MercyA Posted July 31, 2020 Share Posted July 31, 2020 on Netflix? I am really enjoying it! I do feel silly that I thought it was British and it's actually Australian. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted July 31, 2020 Share Posted July 31, 2020 Yes, I just finished it. It really was interesting and I think they handled it sensitively. I have to wonder how the couples who want children will be able to handle it. I can see how the coaching is effective for dating another person on the spectrum, but I have a very hard time imagining how people on the spectrum deal with all the nuances and complexities of parenthood. Anyone know of a show that addresses that? Maybe it was a version of an Australian accent you're less familiar with. Some British accents are much harder to place for me because they're so unfamiliar. White South Africans are hard for me to identify too. I just got Britbox, so maybe it'll get easier as I watch more. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted July 31, 2020 Share Posted July 31, 2020 Quote I have a very hard time imagining how people on the spectrum deal with all the nuances and complexities of parenthood. Same way anybody else does - we muddle through. Autistic parents are likely to have autistic children in turn. Both studies and anecdotal evidence bear out that autistic people often communicate much better with autistic people than NTs do. It's likely that autistic parents are better equipped to understand autistic children than NT parents are. 9 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted July 31, 2020 Share Posted July 31, 2020 7 minutes ago, Tanaqui said: Same way anybody else does - we muddle through. Autistic parents are likely to have autistic children in turn. Both studies and anecdotal evidence bear out that autistic people often communicate much better with autistic people than NTs do. It's likely that autistic parents are better equipped to understand autistic children than NT parents are. I think this is absolutely true with ADHD--neurotypical parents with ADHD kids often talk about how frustrating they find the ADHD behaviors. My kids' ADHD tendencies really don't bother me, they seem pretty normal and to be expected. Having executive function difficulties and trying to manage an entire household of people with executive function difficulties is definitely a bit chaotic but we muddle through and have a lot of fun in the process. 6 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ali in OR Posted July 31, 2020 Share Posted July 31, 2020 Just now, maize said: Having executive function difficulties and trying to manage an entire household of people with executive function difficulties is definitely a bit chaotic but we muddle through and have a lot of fun in the process. What does this look like? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted July 31, 2020 Share Posted July 31, 2020 45 minutes ago, Ali in OR said: What does this look like? That's a big question. What does my entire life look like? Maybe you could narrow it down. Mostly I guess we try to run with our strengths and simplify everything else. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoodGrief Posted July 31, 2020 Share Posted July 31, 2020 I really enjoyed it. I wish that sort of relationship education was readily available to adults on the spectrum everywhere. My dad is almost certainly on the spectrum, as is my husband, two out of three daughters and my son-in-law. I really questioned the attraction between my daughter and her husband in their early dating time but came to realize that they communicate very similarly and really "get" each other. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted July 31, 2020 Share Posted July 31, 2020 3 hours ago, Tanaqui said: Same way anybody else does - we muddle through. We are also highly trained in paying attention. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted July 31, 2020 Share Posted July 31, 2020 2 hours ago, GoodGrief1 said: I really enjoyed it. I wish that sort of relationship education was readily available to adults on the spectrum everywhere. My dad is almost certainly on the spectrum, as is my husband, two out of three daughters and my son-in-law. I really questioned the attraction between my daughter and her husband in their early dating time but came to realize that they communicate very similarly and really "get" each other. Does anyone, anywhere, get enough training in how to conduct relationships? If so, where is this Utopia? !! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted July 31, 2020 Share Posted July 31, 2020 11 hours ago, Tanaqui said: Same way anybody else does - we muddle through. Autistic parents are likely to have autistic children in turn. Both studies and anecdotal evidence bear out that autistic people often communicate much better with autistic people than NTs do. It's likely that autistic parents are better equipped to understand autistic children than NT parents are. What about with children not on the spectrum? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted July 31, 2020 Share Posted July 31, 2020 As an adoptive parent, I'm very aware of attachment issues because adoptive parenting classes cover that at length. Responding to social cues is a big factor early on with a child, as is being able to be flexible as opposed to having rigid expectations and the ability to quickly prioritize abstract emotional needs in the heat of the moment. Since those three things stood out as big challenges for people on the spectrum to even recognize, my question is how does they play out in typical parenting scenarios and how does it affect neurotypical children who would have typical needs in those areas. I'm not talking about people on the spectrum with mild challenges, I'm talking about people with moderate to more severe issues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawyer&Mom Posted July 31, 2020 Share Posted July 31, 2020 (edited) 23 minutes ago, Homeschool Mom in AZ said: What about with children not on the spectrum? My not-Autistic kid is still my kid. She didn’t fall *that* far from the tree. I marvel at her social skills, but I really recognize her observational skills. And her love of books, and her sense of humor... I imagine there could be disconnects as she gets older, but it isn’t like I don’t have experience with not-Autistic family. (I have siblings! Aunts! Uncles! Cousins!) I think it could be different if I adopted a kid who was wildly Neurotypical, but my not-Autistic kid is *not* wildly Neurotypical... Edited to add: Autistic parents can fail to meet the emotional needs of their Autistic kids too. My Autistic dad, who has greater social deficits than me, was an emotional mystery to me for much of my childhood. Getting my diagnosis has really helped me understand my relationship with him. (But my relationship with my Mom is difficult too, and she’s not-Autistic... Parents come with all kinds of baggage!) Edited July 31, 2020 by Lawyer&Mom 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted July 31, 2020 Share Posted July 31, 2020 1 hour ago, Lawyer&Mom said: Parents come with all kinds of baggage!) This. Many neurotypical parents struggle to understand and/or connect with their neurotypical kids. