Never mind

[SKL]

nm

 

Edited April 30, 2017 by SKL

[SparklyUnicorn]

I would have preferred separate because I would have been embarrassed.

 

We didn't have a sex video.  We had a period video.  Boys had a video about their health stuff.  That was all separate.

 

 

[winterbaby]

Being keen to break down the boundaries of a loved one is unfathomably, pathologically abnormal.

Many young men don't hold their potential sex partners as anything remotely approaching a "loved one" but yes, their ways of relating to them are often pathologically abnormal.

 

I guess we'll have to agree to disagree as to whether girls need detailed information on anal sex so they can give a fair hearing to boys who would "invite" them have their insides painfully torn up, making sure they know it's perfectly normal and that they should be careful to avoid giving "BS" objections, trusting that "I don't want to" is fail-safe with boys in an environment where even the adults in their life are telling them that only the close-minded are disgusted or disturbed by this activity. But the more you tell people that their objection to this reduces them to just another "subculture" which should have limited influence over their own children, the more resistant we're going to be.

[winterbaby]

Nope, never have.  But if I ever had to, I'm pretty sure I could figure it out.

 

It's extremely simple, which makes the idea that your teacher needs to watch you practice extra suspicious for me.

 

[Tanaqui]

I guess we'll have to agree to disagree as to whether girls need detailed information on anal sex so they can give a fair hearing to boys who would "invite" them have their insides painfully torn up, making sure they know it's perfectly normal and that they should be careful to avoid giving "BS" objections, trusting that "I don't want to" is fail-safe with boys in an environment where even the adults in their life are telling them that only the close-minded are disgusted or disturbed by this activity. But the more you tell people that their objection to this reduces them to just another "subculture" which should have limited influence over their own children, the more resistant we're going to be.

 

You're putting a lot of words in other people's mouths here. How about "Some people like to have sex in these other ways, but remember, you can still get sick that way, and it still counts as sex. If you want to do it, you really do have to use a condom, and nobody should be pressuring you. People who pressure you to do things sexually don't love you."

[bolt.]

Many young men don't hold their potential sex partners as anything remotely approaching a "loved one" but yes, their ways of relating to them are often pathologically abnormal.

 

I guess we'll have to agree to disagree as to whether girls need detailed information on anal sex so they can give a fair hearing to boys who would "invite" them have their insides painfully torn up, making sure they know it's perfectly normal and that they should be careful to avoid giving "BS" objections, trusting that "I don't want to" is fail-safe with boys in an environment where even the adults in their life are telling them that only the close-minded are disgusted or disturbed by this activity. But the more you tell people that their objection to this reduces them to just another "subculture" which should have limited influence over their own children, the more resistant we're going to be.

I'm terribly confused by this. Why would anyone consent to having their insides painfully torn up?

 

What's perfectly normal is not assault or damage -- on the contrary, it's normal for two people who love each other to enjoy one another's bodies in ways that have 2-sided consent and are mutually enjoyable. Nobody is suggesting that the detailed information about anal sex should include how to participate damaging intercourse any more than the detailed information about vaginal sex contains instructions on how to damage your partner's vagina.

 

If the activity was always damaging, it should be mentioned loud, clear, often, and widely -- especially to young gay or bi males. (Or do you think their "insides" are quite different and more resistant to damage?) Since it, like all sex, is only potentially dangerous if done wrong, I think that detailed information about risks and care is vitally important to all humans who don't want to injure their loved ones.

 

As far as, "I don't want to." -- it is an absolute fail safe with all men who are not criminals. Men who are not criminals do not perform unwanted sexual acts. The ability to say, "I don't want to, and, also, society frowns on this abnormal act." -- would absolutely not make young women any safer from criminal males who want to assault and damage them. No amount of BS would help them in the slightest if they are with a man who doesn't care what they want.

 

Many, many people are disturbed by the idea of having anal intercourse. (I'd venture to say, plausibly, that above 50% of adults might be at least somewhat adverse to it.) People who are adverse to it should refrain from that activity. That's what teaching about consent, boundaries, and preferences is all about. It is not closed minded to have preferences about your own anus. Your partner should be very interested in your preferences.

 

It's really weird to depend on some sort of "consensus" approach to an individual's decision about their own sexual choices. It's not supposed to be a vote!

Edited April 29, 2017 by bolt.

[ChocolateReignRemix]

It's extremely simple, which makes the idea that your teacher needs to watch you practice extra suspicious for me.

 

Suspicious?

[Mergath]

It's extremely simple, which makes the idea that your teacher needs to watch you practice extra suspicious for me.

 

 

Anyone can figure out how to get a condom onto a piece of fruit. What can be tricky the first time is learning how to do so in a way that doesn't puncture the condom, and doesn't increase the risk of it breaking during sex. I'm sure there's at least one teen out there who isn't aware you need to leave the little tip loose on the condom and can't pull it all the way down or it could break. I don't think there's anything "suspicious" about a health teacher wanting to make sure his or her students can use a condom in the safest possible way.

[Guest]

It's extremely simple, which makes the idea that your teacher needs to watch you practice extra suspicious for me.

 

Oh I agree they don't need a sex ed demonstration on it, except a reminder to leave a little space in the tip, but that's neither here nor there.

[scrapbookbuzz]

"Remember, puberty is coming earlier. I know girls who started their periods in 4th grade."

 

Yes, that's true. However, I don't really think 9/10yo girl really needs to know the FULL ramifications of what having her period means. She just needs to know how to deal with the monthly issues and to not freak out about the blood. My daughter started around then and, thankfully, I had explained to her what might be happening to her soon before it happened. When she was a couple of years older, that was when I filled her in on the rest of it.

