right.  Belmont and McA are too small.  All of this is leading me to realize we need to talk, discuss, research, etc.  much, much more.   

2 hours ago, Wildcat said:

If you or your dh is 55+, those are wonderful communities where a person can socialize as much, or as little, as one wants. 

We're not in to those.  It works for some but we're just not interested.  Thanks for the input!

[kathyl]

7 hours ago, sheryl said:

I hear you.  That's why I'm asking folks here.  I'm not sure it's the right or wrong decision to move.  I see pros/cons split down the middle.  My sister and bil have been planning to move here to Charlotte.  Their dd (my niece) and her dh, their baby live 5 miles from us, just down the street.  And, of course we live here.  They would be moving from Detroit to Charlotte.  That's a big move.  That's what dh and I did 33 years ago this past weekend - move from north of Detroit to Charlotte!  It's a big move not only to another state but it's a different "region" and there was cultural shock.  Things/people are different region to region.  I don't want to regret not moving or regret that we have.  My Mom always used to say, "when it doubt, don't".  Also considering just moving out of this neighborhood.  Maybe that would suffice.  Yes, 33 is a good history.  Wish I knew up front if it would be a better move or not to do so.  🙂

With that much family and as long as you've been there, I'd stay near all of them if I could.  

And, yeah, the culture shock.  I've had that with every, single move - even the moves to 2 different parts of Virginia (Northern Virginia vs SW Virginia).