A bit of an update on me

[Home'scool]

And the divorce train chugs along......

 

We went to court last week for our THIRD contempt hearing. My STBX just absolutely refuses to pay the alimony, and this is just the temporary order! We should be working on coming to some type of agreement for our divorce decree but we can't even get past this.

 

My STBX did not show for the hearing, and neither did the new lawyer he hired. According to the new lawyer, my STBX never told him of the court date (his previous attorney fired him so he was floating along for about 2 months without an attorney.)

 

The judge awarded me all the back alimony AND the weekly payments going forward from my STBX's half of the profits from the sale of the house. The profits are being held by my attorney, so we can access the funds. So his half is being whittled down week by week -- what a moron.

 

There is enough from his half to pay me for at least 4 months. For once, the waiting game will work in my favor. Before, when he stalled, it just meant he had more money in his pocket. Now I can sit back and let the process take as long as it needs.

 

The judge also issued an order that if he does not cooperate and show up for court to answer the contempt charge in a timely manner, we can have him arrested and dragged into court. Lovely.

 

It was so hard sitting in court on "contempt" day. So many cases before us have two people fighting over back child support, back alimony, the inability to pay due to lack of employment or injury, etc. etc. One father was taken away crying in handcuffs. It is an awful way to spend a morning.

 

And the part that really burns me is that these people are there trying to split $2 into 5 different directions. My STBX and I do not have that problem. We have $5 that we are trying to split 2 ways.

 

When my case came before the court, and the dollar figures were being discussed, people in the back were reacting like "what is wrong with these people?!"

 

So now I am just waiting to hear when he will have to show up before the judge to answer the contempt charge. I cannot wait to hear what he has to say. He has no defense, no reasons, and has blatantly defied the judge at every turn. I hope the judge rips him a new one.

 

 

 

 

[Carol in Cal.]

I hope so too.

What a jerk.

[Guest]

That’s so crazy!

[Home'scool]

I just have to ask - has he always been a jerk or is this genuinely new? I can’t believe how horrible he is being for a guy you thought you’d originally have an amicable split with. I’m so sorry he is being a turd but glad the judge obviously sees it too.

 

This is a hard question to answer. I have spent a LOT of time thinking about this. 

 

Sorry, TMI. Let's just leave it at this:

 

I believe that his behavior is stemming from two things: 

-He thinks I have poisoned our daughters against him. They have not spoken with him in almost a year. It is the furthest thing from the truth, and at 21 and 23 years old I don't even have that type of sway over them, but it is easier for him to believe that they don't talk to him because I bad-mouth him than him taking responsibility for his actions.

-Looking back, I think he always thought of the money he earned as his. By me staying home and homeschooling and raising our daughters, something he fully supported, I was carrying my share, but the money he earned was not ours. And now that he doesn't want to be with me it really kills him that money he will be earning in the future will be split with me. His attitude is, if I need money I should go out and get a better job.

Edited November 15, 2017 by Home'scool

[Carol in Cal.]

I just have to ask - has he always been a jerk or is this genuinely new? I can’t believe how horrible he is being for a guy you thought you’d originally have an amicable split with. I’m so sorry he is being a turd but glad the judge obviously sees it too.

 

It doesn't surprise me at all, unfortunately.

Guys pretending they want an amiable split and then maneuvering their STBX wives into unfavorable terms and positions for their own longterm financial gain is more the norm than the exception in cases of homeschoolers divorcing, from what I have seen here on the boards and IRL.  It's both awful and common, which is why I always ALWAYS try to warn people about that likelihood early on when they can take steps to protect themselves.  It's horrible.

Edited November 16, 2017 by Carol in Cal.

[Liz CA]

I am glad to read that your attorney holds the funds from the house sale and the waiting is turning out to be in your favor. So often, women wait and wait while they have to live with relatives or incur debt.

[Rachel]

I’m glad you are going to get some money out of this even if it takes time.

 

I’ve never been to court but I am a bit appalled that these matters aren’t handled privately, I had no idea.

[Mothersweets]

So glad to hear you have a bit of breathing room! Best wishes  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[Lady Florida.]

Thank you for the update. I've wondered how things were going for you. I'm sorry you're having to deal with him being so obstinate but at least the judge sees right through him. 

 

 

I am glad to read that your attorney holds the funds from the house sale and the waiting is turning out to be in your favor. So often, women wait and wait while they have to live with relatives or incur debt.

 

Yes, I was relieved to read that. At least you know you won't have to keep chasing him down trying to get money from him.

[Jenn in FL]

Thank you so much for sharing an update. I have wondered how it all worked out for you and was hoping for good news.  :hurray:

 

Just another shout out reminder (my last) to consider asking your attorney to request garnishing your xdh 's wages going forward. As I stated in your last update thread, this situation is playing out almost exactly the same as my sweet friend who was formerly married to a dentist.  Garnishment was a game changer! As long as your xdh is not self employed, you can be virtually assured of receiving your court ordered support like clockwork and there is not a darn thing he can do about it. My friend was married for 26 years has been divorced and dealing with this same merry-go-round contempt and/or nonpayment issue for almost 20 years. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. Garnishment finally brought her some peace of mind and some semblance of sanity!

 

Good luck!

 

 

[AmandaVT]

Thank you for the update! I am sorry your ex is such a jerk, but glad you have a good lawyer! 

[Scarlett]

People like this are nice as can be until someone crosses them.  He thought he could get you out before you found out about the affair (which he did) and then you would have no say.  Surprise surprise, you still have rights even if you have agreed to move out of the family home.  (although that was risky and I am glad it didn't come back to bite you more than it did).