[TeenagerMom]

"Remember, puberty is coming earlier. I know girls who started their periods in 4th grade."

 

Yes, that's true. However, I don't really think 9/10yo girl really needs to know the FULL ramifications of what having her period means. She just needs to know how to deal with the monthly issues and to not freak out about the blood. My daughter started around then and, thankfully, I had explained to her what might be happening to her soon before it happened. When she was a couple of years older, that was when I filled her in on the rest of it.

 

Really? So a 10 year old girl shouldn't know that if she's raped by her babysitter, uncle, friend's dad, etc that she could get pregnant and needs to tell a trusted adult?  Many sexually abused children don't tell anyone until they are adults, if ever.  A child knowing they could get pregnant if they are sexually active is VERY important for cases like those, and those of 5th graders who think sex is "the thing" to do.  I knew a girl that got pregnant when she was TWELVE.  It happens.

[Mergath]

"Remember, puberty is coming earlier. I know girls who started their periods in 4th grade."

 

Yes, that's true. However, I don't really think 9/10yo girl really needs to know the FULL ramifications of what having her period means. She just needs to know how to deal with the monthly issues and to not freak out about the blood. My daughter started around then and, thankfully, I had explained to her what might be happening to her soon before it happened. When she was a couple of years older, that was when I filled her in on the rest of it.

 

Why in the world not? I just can't understand this idea that giving kids information about their own bodies is somehow harmful.

[Tanaqui]

"Remember, puberty is coming earlier. I know girls who started their periods in 4th grade."

 

Yes, that's true. However, I don't really think 9/10yo girl really needs to know the FULL ramifications of what having her period means. She just needs to know how to deal with the monthly issues and to not freak out about the blood. My daughter started around then and, thankfully, I had explained to her what might be happening to her soon before it happened. When she was a couple of years older, that was when I filled her in on the rest of it.

 

A 9/10 year old doesn't need to know the order of the planets, or the difference between a triceratops and a raptor, or who was the second president of the US, but we teach them those things anyway.

 

My girls knew the whole deal when they were, like, three. Hasn't harmed them any.

Edited April 30, 2017 by Tanaqui

[SKL]

nm

Edited April 30, 2017 by SKL

[Janeway]

Absolutely not. If someone feels the need to learn about stuff that goes beyond just standard PiV intercourse, that is something they should seek out on his/her own. There are a bazillion s*x guides available for sale on Amazon and these days they can be delivered discreetly to a locker at the local store if someone does not want it showing up in the mailbox.

 

I do NOT think schools should be in the position of normalizing kinky s*x and that would be the impression given by including it in s*x ed.

I completely agree with this.

[Janeway]

nm 

 

Edited May 1, 2017 by Susan Wise Bauer
Quoted deleted post

[Janeway]

Really? So a 10 year old girl shouldn't know that if she's raped by her babysitter, uncle, friend's dad, etc that she could get pregnant and needs to tell a trusted adult? Many sexually abused children don't tell anyone until they are adults, if ever. A child knowing they could get pregnant if they are sexually active is VERY important for cases like those, and those of 5th graders who think sex is "the thing" to do. I knew a girl that got pregnant when she was TWELVE. It happens.

The reason a sexually abused child does not tell has nothing to do with lack of anatomical information. And boys can be sexually abused too. Information given to kids with regards to abuse needs to happen early and greatly differs from basic mechanics of where babies come from.

[Janeway]

This is very important to tell all your children from the moment they can understand a sentence.

 

"If anyone ever lets you do something or makes you do something or just catches you doing something and then tells you that you will get in trouble if your parents find out, you tell your parents right away." And then explain they won't be the one in trouble. And so on. The main plot sex abusers will use is telling children that the child will get in trouble if anyone finds out.

[luuknam]

This is very important to tell all your children from the moment they can understand a sentence.

 

"If anyone ever lets you do something or makes you do something or just catches you doing something and then tells you that you will get in trouble if your parents find out, you tell your parents right away." And then explain they won't be the one in trouble. And so on. The main plot sex abusers will use is telling children that the child will get in trouble if anyone finds out.

 

 

When kids are old enough, I do think it's important to tell them that sexual abuse can also lead to very bad diseases (STDs, incl. AIDS), so that it's extra important to tell their parents or at least some trusted adult right away, because, realistically, some kids are going to be too embarrassed and not tell (I sure have kept my mouth shut about being bullied at times - now, that wasn't sexual abuse, but I could imagine certain kids keeping their mouths shut about that - so telling them they need to see a doctor if that happens seems like a good idea to me). 

 

Now, what age is "old enough" to explain that in detail is debatable of course - I've explained it to my 9yo, whereas my 6yo only knows that if people touch him in inappropriate places he should let us know etc. Of course, my 9yo is more often in situations where my wife or I aren't around than my 6yo is, so the risk of needing to know this is higher.

 

ETA: To be clear, I didn't mean that I've always kept my mouth shut about being bullied - just that I've kept my mouth shut at times.

Edited April 30, 2017 by luuknam

[Shellydon]

This thread makes me extremely glad we homeschool .  Extremely. 

[HomeAgain]

This thread makes me extremely glad we homeschool . Extremely.

Not me. Sex Ed was the one area where I felt I didn't do it justice. I came from a very religious upbringing where it just wasn't talked about, and while I did try my best, I am glad that my son also went to a class where he felt free to ask questions and gained others' perspectives on normal and natural. It helped us keep the lines of communication open at home and for that I am immensely grateful to the public school.