fairfarmhand Posted November 25, 2019 Share Posted November 25, 2019 Planning a wedding. Invitations went out a month ago. Date for RSVP was Friday. No word on 81 who were invited. EIGHTY ONE! We have text and a website on which people can RSVP. They can also tell verbally the people who are hosting. 2 sets of parents, bride and groom. There;s a huge difference in food needed between 170 people and 250! I know it's the holiday season. Just make a decision and let us KNOW! 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted November 25, 2019 Author Share Posted November 25, 2019 The other mom told me she's tempted to issue tickets and only allow entrance at the reception for those who RSVPed. 7 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted November 25, 2019 Author Share Posted November 25, 2019 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted November 25, 2019 Share Posted November 25, 2019 I've changed my behavior to RSVP immediately upon receiving invitations. It's too easy to accidentally let that kind of thing fall through the cracks. I also like being able to text or reply to a website. I'm so glad to see more people not insisting on snail mail responses. Snail mail isn't really a part of most people's lives anymore. I'm sorry that additional stress is being added to you. The other mom has a point, but people who did RSVP would loose the tickets between now and then. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted November 25, 2019 Share Posted November 25, 2019 I'd set someone up with a clipboard and checklist of names at the reception venue, and only let in those who RSVP'd. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jpinal205 Posted November 25, 2019 Share Posted November 25, 2019 Dd's wedding was 3 weeks ago. 160 invited, 89 RSVP'd, 138 showed up. Wedding website, phone and text message RSVP were options and we phoned our older family and friends to be sure they were coming. I had planned seating for 125 to be safe. Plenty of food but seating was an issue. Made for a tense and unpleasant few minutes. Totally unnecessary and rude. Unfortunately not our side of the family or I probably would have told them to sit outside. Thankfully the bride and groom had not arrived yet. We have 5 more kids and if they should marry, all invites will clearly state No RSVP, No ENTRANCE. Most wedding crashers were under 35 and laughed it off as "I forgot to rsvp but knew we would welcome" 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted November 25, 2019 Author Share Posted November 25, 2019 4 minutes ago, jpinal205 said: Dd's wedding was 3 weeks ago. 160 invited, 89 RSVP'd, 138 showed up. Wedding website, phone and text message RSVP were options and we phoned our older family and friends to be sure they were coming. I had planned seating for 125 to be safe. Plenty of food but seating was an issue. Made for a tense and unpleasant few minutes. Totally unnecessary and rude. Unfortunately not our side of the family or I probably would have told them to sit outside. Thankfully the bride and groom had not arrived yet. We have 5 more kids and if they should marry, all invites will clearly state No RSVP, No ENTRANCE. Most wedding crashers were under 35 and laughed it off as "I forgot to rsvp but knew we would welcome" In general, these are people who have never planned a large event and have no clue that it's a BIG deal if 50 extra people come. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted November 25, 2019 Author Share Posted November 25, 2019 The other mom said most of the unkowns are people who are my dds and future sil's college friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScoutTN Posted November 25, 2019 Share Posted November 25, 2019 So sorry, FFH! People are inconsiderate. Even when dh and I got married, back in the dark ages before social media, I had to have one of my friends be the RSVP hunter. She called or tracked down all the non-responders to get an answer. Food is expensive and it makes a huge difference. We too ran out of seating, but since the music was so fun, most people were dancing, and it was ok. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted November 25, 2019 Share Posted November 25, 2019 ITA with having a RSVP hunter downer. Totally doable by text in that demographic group. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted November 25, 2019 Share Posted November 25, 2019 Drives me crazy! 😠My sympathies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted November 25, 2019 Share Posted November 25, 2019 I’d totally ask a couple of bridesmaids to call the non respondents and get an answer. They probably don’t know the people so it’s not going to be as awkward as if you called. jpinal205- you are a saint to have handled that wedding without losing your cool. There are some special cases where one might forget to rsvp but if you do that, you should call the host as soon as you can to be sure it’s still ok to come. They really want you there but don’t add stress to the day by showing up unexpectedly! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted November 25, 2019 Share Posted November 25, 2019 Oh I'd definitely get the engaged couple and their wedding party texting if it's the young folks who have not rsvped. And instruct them to text if we don't hear from you by tomorrow (or whatever) we will let the caterers know you can't be with us. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted November 25, 2019 Share Posted November 25, 2019 The way everybody complains about RSVP gaffes, you'd think everybody would understand how to do this by now. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Random Posted November 25, 2019 Share Posted November 25, 2019 I recently received an invitation with date, time, and city-but no address. You get the address when you RSVP! Brilliant! If I ever throw a party for anything, I'm totally doing that. I'm sorry it's so stressful. I was one of the forget-to-RSVP people years ago. I still feel bad about it. 12 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted November 25, 2019 Share Posted November 25, 2019 3 minutes ago, Random said: I recently received an invitation with date, time, and city-but no address. You get the address when you RSVP! Brilliant! If I ever throw a party for anything, I'm totally doing that. I'm sorry it's so stressful. I was one of the forget-to-RSVP people years ago. I still feel bad about it. Oh wow - that is a work of genius. Putting that one in my back pocket! It can also streamline your invite so it's not so wordy with just the date, time, and city. I sometimes think if you put too much into those envelopes people miss the important info. Like RSVP in a timely manner! You wouldn't need to phrase it like you were hanging it over their head either. Love it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoodGrief Posted November 25, 2019 Share Posted November 25, 2019 (edited) I feel your pain. My daughter had a big Sweet Sixteen party over the weekend. DJ, food, etc. Ordered food in conservative amounts for the number of people who said they were coming (figuring in the end there would be a few last minute no-shows.) Thirty people who said they were coming did not actually attend! There was still a decent turnout, but a fair amount of excess food that we bought and ended up wasted. It is so hard to plan for large events and I doubt I will try again. The address idea is a good one! Edited November 25, 2019 by GoodGrief Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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