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted July 31, 2020 Share Posted July 31, 2020 47 minutes ago, square_25 said: Honestly, I'd guess that it's pretty hard if the issues are severe enough to impair functioning otherwise. I don't think that's a popular thing to say right now, though. Lots of parents have issues severe enough to impair their day to day functioning. It's not specific to people with autism. In an ideal world, everyone who needs extra support with parenting would get it. It's unfortunately a lot more scattershot than it should be, but programs do exist. I know we have one locally that parents can opt into, which offers support and guidance from birth to age 3. One family might benefit from it because they were poorly parented themselves, another might benefit because one or both of the parents have an impairment of some kind. It's a voluntary program, completely separate from something like required parenting classes via child welfare services. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted July 31, 2020 Share Posted July 31, 2020 6 hours ago, Homeschool Mom in AZ said: What about with children not on the spectrum? Quote I'm not talking about people on the spectrum with mild challenges, I'm talking about people with moderate to more severe issues. Well, that's charmingly vague. Can you be more specific about what issues you're thinking of? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted July 31, 2020 Share Posted July 31, 2020 7 hours ago, Homeschool Mom in AZ said: As an adoptive parent, I'm very aware of attachment issues because adoptive parenting classes cover that at length. Responding to social cues is a big factor early on with a child, as is being able to be flexible as opposed to having rigid expectations and the ability to quickly prioritize abstract emotional needs in the heat of the moment. Since those three things stood out as big challenges for people on the spectrum to even recognize, my question is how does they play out in typical parenting scenarios and how does it affect neurotypical children who would have typical needs in those areas. I'm not talking about people on the spectrum with mild challenges, I'm talking about people with moderate to more severe issues. I do very well at parenting, thank you, despite being severely impaired enough to be unemployable. I am slowing and undoing damage caused by dd's neurotypical parents by reading and teaching and hugging and managing my own environment to keep my own stress levels as low as I can. It isn't my expectations that are rigid. It's that my ability to cope with threat is limited, but so is everyone else's. There are a lot of people, neurotypical people, who meltdown over stuff that is too ordinary for me to bat an eyelid at. My child is generally not a threat to me, though it can get messy when our traumas (which have the same causes but different manifestations) collide. We deal with that by seeing the conflict through to the end, so as to avoid reinforcing that trauma. In my daughter's life, it is the autistic person who is doing all the social/emotional work. She has a proper neurotypical psychologist, but she creates trauma rather than curing it and dd stopped listening to much of what she said a long time ago. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted July 31, 2020 Share Posted July 31, 2020 5 hours ago, square_25 said: Honestly, I'd guess that it's pretty hard if the issues are severe enough to impair functioning otherwise. I don't think that's a popular thing to say right now, though. LIFE is hard. For pretty much everyone. What's not popular with me is the suggestion that proper neurotypical people have it all together and we autistic types are inferior to that. None of my autistic friends have turned to alcoholism to cope with the stress of their lives, but here's a story about an autistic friend's previous friend group. They all get drunk in the park next to the school every afternoon and told her off for walking her dog to relieve stress instead of drinking like they did. According to them, proper mothers drink to cope with stress. Does this justify me in equating neurotypicality with alcoholism? This is a widespread problem. But it doesn't justify my looking at every neurotypical mother I meet and assuming she's a closet alcoholic. And if she was, I wouldn't start thinking of neurotypical woman as impaired and inferior to my non-drinking self. I'd be disgusted as I usually am with a society that treats its members so badly that it drives them to drink. Pretty much everyone struggles through life. How it manifests differs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoodGrief Posted July 31, 2020 Share Posted July 31, 2020 15 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said: Does anyone, anywhere, get enough training in how to conduct relationships? If so, where is this Utopia? !! Fair enough, though I did think the education shown on the show was unique and possibly helpful. 🙂 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoodGrief Posted July 31, 2020 Share Posted July 31, 2020 8 hours ago, Homeschool Mom in AZ said: What about with children not on the spectrum? We end up with our own strengths and weaknesses. 🙂Truly, many people from various places on the spectrum reproducing all the time. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WoolC Posted July 31, 2020 Share Posted July 31, 2020 I haven’t watched the show yet, but I plan to check it out soon as I keep hearing really polarizing reviews. Issues I’ve heard mentioned by the Autistic community include relationship coaching by neurotypicals for a relationship between two autistics can be seen as infantalizing, as well as parents of autistic adults discussing their children in front of them as if they’re not there. In regards to autistic parenting, I’m a neurotypical parent to autistic children who relies on the help of autistic adults to better understand my kids and meet their needs. The picture I get is that autistics are generally great advocates for trying to understand and respect children’s needs as so many of them have trauma from not receiving this kind of treatment as children. I’m not saying there are never issues or problems to solve, but no more so than with neurotypical parents. 3 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted August 1, 2020 Share Posted August 1, 2020 3 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said: It isn't my expectations that are rigid. It's that my ability to cope with threat is limited, but so is everyone else's. Nicely stated. Fairly NT person parenting a 2e kiddo with ASD, ADHD, expressive language issues, etc...I definitely could say the same thing about myself. I suspect my MIL is on the spectrum, but I think the "problems" I have with her (or have with her parenting history) are not spectrum-related (so says the family therapist). 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawyer&Mom Posted August 1, 2020 Share Posted August 1, 2020 Okay, I’m half way through the first episode. Um, dude, you are 25 years old. Why are you talking to a relationship expert in front of your parents!?! This is so strange. Did he want them there? Why doesn’t anyone see him as a grown-up? That said, so far I’m enjoying the mix of participants, and that they acknowledged that women have historically been under-diagnosed. All the person first language is jarring, but I assume they think it’s respectful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.