Assessing trust levels?

[Carrie12345]

 

What in the world do I do (internally, I mean) with this information???
Sadly, I know other people who’ve been getting sick and refusing to test. And yet I feel like I can trust them more, because they’re being honest about being sick!

(Removed details so I can pretend I can’t be found complaining about real people.)

Edited December 6, 2021 by Carrie12345

[Carrie12345]

P.S. My county just hit it’s highest daily case count EVER. Like, 25% higher than in the un-to-new-vaccine period. So I might be more on edge than usual.

Edited December 6, 2021 by Carrie12345
Checked my stat with actual math instead of visuals!

[Starr]

This is the same old story only it used to be they didn't cancel their sleepover and had 102 degree fevers from flu or strep or whatever. I'm sorry you are going through this. It's awful. But I wouldn't be doing sleepovers and limiting social gatherings with more covid on the rise. 

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

I think people have always been sick and just not mentioned it, having people over and going on with life, but it’s more notable with Covid.  We are seeing so many breakthrough cases that I no longer ask people if they’re vaccinated.  Last night I had a Covid patient who was struggling to breathe and had been fully vaccinated and gotten a booster in October.  They may get less sick, but vaccinated people are getting sick.

I’d wait till they’re done with quarantine and then decide what your risk comfort is.  We’re all going to eventually go back to some kind of normalcy, and that’s going to mean we’re exposed to Covid.  It’s just where your level of comfort lies.  All of my kids are now vaccinated and we are returning to life as normal. 

[SKL]

I don't understand what the problem is.  Did they attempt to expose your family to Covid, or just keep their personal health information private?

In these times when some people are incredibly judgmental about those who dare to catch Covid (vaccinated or not, they must have been careless about masking or just not care if they kill granny), it's no wonder people keep it to themselves.

I have two friends in a similar situation.  I heard through my kids that there was Covid in their families.  But it's not like they came over my house and coughed on us.  No harm no foul IMO.

Edited December 6, 2021 by SKL

[Spryte]

Oh, ouch! 

This might not work for your relationship, and maybe it’s not the best approach, but I’m wide open to a fault. So I would probably reach out to the friend (well, the mom, with whom you are friendly, I’m guessing?) and say something like, “oh my goodness, I just found out from kid that you’ve all been sick! How are you feeling? Can we do anything to help?” (It would be a sincere offer of help in the form of dropping stuff off, etc, but also a way to let open the conversation and let them know that you’ve heard and want to discuss things openly. Plus, I would genuinely want to help out if they need a pharmacy run, or if we could drop off dinner.

We have a long awaited sleepover planned here, too. 

[gardenmom5]

2 hours ago, Carrie12345 said:

We quit indoor visits/sleepovers once the lull in Covid cases was over. (Even then, it was a small number of people involved.)  One friend’s family kept checking in for a potential change of heart, but I was holding on until the youngest of us was vaccinated. He has since been.

So, and invitation to coordinate dates was extended one day. My next day response included options. Later that day, the reply was that dates were unlikely to work, but we’ll keep looking to see if something can work out. 3 days after that, their child tells my child they all have Covid, and what they’re end-of-quarantine date is. Timeline wise, that adds up to the “dates don’t work” message.

Now, I know we’re getting lots of breakthrough cases; my daughter just had one.  I’m not trying to say I think they lied about being vaccinated. But the fact that I haven’t been told about it makes me uneasy.

What in the world do I do (internally, I mean) with this information???
Sadly, I know other people who’ve been getting sick and refusing to test. And yet I feel like I can trust them more, because they’re being honest about being sick!

My understanding the parents were not upfront in telling you they were in covid quaratine/had covid? - considering many are getting it even after being vax'd - I wouldn't automatically assume they weren't vax'd. (or are lying about their vax status.)  - I would be pretty ticked they weren't upfront they had it - or had been exposed to a known case and were in quarantine.  That you had to learn it from a child.  (was that conversation between children in person or over the phone?  - if it was in person, those are adults who I would think long and hard about ever trusting again.)

 

I think it's also important to ask blunt questions. (no assumptions.)  we had a family email last summer, and one nephew made a comment about exposure and he wouldn't come to expose those who weren't vax'd.  (I assumed . . he was referring to the tiny kids. - no, that wasn't to whom he was referring.  there were adults that weren't vax'd.  afterwards, a bunch of unvax'd adults go sick with it - one was hospitalized)  I should have asked him what he meant - I changed my travel plans (reducing the time with my dd and grandchildren) to be at this event. (dd had wanted to go, but the babies got sick - with colds. so she opted not to go, but I'd already changed my flight.)

[Bootsie]

I am not sure I am following this correctly.  Is the issue that you only want your child to visit their house is if they are vaccinated and because someone in their house has had COVID recently you think that they may not be telling you the truth about being vaccinated because the parent didn't sepcifically say that dates did not work because of COVID?  

[Carrie12345]

18 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said:

considering many are getting it even after being vax'd - I wouldn't automatically assume they weren't vax'd. (or are lying about their vax status.) 

