Scarlett Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 (edited) I just can't keep it together with regards to my dss and his mom.,Ugh.She sees him twice a month. This weekend she didn't see him all,day Saturday because she went to a concert instead.In all the years Dh had every other weekend visitation he planned Nothing for when the kids were here. Edited to add---I hope it was clear I meant he didn't makes plans that excluded the kids. Ever. With the exception of our wedding day. Kids were at our wedding and his mom took them home with her after so that we could go on our honeymoon. Edited March 14, 2017 by Scarlett Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 When people hurt our kids we get crazy. This is what makes you his Mom. Yes, this. :grouphug: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted March 14, 2017 Author Share Posted March 14, 2017 Well......he didn't bring it up, I did. As in how do you feel about this crap dss? Ugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 So, you were trying to bring it into the open. He sounds like he has had to hide a lot of his feelings. Nothing you say about his mom makes her sound enlightened enough to let him be himself. There is nothing wrong with trying to be open but you do have to know your audience and he may not be ready to be open for YEARS. I mostly raised my step dd and her mom had too many issues to count and she is just now 28 and finally getting her life on track. She had to be 28 to get a gym membership and GO. To start working on her art every day. To pay her bills on time and fix her credit rating. It took ten years after she graduated, but it is happening. Give him support and more time than you think he needs. I bet he will be fine. And give yourself compassion. Your life is stressful. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 Scarlett, when I opened this thread, I thought you were going to post about something you'd done that had hurt your dss's feelings, and I was going to say that if you cared enough to start a thread about it, that made you a pretty good stepmom because you felt badly about it. But... You didn't do anything wrong. You did everything right. You were upset on your dss's behalf and you told him about it. I'll bet he really appreciates it that you care so much about him and that it means a lot to him to know you're in his corner and are there to support him and comfort him if he needs it. You're a great stepmom. :) 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 Hugs 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 Scarlett, that isn't being a bad stepmom, you made a mistake out of love. That is being a parent. I wish when my dad was living that his live in girlfriend of many years had tried to connect on that level. :grouphug: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted March 14, 2017 Author Share Posted March 14, 2017 (edited) I heard him come out of the shower and called him to my room. I told him I was sorry about being so crazy acting....he had his dirty clothes in his hands and he dropped them to the floor and sat down on my bed. He said I know you care about me. We talked a bit and both cried a bit and then he hugged me and went to bed. Edited March 14, 2017 by Scarlett 17 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 She sounds sucky. I agree with you and don't think you are being unreasonable. That's sweet what he said. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 (edited) I heard him come out of the shower and called him to my room. I told him I was sorry about being so crazy acting....he had his dirty clothes in his hands and he dropped them to the floor and sat down on my bed. He said I know you care about me. We talked a bit and both cried a bit and then he hugged me and went to bed. It sounds like you are being a wonderful stepmom. I am sorry you have to deal with a bio mom who cares more about concerts than her kid. He will always remember that you are there for him; I say this as a person who was parented ny a wonderful stepfather. :grouphug: Edited March 14, 2017 by trulycrabby 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 Poor kid! It is okay Scarlett. It is not easy to figure out what to do as a step parent. He knows you care, and that's a good thing. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 As long as you're doing it for the right reasons and not to point out mom's behavior in order to make you look better, it's probably ok. You have to know your kid and know whether he wants to sort this out in his head or would prefer someone else to commiserate with. Here's where I'm coming from- I've seen too many episodes of Teen Mom where one parent bashes the other but makes it look like they are doing it to help the kids work through it. But it really looks pretty transparent and most times the kids can see right through it. I'm not saying that you're doing that because you clearly care for your stepson. It's so sweet that he responded the way he did- he's fortunate to have you in his life! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 I think that just the fact you care about him so much counts for a lot. :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valley Girl Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 I heard him come out of the shower and called him to my room. I told him I was sorry about being so crazy acting....he had his dirty clothes in his hands and he dropped them to the floor and sat down on my bed. He said I know you care about me. We talked a bit and both cried a bit and then he hugged me and went to bed. He knows you care, Scarlett. He trusts you enough to cry in front of you. You're doing just fine! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted March 14, 2017 Author Share Posted March 14, 2017 I didn't know until this morning but dh had spoken to him before I called him into the bedroom. A lot of our conversation to him was the same.....we are frustrated with his lack of transparancy about various things. Anyway, thanks everyone for helping me no feel so bad. I do need to learn when to stop talking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 Hugs. BTDT, including talking too much sometimes. It really hurts and really stinks when we see them hurting and can't do anything about it. I remember feeling helpless and sad and angry on my dsd's behalf. Hang in there. This kind of relationship building lets him know you're always in his corner and he is deeply loved. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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