 

Anyway, I am glad you have access to his portion of the home proceeds.  

[PrincessMommy]

Thanks for the update.  I was also wondering if this is normal temperament for your Xh or not (esp. the belligerence towards the judge) I'm glad someone else asked!  

 

Hugs... hang in there. Sounds like the longer this take the more it goes in your favor.  

 

 

[displace]

(Hugs)

:(

[Home'scool]

Just another shout out reminder (my last) to consider asking your attorney to request garnishing your xdh 's wages going forward. As I stated in your last update thread, this situation is playing out almost exactly the same as my sweet friend who was formerly married to a dentist.  Garnishment was a game changer! As long as your xdh is not self employed, you can be virtually assured of receiving your court ordered support like clockwork and there is not a darn thing he can do about it. My friend was married for 26 years has been divorced and dealing with this same merry-go-round contempt and/or nonpayment issue for almost 20 years. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. Garnishment finally brought her some peace of mind and some semblance of sanity!

 

Please don't let it be your last reminder! I so appreciate any and all advice!

 

I have spoken to my attorney about garnishment of his wages, and I fully intend to request that when it comes to the final agreement. It's just that at this point this is just the temporary support and they usually don't garnish wages for temporary support.

 

I’ve never been to court but I am a bit appalled that these matters aren’t handled privately, I had no idea.

 

I was also surprised. You just sit there and cringe when you hear people have to air their dirty laundry. The man who was taken away crying in handcuffs deserved it, I suppose, based on all his lame excuses, but it is not something I want to be witness to. I have never seen someone cuffed in person. It was scary to me. What if he decided to flip out? These are all things that I get so mad at my STBX for. Not only does he make me miss a lot of work days (thank goodness I have a great boss who gives me all the time I need) but he makes me sit in the middle of all this chaos and unhappiness. 

[Halftime Hope]

Wishing you strength, peace, and justice.  

[Scarlett]

I tell people all of the time......when you decide to break up a family you give control of your life, property and children over to the state. Best to avoid that with a solid mutual agreement and everyone stick to it so that it never comes to the attention of the court

[Jenn in FL]

Please don't let it be your last reminder! I so appreciate any and all advice!

 

I have spoken to my attorney about garnishment of his wages, and I fully intend to request that when it comes to the final agreement. It's just that at this point this is just the temporary support and they usually don't garnish wages for temporary support.

 

I was also surprised. You just sit there and cringe when you hear people have to air their dirty laundry. The man who was taken away crying in handcuffs deserved it, I suppose, based on all his lame excuses, but it is not something I want to be witness to. I have never seen someone cuffed in person. It was scary to me. What if he decided to flip out? These are all things that I get so mad at my STBX for. Not only does he make me miss a lot of work days (thank goodness I have a great boss who gives me all the time I need) but he makes me sit in the middle of all this chaos and unhappiness. 

 

You are so kind. I just didn't want you to feel like I was constantly hounding you. I wasn't clear, but my suggestion of garnishment was indeed intended for the final decree. Right now you appear to be set for the next four months of temporary support.   :hurray:

 

One final bit of unsolicited advice...  :lol: being brought to you by my copious hours of research on behalf of my girlfriend:

 

I know you were in a very long term marriage and you gave up a career in order to raise your daughters and in order to home school. Do you have an idea of what type of spousal support you will receive? Is it going to be for a specific number of years or is it going to be permanent support unless you remarry?

 

The reason I ask, and you certainly do not have to answer publicly, is that it may well be in your best interest to attempt to make your support decree "Non-Modifiable." There are pros and cons to this tactic, but with unreliable x's, IMHO I think the pros outweigh the cons. No, if his income increases you do not receive any increase in spousal support, however, if his income decreases (say maybe he quits working in order to appear less able to pay, or he strategically engineers a job change, or something along those lines) your spousal support legally remains the exact same amount as it has been from the beginning. 

 

My dear friend's xdh was the one who wanted to make their decree Non-Modifiable. Yeah, he knew he was poised to jump back into private dentistry and make a small fortune and he did not want to share with my friend and their two wonderful daughters. Nope, he wanted all that money for himself and the other woman.  :closedeyes:  (This part of the story took place about a year before I met my friend.) Anyway, my friend was looking for stability and just wanted to be able to budget and plan responsibly, so she signed her agreement to a Non-Modifiable decree. For awhile, she was really on the short end of the stick monetarily, then as her xdh started all the nonpayment/contempt hearing/legal motion junk, she began to realize how truly fortunate she really was. In Florida, in the case of long term marriages, Non-Modifiable means exactly that. Her xdh has now tried every maneuver under the sun to quit paying her to no avail. I have little sympathy for him as my friend became his girlfriend at 15, dated him all through their mutual college years, and put him through dental school.  Sorry, she put a lot into that relationship, now it's time to pay the piper.   :coolgleamA:

 

Good Luck!

[Home'scool]

I will definitely ask my attorney about this. After putting me through all of this I am going to try to ask for permanent support, but idk how that will work in my state. I think they just changed the laws about that but I do believe it can still be at the judge's discretion. 

 

My husband also gets bonuses as part of his salary. Sometimes they are $500, sometimes they upwards of $70,000, so I will be asking for a portion of his bonuses. I don't know if that will be affected if I try to go the non-modifiable route.

[Jenn in FL]

Perhaps ask about the possibility of a set non-modifiable base amount of support and a percentage vs a set amount of his bonus compensation.

 

:grouphug: