S/O: Younger men, older women

[Bluegoat]

I will say, the circumstances of the OP situation could make a difference.

 

If the daughter and this guy just went out a few times, and ten years or so had passed before he and the mother dated, it would be more on the side of a little weird, as opposed to creepy, to me.

[TravelingChris]

My dh is less than a year younger than me. We were both born in the same calendar year but we were in different grades because of when in that calendar year.  It makes no difference to us.

[Scarlett]

I am 2 years older than my Dh. He calls me a cougar. Lol......but yeah, I can't imagine being interested in anyone 20 years younger than me.

 

I Was actually sooooooo worried about meeting Dh since I was 2 years older. I made our friend tell him before I agreed to meet him.

[Tsuga]

It's hard for me to imagine that there isn't a maturity gap in those cases, but if it works for them, I don't have a problem with the number in and of itself.

 

I do think that dating someone your kid dated is a bit bizarre. For some reason that squeeges me out big time. Like, it's not just that my stepdaughter's boyfriend looks like a child to me, though he does, but immediately I saw him as a kid I was responsible for. He's 17, working and in college so I don't mean that in a literal sense, but in a kind of "our kids" type sense.

 

I have a hard time imagining that this type of feeling will magically end when the kids are in their early 20s. I think their dates and crushes will always cause my brain to put them in the "child" bucket, which is permanently unavailable for any type of romantic affection.

[DawnM]

My dh is less than a year younger than me. We were both born in the same calendar year but we were in different grades because of when in that calendar year.  It makes no difference to us.

 

 

I am 2 years older than my Dh. He calls me a cougar. Lol......but yeah, I can't imagine being interested in anyone 20 years younger than me.

 

I Was actually sooooooo worried about meeting Dh since I was 2 years older. I made our friend tell him before I agreed to meet him.

 

 

Neither of these is what I am referring to.

[KungFuPanda]

The thing is is that the power in the relationship will likely become more and more uneven as they age. Women have the most power when they are young, fertile, and attractive. We may not like it, but thems the facts.

Facts?

[Entropymama]

I had a friend years ago who married a man at least 15 years her senior. They were a biracial couple, and she was often asked if there were challenges because of that. Her answer was no - every person comes from a different family culture and you learn to deal with that, the difficulties were in the age difference because he'd had so much more life experience. She felt like she wasn't allowed to grow up, in a sense, because he just took care of things based on his own previous experience. Just her story, of course. 

 

We know another couple who married, he's 18 years her senior. They seem to get on famously, but it was weird because she'd been the babysitter for his kids from his first marriage and they'd known each other in that kind of context for something like ten years before they dated. They insist there was nothing going on before his divorce, and I tend to believe them because they're my friends, but it was weird when they got together. 

[Wheres Toto]

I had a friend years ago who married a man at least 15 years her senior. They were a biracial couple, and she was often asked if there were challenges because of that. Her answer was no - every person comes from a different family culture and you learn to deal with that, the difficulties were in the age difference because he'd had so much more life experience. She felt like she wasn't allowed to grow up, in a sense, because he just took care of things based on his own previous experience. Just her story, of course. 

 

We know another couple who married, he's 18 years her senior. They seem to get on famously, but it was weird because she'd been the babysitter for his kids from his first marriage and they'd known each other in that kind of context for something like ten years before they dated. They insist there was nothing going on before his divorce, and I tend to believe them because they're my friends, but it was weird when they got together. 

 

I had some of those type issues with my ex who was just 7 years older than me.  We got married when I was 21.   I don't have those issues with dh who is 13 years older, but I was 35 when we got married.

[Zinnia]

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Edited February 11, 2018 by Zinnia

[Teachaheart]

I'm older than my DH by several years, but most people assume I am much younger than I am. DH and I work very well together, and the age difference never comes up.

 

My last relationship before DH was with someone 9 years older than me, and that did not work at all. The age difference felt much greater and was a huge issue between us.

[Ausmumof3]

I know of two. One is an 11 year gap and the couple are very literary intellectual types. The relationship seems to be more about meeting of minds than overpowering physical attraction.

 

The other is around 9 year gap so not massive. She was a single mum. He has ADHD. He provides some kind of a father figure for her son and she provides executive function skills he needs. But on top of that they definitely seem to love each other and have a happy relationship.

 

I think biologically from a reproductive driven perspective the man with younger woman makes a lot more sense but I think relationships where the inverse is true often tend to be more based on mental and personality attraction.