PrincessMommy Posted November 6, 2018 Share Posted November 6, 2018 So a great-aunt and cousin died within a week of each other. Both were not unexpected. My dad lives in the midwest. I texted him last week that if he wanted to come in town for the funerals that my spare bedroom would be available after today as one of our adult son's was in town for a business trip(gosh I have a son who goes to business trips!!??). I got a one word text "K" from dad back then and heard nothing. Then this morning I get a text from him, "on the road." What??!!! He's never even called or texted to say how long he plans to stay - a few days?? a week?? What??!! This is pretty typical but it's still very annoying. Additionally, I landed in the ER on Saturday morning and have been recovering from a flare-up of diverticulitis. The meds are the devil's brew and I feel awful all the time. He's aware of all of this and never once called or texted, "Will it be okay if I come from xyz to xyz.?" Thankfully, my sister is flying out tomorrow and also staying here. She'll actually help me out and understands. But, I don't feel good and I'm not in the mood for his rude cluelessness. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlsdMama Posted November 6, 2018 Share Posted November 6, 2018 37 minutes ago, PrincessMommy said: So a great-aunt and cousin died within a week of each other. Both were not unexpected. My dad lives in the midwest. I texted him last week that if he wanted to come in town for the funerals that my spare bedroom would be available after today as one of our adult son's was in town for a business trip(gosh I have a son who goes to business trips!!??). I got a one word text "K" from dad back then and heard nothing. Then this morning I get a text from him, "on the road." What??!!! He's never even called or texted to say how long he plans to stay - a few days?? a week?? What??!! This is pretty typical but it's still very annoying. Additionally, I landed in the ER on Saturday morning and have been recovering from a flare-up of diverticulitis. The meds are the devil's brew and I feel awful all the time. He's aware of all of this and never once called or texted, "Will it be okay if I come from xyz to xyz.?" Thankfully, my sister is flying out tomorrow and also staying here. She'll actually help me out and understands. But, I don't feel good and I'm not in the mood for his rude cluelessness. That was thoughtless. :( Will the meds help? I'm really not knowledgeabout about diverticulitis beyond what it is. :( I'm so sorry. Please try to rest. The nice part about clueless people is they usually don't have high expectations for things to be just so, kwim? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted November 6, 2018 Share Posted November 6, 2018 It's so strange how it doesn't occur to some people that that is both thoughtless and odd to not discuss it with you ahead of time! But I do know some genuinely kind, thoughtful people who just have these big blind-spots. I don't get it. That being said, we're all (both dh's family and my family) pretty easy-going about all of this. Everyone knows they can stay at each other's house (I mean, within reason -- for a few days) practically anytime, but they're treated as family, not as special guests. So in this case, extra visitor might just need to sleep on the couch for a day or two until the guest room opens up, and make dinner for everyone to be helpful. I'm glad your sister is coming and can help! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted November 6, 2018 Share Posted November 6, 2018 Thoughtless! Glad your sister is coming and hope you feel better soon. I swear...some houseguests just never get it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shoeless Posted November 7, 2018 Share Posted November 7, 2018 My dad operates under a different set of social guidelines than I do, so I understand. I have to think very carefully about inviting him to do anything because it's almost a guarantee he'll go rogue and leave me in an awkward, difficult, and/or frustrating situation. I hope you feel better soon. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janeway Posted November 7, 2018 Share Posted November 7, 2018 Honestly, when he said "k" I would have taken that as he planned to come. If I were in doubt at all, I would have checked before I assumed he was not coming. Sorry you are not feeling well. But I don't think it sounds rude, unless I am missing something on this. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted November 7, 2018 Author Share Posted November 7, 2018 1 hour ago, Janeway said: Honestly, when he said "k" I would have taken that as he planned to come. If I were in doubt at all, I would have checked before I assumed he was not coming. Sorry you are not feeling well. But I don't think it sounds rude, unless I am missing something on this. oh yes, I also assumed he was coming but I would appreciate an "I'm coming this day and leaving that day. Will that work for you?" text, email, or phone call. It was not an invitation to just show up anytime and stay until whenever. And the reason I sent the text in the first place is because he's known for deciding these things without consulting the hostess and I knew the bed was already taken by my son. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
easypeasy Posted November 7, 2018 Share Posted November 7, 2018 oooh, I empathize. I'm so sorry for his thoughtlessness. A "k" text would never have been interpreted by me as "I'm coming." It would have insinuated, "I have received this information you just sent me and will let you know my decision at a later time." So, I would've been perplexed to receive an "on the road" text. Especially after being in the ER all weekend - he should've double-checked to make sure you were up to having him land at your house. Harumph. Hope you're feeling better soon and happy that your sister is going to be there for you. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted November 7, 2018 Share Posted November 7, 2018 Don't hestitate to send him out to pick up dinner. Make breakfast - help yourself. Put out bagels, cream cheese, and oranges; start a pot of coffee. Lunch can be canned soup in the crockpot, doctored up a bit if you wish. Keep it simple. Hugs and hope that you feel better soon. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted November 7, 2018 Share Posted November 7, 2018 Is there any chance he talked to your sister and assumed she told you his plans? That kind of thing happens in my family. I think he took your open invitation a little more openly than you intended. Time with him will be precious, so I'm glad you will have help and that he will be able to spend time with you. I hope it is a great visit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hellen Posted November 7, 2018 Share Posted November 7, 2018 My dad would call to tell us he was visiting when he was a few minutes away. It's an almost 12 hour drive between our house and his. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoggirl Posted November 7, 2018 Share Posted November 7, 2018 I guess in the future, you just need to add another line or two. “If you are coming, please let me know what time you will arrive and how many nights you will be staying. It help me plan! Thanks, Dad. Looking forward to see you, though I wish it were under different circumstances,” But, I AM a wordy texter! My fil would frequently show up 3 hours ahead of when he claimed he would be arriving. Would say they would stop for lunch on the way, but leave earlier in the morning and show up AT lunchtime expecting me to have something for them to eat. I pride myself on being a good hostess and like to be prepared. I think he liked tripping me up on purpose to try to make me look bad. Sorry, OP. I feel your pain. I do think men and women having different perceptions of this. To a man, it’s no big deal when they show up or how long they stay. They just need a bed and a shower in their minds. But, we women (especially those of us who are pleasers/perfectionists) struggle with that. Sorry if that is sexist. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted November 7, 2018 Author Share Posted November 7, 2018 1 hour ago, Hoggirl said: I guess in the future, you just need to add another line or two. “If you are coming, please let me know what time you will arrive and how many nights you will be staying. It help me plan! Thanks, Dad. Looking forward to see you, though I wish it were under different circumstances,” But, I AM a wordy texter! My fil would frequently show up 3 hours ahead of when he claimed he would be arriving. Would say they would stop for lunch on the way, but leave earlier in the morning and show up AT lunchtime expecting me to have something for them to eat. I pride myself on being a good hostess and like to be prepared. I think he liked tripping me up on purpose to try to make me look bad. Sorry, OP. I feel your pain. I do think men and women having different perceptions of this. To a man, it’s no big deal when they show up or how long they stay. They just need a bed and a shower in their minds. But, we women (especially those of us who are pleasers/perfectionists) struggle with that. Sorry if that is sexist. I agree. My husband's perspective is, "Cool, I get to visit with D this week." and I'm like, "No... no... this isn't how it works." He's completely clueless at how rude it is not to coordinate with the hostess. It will be good to see him, even under the circumstances. I just need more organization about the particulars. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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