Soror Posted November 6, 2018 Share Posted November 6, 2018 She stayed home from school yesterday and the dam broke. She says she's wanted to come home but has felt like she would be a failure if she did and the cons outweigh the pros. She said she wants to go today and maybe tomorrow so she's entirely sure but she's been thinking this way for awhile but shoving down her feelings b/c she felt she had to do it. She certainly didn't get this from us, as I told her, we said she was trying it out, trying it means you can decide you don't like it. She's not a failure- she's made good grades, the teachers love her, and she has friends. She says she's felt stressed with it all and then sad and she keeps lashing out at dd2 b/c she's seen we've gotten so much closer and she misses our relationship. She misses the freedom, the free time, time w/ her sisters and me, homeschool field trips, specialized education, she hates the rules, getting up early, packing a lunch, the bus ride, the schoolwork, half of her teachers (especially her main one). She likes seeing her friend all the time and some of the kids but she thinks a lot are jerks and stupid Then there are these societal pulls she feels to be "normal" and to want to be with other kids, instead of at home. She called her BFF and told her (who is in her class) and she was nothing but supportive (BFF has moved up several notches in my esteem). She wants to tell some people good bye. I'm holding my breath, dh is convinced it is a done deal but I'm so emotionally invested in this I'm trying not to get my hopes up until she says pull the trigger. Anyway- I can't talk about this to very many right now and I'm about to explode, please join me in crossing fingers and prayers that today goes off without a hitch and my girl comes home! 22 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted November 6, 2018 Share Posted November 6, 2018 ((((Soror)))) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted November 6, 2018 Share Posted November 6, 2018 Aww. Ds tried out school in 9th grade but made it through only half the term. I asked him if school was different than he thought it would be. He answered no, it's what he thought it would be. He just thought he'd like it better. He missed a lot of what your dd misses, but especially the freedom. Good luck that all works out. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lori D. Posted November 6, 2018 Share Posted November 6, 2018 Wow, what a brave and mature 6th grader! Good for her for trying something, and realizing it's not working, and having the courage to say so! Be prepared that you may all need a few weeks of transition time to work DD into the mix, and for her to get back into the routine of homeschool. You might consider treating it like the start of a new school year: for the first week or two, start with just Math and and one other subject, some free reading with some books that will be of high interest and enjoyment to her, and let her pick a topic of interest to her to read about and watch some documentaries or research on the internet. Then add in another 2 subjects to your schedule and go for a week or two at the higher workload level. Then finally add in your remaining subjects -- or save starting a last subject or two until after the holidays and the start of the new semester. And for scheduling ease, not all subjects *have* to be done 5x/week. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted November 6, 2018 Author Share Posted November 6, 2018 10 minutes ago, Arctic Mama said: BFF sounds like a keeper! I’m glad your daughter confided in you and gave it a shot. It was worth a try and it sounds like she is coming home for well considered reasons. Hugs to you both! 1 Yes, for sure, I am glad she has there for support b/c dh and I wish we could be there for her. 24 minutes ago, Lori D. said: Wow, what a brave and mature 6th grader! Good for her for trying something, and realizing it's not working, and having the courage to say so! Be prepared that you may all need a few weeks of transition time to work DD into the mix, and for her to get back into the routine of homeschool. You might consider treating it like the start of a new school year: for the first week or two, start with just Math and and one other subject, some free reading with some books that will be of high interest and enjoyment to her, and let her pick a topic of interest to her to read about and watch some documentaries or research on the internet. Then add in another 2 subjects to your schedule and go for a week or two at the higher workload level. Then finally add in your remaining subjects -- or save starting a last subject or two until after the holidays and the start of the new semester. And for scheduling ease, not all subjects *have* to be done 5x/week. She is very mature. And you are right on the transition back, especially with Thanksgiving coming up. She wants to change some stuff too, she's been learning states and capitals and wants to continue that, just at a slower pace than what they doing. I've got to figure out the hours too- I'm thinking I won't have to hit as many this year since she was at school for over a quarter. We'll have to pow-wow about it all and maybe after Thanksgiving we can have a plan going. 59 minutes ago, Lady Florida. said: Aww. Ds tried out school in 9th grade but made it through only half the term. I asked him if school was different than he thought it would be. He answered no, it's what he thought it would be. He just thought he'd like it better. He missed a lot of what your dd misses, but especially the freedom. Good luck that all works out. 1 That is a good way of putting it 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted November 6, 2018 Share Posted November 6, 2018 Praying that she sticks with her decision to come back home! She sounds like a great kid, and her reasoning is so sensible and mature!!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted November 7, 2018 Share Posted November 7, 2018 It sounds like there is sound decision-making going on. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angie in VA Posted November 7, 2018 Share Posted November 7, 2018 Wow, she's learned a valuable lesson at quite a young age: the ability to realize and state: "This isn't working for me." I applaud her. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 7, 2018 Share Posted November 7, 2018 Awww, hugs all around. ? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted November 7, 2018 Author Share Posted November 7, 2018 Thanks guys, she is a phenomenal kid. After more thought and discussion she's made the decision that today was her last day. I'm over the moon and she has a happiness and light to her she's not had (I've been thinking it was hormones but I guess it was the stress of trying to make herself go b/c she thought she should). Dh is taking withdrawal papers tomorrow and I feel some anxiousness and stress to get that part behind us. I'll breathe much easier when that is done, I hate having bureaucracy up in my business. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommyoffive Posted November 7, 2018 Share Posted November 7, 2018 1 hour ago, soror said: Thanks guys, she is a phenomenal kid. After more thought and discussion she's made the decision that today was her last day. I'm over the moon and she has a happiness and light to her she's not had (I've been thinking it was hormones but I guess it was the stress of trying to make herself go b/c she thought she should). Dh is taking withdrawal papers tomorrow and I feel some anxiousness and stress to get that part behind us. I'll breathe much easier when that is done, I hate having bureaucracy up in my business. Ah what a great update. I am so happy for you and for her. Kudos for you for letting her go and figure out what she truly wanted. She is lucky to have you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted November 7, 2018 Share Posted November 7, 2018 So happy for all of you! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted November 12, 2018 Author Share Posted November 12, 2018 Thank you to everyone who has been supportive through this (here and IRL). This whole year has been hard with so many changes and stressors, having people that have understood that has been a big help. Dd told dh yesterday that she's been busy, she had to find herself after coming back home. LOL but true, she's a thinker like her Mom. She is back to her old self and doesn't feel the need to act so grown up. Our society has such warped ideas of maturity in kids. I feel like my missing puzzle piece is back. I had been praying through this that good would come from it and however it turned out that I would see that it was for the best. I don't know that I'm entirely there but this experience did give me a profound gratitude for this time I've had with them and continue to have. It has strengthened my relationship with my middle daughter that had struggled under my dd1 and I being so close. I'm still not sure when or if dd will go back, sometimes she says she wants to try Jr. High, sometimes Highschool, and sometimes never. I'm hoping for the last one.... Ds still seems to be enjoying school for all its faults. I feel mostly peace with his leaving, being the only boy at home he was often on his own. I'd love for him to be home but can understand why he wants to be at school. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommyoffive Posted November 12, 2018 Share Posted November 12, 2018 What a great update. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janeway Posted November 12, 2018 Share Posted November 12, 2018 Public school is not at all like college or even an adult career. Public school requires a child go from class to class all day long, sit in an uncomfortable seat, face front, all day long. I could not do that. I would let her come home. It is not a big deal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted November 12, 2018 Author Share Posted November 12, 2018 (edited) 24 minutes ago, Janeway said: Public school is not at all like college or even an adult career. Public school requires a child go from class to class all day long, sit in an uncomfortable seat, face front, all day long. I could not do that. I would let her come home. It is not a big deal. Um, guessing you didn't read the whole post. It has NEVER EVER EVER been a question of me not letting her come home. I told her repeatedly she could come home at any point. She had some sense that she was obligated to stay from societal expectations and her grandmother, which I had also told her repeatedly I could care less about- but she wants to do things the "right" way. I never wanted her to go in the first place but let her because she wanted to go and due to financial reasons I thought I would have to get a FT job outside the home. But things have settled down (for the time being) and I got a WAH job that is working out well, giving us some breathing room. Edited November 12, 2018 by soror Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janeway Posted November 12, 2018 Share Posted November 12, 2018 2 hours ago, soror said: Um, guessing you didn't read the whole post. It has NEVER EVER EVER been a question of me not letting her come home. I told her repeatedly she could come home at any point. She had some sense that she was obligated to stay from societal expectations and her grandmother, which I had also told her repeatedly I could care less about- but she wants to do things the "right" way. I never wanted her to go in the first place but let her because she wanted to go and due to financial reasons I thought I would have to get a FT job outside the home. But things have settled down (for the time being) and I got a WAH job that is working out well, giving us some breathing room. What I meant is word it for her like this. So she understands her attending public school will have no affect on her future. She also needs to realize people will always judge her for something. This is just one of those things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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