I just want to make sure I reiterate, and perhaps I need rephrasing for clarity - I’m very aware of breakthroughs, especially because my daughter just had one. While I’m annoyed that she hadn’t gotten boostered yet, I don’t think my daughter is a horrible monster, lol.

The decision to make up a reason is troubling to me. Yeah, I can think of half a dozen reasons, including the possibility that it was true at the time. I don’t know about putting my money on any of those theories though!  It feels manipulative to me, like a choice made to influence my future decisions. Except that choice is now highly likely to sway them in the opposite direction intended.

[kbutton]

I am still confused on the timeline and what is and is not known.

Could they have been demurring while waiting for testing to come back? We had family that mysteriously didn't come to something they were expected for, and then later we found out about Covid. I think that they didn't test until one person in the family wasn't shaking the normal cold experience, but they were being cautious about exposing others (considerately) when symptoms arrived. At the time, they just opted to not say anything, but as events unfolded (and the rest of the family got it), they revealed the circumstances.

Perhaps the family extended the invitation, then got news of an exposure or someone started having symptoms, and they didn't want to freak out, freak you out, or bring it up if they would be out of quarantine by the time the sleepover rolled around. 

If I was having a party (think non-covid times), and my bathroom plumbing went awry about the time dates were floated, and I hedged while waiting for the plumber to tell me what's up, then I settled on a date for a fix that would allow a party on day x, I wouldn't really feel like it was necessary to tell the invitees about the plumbing issue if it was going to be fixed in time. Does that make sense? I am the type to probably explain why I was hedging so that they wouldn't think I was changing my mind, but not everyone would feel the need.

 

[SKL]

Well I dunno, but if someone were having those kinds of thoughts about me because I had the audacity to get exposed to Covid, I would rather just forget the whole thing.

[mlktwins]

I have always told people when we had plans and ended up sick so that they can make an informed decision.  I expect the same consideration in return.  Things will change with me if we get sick because someone wasn’t honest with me.

I had one mom friend invite my kids over for a play date with her triplets.  She didn’t tell me they had all be throwing up for days.  DS1 was sick on New Year’s Eve.  DS2 was sick for days - threw up 8 times in 3 hours at the start.  Then I got it.  Never another play date with them.

I would be even more concerned with people not being honest now!

 

[Carrie12345]

21 minutes ago, SKL said:

Well I dunno, but if someone were having those kinds of thoughts about me because I had the audacity to get exposed to Covid, I would rather just forget the whole thing.

Yeah, I just hate people who get Covid. Horrible monsters, the lot of them. @@.   

[Bootsie]

49 minutes ago, Carrie12345 said:

I just want to make sure I reiterate, and perhaps I need rephrasing for clarity - I’m very aware of breakthroughs, especially because my daughter just had one. While I’m annoyed that she hadn’t gotten boostered yet, I don’t think my daughter is a horrible monster, lol.

The decision to make up a reason is troubling to me. Yeah, I can think of half a dozen reasons, including the possibility that it was true at the time. I don’t know about putting my money on any of those theories though!  It feels manipulative to me, like a choice made to influence my future decisions. Except that choice is now highly likely to sway them in the opposite direction intended.

So, is the only choice that they made was to say that "those dates don't work for us" without telling you the reason why those dates didn't work for them?  I don't want someone who is sick not telling me and exposing me to COVID or another illness.  But, I do not think anyone owes me a reason of why those dates don't work for them.  

[Storygirl]

Although I don't think it's necessary for people to declare why certain dates won't work for them, I think I am getting your concern. These friends KNOW that you are very Covid cautious, and you have had related conversations with them previously. So the fact that they didn't share their illness status suggests they specifically didn't want you to know.

Whether that is the case or not, who knows. But I understand why you would be having feelings about it.

And I disagree with those who suggest this is being judgmental about who has had Covid. This same scenario could come up with any illness (chicken pox, strep, etc.). My DD just had Covid, and we experienced zero judgment about it. I think it is FINE for boardies to sound out other people about situations like this, because decisions can be hard.

[SKL]

So am I hearing that a new standard of friendship and trust is that we must tell everyone right away if we get Covid, even if we aren't around them?

Also - is it not possible that they were going to tell you later, after everyone got better?  Because telling people about an illness in the moment tends to lead to a lot of fuss that we don't want?  Like if I tell my sister I'm sick right now, she'll be all "oh no, are you OK, can I bring you some soup, bla bla bla," and soon I am asked about it by every other female in my family; whereas if I say I was sick a week ago, it's like, "oh."  I prefer the latter.

[Clarita]

I only expect of my friends to tell me they are sick if they need to cancel on me. Otherwise I really don't need to know. If they want to tell me because they need help or to vent or whatever also fine. I just don't need a running excel sheet about the health of all my friends at any given moment.

I also don't care if they test or not for COVID. Taking the precaution to not spread the germs are enough for me whether those germs are chicken pox, COVID or Typhoid.